NOVEL NEXT chapter 18
18 – 2. Cowards (8)
The prepared answer came to my tongue after a long silence.
“I’m sorry.”
Clara wasn’t surprised. Instead, she lightly smiled and asked,
“Is it okay if I ask why?”
Unconsciously, I placed my hand on my chest. Instead of the heartbeat, a strange vibration ran through my hand.
I scratched my cheek awkwardly and replied,
“There’s someone who needs to stay by my side.”
At those words, tremors finally appeared in Clara’s eyes. However, they were fleeting.
“What if that person wants to come along too?”
“If that happens, that person might just up and leave.”
I chuckled bitterly.
“I have to remain as a mercenary and the vice captain of the Rosem mercenaries for that person to stay. They’re a bit of a weary soul.”
My words caused Clara’s eyes to flicker again. This time, they lingered, refusing to meet mine.
She asked with a sad smile,
“Is it the leader of the Rose?”
I didn’t answer, but the trembling of my shoulders was response enough for her. Clara covered her mouth and laughed.
“I didn’t see it that way, but it seems you’re more complicated than I thought.”
…Only if you knew.
I pushed aside Clara’s words and spoke again.
“However, once things settle to some extent, I’ll make sure to visit you from my side.”
I stared into her eyes.
“I haven’t properly talked about my past yet.”
More accurately, I hadn’t cleared up any misunderstandings yet.
No matter what anyone said, it wasn’t Clara’s fault that I lost my eyesight. I had to convey it, no matter what.
…I just hadn’t figured out how to do it.
“…Rem, you’re persistent.”
Clara’s eyes once again lowered. Then, erasing the emotions within, she turned back to me.
“Anyway, I suppose this is goodbye for a while?”
Almost on cue, attendants arrived with drinks and food. Clara poured wine into a glass and offered it to me.
Since our reunion, it was the first time she presented a sly smile to me.
“Well then, will you indulge and drink to your heart’s content with me today?”
I accepted the glass and smiled back at her.
“Willingly.”
The events that followed became hazy and vague, clouded by intoxication.
There were accumulating bottles and plates, Clara’s face that never turned red, and unusual conversations.
And then, at some point, I found myself walking with someone’s support. Was it a staircase that I stumbled my way up? In any case, it felt like I had opened something and collapsed to the floor.
…
And then, when I regained consciousness, I was on a bed.
I still lifted my head, the intoxication lingering in my mind. I turned my head, surveying the dimly lit room.
It looked like a room in an upscale inn at a glance.
At least, it wasn’t the inn that I had rented entirely for the mercenary group.
I sat up, feeling puzzled.
“Are you awake?”
A trembling voice, I turned my gaze.
And then, a lightning bolt struck my hazy mind.
“K-Clara?! Wh-why…!?”
I immediately covered my eyes, but the image of her pale skin engraved on my retina wouldn’t vanish.
Wearing only a thin robe that barely concealed her exposed body.
Parts that could never be seen by others were precariously hidden.
I struggled to erase that image and stammered.
“I-I’m sorry…!! I’ll leave immediately…!!”
“Lem, I did tell a lie.”
An unexpected remark,
But the question that should have come to mind disappeared the moment she grabbed my wrist.
She let go of my hand and revealed her body to me.
In that instant, her body was so beautiful that I forgot to close my eyes.
As if she had just taken a bath, her pure white skin had a healthy flush, and the moonlight highlighted the contours of her body.
Below her neck, her hairless body felt like it was crafted by someone, not born naturally.
“I may not be able to come back.”
Her words cooled down the head that had been heated.
“What on earth…”
“So, Lem. Can you grant me one favor, please?”
And, Clara’s thin gown slipped smoothly from her body.
Completely undressed, she looked down. Clenching her fist, she accentuated her voluptuous chest.
“Rem, I’ve cultivated this body just for you.”
Her hand touched her white cheek.
“This face too.”
The sliding hand descended along her neck.
“This neck too.”
The descending hand squeezed the pristine white breast. The vivid imprint of red fingers was striking.
“This chest too.”
And the hand continued to flow downward.
“This waist, hips, legs, and even the feet.”
Finally, her hand touched my cheek.
“All for you, whom I’ll meet someday.”
Tremors were conveyed through her hand.
“But today might be the last day I meet you.”
Clara pulled my hand. She wrapped my hand around her neck, gazing up at me with moist eyes.
“So, Rem, please use me.”
Use.
The weight carried by that word pressed down on me.
“You can do whatever you want.”
“If you want to violate, feel free to violate every hole in my body.”
“Or do you want to defile me? Just say it. I’ll overturn any filth. If you want me to eat, I’ll eat.”
“If you want to hit, you can hit anywhere. If you want to cut, go ahead and cut. If there’s a part you want to break, break it.”
“If you don’t want blood on your hands, I’ll do it with my hands. Just tell me where and how.”
“Any insult or abuse is fine. You don’t have to treat me like a human.”
As the words piled up, Clara’s fervor reflected in her eyes deepened.
Her hand touched my chest.
“Even if there’s no memory, I know the anger will remain.”
And finally, she let go of my hand. Kneeling on the ground, she bowed her head to me. I recognized that posture in an instant.
“So please, Rem.”
The posture priests take when they pray to the gods.
Clara breathed her most impure wish with an excited voice.
“Please use this body I made for you to your heart’s content.”
I couldn’t deny the fact that the sight was extremely enchanting.
Once, the woman who used to be my owner lowered her head to me, declaring that she would devote her body to me.
There was clearly an element in it that would plunge a man into an intoxicating excitement.
However, I did not feel any desire or excitement.
I simply heard the sound of something crumbling.
Its name was patience,
And what surged up was the truth that had been suppressed with lies.
“Clara.”
She looked up. In her eyes, tears were now streaming down.
Feeling a pang in my aching chest, I uttered a long-used address.
“…Miss.”
Clara’s eyes widened.
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Rem…? My memories…”
Clara’s eyes filled with confusion and fear. However, once opened, her mouth did not close.
With a distorted face, I blurted out as if vomiting.
“Why are you going to such lengths? The lady I know is…!”
I saw a hand reaching towards my face.
[Slip]
And everything was dyed black.
***
Rem’s body fell to the floor like a cut string doll.
As if proving that she had fallen peacefully asleep, even a faint smile was difficult to find on her face.
“Hah… Huhh… Hah…!!”
However, Clara’s madness, once started, showed no signs of stopping.
She breathed heavily, scratching her skin with her nails. The flesh tore and blood flowed, but the pain only made her eyes cloudier.
He knows.
He knows now.
Thoughts that scratch at his mind.
Clara, gripping her head, violently crushing it to the floor.
Her madness finally subsided when dawn touched her face.
Covered in blood, she lifts her head and looks out the window.
A small hole in the eastern wall of Aholtle.
The bright sun contained within it illuminates the dark city.
It was a moment of clarity.
If life is a path, it is the moment that reveals what lies at the end of the road, however brief.
Of course, the sun soon rose higher, and the city fell back into the shadows of the wall.
But by then, reason had already returned to Clara’s eyes.
She realized that her mission had not changed.
Revenge, and atonement.
Light fills Clara’s hands, and her wounds vanish as if washed away.
She lays Rem on the bed, dresses herself, and steps out of the room. Crossing the empty inn, she steps out into the world.
And there, she discovers those who have been waiting for her.
Knights, standing in formation, still covered in the morning dew.
The image of a praying woman is engraved on their chests.
The direct order of the Holy Maiden.
“Have you completed your mission?”
Among them, a knight dressed in the most splendid armor approaches Clara and bows his head.
Clara smiles softly and replies.
“As much as was necessary.”
Then, she gazes at the woman with silver hair standing among the knights.
“And thank you, Irene, for delivering my message to my people during my journey. If it weren’t for you, things would have been delayed.”
“I simply did what I had to.”
Irene says politely, bowing her head. Clara stares at her intently before turning her gaze back to the knight.
“And what about Bishop Atreus?”
“He has already been arrested and placed in the carriage.”
“Good. Make sure he stays alive until we reach the Papal Palace. He is an important witness.”
“I will keep that in mind.”
“And where is the carriage?”
The knight silently looked across the road.
A pure white carriage, proof of its affiliation with the church, approached. It stopped in front of Clara, and the coachman got down to open the door.
Clara bowed her head and stepped onto the staircase of the carriage.
“Where are you going?”
Clara’s steps halted. Her red eyes turned towards the direction of the voice.
And she bit her lip.
“Miss Amy, it’s been a while. It’s a relief to see you looking well.”
That was a blatant use of honorifics.
Amy’s face looked more desolate than ever.
Her once shiny blonde hair had turned straw-like, and dark circles were deeply embedded under her eyes. Through the gaps in her worn-out clothes, numerous signs of self-harm could be glimpsed.
Her dry lips, from which blood seeped out, opened once again.
“You’re asking where I’m going when the mission isn’t finished yet?”
“I’m going back to where I’m supposed to be.”
Amy’s shoulders trembled.
“Without my permission?”
Finally, Clara wiped the smile off her face.
“Am I someone who can only move with your permission?”
Amy’s face twisted.
After chewing on her lower lip for a while, she spoke.
“…What did you do with Rem inside?”
Yes, the question she really wanted to ask wasn’t about Clara’s destination.
She must have been spying on Clara and Rem like a rat inside the inn, and had been boiling with anger until now.
Clara no longer felt the need to mock her.
She just recalled what Archbishop Atrius had told her and opened her mouth.
“As we were comrades, let me tell you one thing.”
Amy’s murky eyes met Clara’s red ones.
“The cargo we moved is not unrelated to you. If you’re going to continue to be stuck alone like that, you should be concerned about it first.”
Doubt appeared on Amy’s face. But her question remained unspoken.
With only those words left, Clara disappeared into the carriage.
Leaving behind a pitiful Amy, the pure white carriage left the city.
“What did you mean by that?”
Clara looked at the knight sitting across from her. The knight added an explanation.
“It was a message for you, Hero.”
Clara’s forehead wrinkled.
“It’s just a simple legend. Don’t worry about it. But more importantly…”
Clara’s hand reached towards her backpack. From it, she pulled out a thick stack of paper and handed it to the knight.
“If you arrive at the Papal See, prepare this first.”
“This is…”
The knight’s eyes widened as he examined the stack of paper. Eventually, he looked towards Clara.
“Are you serious?”
“Do I really need to answer such a stupid question?”
“…It was a foolish question.”
Clara leaned back against the seat and spoke.
“Regardless of the outcome of the battle, this is something that must be done. Make sure to prepare without any shortcomings. Do you understand?”
“…Yes.”
And Clara closed her eyes.
It was just a momentary rest.
But the steady rhythm of the carriage, the chilly autumn morning, and the accumulated fatigue quickly pushed her into a deep sleep.
Feeling her consciousness gradually fading, Clara thought.
If she was going to fall asleep anyway, she hoped for a good dream.
And her god, rarely, granted her wish.
Clara started dreaming of the happiest time in her life.
Thirteen years ago,
When she was 11 years old, and he was 12 years old,
The dream of that spring day.