Chapter 42
In fact, everything depends on your mindset.
I don’t know who said it, but it’s a valid point.
Nothing happening outside can change anything.
Even if some chaotic things happen outside or something bad occurs, if your inner self is stable…
Then it’s all good.
Even people who seem unhappy on the surface can actually be living happily.
There’s no guarantee that someone eating delicious food in a nice home is happier than someone in a slum.
Even if I’m stuck in a place that’s somewhat like a prison right now.
I’m happy, you see!
“You’re back again.”
It’s a nameless male researcher.
I think he’s in his thirties.
He comes occasionally, strikes up a conversation, and leaves.
Even if I don’t respond, he still talks to me.
“Here, snacks. I sneakily brought these again.”
It’s milk and bread.
I gratefully munch on it when he hands it over.
“You’re the only one here who listens to me.”
The bread is delicious.
The red bean filling inside tastes amazing.
Usually, if someone gives you food, they’re a good person.
Or are they?
My thoughts feel like they’re flowing in a very one-dimensional way.
I guess my intelligence has dropped now.
Wasn’t I a bit smarter back then?
Anyway, the bread was tasty, and the researcher’s lamentation was quickly over.
“Do you want me to trim your bangs like last time?”
Yeah, my bangs are a bit long.
I used to have a bob cut.
“Here, we’re not allowed to bring scissors without permission, so… I’ll try to bring some next time.”
This hairstyle isn’t too bad.
Honestly, I don’t care all that much.
“Oh, give me the trash.”
He collects the empty milk carton and the plastic bag that held the bread.
Since he sneaks them in, it wouldn’t be good if any trash were left behind.
This researcher seems a bit lacking in some way.
There’s definitely surveillance equipment in this room.
Everyone can see everything from everywhere.
That’s how it is.
So, nothing can be done.
Whether there’s a listening device in the researcher’s collar or a camera filming me, who knows.
The fact that he treats me this nicely might even be an act.
Everyone here is strange.
Well, the snacks were tasty, so it’s fine.
[384 hours 7 minutes]
There’s plenty of time.
I’ll probably have to stay locked up here for a while longer.
I instinctively feel that my drop in intelligence is due to that.
“I’ll leave for today. I have to work tomorrow… I should be able to come back the day after tomorrow.”
Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter.
He opens the door and leaves.
I’m left alone in the white prison.
[384 hours]
7 minutes have passed.
[383 hours]
An hour passes.
It’s all white walls.
The closed door.
[382 hours]
Another hour.
Woosh.
The sound of the generator turning off.
After a bit longer, the lights go out.
Time to sleep.
I close my eyes.
I open them.
[371 hours 23 minutes]
10 hours disappeared.
I slept a lot.
“Come out.”
Someone is here.
I follow them out.
[522 hours 27 minutes]
Wow, time has stretched.
I wonder what happened this time.
I’m back in the room lying down, feeling odd.
Odd is fine.
A pleasant sensation is felt.
What was it again?
Some weird machine was used for a pressure test.
It didn’t seem like a machine made for humans.
The others there were either animals or monsters.
I have an inkling about it.
I might be the only person trapped in this prison.
It’s like a zoo filled with monsters.
I think the researcher mentioned it before.
“Oh no.”
It’s the researcher who brings me snacks.
“Are you okay?”
Oh, I’m very okay.
Actually, I’m happy.
“Hehe…”
I smile.
I heard that it’s good to at least put on a smiling expression from time to time.
The researcher helps lift me up and lays me down on the bed.
The floor isn’t bad, but the bed is definitely more comfortable.
“I guess… you can’t eat snacks.”
I can eat snacks.
Can’t I?
My body doesn’t move well.
I used a recovery medicine, which helped a bit, but maybe not enough.
I mean, I haven’t been able to move since being thrown in the room.
The floor felt warm and okay since I wasn’t moving.
“I’m sorry. I’m weak, too. I at least want to get in here on the pretense of cleaning.”
Actually, I’m not even sure if he’s a researcher.
Maybe he’s just a janitor, but that doesn’t seem right.
He’s probably just a low-level staff member.
I thought everyone working here was a researcher.
Let’s just call this kind person Researcher A.
If another nice person shows up, I’ll call them B.
“… I don’t understand this place. I just don’t understand…”
He looks tormented.
He holds the bread he intended to give me in his hand.
“I’ll give you the snack later. Next time.”
[522 hours 20 minutes]
Time keeps flowing.
In the blink of an eye.
[504 hours 14 minutes]
Before I know it, Researcher A has disappeared.
He seemed to say something to me, but I didn’t catch it.
I was spaced out.
But now my body is starting to move again.
Or it was probably moving all along.
I just became aware of it now.
Honestly, it’s really amazing.
This existence still being alive is amazing.
Anyway, I’m glad I’m feeling good.
I feel good.
Always good.
My brain feels like it’s melting.
Or maybe it’s rotting away.
Anyway, I’m just glad my body can move.
I get down from the bed.
Thud.
I’m down.
Can I say I fell?
I can’t put strength into my legs.
I used the recovery medicine.
It’s odd that I’m still not healing.
Something feels off here.
Ah.
I don’t know.
Every day flows the same.
No growth or potential, nothing at all.
Survival is like this.
Dragging yourself along somehow while staying alive.
But even this isn’t so bad.
In fact, it’s quite nice.
I can’t care less.
If my legs don’t move, I can just use more medicine.
Then I’ll recover.
As long as I’m still alive, I’m healing.
Wasn’t it made from dragon’s blood or something?
It’s a new drug in development.
So, some medicines might have lesser effects.
Still, I feel good.
If I eat food, I’ll feel better.
There’s a button on the wall.
If I press it, food drops to the floor.
Mostly it’s something like chocolate bars.
That’s how it is.
It’s like one of those things that automatically dispenses food for dogs or cats.
You just have to keep pressing the button to get it out.
Thunk.
An unpackaged energy bar drops down.
I crawl with my arms to pick it up and eat what fell.
How pathetic.
But there’s a peculiar taste to it.
The taste of animal food?
No, it’s the taste of pleasure.
[505 hours 54 minutes]
As I eat, time stretches.
There’s probably some medicine mixed in here, too.
On the surface, it just looks like a snack.
But there’s something pleasant inside.
If I keep pressing the button, nothing comes out.
I have to wait a bit.
That’s true.
If it kept coming just because you pressed the button, I’d overeat.
Whatever’s on the floor, I’ll manage to eat.
The button is low on the wall, so I can reach it with my hands.
But standing up is hard.
Someone must be watching.
Right?
They must’ve installed some kind of surveillance camera.
That’s why they’re watching me.
So please, help me out here.
[505 hours]
I see the floor in front of me.
I can see slightly settled dust.
[500 hours]
5 hours have disappeared.
The view hasn’t changed.
It’s still all white floor.
Why aren’t they coming to help?
I think back to when I got bitten by the werewolf last time.
There was no one willing to save me then either.
Honestly, I don’t mind if they don’t help.
I’m just bored, doing this.
Staring at the same things feels strange.
Am I worthless?
Am I not worth watching?
It feels like I’m treated like a disposable item.
Useful if present, and oh well if not.
But it would be nice if they keep providing the medicine.
[499 hours 59 minutes]
Clank.
The door opens.
Researcher?
“Come out.”
Another experiment.
But, well, feeling better when taking the medicine is nice too.
The issue is I can’t move my body.
Only my limbs twitch a bit.
“Are you unable to move?”
If it were Researcher A, he’d offer me a snack.
“Come out.”
I should leave.
But no, that’s impossible.
Only commands that are possible can be followed from the start.
This is hopeless.
“I must have injected you with the medicine.”
What are you mumbling about?
Are researchers good at talking to themselves?
“Well, I’ve used it for a long time.”
I’ve been locked up here for quite a while.
Does that mean I can go outside now?
But I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.
More importantly, why am I here?
I’ve asked that question hundreds of times and still have no answer.
My memories are getting messier, and my intelligence is decreasing.
At least I’m happy, so that’s good.
The researcher takes out his phone and calls somewhere.
“Yes, yes…”
What’s the conversation about?
I can’t hear well.
“Oh, it won’t move even on command.”
Just drag me out.
Why do I need to walk?
Because I’m told to just stay still anyway.
Is it really that big of a deal that I can’t stand?
“Can I just dispose of it?”
Eh?
Did I hear the word disposal?
That sounds scary.
“But you’ve been alive this long…”
What does he mean when he talks about disposal?
Why is he saying that while looking at me?
“Even if you ask why I’m still alive… Yes, understood. Thank you.”
The researcher hangs up the phone.
He ruffles his hair in annoyance.
“What am I supposed to do about it?”
Yeah, what am I supposed to do?
“Should I just throw it in the incineration facility?”
Incineration facility?
He’s saying to burn me alive!
I don’t want to die after coming all this way.
I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to die!
“The manual says it’s okay to just kill and throw it in.”
What kind of manual says that?
“It feels weird to do it myself.”
He grumbles.
“Why do you look human…”
I am human!
I don’t just look like one!
Well, I do look like one, but still.
I am human!
“Let’s just get it done.”
He drags me out of the room.
It’s a white corridor.
Last time I was dragged along, I left bloodstains behind.
This time, the corridor is clean.
Someone must have cleaned it.
I can see someone has wiped down the floor.
It’s probably Researcher A.
[499 hours 58 minutes]
My body doesn’t move at all.
It seems to have gotten stranger after eating the food.
Maybe there was an ingredient that didn’t mix well.
Or maybe the last experiment was the problem.
“What are you doing?”
It’s Researcher A’s voice.
“Um, they said to dispose of this? It won’t move.”
He removes the hand gripping my nape.
“Dispose?”
“Great. You do it. Just kill it and toss it into the incineration!”
“What are you saying…”
“You’ve handled the disposal of other monsters too, you know. Just take it and do it. They said it’s strange for it to still be alive.”
“It” must be pointing at me.
Researcher A looks at me.
He seems to have snacks in his pocket.
He probably brought them for me.
Thanks, but I can’t eat them.
“Um. Understood.”
“Right. Thanks.”
He leaves in a hurry.
Glad to pass off the burdensome task.
Once Researcher disappears from view, the hallway grows quiet.
All I can hear is my breathing.
There are no words.
After a moment of clarity, A mutters.
“Dispose?”
With a trembling voice, the silence breaks.
I want to say something too.
But my mouth isn’t cooperating.
“Incineration?”
I see a snack bag sticking out from Researcher A’s pocket.