NOVEL NEXT chapter 32
32 – Reunion (2)
A sound came from my teeth, a dry click.
I silently stared at Arielle. She, too, stared back at me in silence.
“Do you have anything to say?”
I asked Arielle while looking at her. She closed her eyes, opened them, and spoke.
“Well, let’s sit down and talk. I didn’t plan to act so impulsively, but I thought I had to meet you. I’m sorry.”
“You should be apologizing to Seris, not me.”
Arielle looked at me with shaky eyes upon hearing my words. After a moment of silence, she closed her eyes, opened them, and said,
“…Can we sit down and talk first? There’s a lot to discuss.”
I shook my head.
“I have nothing to discuss. Our conversation ended that day.”
Ariel took a sip of her tea.
“Yeah, that’s right. But… still, I felt the need to talk. Is it lingering regret?”
Regret? Is that what it is?
For the first time, I raised my face before her.
“Don’t say ridiculous things.”
She’s the one who abandoned me. I can understand that. However, it was absurd to claim that she had any lingering regrets.
I could have regrets, and I could hate her. The fact that the story remains is also on me.
I didn’t want to have regrets. I don’t hate her. The story, too, was emptied.
However, it was a choice I made willingly in a qualified situation, and Ariel didn’t have that qualification.
Yeah, at least you shouldn’t say such things even if anyone in this world asks you.
Ariel lowered her head.
“Sorry.”
“Were you trying to come meet me to say such things?”
“There’s something I need to confirm.”
Her violet eyes, just like I remembered from the past, contained a clear determination – I made a sound, a scoff.
Sitting on the chair, I stared at her. Ariel slowly opened her mouth.
“…You asked the Saint to help me, is that right?”
“Yeah.”
I gritted my teeth and answered her question. Hearing my words, Ariel closed her eyes.
What could she be thinking? I clenched my fist.
“…Why?”
Why, indeed.
From a rational standpoint, my actions at that time were not reasonable.
A situation where a Saint, known for not getting involved in politics, might help me. Inserting such a gamble into the political arena itself is insane.
However, I acted that way.
The answer had already been decided.
“Because I wanted to.”
Ariel’s expression began to contort, a face that seemed halfway between crying.
However, to say she was halfway crying paradoxically meant she wasn’t crying at all, so her expression simply contorted.
“I can’t understand.”
I responded to her words, opening my mouth.
“It’s okay not to understand.”
Ariel’s hands trembled slightly.
“It was just self-satisfaction anyway.”
Yeah. I hadn’t thought that someone would understand.
I didn’t think my name would be remembered, and I didn’t think there would be enough reward.
I just acted because I wanted it.
I know Ariel. For years, I’ve spent a lot of time with her.
Even though she seemed to act freely on the surface, her family always took precedence.
So, it’s natural that she wouldn’t understand my irrational behavior.
Ariel’s eyes continued to shake. I looked at her like that, trying to get up from my seat.
I thought there was nothing more to say. However, Ariel grabbed me and said,
“…Why didn’t you say anything?”
I frowned.
“…What?”
“Why didn’t you say anything? I didn’t know anything…”
“Then, what would have changed?”
Ariel looked at me.
It was agonizing. Facing her. Memories of the past resurfaced. Things I had lost came back to me.
I was barely hiding my wounds, and she came to me, forcibly exposing them.
Splash, a sound echoed in my head as if something had snapped.
Do I hate Ariel?
…I don’t know, probably not. In reality, I have no idea how I feel about her.
But even if I don’t hate her, I can’t help but feel annoyed by her, who uncovered my wounds. Even if I try to empty my emotions for her-
I couldn’t hold back.
“What would have changed if I had said it then? What about you? Do you think we wouldn’t have broken up? Could we have stayed engaged just because I confessed I did something irrational about you back then, ignoring what others said?”
Ariel remained silent.
And from her eyes, a single tear rolled down.
Damn it. This is not what I wished for.
This is why I didn’t want to meet.
I stood up from my seat. And I said to Ariel,
“Let’s not see each other again. It’s not that I hate you, but… there’s nothing good for us to meet again, definitely.”
So, this is the end. It has to be the end.
Leaving Ariel behind, I walked away.
…
Ariel sat in her room.
She didn’t remember how she got to her room. She just heard his words, heard his voice… her mind turned blank, terrified, and she ran back to her mansion as if escaping.
Her hands trembled. Her heart raced madly. She bit her lips tightly.
Edun’s words were all true.
In fact, Saint, and Ceris Derin, had already warned her.
But she ignored those words. She thought everything would be clear once she met Edun.
And this is the result.
Certainly, even if Edun had known what he did for her, she would have broken up with him.
Because she lacked the courage. Because she hypocritically avoided dealing with family matters, claiming it was for the sake of the family. Just like now.
“I… I….”
She clutched her head.
“I’m a fool….”
Tears streamed from her eyes.
What does one do when they become a Duchess? What does one do when they control the noble faction?
Despite the countless praises and flatteries directed towards her, there was an unchanging essence within her.
Her essence was that of an endlessly powerless girl who couldn’t find someone to stand up for her and could only run away for herself.
Yes, thinking about it, it had been that way since her father died.
She hadn’t made any effort to protect the family. She had merely trembled in fear and pressure.
The one who protected Sielaine was not her but Edun Kainus.
She hadn’t tried to protect the family.
She was just a coward who used the family as a shield to avoid her own guilt.
“You acted so grand, but in reality, you know nothing….”
Boldly. Calmly. With dignity. She had tried so hard to appear that way in front of people.
Because she was a Duchess. She had to be more remarkable and extraordinary than anyone else in the empire.
What was so remarkable about that?
She was just a puppet manipulated by the gaze of others, dressed up in splendor but only knowing how to be swayed by the wind.
“What should I do? I… I don’t know….”
Why was a doll made from cut paper like this? It was adorned beautifully on the outside, but in reality, it only knew how to be shaken by the wind.
“I don’t know what to do….”
Ariel cried. For her cowardice, for her powerlessness, for her foolishness.
She knew nothing but crying.
Just like when her father died.
“I’m sorry….”
With a voice soaked in moisture, Ariel offered an apology.
…In front of him, on a subject he hadn’t even apologized for, she was offering an apology that would go unheard.
“I’m sorry….”
Tears seemed endless, stirring a torrent of emotions within her, like a dam collapsing.
“I’m weak, and I’m cowardly….”
She clutched the blanket tightly, burying her head as if trying to hide the sounds of her weeping.
“I’m sorry for being useless….”
In her mind, his voice echoed.
“Let’s not see each other again. It’s not that I hate you, but… there’s nothing good for us in being together, that’s for sure.”
A firm and complete break, declared with such certainty.
Perhaps, he would have been happier not getting involved with someone like her from the beginning.
Cerys Derrin had faced sharp animosity directed towards herself.
She had a heart strong enough to ignore political alliances or rational judgments when it came to him.
…Maybe that was how much she loved him.
If so, wouldn’t it have been better for her not to get involved with him? Wouldn’t that have been a way to inflict less damage on his heart?
…No matter how much she pondered, she couldn’t find an answer. She just continued to sob endlessly, writhing in agony.
On this topic, in this painful situation.
The fact that she still couldn’t do anything about this topic made her even more miserable.