Chapter 23
✧ ✧ ✧ That day I had to skip an entire class. The reason I submitted to the tutor was because. ‘Due to damage to my eyesight.’ It was the result of tactless intervention between a good couple. ‘Uh…’ Unintentionally, seeing my parents’ passionate acts of affection towards each other, I shut my mouth with an indescribable emotion. It’s hot. It’s burning. Was this the gold thread of a couple who have been married for over 10 years? Even though my parents kissed each other’s cheek on each side, they seemed to want more kisses elsewhere. I had to leave my seat in a hurry at the sight of my parents, like a daughter who could not stay still and tolerate their affection. So, this was how a ‘solo’ feels when they see a couple kissing at the bus stop? I felt like I was sitting with ice because the seat next to me was cold and empty, so I returned to my room with a bitter smile… ‘Oh, no, this wasn’t the time.’ Whether my parents kiss or make a younger brother, I had a different purpose. Because I witnessed such a shocking scene, I almost lost my sight as well as my purpose for meeting them. I quickly wiped away the cold sweat and moved forward. So the next person I visited was grandpa butler. “Hmm, confidence, right?” Grandpa Butler was the second most dearest person in our house after my parents. Maybe he’s been watching me longer than my parents. Whenever my parents were busy, he was always by my side to protect me. Grandpa, who welcomed me with a smile when I came, shook his head at my sudden question out of the blue. But without thinking deeply as a deacon, he immediately began to say what he wanted. “First of all, I get up at a set time every day and lead a regular life doing set things, setting small goals and practicing them at times…” The elderly grandpa butler used his accumulated knowledge over the years to show off his know-how without a break. But there were a lot, too many. Originally, when he started to speak, grandpa, who never stopped in verse 1, 2 and 3 kept talking, and so my face became more troubled. At this rate, I couldn’t ask anyone else and the day was about to end, so I tried to ask him to summarize it in five lines. If I didn’t hear the last story. “…and I look in the mirror every morning.” “Mirror?” I raised my head. “Yes, I look in the mirror and think about it before starting the day’s schedule. ‘I could do well today’, ‘I’m a competent butler’ and things like that.” “Does it work?” “Of course. When I was young, I didn’t have any confidence, so I started this job with the feeling of holding on to a rope.” I was a little surprised by grandpa butler’s unexpected past. Because he was one of the most capable of all Duke Averine’s butlers. I never imagined that there had been such a time for him, who was confident and thorough in anything. Grandpa says he wasn’t that great of a man at the time. He wasn’t exceptionally well-educated, and he wasn’t particularly well-off. So, the method he came up with was to look in the mirror and repeat telling himself he could do better. “At first, it was hard to look in the mirror. Because my reflection in the mirror looked ugly. But as I continued to look at myself, I got used to it, and I felt like I was changing as I repeated it every day.” He looked into the distance as if reminiscing on the past, and then smiled blankly as if he was embarrassed. “Well, even if I don’t want to do it now, it has become a habit.” “I see. Thank you.” I said that from the bottom of my heart. On such a day, the grandpa smiled kindly and replied. “I’m glad I was helpful to you.” Other than that, I was thinking of asking for advice from several people. Actually, there are a lot of people who are very talkative, but I was just going to ask the maids in my bedroom and the people around me. It’s not a good idea to spread the word about ‘confidence‘, and I just need to be able to pick out a few ways and I don’t mind listening to advice from many people. “Confidence?” And as I expected, they answered kindly. “Ugh, I don’t know about that…” “Why, you know what I do all the time. Embroidery!” “Oh, that’s right! Embroidery makes me feel at ease.” “In my case…” No, beyond kindness, somehow it was a little too enthusiastic. It was said that the maids resemble their masters. The maids, who don’t usually talk a lot like me, were chatting excitedly, spitting saliva as if my question was just the beginning. Maybe it’s because they look so happy. The other servants passing by showed interest in us blooming in one corner and began to engage in conversation with one or two more people joining. “What’s going on?” “Listen, miss…” “Miss, you should have called me for that!” When I came to my senses, I realized that there was a crowd around me. ‘Hey, what’s this?’ Of course, the servants of the Duke of Avarine are known for their kindness, but… But I don’t think it was this wide? Even the guards who now work in the annex were rushing in, so I was embarrassed and talked to myself. “Why are there so many…” And at last, a maid next to me heard my embarrassing voice and showed a rather surprised look. “Oh, miss, Haven’t you heard?” “What?” She exclaimed brightly. “I’ve heard rumors that you’ve been depressed lately because you’ve lost confidence!” What?! Rumors go faster than wind and farther than light. In the peaceful Duke’s residence, the rumors snowballed in an instant. ‘What? They thought I’m depressed because I lack confidence?’ At first, it was obviously simple news. ‘I’m only asking how to boost someone’s confidence?’ So I asked people. ‘Why?’ I didn’t say why, so they must have found a reason for my actions in their own way. -‘Maybe the young miss lost her confidence?’ -‘What? She’s losing her confidence?’ -‘No wonder you don’t seem so energetic these days.’ -‘Right now, the young lady has lost her confidence and she’s depressed, so she’s holding on to the maids and complaining!’ So the rumors went in an absurd direction, and as a result, so many people have now gathered. I thought, looking at the crowd of people in a bewilderment. ‘They must have been really bored.’ Yes, nothing happened for a while except for the incident where I was injured outside. Even so, I didn’t expect all of them to gather around with just one rumor. Did they worry that I was depressed, or did they come to relieve their boredom while I was depressed? One thing was certain, though, that there was no malice in the actions of these people. “Miss! Cheer up!” “I don’t know what kind of bald-headed bastard did it, but ignore him!” “What should I do, my lady. Every day was a flower garden for you, but somehow…” ‘What, a flower garden?’ No, what kind of image do I have in their minds? I glared at them with an absurd look, but they had already fallen into their own world. They gathered around me and offered words of comfort one word at a time, but suddenly they were opening a discussion on the topic of, ‘How could the young lady regain her confidence?’. “Miss, I feel better by looking at pretty things!” “No, it’s not about relaxing your mood, it’s about how to regain your confidence, right?” ‘I don’t need to go back to that…’ “I stay away from people who demean me when that happens. It’s also a good way to end a relationship!” “So you broke up with me?” “Hey!” “That’s right, miss! It’s good to date someone who only cares about your strengths. Like me, for example?” “Miss, don’t you know how young she was?” All sorts of words ran through my ears. I had no choice but to hear information that I didn’t want to know because everyone knew each other when they crossed a bridge in a narrow mansion. But among them, good advice like pearls in the soil was found one by one. “Miss, I try to accept compliments as they are. Before, I used to deny that because I was shy, but after accepting them and giving thanks, I gradually gained confidence in myself.” “Miss, I’m trying to find a lot of things I like! Of course, it’s helpful to do activities that I like, but I’m very proud to find things that I’m good at!” “Oh, miss… I… write down what I like. I’m really, really negative. So I couldn’t use any of my strengths… But as I forced myself to write one a day, the list got bigger and bigger… I’m much better now than before…” The methods from each experience were vivid and tempting, so I listened to them one by one and tried to remember them all. “Miss, confidence comes from the muscles!” “What does he mean? Miss, do you know how refreshing it was to go around the training ground every morning?” “Miss, confidence was the heart of a meal!” …Of course, there were a lot of things to filter out. People were talking non-stop, and in the midst of their raving, I remembered some decent information, and now I was about to order the dissolution. If it wasn’t for the sound I heard near me.