I Became the Maid of the Lout Prince

“Have you planned what to buy, Lili?”

As soon as we entered the market, Ethan veered off slightly, bought a snack that looked like a baked potato with cheese on top and watermelon juice in season, shared them with me, and asked about today’s schedule.

“Well, I haven’t made an extremely detailed plan. I have some general ideas, though.”

“How general are these ideas?”

“First, I’m planning to secure ingredients that can be preserved for as long as possible. If fresh meat is cheap, I’ll get a lot and smoke it with Sally’s help. If there’s not much difference in price, I’ll buy processed meat like sausages. For carbohydrates, I’m thinking of buying biscuits or dried bread and supplementing moisture from other ingredients. We could make sandwiches with juicy fruits like tomatoes between bread slices, or we could soak them in stew until they’re mushy. For vegetables, as I just mentioned, I’m prioritizing tomatoes, but it’s not set in stone yet. If there’s nothing suitable for cooking, we could buy a few limes and eat them as dessert instead of using them in cooking.” [Only on DarkStar Translations! / Axiomatic]

“…Isn’t that already quite well thought out?”

“I didn’t come with a definite list of what to buy. So, comparing this and that might take a bit more time. Besides, we need to buy camping gear as well, not just food ingredients.”

We could use the tents and utensils loaded in the Blackwood carriage, but we needed to restock items closer to disposables. Especially since we’re going to the Witch’s Forest, bug-repellent perfume is a must.

We need to be careful when buying food ingredients, too. If we load easily perishable meat or bread on such a summer day, it could spread bacteria to other foods and spoil everything. We could use Clean once to cut out the spoiled parts, but we’d have to throw away that much of the spoiled portion, anyway. Also, cooking with once-spoiled ingredients feels unpleasant to begin with.

“If you’re going to make stew, how about a fondue? Cheese is a fermented food, so it doesn’t spoil easily, right?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea! Parmesan or Gouda cheese doesn’t spoil easily! And with cheese dishes, we can use less meat but still supplement protein…”

Thump.

“……”

While I was in the middle of discussing with Ethan what to choose for meals on our journey, my attention was drawn to the sensation of someone bumping into my side as they passed by.

“Ah, sorry.”

Someone with a rugged appearance wearing a hat pulled low over their face apologized in a hoarse voice, and before receiving a response, burrowed into the crowd.

Feeling something ominous, I checked for the cloth pouch I had put in my right pocket, and as I expected, the guy had taken the pouch from my pocket without even checking its contents.

“Lili, did that person just now…”

“…Yes, it seems to be a pickpocket.”

“Shouldn’t we chase after them quickly? With so many people, they’ll probably disappear soon if we leave them…” [Only on DarkStar Translations! / Axiomatic]

“It’s okay. We’ll know where they are soon, anyway.”

“…Huh?”

It would have been stupid not to prepare for pickpockets in a medieval fantasy world market like this.

Of course, the gold coins I brought for shopping were kept in a place where they absolutely couldn’t be stolen, so that wasn’t a problem.

…Instead, I had put something special in the pocket that the pickpocket stole, rather than gold coins.

“AAAAARGH!!”

“It seems they ran into that alley over there.”

“…Yes, it seems so.”

I hurriedly moved towards the direction where I heard the scream in that hoarse voice from earlier.

That’s what you get for coveting other people’s belongings.

As I moved towards where the scream had come from, there was the pickpocket collapsed on the ground, clutching their face, covered in the red liquid I had made myself.

“ARGH! My eyes! AAAAARGH!!”

It was a special booby trap designed to release wind magic created by Sei the moment the opening was touched. Of course, if it was just wind magic, it would only cool their face once, so I added a small trap that sprayed chili oil from the opening.

The pickpocket seemed to like my booby trap so much that they kept shedding tears of gratitude while covering their face with both hands.

“Did you like the gift, Mr. Pickpocket?”

“AAAAARGH! Fuck! What the hell did you put in there?!!”

“Chili oil made by extracting oil from chili peppers in olive oil for about 10 minutes. I was saving it to use in pasta, but thanks to you, I can’t use it anymore.”

“AAAAARGH!! FUUUUUCK!!”

“I’ll take the pouch back. Actually, there are only copper coins in it, but honestly, even that’s too good for you.”

After retrieving the cloth pouch whose booby trap had been activated, I offered some small words of wisdom to the pickpocket rolling on the ground.

“You, you damn bitch…”

“I understand you’re angry, but shouldn’t you make a cool-headed judgment here? Can you afford to be this relaxed? If you don’t get treatment at a church within 30 minutes, those two eyes of yours probably won’t be usable for the remaining 30 years or so of your life, you know?”

“F-Fuck…! You damn bitch! I’ll remember your face…!”

“So, what are you going to do after remembering my face? You won’t be able to see that face you’re trying so hard to remember if you don’t go to the church right now.”

“What, what…” [Only on DarkStar Translations! / Axiomatic]

“Ah, I should have asked first if you have money for treatment. If you’re not going to the church anyway, how about remembering my voice from now on? Your ears are still fine, so you should be able to remember properly. Later on, if you think of me, you can grab someone’s shoulder and ask like this: ‘Ah, somehow the voice sounds similar to that woman who blinded me, could you be that fucking bitch I met back then?’ If I’m in a good mood then, I might nod. Well, whether I nod or not, you won’t be able to see, anyway.”

“……”

The pickpocket’s expression became dumbfounded as if they hadn’t expected me to speak up first. They even lowered their hands that were clutching their face, showing an incredulous expression.

They probably imagined that I was a sheltered noble lady out for a market excursion based on my noble attire, and never expected that the stolen purse was a trap and that I would come back to curse at them.

Of course, there was nothing that blind bastard could do anyway. They’re just a pickpocket during the day, but at night, they’d probably engage in thievery or robbery.

Even now, just looking at how they immediately reached for their inner pocket after being insulted, I could roughly gauge their character.

“I told you to go to the church quickly, didn’t I? Though I’m not sure if you can find your way properly with those eyes.”

“Y-You, you fucking bitch…”

“I’m telling you, you shouldn’t keep hesitating. Do you want to live your whole life as a blind person? Ah, no. Not just blind, um…”

Was there a blind character in Western fairy tales or history? …Helen Keller is too much of a future figure.

The Happy Prince? Lady Justice? I can’t think of anything suitable.

As I was pondering what to add, unable to think of what to say, the pickpocket, unable to bear it any longer, lunged at me with a blade they pulled from their breast pocket.

“You fucking bitch! Die, you damn bitch!!”

The pickpocket, showing their true colors as expected, charged at me with the blade. Thanks to this predictable behavior, I could once again realize that what I had done wasn’t wrong.

If they had admitted their mistake and asked for forgiveness when first discovered, I was planning to wash their face with Clean and even heal them with the power of the Saint. After all, blinding someone for just one act of pickpocketing is too harsh, right?

But when they showed no signs of remorse till the end and instead thrust a blade at me like this, I really couldn’t find it in me to forgive them.

At this point, maybe this person disappearing from society would be the result of a true Clean.

Whoosh! Whoosh!

“Fuck! Where are you, you damn bitch?!!”

For me, who could parry about half of Ethan’s sword strikes even with his eyes open during our usual sparring, the dagger wildly swung by this blind idiot posed no threat at all.

Rather, seeing them charge recklessly despite all the warnings made me wonder if I had underestimated them too much. [Only on DarkStar Translations! / Axiomatic]

Since it seemed like I wouldn’t see them again after today anyway, I just dodged the knife while tripping them with my foot.

Thud!

“AAAAAAARGH!!”

There was an idiot in front of me, face-down on the ground, flailing around with the blade that had lost its target.

As if they had completely lost their mind, they were just wildly swinging the blade they held against the ground.

As I was thinking that if left alone, they might end up slicing some innocent person’s ankle, Ethan delivered the finishing blow to the guy.

“…Who do you dare to swing a sword at?”

Slash!

“AAAAAAARGH!!”

The thief’s blade flew into the air, along with the fist of the guy who had been gripping it tightly.

Leaving the guy who had become truly blind and now truly crippled in the alley, we stepped outside where the Imperial capital’s guards, who had just arrived, greeted Ethan and me in front of the alley.

“Stop! We received a report of screams from the alley and came… oh my.”

The guard’s expression grimaced, apparently not finding the sight of the man face-down on the ground, flailing his right arm with only a wrist left, very pleasant to look at.

“If you don’t explain what happened properly…”

“I am Ethan Richard Blackwood of the Blackwood Ducal family. I’m currently staying at the annex for certain reasons.”

“…Did you say the Blackwood D-Ducal family?”

“And over there is my fiancée, Miss Lilith Blackwood Rosewood. You might have heard of her once or twice.” [Only on DarkStar Translations! / Axiomatic]

“If it’s Miss Lilith, the one who’s acquainted with the Third Princess…”

“Just as we heard, her beauty and breasts are…”

“Just moments ago, that person stole Lilith’s money and ran away, and if that wasn’t enough, he even charged at her with a knife when she came to retrieve it. The knife in that severed wrist over there should be sufficient evidence, or is further investigation needed?”

“Ah, no! We’re sorry for holding you up on your busy day!”

“Very well, carry on then.”

Even the same words carried undeniable credibility when spoken by a son of a ducal family. Maybe they just didn’t dare to question further, not wanting to go against the Blackwood Ducal family.

Passing through the guards who had parted like the Red Sea, Ethan and I re-entered the shopping district and began preparing the necessary items for camping… not a proper date.

“……”

Neither of us noticed that someone’s gaze had been following Ethan and me from the moment we left the alley.

T/N

Hello! Axiomatic here.

Man… Every time we get a date plot it barely even becomes a proper date…

Thanks for reading, see you in the next one!