I Became the Husband of a Sword Demon

I felt his attitude towards me had become somewhat peculiar lately, Andyminion. I couldn’t quite define what was different, but he seemed to have something on his mind that he hesitated to bring up. This had been noticeable over the past few days.

Yes, since that day when we ran through Dragoon City together, after I wore a skirt… It didn’t matter much during the day. He would bring me documents neatly arranged for easy viewing while doing paperwork. At meal times, we would talk casually face-to-face.

More importantly, during our practice duels in the training ground just before dusk, we would push ourselves to a suitable level of fatigue, adjusting our strength and exerting full effort. Our breathing matched well, and our rhythm was in sync.

But thinking that there wasn’t any hesitation between us when facing each other is perhaps just my own delusion.

When night came and it became inevitable, Andyminion’s attitude towards me changed completely compared to the day. He didn’t become cold and distant or harsh towards me, though. It was more like he couldn’t maintain eye contact with me as he did during the day. Whenever we talked, he would turn his back, avoiding my gaze.

It happened yesterday too. I tried mustering the courage to ask him to spend time together after our practice duel, but all I received was a polite refusal. I wasn’t hurt or upset by the rejection.

When practicing with a sword, there are times when you need to work in tandem with someone and other times when you must understand things on your own. Even when he refused my request, he answered me kindly, showing concern.

But simply… recently, whenever I try to speak to him at night, he turns his back and doesn’t look me in the eyes, which makes me feel frustrated.

Yet, this frustration gradually fades away, replaced by suspicion and a growing sense of guilt.

Could it be that I’ve done something wrong to him?

Even while sorting through mountains of documents that piled up right after the festival, this thought wouldn’t leave my mind. But no matter how many times I pondered, I couldn’t find an answer.

The reason was simple.

“…There are many things I’ve done wrong.”

There were so many things I had done wrong that I couldn’t pinpoint one specific thing to explain. It wasn’t because he hadn’t mentioned them; it was because I had done many things wrong to him.

Even though we had picked up swords for the greater good, the fact that we had faced each other with our lives on the line was awkward to mention.

During the period when my prejudice against him made me dislike him, I even used harsh words to him face-to-face.

And just as my prejudice began to fade and my feelings for him started to grow, my selfishness took over and led me to bind him to this strange marriage.

Though everything was resolved by his forgiveness and his gratitude for saving my life, the many actions I’ve taken with him since we met cannot be easily overlooked with just one apology.

Perhaps that’s why his behavior every night seems to hold a certain meaning for me.

While we put on a show as a couple in front of others during the day, at night, when no one is watching and it’s just the two of us, I wonder if he dislikes pretending to be a couple.

Even though I subconsciously seek out his embrace when it’s time to sleep and he patiently accepts me, it still feels like something is amiss.

This conclusion only adds to my melancholy, suggesting his kind nature prevents him from pushing me away.

Recently, I’ve come to fear the nights.

Even though I’ve grown confident that our relationship will improve over time, seeing his back turned and avoiding eye contact frightens me.

Though his voice remains kind, not knowing what he thinks as he turns his back to me is terrifying.

I want to ask him immediately if he’s avoiding me because of something I’ve done. If there’s something wrong, I want him to tell me what it is so I can apologize and make amends.

Please, don’t avoid my gaze.

But I hesitate to say these things, fearing that even this fragile relationship might break if he doesn’t respond as I hope.

“…Sigh.”

Even with urgent paperwork in front of me, I let out a deep sigh, feeling lost.

“…Idiot.”

I muttered self-reproachfully, forcing myself to focus on work I shouldn’t neglect.

Even though the documents were usually manageable, today they felt unusually challenging.

“…My usual speed is slower today. Are you feeling unwell?”

With Andyminion’s kind voice reassuring me, I felt a bitter smile forming, trying to suppress it.

Despite the complexity of my thoughts, his voice gave me great strength.

So, I felt compelled to reach a conclusion.

Should I apologize tonight, regardless of whether I know what I did wrong?

Arguments in my head about whether to apologize or not clashed, yet the thought of not hearing his familiar, kind voice again filled me with dread.

“…Well.”

Trying to hide my feelings, I displayed nonchalance and increased my work pace, adding a thank you for his concern, but his expressionless demeanor after I finished speaking prevented any further interaction.

His worry for me was touching, but I couldn’t even properly express my gratitude, and I struggled to suppress my self-deprecating thoughts.

Tonight, I only wished he wouldn’t refuse to meet my gaze.

The sound of the pen scratching on paper was faintly audible, but today, the signature looked unusually messy.

Usually, I wouldn’t make such mistakes, indicating how my mind was in disarray.

No matter how skillfully I hid my feelings, the cumulative changes in my behavior couldn’t go unnoticed by anyone sharp enough.

For a few days now, whenever I avoided eye contact with her, I noticed subtle changes in her attitude.

If those changes had expressed anger or demanded why I didn’t look at her, it wouldn’t weigh on my heart so heavily.

“Andy, um… Tonight…”

“I’m sorry, I need to train. I’m sorry I can’t spend the evening with you.”

“Mmm… No, it’s fine. You spent your time with me during the day, so go ahead and enjoy yours.”

Instead of expressing anger for not spending time with me at night, she showed regret for my refusal, her voice subdued, making me feel increasingly burdened.

To think that someone who had no fault was denied time with me for an extremely one-sided reason, and instead of being angry, she showed remorse. It made me feel guilty, almost as if I had regained my conscience.

It’s funny, isn’t it? When I lived on back alleys, I learned how to refuse first.

Even though I had valid reasons for refusing, it felt paradoxical, causing a bitter laugh.

That’s why, even when using training as an excuse to leave the room and head to the training ground, I sighed lightly, revealing my frustration.

The only comfort was that this training ground was out of sight from Arslin’s bedroom window.

Being so disappointed in myself, it was a pitiful sight.

“…Even after living for quite some time, I haven’t seen a man as pathetic as you.”

Lately, even Paleord, who spoke to me through my mind, found my behavior pathetic.

Though his tone was unpleasant, I wanted to refute him.

“Indeed, it seems so.”

Without expecting to argue, I silently agreed with his statement.

“Let me ask one thing.”

“Go ahead.”

“Does that girl mean anything to you?”

Paleord asked unexpectedly.

From his wording, it was clear he wasn’t referring to someone so obscure.

“Based on my behavior towards Arslin, I think you might have a clue.”

Answering Paleord’s question, I admitted honestly.

“But it’s better to hear directly from the person involved.”

Arslin’s direct answer made Paleord chuckle.

Even though his laughter lacked his usual playful spirit, it was clear he wasn’t mocking me.

Surprised by the praise, I felt uneasy.

“…But unlike you, there was another situation where someone ended up in a similar mess and failed because of indecision. Let me tell you about it. It might help you.”

Paleord started narrating without giving me time to process.

“There was a man, much more emotionally reserved than you, who people suspected had no feelings. Some even wondered if he had blood flowing in his veins.”

“Remarkable. Even though it’s hard to imagine now, I used to hear such comments occasionally.”

“If he could change, then so can you. There was a time when this man changed dramatically.”

Paleord’s voice grew more intense.

He spoke calmly, as if recounting a story he knew well, but there was a vividness in his voice, as if he had witnessed it firsthand.

“It was a strategic marriage. His family wanted to benefit from his abilities by marrying him off to a girl who wasn’t favored at home.”

“A common occurrence.”

I commented, reflecting on my own situation.

“Though it was a relationship based on mutual interests, the man gradually changed after meeting the woman he was supposed to marry. Though he never admitted it.”

Paleord continued his narrative without pause.

“Did you know when he realized the woman he married strategically was the most precious person to him?”

Suddenly, a question was posed.

“Isn’t it often that people realize their feelings only after the woman has left or died?”

My response reflected my thoughts after listening to Paleord’s story.

“That’s close, but not quite right. There is a difference.”

Paleord corrected me, and the answer he provided hit me hard.

“…”

I stood there speechless, stunned by the harsh truth.

The answer was so cruel that my initial guess seemed preferable.

“The man only realized how precious the woman was to him after she died. It was cruel. Not just dying, but she died in childbirth due to complications.”

Hearing such words, I couldn’t muster the courage to interject.

“What a sad and tragic story.”

There was nothing else to say.

“You should have treated her better when you had the chance.”

Paleord’s voice carried a bitter tone.

“You’re the same. You keep your feelings hidden, worrying they’ll be exposed, and end up regretting it later.”

Paleord urged me, as if he knew my secrets.

“Tired from talking. Get stronger. Then I can talk more.”

With that, he fell silent once more.

“Wheee—!”

As the seasonal wind brushed past, I decided to return to my room.

After struggling with unresolved feelings, I decided to confront the outcome head-on, regardless of the result.

Entering the bedroom, I felt Arslin’s presence, her image reddening my face, but the biting cold wind cooled my heated cheeks.

Before I could fully prepare myself, a cool breeze gave me time to think calmly.

With determination, I stepped forward, hoping that whatever I said, Arslin would respond positively.

“…I thought you disliked me…”

“…”

“…If that’s not the case, I can understand anything…”

Recently, my hopes had always been met with the opposite outcome, but today, it seemed like my wish might come true.

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