I Don’t Want to Be a Lady

“What nonsense is that? Does it make sense to live there before our marriage?”

 

I exclaimed.

 

Even if we agreed to move the wedding day forward, it was a completely different matter for me to live there before our marriage. Also, it didn’t help my reputation at all.

 

Charter continued to speak indifferently as if he had expected my reaction.

 

“Usually, women get premarital education from their mother, but… Arianne, you don’t have a mother right now.”

 

I blinked my big eyes as if it had nothing to do with me.

 

“So what?”

 

Charter leaned toward me, looked straight into my eyes, and said, “After all, no one will teach you in this mansion, so wouldn’t it be okay to come to the duchy in advance and receive education as a hostess? No one would say anything if you were to be educated by my mother.”

 

My eyes widened at the unexpected suggestion.

 

To get educated by the famous Madam Kaien?

 

Just because I couldn’t engage in social activities didn’t mean I didn’t know about any social trends. It was because Madam Loela, my tutor, diligently told me about social news. I also didn’t neglect to prepare for my debutante, which would happen someday.

 

I was familiar with Madam Kaien’s cold-heartedness. Didn’t they say like a mother like a son?

 

“By your mother? Of course, I would appreciate it if it could be like that, but… will your mother allow it?”

 

I asked without much thought because I believed she would never allow it.

 

Would the arrogant and cold madam really welcome her son’s marriage to me? In addition to that, to educate me about premarital? No way. Her opposition to our marriage would be more believable.

 

When I asked, Charter raised the corners of his mouth and answered with a look of ‘I’ve been caught.’

 

“Yes, you don’t have to worry about that. My mother has already allowed it.”

 

Of course. No, wait? What… What did he say?

 

“Yes? Really? No, wait. That’s not… like I thought…”

 

I, who belatedly grasped the situation, tried to say my words urgently. Still, the man in front of me was never an easy opponent.

 

“Then you already know about that and prepare for it. Please contact me when you have finished packing your belongings.”

 

As if his business had ended, he got up from his seat, greeted me politely, and left the parlor.

 

“I’m screwed.”

 

My vain words rang in the air.

 

* * *

 

After Charter left, I went to my father, explained my situation, and asked for his permission. He had a terrifying expression on his face that he didn’t know what Charter was up to. Then, he was tempted by the words that Charter would pay all the expenses for the wedding, and he had no reason to oppose it. As for me, I rather welcomed it because I could certainly deal with the issue of the mine relocation if the wedding was held quickly.

 

Three days later, I was having tea with my tutor, Madam Loela, in the parlor.

 

“As of today, your education is over. Please don’t forget my teachings even after marrying Duke Kaien. You must keep your virtues as a lady.”

 

The eyes of Madam Loela, who said that, had a strong will.

 

“Yes.”

 

I answered with no sincerity and lifted the teacup. Contrary to my sour face, my etiquette was perfect, without any gaps.

 

Lady, lady. Until the very end, you were still talking about being a lady… Don’t you get tired?

 

I mumbled to myself. Do I have to listen to the nagging I have been hearing for 5 years until the last day?

 

Madam Loela continued as if she had seen through my inner thoughts.

 

“There is a reason why I’m telling you about this frequently. You’re going to be a duchess now. If you act as you please, it can harm your family.”

 

“I see.”

 

I put down the teacup and turned my head as if I didn’t want to hear it anymore. My gaze turned out of the window. Beyond the window, I saw a glass greenhouse reflected in the sunlight and shone brightly.

 

Before I leave, I should stop by the greenhouse.

 

* * *

 

One corner of my room was a mountain of luggage. I packed as much as possible because my father wouldn’t give me dowry or pocket money. I even packed my worn-out shoes. Even worn out, they were still the product of the capital’s famous boutique.  

 

Although I didn’t have any money, everything I wore was expensive. They were things that could be resold when I wanted them, so I packed everything I had as much as I could. After I had roughly finished packing my things, I took a breather. Of course, it was Madrenne who packed it.

 

Knock. Knock.

 

Someone knocked on the door.

 

It must be one of the servants, so I said while lying on the sofa, “Come in.”

 

“There… Arianne.”

 

The voice of someone who wasn’t welcome at all was heard. My brow frowned automatically. Then I got up from the sofa and turned to the voice’s owner.

 

“What brought you here? Madam Irene.”

 

It was Madam Irene, my father’s mistress, who visited my room. This happened for the first time since she entered the mansion five years ago.

 

“I heard you’re leaving the mansion tomorrow.”

 

“Yes, I’m leaving the mansion tomorrow. Now, there will be one less person who you should be conscious of, so you can spend your time comfortably.”

 

Madam Irene looked hurt by my harsh words, but she erased it immediately and looked at me. I looked at her like I was annoyed by her.

 

Again. Those eyes looked like they were pitying me.  

 

She has always been like that. The way she looked at me was filled with pity and sympathy. I didn’t even know who sympathized with whom on the subject of living as a concubine, not an official wife.

 

“Don’t be offended, just listen. Usually… it’s right for a mother to take care of her daughter who is getting married. Your mother is not here right now…”

 

“…”

 

What the hell is she trying to say? She looked cautious as to whether her words were not readily spoken. I would kick her out immediately if she nagged at me ridiculously.

 

She held out the little box she had been hiding behind her and spoke, “This… I had it before I came into this mansion. If I had a daughter, I would have given her this. But there’s no such thing… I wanted to give it to you.”

 

“…”

 

I stared at the box without saying a word.

 

What? Are you trying to be my mother now? Is she out of her mind?

 

It was so absurd that I couldn’t say anything. There was no reason for me to receive this stuff from her. Never once did I regard her as my mother. So did my father.

 

When I seemed unwilling to receive the box, she carefully placed it on the table and said, “I know what you think of me. However… the woman who lost her husband in this empire has no choice… I hope you understand.”

 

“…”

 

I didn’t open my mouth until the end. And Madam Irene, who watched me stare at her without saying anything, quietly left the room with a bitter smile.

 

Yes, she was right. This empire is such a place.

 

What’s the point of being a daughter from a wealthy family? This empire didn’t pass on the parents’ property to their daughters. Whether it was a tiny piece of land or a mansion. That little inheritance was enough for a woman to live on for the rest of her life.

 

If a parent had no son, their biological daughter had no right to inherit their property, so I would be handed over to the nephew, not their daughter. It was the same when you got married. If your husband died without leaving a son, your wealth went to your husband’s male relatives and threw you out of your house. And it was common for most of those women to become someone’s concubine for the sake of a livelihood.

 

Becoming someone’s wife or concubine was the only two futures for women. I didn’t want to live like that. I wanted to live where I could be the owner of my own property, not someone else. That was why I was obsessed with money. Money was needed to avoid living as someone’s wife or concubine. But you need a lot of money. So, in return for this contract marriage, I was planning to receive a considerable amount of alimony.

 

“That’s it. Then why…”

 

I lifted the box on the table and opened it. It contained rings and necklaces made of fairly expensive jewels such as rubies and emeralds. Some looked old. Maybe Madam Irene received it from her own mother.

 

Why… are you giving this to me?

 

Madam Irene became a widow after losing her husband and had no children. As she said, she could never pass her belongings to her daughter. But there was no reason to give it to me. I wasn’t her daughter, and she would never be accepted as my mother.

 

“What the. First of all, jewelry is money. The more money, regardless of the source, the better.”

 

I decided not to think about it deeply, then casually threw the box into the luggage and called for Madrenne.

 

“I’ll have tea in the greenhouse, so prepare it.”

 

“Yes, Lady.”

 

The greenhouse was my only favorite place in this mansion. I didn’t have any affection for my room or the parlor in this mansion. Was it because I knew everything in this mansion was not entirely mine?

 

But the greenhouse was different. The flowers, trees, and grasses, whether small or large, were all grown with my hands. I couldn’t give affection to anyone, but one day I happened to grow a flower that came in as a gift and finally found something I was attracted to. When I poured all my heart into it, the plants grew and bloomed in response to me. 

 

Because I was taking care of the plants in the greenhouse for hours on the day of drinking tea in the greenhouse, Madrenne would prepare tea and return to the mansion to rest.

 

Today was my last day in this greenhouse. Like any other day, I sent back Madrenne and captured the view of the greenhouse one by one.

 

“If I leave, what will happen to you guys?”

 

I couldn’t take all the plants in the greenhouse. So I returned to the mansion with only one of my most cherished plants. And the moment I opened the door and walked in, I knew something was wrong. All my luggage was unpacked.

 

No way…

 

I hurriedly put down the flowerpot and ran to my luggage to check it out.

 

Don’t tell me…

 

My father was a person who would remain like that.

 

I was too relaxed.

 

He was a person who couldn’t tolerate even an inch of suspicion. No way such a person would let me go. But why didn’t I think that he would go through my luggage?

 

I shuddered at my foolishness.

 

I already kept it hidden just in case… With trembling hands, I picked up the white corset from the pile of underwear. My hand slipped into the lining of the tight corset. And then,

 

Nothing.

 

I picked up another corset in a hurry. But again, the inside was empty.

 

Plop.

 

My legs lost strength, and I slumped down.

 

It’s gone.

 

Without leaving a single page, the secret ledger had disappeared.