Chapter 162
Ermedeline turned to look at Arvian.
Amidst the soldiers, who were soaked in the sense of achievement after the relentless and brutal battle, one man stood staring vacantly into the void. In his arms was an elderly man, covered entirely in red.
Pushing through the soldiers who kept crowding around her, Ermedeline made her way toward Arvian.
Even as she approached and sat down beside him, Arvian showed no reaction. Ermedeline felt a sudden surge of fear.
Arvian was the only comrade who knew she had come from another world. Although he didn’t know that this place was within a novel, he might still resent the fact that his fate had been twisted by the presence of an awkward outsider.
Ermedeline’s hand, raised to comfort Arvian, trembled uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry.”
“……”
“I’m sorry. It’s all because of me…”
“What?”
Arvian, who had been sitting still as if dead, finally reacted to Ermedeline’s words, furrowing his brow deeply.
“If I… If I hadn’t come here…”
Ermedeline’s hand, eyes glazed over, shook in the air, losing its direction.
“Hoo.”
Arvian let out a heavy sigh that seemed to sink the earth, and then grabbed Ermedeline’s trembling hand.
“……”
He held her hand, but what could he say? In truth, before hearing Ermedeline’s words, Arvian had been extremely angry. He had been ready to curse the gods who had taken everything from him, including the one person who remained.
He had even contemplated abandoning his role as a priest, smashing every window in the Grand Temple, and setting the cursed place ablaze, regardless of whether this damned country perished or not.
‘Ah, I can’t even curse freely!’
The woman sitting in front of him, crying, had said she was an orphan. Unlike him, she didn’t even know her parents’ faces, a forsaken orphan. She had died trying to save others and had somehow ended up possessing the body of the infamous, immoral Empress Ermedeline, the most despised villain, hated by all regardless of status or class.
Despite the wretchedness of her situation, Arvian felt a surge of anger as he observed Ermedeline’s calm demeanor. He was angry because Ermedeline didn’t express the anger she should have, and he was furious at the gods who had driven an innocent woman into such a desperate situation.
And he pitied her.
If one has no expectations, one cannot be disappointed. Arvian didn’t feel anger toward those who had abandoned him because he had never expected anything from them in the first place.
So, in a way, he understood her heart. This pitiful woman, who had nothing from the start, didn’t expect anything and therefore wasn’t all that angry.
Arvian raised his free hand, intending to wipe away Ermedeline’s tears.
Thwack!
And at that moment, the unwelcome intruder appeared.
“Your Majesty, the Empress. Are you alright?”
Arvian, displeased by Felio’s intrusion, tightened his grip on Ermedeline’s hand and glared at him.
Felio, not to be outdone, grabbed Ermedeline’s other hand and pulled her toward him.
Ermedeline, suddenly finding her arms stretched in opposite directions, snapped back to her senses.
“?”
Feeling as empty as a drained cup, Ermedeline looked at her arms hanging in the air and frowned.
“What in the world…?”
She then lifted her head to glance back and forth between Arvian and Felio. The two grown men were glaring at each other, wearing expressions that were nothing short of childish.
“Hah.”
Even in this moment, Ermedeline couldn’t believe the two men were engaged in a pointless emotional struggle.
Thwack!
She tried to pull her hands free by exerting force on both sides. While she successfully retrieved one hand, the other remained suspended in the air.
“??”
Arvian, with a fierce look, tightened his grip on Ermedeline’s hand and pulled it back toward him. Felio made another attempt to grab her hand, but this time Ermedeline was quicker to pull it away.
“!”
Felio bit his lip hard, looking at Ermedeline as if he were heartbroken.
‘What, is he really jealous at a time like this?’
Ermedeline found his childish expression so endearing that she felt like giving him not just her hands but her feet as well. However, right now, Arvian took precedence.
“I have something to discuss with Priest Arvian,” she said in a rather cold tone. Felio pouted his lips and reluctantly stepped back.
‘Ah, I should’ve just run away. How can even those pouting lips be so cute?’
The heart truly is a funny thing. The emotions she had denied and ignored for so many months became so difficult to suppress the moment their feelings connected. She had barely managed to hold back her overflowing emotions, but now it felt like the dam had burst, releasing all the emotions she had precariously contained.
However, fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, Ermedeline wasn’t so shallow as to be swept away by her emotions and forget the tragedy before her.
‘I must be crazy, having these thoughts in this situation.’
“Hoo.”
Ermedeline felt pathetic for thinking about how cute Felio looked while he was jealous, when in fact Noctavinus had just died.
“What’s wrong with you?” Arvian asked suddenly.
“Huh?”
Ermedeline, plagued by immense guilt, was startled, fearing that Arvian had somehow glimpsed her innermost thoughts.
“W-What do you mean?”
“Why should you apologize?”
“Huh?”
“Why aren’t you angry, Your Majesty? You should be angry, not apologizing!”
“If I hadn’t come here…”
“Stop spouting nonsense! What kind of rubbish is that? Look at yourself! Do you even realize blood is pouring from your nose, mouth, and ears? You look like you’re about to die. Isn’t that right?”
As soon as Arvian spoke, the pain Ermedeline had momentarily forgotten in the shock of losing Noctavinus suddenly coursed through her body.
“Gasp, gasp.”
“You have severe internal injuries. It’s going to be a tough recovery.”
“Ugh, urgh…”
Ermedeline glared at Arvian, as if accusing him for making her aware of the pain she was trying to ignore.
“Ah! Damn it! Because Your Majesty is like this, I can’t even get properly angry! I really just want to give it all up…”
Arvian let out a rough breath as he looked down at Noctavinus, who lay in eternal rest on his lap.
“This old man told me to live my life the way I want! So I was going to give it all up, but why are you apologizing?”
Hearing Arvian’s words, Ermedeline, her voice trembling from the pain, managed to speak.
“Go.”
“What?”
“Go. You don’t need to stay here. If you don’t want to be here, then go. I’m not being sarcastic.”
“Huh?”
“You’ve already done more than enough. So…”
“Agh, damn it.”
Despite his harsh words, Arvian raised his free hand and gently wiped the blood and sweat from Ermedeline’s eyes with his sleeve as they continued to blink involuntarily.
“Then what about you, Your Majesty? Have you done enough to stop?”
At his question, not only Felio but everyone else around them turned their attention to Ermedeline.
Feeling the weight of their gazes, Ermedeline recalled a moment from her past.
In a shabby little shop, when everyone despised her, there had been one mask maker who acknowledged her as the Empress. After his words, everyone there had clapped and chanted “Long live the Empress.”
Today was no different.
After the battle, an even louder cheer struck not just her ears but her heart.
“Long live Her Majesty the Empress!”
*Sigh.*
Ermedeline let out a small sigh internally before speaking in a low but firm voice.
“No. I can’t stop.”
No matter how many good deeds she did, the situation only worsened, and the attempts on her life grew more brutal. Ermedeline, mentally pushed to the edge, had almost forgotten that she had once vowed to protect these people as their Empress.
Moreover, for someone who had struggled all her life just to stay afloat, it wasn’t easy to suddenly embrace the realization of her new identity.
But Noctavinus’s gaze…
In his final moments, Noctavinus had smiled at her. That smile seemed as if he knew she wouldn’t run away and would stay to fulfill her duties.
So how could she leave?
“I can’t go. No, I won’t go.”
“Then I won’t go either.”
“No, Priest Arvian, if you want to go, you should…”
“Urgh!”
Arvian tried to muster the strength to lift Noctavinus’s body onto his back. However, carrying the lifeless old man by himself proved to be too much.
“I can’t leave because I’m too curious to know why this old man sent me to Your Majesty.”
Seeing Arvian struggle, Felio shook his head with a pained expression and quickly stepped forward to take Noctavinus’s body with ease. Normally, he would have scolded Arvian for being weak, but without a word, Felio moved to place Noctavinus’s body onto the horse he had ridden.
After taking a few deep breaths, Ermedeline slowly rose to her feet.
Her face was a mess, smeared with blood, sweat, tears, and dust, making it almost unbearable to look at. Yet, her violet eyes shone brightly, cutting through the grime.
“Send a messenger to the nearest frontline. Tell them to hold out until we—no, until I arrive. We’ll depart as soon as we’ve rested.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
The commander, who had received her orders, bowed respectfully to the Empress.
With a soft thud, Ermedeline collapsed, too exhausted to even hear his brief reply.
She dreamed.
This time, the dream was in black and white.
On one side was a black path, leading to death; on the other, a white path, leading to life. The black path stretched wide, deep, and endless, while the white path appeared narrow and precarious, as if it could break at any moment.
Ermedeline stood in a gray space between the two, lost and wandering, unsure of where to go.
Then, from the pitch-black path, a ray of light began to seep through.
‘Huh?’
Ermedeline focused on the light, drawn to its familiar warmth. The light was coming from Noctavinus, who had chosen the path of death.
Without realizing it, Ermedeline reached out toward the warm glow. She wanted to feel that warmth, the familiar comfort she already knew.
But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t touch the light that shone alone in the darkness. It remained within the shadows.
Yet, the warm light began to transform the gray space, gradually turning it white. The white path, which had seemed on the verge of breaking, was being restored by that light.
Ermedeline stood silently in the gray space, watching as death bridged the way to life.