NOVEL NEXT Chapter 39
“It’s delicious.”
I was eating ice cream on a hot summer day.
Sweet.
I held the melting ice cream stick between my fingers and took a yum.
The weather was hot.
I remember Seo-A wearing a white sleeveless shirt.
Cold. Delicious.
Was I already using medicine by this time?
Summer, just before Han Si-Hoo enrolled in the Academy.
At that time, I didn’t have to wrap my wounds or anything.
I didn’t pull down my sleeves either.
Because it was summer.
Why would I do that when it’s so hot?
So, I went to get ice cream.
It had been a while, with the leftover money.
“Heh.”
I smile.
Is it because of the medicine?
Or because the ice cream is delicious?
Memories should be beautiful.
I don’t want to think about the medicine.
I finished it all.
“Let’s buy some next time.”
A small store on the outskirts of the city.
Occasional customers are, in a way, all pitiful people.
There were rumors like that.
Living outside the city itself was proof of unhappiness.
But I wasn’t unhappy.
We were on good terms.
“Together.”
Being together makes everything good.
Crack.
The ice cream crumbles in my mouth.
Cold.
I walk down the street.
Walking reminds me of the past.
I’m on my way to meet Lee Yoo-Ram’s younger sister.
I bought an ice cream at the convenience store.
Whatever I do, old memories just come up.
So many memories.
It doesn’t taste good.
It’s the same ice cream but doesn’t feel flavorful.
Same flavor.
What’s wrong?
The reason is clear.
My family is dead.
Crack.
I see the concrete curb of the road.
It’s night time.
The streetlights don’t shine.
But the moonlight is bright, so it’s okay.
“This is how you do it.”
If you fall to the ground, you’re out.
You can only step on the curb.
Jump over spots where it’s broken.
“If you reach there, you win.”
I stretch my arms out to balance myself.
Even if I feel like I’m going to fall, I don’t.
No cars pass by.
The roads leading outside the city aren’t used much.
You can see the traces left by monsters.
There’s no budget for repairs.
“You just need to reach the rock here. Got it?”
Seo-A, who has already reached the destination, waves from afar.
It’s Han Si-Hoo’s turn.
This is an even older memory.
A memory where I didn’t need to worry about medicine.
Right?
How much further back should I go?
Every time I remember Seo-A smiling in the past, I wonder if I really enjoyed my time with Han Si-Hoo.
“Oh. Look at that.”
I look up at the sky.
“The clouds are all gone. So many stars.”
Is that so?
I look up.
There are many clouds.
Still a city.
Cars fill the streets.
The game of not stepping on the ground.
Honestly, it’s not that fun of a game.
I just liked doing it with a friend.
Seo-A covers the moonlight with her hand.
To see the faint starlight better.
“Oh, you can see it better from this angle.”
Thud.
And Seo-A falls silent.
She should have blocked it.
If she had, it would have been fine.
How?
At the Academy, I could earn money.
If so, Seo-A could have lived in a better place.
Seo-A told me not to come.
She said don’t come home, so I waited for hours before I went back.
She said it was disgusting; I just got a little hurt.
If I hadn’t returned to the Academy then, would it have been okay?
Which part?
I was already addicted to the medicine, so how could it be okay?
Was it okay as long as I managed to earn enough for the medicine?
Where did it go wrong?
No matter what choice I made, it just seemed like bad outcomes.
Where, where should I have changed my choices?
The Academy seemed to treat me well.
There were some unsettling points, but still.
I believed it would be a safe fortress until a good solution was found.
I was just stuffing medicine into Seo-A and conducting tests.
The trauma tests that I was told not to do had also been forcefully completed, it’s disgusting.
But it’s one of the organizations protecting humanity, isn’t it?
A place that protects its citizens.
They just act as if anything done in the name of “for humanity” is justified.
Why is it that doctors enter just like that?
No one is really looking out for us.
Because they are too busy protecting themselves.
Forgetting that this is a decaying place is the real mistake.
Mistake.
I made a mistake.
I’m sorry.
So, I need to learn.
Learning requires reflection.
What went wrong and what is right.
Where and how do I need to fix things?
I just lacked strength.
Strength.
“Si-Hoo.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you doing?”
“Practicing swordsmanship.”
“Again today?”
What I hold in my hand is just a metal rod, but if I swing it well, it becomes a sword.
As I practice, I improve.
If I had a teacher to guide me, I would have learned faster, but I could still grow through self-study.
“Yeah.”
“Who are you going to hit?”
That sounds strange when I say it.
“I won’t hit anyone.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll only deal with bad people.”
I’ve known for a long time that I needed strength.
“I see.”
Seo-A knew that too.
That you need strength to survive.
“I might have to fight real monsters.”
I might have to handle dungeons or gates.
When the air raid siren goes off, I had no choice but to run away.
But I felt like there would come a time when I would have to fight.
“That’s scary.”
I swing the sword.
And I stab.
“But there might be a more peaceful way than fighting.”
I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to the monsters who don’t understand language.
I must protect when it’s time to protect.
Just protecting isn’t enough.
I need to eliminate the cause.
So, I swung and stabbed.
“Peace?”
“That’s what I think. When fighting, you might get hurt, too.”
“……”
“You saw back then, people getting hurt while fighting.”
When was that?
I saw people fighting each other.
I also saw battles against those who aren’t human.
“I’ll only fight when it’s necessary.”
There are times when fighting is justified.
Han Si-Hoo doesn’t get hurt.
Becoming a hero who doesn’t lose.
So, I cut with the sword.
The enemy, without hesitation.
For some reason, the sword covered in blood is not imaginary.
I didn’t cut through the air.
My heart races.
I hear a ringing in my ears.
-Am I the bad person?
I just tried to kill the doctor.
-Am I the monster?
Did I want to say that?
Everything blurs together.
From young Seo-A to the state of Han Si-Hoo getting struck by the sword.
I don’t want to say words I don’t want to say.
Should I listen to my childhood friend explaining that she never sold her body?
Choking or kicking.
Honestly, even an average villain wouldn’t do that to their family.
You can’t do that with a clear mind.
That shouldn’t happen.
That won’t happen.
I don’t want to keep hurting until the end.
Enduring with willpower.
Mental strength.
But it’s like telling someone to run after chopping off their legs.
Or telling them to think after cutting off their head.
Still, I didn’t want to hurt Seo-A.
Thud.
So, the doctor shot.
Nom.
Back to ice cream.
Seo-A is enjoying it.
“Should I eat one more…?”
The money I brought is tight.
But it’s a rare treat, so why not?
“Should we?”
“Yeah.”
I see an ice cream I haven’t seen before.
“It says it’s tuna ice cream!”
“Tuna? What’s that taste like?”
There are a lot of tuna cans at home because Seo-A likes them.
If you look for cheap food, there are many other options.
Canned food is also pricier than you’d think.
“Let’s try it!”
She smiles brightly.
Well, the tuna ice cream tasted like tuna.
Maybe because the flavor was so off, Seo-A spat it out.
Later, I found out it was released briefly as a punishment ice cream.
It wasn’t totally inedible as I ate it.
“…That was fun, right?”
Ahahaha.
Laughing.
I don’t know how she can always keep smiling like that.
The world is bleak.
It’s a mess.
There’s no way to find anything good in this world.
“Why do they freeze tuna?”
You got that right.
“I think I’ll be fine without it for a while.”
“Me too.”
On the way home, there’s only a rundown street left.
All the people have disappeared, leaving only dust.
Occasionally, stray animals wander around.
“Do you know the name of this flower?”
Seo-A points to a flower mixed with red and white.
“What is it?”
“Huh? I don’t know either.”
“It should be a carnation.”
“What? You knew that? No wonder it looked similar to the one made with origami.”
“Yeah, that’s right. Carnation.”
I saw it in a flower dictionary, a book Seo-A picked up.
I forget all that trivial stuff about flower meanings.
At least remembering the name is something.
“Did someone grow it and abandon it? It’s lonely.”
“They probably moved a long time ago.”
“That’s true.”
Moving.
I think about moving houses sooner or later.
Han Si-Hoo knows too.
Living in such a slum is dangerous.
But there’s nowhere else to live.
You can’t live under the City’s safe protection without money.
“Will we get to a nice house someday?”
“Yeah.”
“Actually, it’s good enough as it is right now.”
Seo-A doesn’t seem to have lingering feelings about home.
She often says this because Han Si-Hoo has brought up moving before.
“…If you like it, then I like it too.”
Han Si-Hoo spoke up.
Not the kind of shy words he usually doesn’t say.
Ahahaha…
She laughed.
Then we walked a little further.
“Si-Hoo.”
“Yeah?”
“Will we be able to stay together forever?”
Anxiety seeps through.
Even while laughing, the mood grows heavy.
“Of course.”
“I hope so.”
But there’s nothing to worry about.
I’ll never leave Seo-A alone.
So, nothing will happen.
There’s no way Seo-A will worry.
Absolutely.
That kind of thing won’t happen.
“…But someday, there might be a time when we’ll have to part or not meet for a while.”
Seo-A speaks.
Thinking realistically about the future, it could be true.
Whether we can stay together forever is questionable.
But still, I want to be together.
“Well, I guess we’ll meet again. So let’s cheer each other on no matter where we are.”
Seo-A says that and smiles.
“I wonder if that day will come.”
It’s hard to imagine it well.
“The world is wide. Someday.”
We’ll be able to unfold our dreams.
I said something similar.
The sun is slowly setting.
Clouds like giant cotton candy.
The color of the sky turns scarlet, mixed with pink.
I stop for a moment, lost in thought, looking at the sky.
Maybe everyone nearby was admiring the sky, too.