I Possessed the Heroine’s Teacher

I spent the night at the park until dawn, not thinking deeply about human existence, but splitting my self into two in my mind and having a lion and a tiger fight. When the odds were in favor of Dwayne Johnson with a Thompson submachine gun, the sun rose. The sun rises in the east, the country where the sun rises, Japan, was defeated by the atomic bomb of the United States. So, if a tiger and a lion fight, the United States wins. That’s the natural order of things.

I shivered in the cold air and decided to return home. When I forced myself to get up, I was so cold that I decided to buy a hot cocoa from a nearby store to warm up. The cocoa was so hot that it slightly burned my tongue, but it was still warm enough to soothe my cold body.

If I were the protagonist, I would have said, “Damn, this is like sex.” But I didn’t. Sex was something I tried to do yesterday, and cocoa is just a drink.

However, I was a little scared because I almost did something stupid while drunk. I thought of the trash who make excuses for their bad behavior by blaming it on alcohol, and I felt a little pathetic. From now on, I’ll have to quit drinking to maintain better self-control.

As I was thinking about these trivial things, I drank half of the hot cocoa when I saw Irina pasting a poster on the wall outside the Adventurer’s Guild building. She was a receptionist, but it seemed like she did all sorts of work.

“Hey, Irina, isn’t it illegal to paste flyers on other people’s walls?”

Irina turned around, saw me, and laughed.

“Yes, yes~ It’s illegal to paste flyers on the guild wall. Go ahead and arrest me.”

“Haha… So, how urgent is the request that you’re pasting flyers outside?”

“Well, recently, a group of thieves has been targeting merchants. We’re trying to form a subjugation team of adventurers…”

This was probably the DLC quest where Werner and Iris fought against thieves. It received a lot of attention because it was released when everyone was missing Werner.

“Hmm, thieves…”

“Yes, they’re not your average dangerous thieves. They’re a breed of scum who take people hostage and demand ransom. They’re a group of highly skilled individuals who have even massacred the escorts of merchant guilds.”

Thieves, sometimes called bandits or pirates, depending on their environment, are like Eevee evolving depending on which stone it steps on. Their original form is that of a thief, and they get beaten up in both fantasy and martial arts worlds. They’re often used as beginner mobs in games and novels.

“Then I’ll go.”

“If you join the subjugation team, it’ll be a great help.”

“No, disband the subjugation team.”

Irina dropped the recruitment notice she was about to paste on the wall. This kind of littering is a problem, and I thought it wouldn’t matter if she did it just once, but then I realized that this wasn’t Earth. So, it wouldn’t matter.

Irina widened her eyes and said,

“Why would I need to disband the subjugation team I worked so hard to gather?”

“If you gather a bunch of amateurs, they’ll just become hostages and cause more trouble.”

If we send amateurs to deal with these guys, it’ll be a big problem. Real life isn’t a novel. If these guys take people hostage, it’ll be a problem for us, so we need to send in elite troops to crush them.

For example, the people who suppress terrorists are highly trained elite soldiers, right?

“It’s true that having a large number of people can cause problems. But the scale of this group is no joke.”

“That’s why you shouldn’t bring amateurs.”

“Haa… Okay, then I’ll form a small, elite subjugation team…”

“I told you to remove unnecessary personnel.”

“I said I would, so I’ll form a small, elite team…”

“Why do you need other people if I’m going myself?”

“Are you crazy, going alone?”

“The great magician Werner is going. Do you need anything else?”

This was one of Werner’s actual lines. Some might criticize the character for being arrogant, but it wasn’t the case for Werner. He was genuinely strong, and this line wasn’t just a boast but a reflection of Werner’s magical abilities. In fact, if you look up Werner’s combat power on Namuwiki, this line is included in a box.

“You’re really something… I’ll talk to the guild master about it.”

“Tell the old man to think carefully.”

“Please don’t call the guild master an old man…”

“But you call him a damn old bastard when you’re drunk.”

“Shut up, Werner, if you don’t want to die.”

Women are scary, especially in this world. In this world, a playboy would be braver than Lu Bu.

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“Master, where have you been!”

Iris was waiting at the door and started scolding me. I had planned to sneak in quietly, but there was a hidden enemy. I thought about begging for forgiveness like Cao Cao at Huarong Trail, but I hadn’t done anything as bad as him.

I didn’t shout that I would abandon the world even if the world abandoned me after killing an entire family. I didn’t commit a massacre because someone killed my father. And I never targeted married women.

Look at how great a person I am. I needed to be confident.

“Ah… I had an urgent matter and went out, and I just came back. Look, I bought freshly baked bread.”

I intentionally shook the warm bag, spreading the aroma.

“Is bread important right now, Master? What happened that made you leave again?”

I expected the aroma of the freshly baked bread to calm Iris down, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Damn you, bread, if it had been rice, it would have worked. This is why rice is considered superior to bread.

“Haa… Actually, I received an urgent message from the Adventurer’s Guild… It was so urgent that they contacted me at night.”

“An urgent matter?”

“Yes, they asked me to deal with a group of rogue bandits who have been causing trouble recently.”

“So, you’re going there?”

“Yes, I’m going.”

Iris looked disappointed, and it was obvious. Her master, who had always been by her side, had gone out for the night and was getting close to another woman. Damn, this is the kind of alienation a father feels when his daughter is going through puberty. It’s like when a daughter who always played with her father goes out for the night and only cares about her boyfriend. But why is she feeling this? Is she my father?

I hurried to comfort Iris, who was not my father.

“How about coming with me and getting some practical experience?”

It was time to give her some real-world experience. I was a little worried, but I would do my best to ensure that nothing unpleasant happened. After all, Iris wasn’t that weak.

“Can I really come?”

“Yes, but Sister Camellia… she won’t like this kind of thing.”

That was just an excuse; I wanted to avoid it because of what happened yesterday.

“Who doesn’t like what?”

The tiger comes when you talk about it, and the half-elf comes when you talk about her.

“No, Sister… this is…”

“Just go and come back quickly. I’m not so clueless that I’d interrupt someone’s lesson twice.”

As expected, Sister Camellia was understanding. Her heart was as big as anyone’s, even though her breasts were smaller than Iris’s. I thanked her for her generosity and took Iris to the Adventurer’s Guild.

Whether it’s fish or meat, it tastes best when it’s fresh, and the same goes for quests; they should be completed as soon as they’re received.

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When I, Iris, and Irina, an employee sent by the Adventurer’s Guild, arrived at the scene, the bandits had set up camp on the plain.

From a distance, they seemed to have taken over a small village and had a proper security system in place.

“It’s impossible to deal with the guards one by one from the front.”

“That’s why I told you! We should have brought more people to crush them all at once!”

“No, I said it would be impossible to deal with them one by one from the front. I didn’t say it would be impossible to deal with them.”

“What?”

Dealing with these bandits was like warm porridge for Werner. It wasn’t cold porridge, because cold porridge is hard to eat and doesn’t taste good.

I clasped my hands and began reciting the spells from the original story.

“Rain of lightning, fall.”
“Flames of hail, cover the ground now.”

The rain of lightning and flames of hail began to fall on the bandits’ base. The buildings struck by lightning collapsed, and the flames of hail set fire to everything in their path, creating black smoke.

A small fire broke out, but there was no clause in the contract about fires, so I wasn’t at fault.

As I watched the bandits’ camp burn, my heart ached. I should have taken the stolen goods and then set them on fire…