I Became a Malicious Streamer

The next day after spending a night in Busan, I returned with a personal epiphany.

Is it just me, or have I been feeling a lot of mental things lately? And I’m not some philosopher who specializes in the complicated worries of life. Maybe it’s because I’ve been overthinking.

Having lived for nearly 30 years avoiding such concerns, I suppose I’m now facing the consequences. My life wasn’t exactly what you’d call human.

I drifted around the country while taking a long break from broadcasting, and the more I traveled, the more insights I gained. It was like… mental growth or something.

This trip to Busan was productive too. With Tex, Papi Joah, and their daughter, Seo Hye.

Seeing that family reminded me of what the Wonjangnim used to say… my perspective on family changed in many ways.

Back then, I was living by the simple premise of never getting married, and so naturally, there would be no children.

Though, honestly, there probably wasn’t anyone back then willing to marry me anyway.

But now the situation is different. If I wanted to get married right now, strangers would line up, and to exaggerate a bit, they’d draft waiting numbers!

It was an objectively true statement. It had become so obvious that when others praised me, I just responded, “Oh, yes, that’s kind of true,” taking it calmly.

The years spent living as I Ji-eun thickened the skin on my face. Coldly speaking, I also believed it was appropriate to have this attitude. Someone who has lived over 20 years in this body wouldn’t react intensely to compliments about their appearance.

Hearing “you’re so pretty, you’re so beautiful” was thrilling maybe the first time, but after a while, how could it still feel new?

Not to mention, dismissing it by saying, “Oh no, it’s nothing” would just be annoying. People can’t be too humble, after all.

Anyway, the conditions had changed dramatically from before. Pretty face, good body, lots of money, young, and a good personality… I’m not that bad, right? I consider myself a top-notch bride candidate. If I were to sign up for a marriage information agency or an app that grades people, I’d nearly hit the top score.

I could date or marry anytime I wanted, probably have kids and start a family with someone who loves me, just like the Wonjangnim said.

But the most important factor is my heart. And now, it’s even more crucial. A kind of master key has appeared—the choice. I need to break free from a passive attitude and show an active one.

I pose a question to myself.

So what do I want? To date, get married, and have kids? With whom, when, where, and how?

It’s too convoluted. Let’s cut to the chase.

The cause of my complicated feelings.

If I assume I’ll date and get married… can I view men as romantic partners?

“Ugh…”

A subtle feeling of discomfort rises. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve lived as a woman, but I still don’t have a clear answer to this question.

First off, I think it’s physiologically impossible. Of course, physically it could happen, but mentally, it’s impossible.

So why not just meet women? Well, that’s a gray area too. Just because I like women doesn’t mean they’d like me.

Where am I even going to meet women who like me? I can’t just date anyone; I have my tastes and ideals, so I’d have to go through some kind of selection process.

How does a woman meet another woman? I have no clue.

That said, I don’t feel like scouting places where that kind of rumor circulates, fearing I’d be seen as a promiscuous woman looking for physical love.

Simply put, I’m worried I might get preyed upon by crazy psycho lesbians.

I’ve thought about going to bars where lesbians frequently gather, maybe have a drink or two with someone on the same wavelength and chat.

But somehow, that thought always ends with me waking up the next morning under a strange ceiling, in a white bed, naked with someone… those kinds of fantasies came to me often.

I had a vague feeling that this body and appearance would evoke destructive effects regardless of gender. Just because the other person is a woman doesn’t mean I can relax.

What I seek is a platonic love…! Not that kind of provocative relationship! I can’t accept jumping into physical intimacy right off the bat!

Of course, I understand that things can shift from platonic to erotic as we get to know each other. I get that very well. When you’re dating, crossing certain lines is a given.

But still, I want to start on a platonic note!

Exchanging sweet texts, nervously holding hands, getting startled, and then kissing under the cherry blossom trees… that’s my ideal vision of a relationship.

Some might say I’m too pure.

“You know these days, kids do it the other way around—sleep together first and then start dating! Are you living in the past?” I could be told that too.

But what am I supposed to say? This is who I am. Maybe it’s because I’ve never dated before that I hold onto this innocence. I won’t deny it.

There were various complex reasons for my failure to date, and so I always avoided it. Each time I considered dating, I was blocked by these issues.

But now, I had to find an answer. The time for serious contemplation had come. I could no longer just roll around in bed saying it’s too complicated.

So, do I want to date a man or a woman? It was a deadly choice. While what to do about dating could matter less, I wanted to make a decision on this issue.

It didn’t take long for me to come up with a way to help me answer that question.

*

“Mollru is streaming!”

– Date the top beauty of the area!

As always, Mollru’s broadcast burst into action without any notice. It was the much-anticipated return of the show after a month and a half.

Like other streamers with some recognition, Mollru’s return created a buzz and people flocked to watch.

[Here they come, here they come, here they come, here they come]

[Mollru]

[Where have you been? I missed you so much]

[Mollru! Mollru! Mollru! Mollru!]

[Molbu is saved…]

[Dating a beautiful girl? Is today a dating sim?]

[Whatever, just keep streaming, please]

[Just don’t retire, okay?]

The so-called Molbu fandom is notorious, referred to as the worst—it’s partly because they can be a bit mischievous and playful, but their overwhelming size adds to their notoriety.

They completely outnumber others. If someone hits once, they hit twice, or even three times.

That’s how Mollru earned the title of the Lich King. Wild prisoners escaping from their cells would storm into any interesting stream, acting like drunken revelers.

It’s gotten even worse recently. Not long ago, a streamer they targeted ended up in tears.

So, it was time for their master to return and confront those troublesome fans. The community’s designation of her as a “mobbing dog” was over.

“Hey, my little jokesters, how have you been?”

[Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!]

[Teacher, where have you been?]

[Just hearing your voice makes my eyes moist…]

[I’m trying to get other parts moist…]

[Whoa]

[Watch it now]

[Is it a bit hard to control this chat? But it feels like friends here… Should we tell them to take a short break?]

[How about a catch-up since it’s been a while?]

[What have you been up to?]

[I’m really curious]

“What have I been up to? Just resting well. Roaming here and there to sort my thoughts… There wasn’t anything problematic, but if we’re talking about problems, well, there were… personal matters like, ‘I dropped off my viewers and played around with my boyfriend until I ran out of money, so I’m back now haha.’ You can go.”

For about 20 minutes, she talked about her time away. Given the over-a-month break, it was quite a condensed story.

Molbu fans realized she still wasn’t overly talkative.

<JustMollie donated 500,000 won!>

– Congratulations on your return. May I ask what today’s broadcast title means?

“Thank you for the 500,000 won, JustMollie. It’s so generous after being away for so long… Today’s broadcast title? Ah, dating the top beauty of the area. ‘Are you holding a dating sim?’ Nope, not that.”

That’s how it is. The answer Mollru gave caught the viewers off guard.

“Some of you today will actually get to have a virtual date with the top beauty—yes, the pretty lady. We’ll select participants through a draw from those who wish to participate. ‘So, who is this beauty?’ Great question. That beauty is…”

“It’s me!”

Did I just hear that correctly? A wave of disbelief washed over the chat as Mollru paused before continuing.

“The sub-title is… Raise my heart rate! The person who makes my heart rate exceed a certain number wins.”

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