I Pretended To Have Amnesia and the Hero’s Party Becomes Obsessed

50 – 7. Second Fragment (9)

Love is an emotion of intensity.

It is a truth finally realized.

Even the dullest of emotions radiate in its presence. Reason and logic become powerless, rushing headlong to its point of no return. It muddles the senses of reality and stirs the senses themselves.

And thus, the night air becomes sweet,

Moonlight flows between fingers like muslin,

And blue butterflies flutter in the heart.

The collapsed rationality transforms into fantasy.

Really, it was nothing special.

First, he took me to a restaurant. It wasn’t a fancy place. Just one of the places around here that students consider a good place to eat.

There, we had a meal until we were reasonably full, discussing magic. There was no romantic atmosphere or meaningful words.

After the meal, we walked the streets again. We engaged in an undemanding conversation while watching the magic lights come on one by one. We laughed and shared words that I probably wouldn’t remember even for a day.

So, it was something we usually did.

The background changed from a demon tower to the night streets.

But why was my mouth smiling?

Could my heart have prevented itself from beating more intensely?

Did I hope for this moment to last forever?

The additional emotions were making my head spin.

The fever of love is not a joke but an actual illness. I walked beside him, pondering this fact.

“And Shady said! I don’t need anyone else but that person!”

And then, it happened as we passed through the street.

A scene made Rem stop in his tracks.

A man in ridiculous attire was gathering people and loudly reading a book. His extravagant gestures felt even more dazzling under the lights of magical lamps.

These were individuals who made a living by reading novels aloud for illiterate children. They were not a rare sight in this city.

I looked at Rem, who had suddenly stopped, and asked.

“Why? Do you know him?”

“No, it’s a familiar story.”

“A familiar story? What’s the title?”

“The Lily Garden.”

At that moment, the relaxed feeling in my heart turned cold.

“The book I found for you?”

“Yeah.”

The tattered book that Rem cherished. The one with the sentence about dedicating everything to C.

My excited heart tightened, as if being squeezed by ice.

“Who is C?”

I was perplexed that the question had actually escaped my lips.

Whether it was because my heart was fully open or because the doubts I had suppressed for months had finally exploded.

Loss of self-control on either side. I lowered my gaze out of embarrassment. And deep down, I felt somewhat relieved.

He wouldn’t talk about his past.

Surely, he would feign not hearing this question too.

“Someone you liked.”

So, when he answered, I could only look at Rem with perplexed eyes.

He seemed as bewildered by his own words as I was. But even that seemed fleeting on his face, clouded with anguish.

A long pause. At the end of it, what he revealed was a bitter smile.

“Shall we move for a moment?”

***

The place Ray took me to was a sprawling hillside with a railing. Not quite the balcony of a skyscraper, yet offering a glimpse of the cityscape.

It was beautiful, but my heart sank at the thought of his answer lingering like a weight.

His response about someone he liked remained like a yoke on my heart.

Ray leaned on the railing, gazing down at the cityscape. The city illuminated by crimson magical lanterns resembled another night sky.

His voice seemed to seep quietly from somewhere other than his throat.

“She had beautiful eyes.”

I immediately knew this was about C. I simply leaned against the railing. The chill reached my back and touched my chest.

“I liked her from the first moment I saw her. She was impossible not to like… But…”

The distant city lights outlined his cheek. His pained smile became vivid.

“Things didn’t go well.”

The young scar stood out in his smile.

“It was never going to work out in the first place.”

As he hadn’t ‘inserted the piece,’ he might as well have been blind now. Yet, his eyes seemed to be looking at something. I just felt that way.

“So, I tried to forget. You’re not supposed to stare at a broken grape.”

Finally, he turned his head toward me. His lips were smiling, but his eyes remained sunken.

“But, I couldn’t.”

At that moment, an unwelcome realization struck me. It was a cursed revelation.

A filled jug cannot contain anything else.

A human heart is much the same.

Rem spoke in a terribly kind voice.

“So, I’m sorry. I can’t accept your heart.”

Love is an emotion of warmth.

It’s a truth I didn’t want to know.

In its presence, even small wounds become a suffocating pain. Chi-mi’s crying echoes in the throat, clouding the world. What remains in the place where reason has melted away is determination.

Just one sentence shatters the heart.

“Since when did you know?”

That I like you. Afraid tears would follow, I swallowed my words. Rem lowered his head.

“I’ve been thinking that maybe for quite a while. But, I was sure this morning. When I saw you dressed up.”

Damn it, Marianne had definitely said it was too much.

In the end, tears flowed down my cheeks. Wiping them away with my sleeve, I retorted.

“So, inviting me to hang out was your way of trying to console and reject me as gently as possible?”

“…Because I wanted to end it nicely.”

“You jerk.”

Rem’s shoulders trembled. After a moment of caressing his neck, he spoke in an unexpectedly unconfident voice.

“I don’t hate you. The fact that I remained at the matop in the first place…”

Rem shook his head.

“No, it’s probably better not to say such things.”

Rem smiled again and used telekinesis to retrieve a ‘work’ from his pocket.

“I’ll give this back.”

But I pushed his hand away. Five months of effort crumbled into the dirt. I shot words at him while glaring.

“Take it and get lost.”

For the first time, a wounded expression crossed Rem’s face.

However, instead of improving my mood, that fact made it more miserable. As he picked up the ‘work’ with a sad expression, the misery reached its peak.

“…I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but I never intended to play with your feelings. I just… didn’t know what to do either.”

His face, which had been obscured by words, wrinkled. Soon, avoiding my gaze, he added like a soliloquy.

“Sorry.”

And then, he finally turned his back to me. With determined steps, he moved away from me.

Only then did I collapse to the floor, as if crumbling. Holding my face in my hands, I began to cry bitterly.

I hated everything.

I hated that I hadn’t confessed,

I hated that I was rejected in this ambiguous way too.

He disliked the reasons he praised me,

This stupid hill, the cold winter wind, the unnecessarily clear night sky—all of it drove him mad about the world.

Yet among all that, what he detested most was one truth.

Still, despite that, he was dear to me.

Even in the midst of this, I wished he’d return. In truth, it was a joke, hoping he’d embrace me, saying it was all a jest.

I couldn’t possibly contain this feeling.

Love is an emotion of intensity.

It’s an inevitability.

Ultimately, reason and rationality crumble before it. Why I liked, why I wanted—those same reasons dissolve into thin air as if they were never there in the first place. In the end, what remains is a single impulse.

Incredibly foolish yet an impulse that cannot be resisted.

I rose from my place and ran towards Rem. And, I rammed my shoulder into his back.

“…!!”

Caught off guard, Rem tumbled to the ground. Barely managing to hold onto his body with telekinesis, he glared at me with irritation.

“Hey, what the heck…”

“There’s no chance it’ll work out with him!”

Tears poured down again, obstructing his vision. But I kept wiping away tears with my sleeve, trying to glare at his pitiful face.

“But just because of him, you’re rejecting someone who likes you? And that, too, someone as pretty as me?”

Rem’s mouth hung open. I continued with venom in my words.

“Are you an idiot? Can’t you think straight? You can’t even calculate something as simple as this?”

“No…”

“Choosing me is obviously the rational choice!”

The last words bordered on a scream.

Shoulders squared, I stared at Rem’s disheveled face.

“So, just like that, you like me too.”

Eventually, my voice cracked. My hands began to tremble. Yet, I forced the words out.

“I’ll always be by your side.”

Eyes stung, I let the tears flow down my cheeks.

“I know I’m uglier than him. Maybe his personality is better. His abilities might surpass mine.”

From the start, I was never the kind of kid my mom admired. I can’t say things like making you forget about him. I can’t declare that I’ll make you like me.

“But, he’s not here with you now. He’s not even a possibility by your side. I won’t be like that. I’ll always be by your side. Always within reach of your hand.”

However, there was one thing I could guarantee.

“I’ll like you much more than he does.”

A stifled sob choked my throat. Struggling, I swallowed it and uttered the words.

“…So, just like me too.”

And that was the limit of my impulse.

I bowed my head, silently shedding tears.

I know the human heart doesn’t work that way. Just because someone is nearby doesn’t mean your feelings will flow in that direction. It’s one of the cold facts I learned from my mother.

In the end, all of this was nothing but begging.

And it was destined to fail.

Still, I couldn’t help it.

Because I liked him.

Because my heart overflowed.

But receiving as much love as you give is an illusion.

With my eyes tightly closed, I awaited the words of rejection.

However,

What came to me was not words but warmth.

The sensation of tilting my chin up.

Next, black hair coming into view.

Clear stars on a winter night.

Snow-white skin.

“…!”

And the soft touch on my lips.

The touch didn’t linger long.

Before too long, Rem’s concerned face appeared in my sight.

Whether it was an impulsive act, the confusion on his face was undeniable.

“So, I, um, well, that…”

And for me, that impulse was enough.

“It’s a one-sided love.”

“What? Wait, that’s… wow!”

I wrapped my arm around his neck, exerting all my strength to push him over. And boldly, I lowered my head toward his face.

The winter starlight poured down upon us like rain,

It was a moment I could never forget.

***

“And, uh… well… Yes, so you ended up dating…? It wasn’t for long… Miss Parsley? Miss Parsley!”

Barely, I returned to consciousness at Rem’s shout. Yet, I couldn’t maintain my composure.

What he uttered was simply unbelievable.

Rem planned my birthday party with Marian?

I designed Rem’s legislative proposal?

Above all…

“I… was your lover…?”

Rem’s face flushed crimson. He scratched his cheek, avoiding my gaze.

“W-Well… I was at an age, you know, quite interested in such things… whether it was you or anyone else. Ah, Miss Parsley? Miss Parsley!”

I distanced myself from Rem as if fleeing. Though he continuously called my name, I pretended not to hear. My mind had turned as white as snow.

Me and Rem?

In my memory, I had only tormented Rem?

That version of me? How?

“Phew…”

No, let’s calm down.

Rem’s and my memories have been tampered with. Memories of me tormenting Rem or being lovers with him could both be false.

Only one memory remains true.

Sealed within my mind.

And thankfully, I’ve already found the second keyword to unlock it.

I settled my mind and submerged back into my inner self.

Eventually, once again, the image of the magic circle formed in my mind. One of the three rings completely shattered, forming an incomplete figure.

Focusing on that magic circle, I held the second keyword on my tongue.

“Winter Garden.”

Crackle—

With a sound akin to breaking metal, the seal crumbled. True memories poured out, pushing away the false ones.

Memories of celebrating my birthday with my mother,

Replaced by memories of celebrating it with Rem and Marian.

The memory that tormented Rem in jealousy,

Transformed into the memory of designing a ‘work’ for Rem.

The memory of falling for Rem, who fought against the society to protect me,

Beneath the winter starlight, Rem and I…

As if swallowing poison, my face flushes. I wrap my face and sit on the floor.

It was because I couldn’t bear the shame. Also, it was difficult to endure the happiness.

That I was Rem’s lover.

I thought it was a relationship only possible in imagination. After Rem became an experiment, it was a relationship I couldn’t even dare to imagine due to the guilt.

But, behold.

The brilliant memories emerging one by one.

The winter flower garden where Rem and I walked arm in arm.

The magical performance of the magical troupe that we watched while holding our breath.

The aerial garden where we discussed magic together.

The aquarium we admired with foolish headbands.

They were etched into my soul but unjustly erased things. Starlights that warmed the heart with just a touch of the hand.

Also, they were evidence adding to the faint hope.

At the end of such happiness, how could I choose betrayal? Knowing that Rem would become a human experiment, how could I utter false testimony?

Truly, perhaps I am…

I lifted my head and looked up at the night sky.

The winter stars that once blessed us were still watching over me.

Was their meaningful gaze because of my wish?

I rose from my seat, pushing away complicated thoughts.

Whether I liked it or not, it’s tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night, through Rem’s story, I will regain all memories. I will weigh my sins and my mother’s sins on the scales.

And, I will decide.

Whether to burn my body for ‘salvation,’

Or to move forward into the future,

The end of regret was approaching.