I Don’t Want This Bad Ending

***

I stared at him in utter shock! I felt a stab in my heart, a ringing sound that tore down my cores, I was speechless for a bit as I tried to compose my beating heart to calm down. I tried to open my mouth only to close it.

'Why is it painful? Too painful for my heart... Is it because of longing? Is it because of the Duchess?' 

The reason was unknown but what I'm sure of is that this will lead me to another path. If I take the chance to learn about everything that happened during my childhood days, would that lead me to a bigger problem? Or would that lead me to escape? It was a path full of uncertainty.

Still, this will give me enough purpose to continue searching for myself and how and why do I have to reincarnate in a novel.

Whatever explanation that maybe, I'm sure that I need to keep on digging it.

If the duchess died at the back garden then the reason why that garden was untended and abandoned clicked to me. 

I now knew...

The reason why the Duke sometimes glanced with an unreadable expression through his window and stared at me while training also clicked to me.

'So that was why... But why did he agree to give the back garden to me?'

Another question was added to my list, nonetheless, the mystery behind the Duchess tragedy was revealed. Which will bug me when I sleep. Then, a sudden realization came to me.

"But what am I doing in the mansion if I was kidnapped?"

I looked at Carsillion who was amused at my own mumbling.

"How did the duchess die?" I asked. Still looking at his golden eyes.

"Her power was also sucked away... BAAM!" He punched the table and the tea spilled a little on the wooden table as his eyes blazed a fury as he remembers the events like it was just yesterday.

But I can't stop now. I know it's painful but I need to get information as much as possible.

So without regard, I asked him again.

"Who was really the target of the kidnapping? It wasn't me am I right? If it's me they would kill me the moment they get a hold of me... So... Ah!"

Now I realized... "I was used..." I looked at Carsillion's face, who seemed to agree with my conclusion. 

"I see... As the youngest child of the Emsworth family, I have value and can be a bargaining chip." I assumed.

He only tapped the armrest using his bold manly fingers. He didn't answer so, I assumed that was the only explanation.

"But wait... When did the Duchess die? Is it after we appeared 3 years since we were gone?" I asked the quiet Carsillion.

"No... She died a year after the both of you got back." He answered.

"I see..." My head slumped down and my eyes darted on my shiny black shoes.

Seeing the cold unfinished tea and saucer plate at the table, I saw my reflection. A plaster of unknown emotion was seen in the depths of my sunset eyes.

"So I was 9 then ... So the remaining year was me being traumatized and forgetting everything related to the duchess... Am I right?"

"Yes... That was what we assumed."

"Assumed?"

"That was what the sage said..."

"Sage... Doctor Lloyd, I presume?" He only nods to my inquiry. 

"I see..."

Even though he revealed what happened 5 years ago. There's still a lot of unanswered questions.

"Then, what's my sin?" 

As Carsillion heard my silent question, he raised his brow and looked at my expression.

"Sin?"

I looked at him and thought if it's really fine to talk about what Allan said.

'Is it okay to trust him? No! I don't need to trust him. This was the deal, to begin with.' I thought.

I don't need to hide how Allan treats me. He already showed how in front of the others. There's no need to protect his ego.

"What's the sin that he was talking about? That I killed..." I pause then I knit my brows.

'If what the headmaster said was true then he and the Duke didn't know the whole story! But Allan, who was with the Duchess that day, do!' 

I sighed. I think my brain's going to explode with all the bombs that were dropped!

Headache!

'So, I need to pester my brother? But he's determined to keep that painful event to himself and only blame me...' I clicked my tongue.

My hand voluntarily reached the temple of my head. "I think my head's overheating with all the thinking that I've made." I unconsciously said.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"No... I'm not!" I replied, my hands still massaging my head.

"We should end this today... We can resume when you processed everything and when you're settled by your new position within the Academy."

"Ah! The representative position. Can I give that up?" I asked as I saw him standing up and walked to his desk full of stack papers.

"Nope~ you can't!" He replied.

'He's back to his usual self huh...! That was fast, and he's not trying to hide his cunning side... He's scheming something!' I glared at him. Our conversation isn't over!

"Don't look at me like that, dear~... I fulfilled my promise... I'm better than that pathetic father of yours..." He said while he mocked the Duke.

"Heh..."

'You're not different though... Both of you are peas in the same pod' I thought before I replied to him.

"Fine, I'll retreat for now. I still need to heal my arm. And this...!" I stopped. Talking about my condition will worsen the mood.

I closed my eyes. I really need some rest. My mana is still continuously leaking that I get exhausted mentally.

I stood up and bid my farewell. "Our talk isn't finished yet, headmaster!" I warned.

He chuckled... "Of course, dear~"

*clicked.

Walking out of the headmaster's office gives me time to breathe. I calmed my nerves, as much as I knew myself, I knew I would fall the moment I tried to remember what he said back then.

"Just keep on walking, Evelyn. Later... You can do it later." I mumbled.

As much as I want to keep the cold facade and try to mask myself in front of the headmaster, I know well enough that something inside of me seems shaken up and if I let myself drown in it, I'll fall and break down.

"I can't let that happen... Not now. I still have things to do!" I convinced myself not to give up and cry.

I clenched my hands into a ball and bit my lips.

'I don't have time to cry...'

***

I arrived at my room. I plopped down on the bed and didn't bother to take my uniform off.

"This sh*tty novel! I'm not only the villain but I also have a sh*t background!"

I tried myself not to think about what happened -- the revelations. But it seems that I was more affected than I thought!

It's nearly dawn and the night passes by without me getting a wink of sleep. I decided to change my clothes and wear my normal dress and put on a shawl on my shoulders.

I walked outside the dorm, the sky was still dark and the breeze was cold enough to send shivers to my skin. It felt that every stroke of air brings numbness to my senses.

Feeling that I was the only one who was walking this early, I tried to go deeper within the trees in the back forest of the dormitory.

The willow tree was swaying beautifully and it gave that wooden smell every time the air brushed its body. 

"Eve..."

I heard my name when he called, I turned around to see the one who called my name.

"Cabel..."

'Why is he here?' I wondered.

His steps brought a mark trail to the ground, he came closer, his eyes were deep red as the sky was still dark.

It felt ominous but I tried hard not to let him see that I was scared.

'He still looked at me like that...!'

The first time that we met during my brother's birthday banquet, he also looked at me like this.

'It's like reading all my thoughts and intentions.' I laughed at the silly thought!

No matter how much I tried to figure him out, whenever I tried to see his reasons for trying to get close to me... All I saw in his eyes were longing and sadness.

And that scares me...

It must have been my imagination and I tried to push down those thoughts but whenever he gives me that stare, I always want to run away.

'How silly of me... I was the one who proposed a deal but here I am, getting scared because of him.'

I remained standing under the willow tree as he stopped in front of me.

"What are you doing here...?"