I Became a Malicious Streamer

What is the true form of happiness?

It was a thought that struck me while I was lying around in a daze.

Looking up at the white ceiling, I pondered.

What should I do to be happy? What can I do to say that I’ve lived happily? What must I do to feel that fluffy happiness in my heart?

In a way, even these concerns were a happy dilemma. The old me was so busy living day by day that I never even considered such thoughts.

I’m sure I can think like this only because I have the luxury of time. My past self was just a lamb swept away in life’s currents, busy struggling with various financial constraints.

Looking back, I was always an empty shell of a human, so it’s no wonder I had no clue about how to be happy.

I must have forgotten.

On holidays, I would be cooped up in my room, rotting away like a corpse, and when weekdays rolled around, I lived a lifeless, robotic existence doing nothing but work. So, it was only natural.

Or maybe I didn’t forget; perhaps I never knew from the start. My life has been far from happiness since the moment I was born. I sacrificed so much that I could never live as normally as others.

But now, I didn’t want to live like that anymore. I had miraculously gained a new life and had a new start. I wanted to live better than others, no, better than anyone.

With emotions resurfacing, I felt a kind of compensation psychology washing over me. I wanted to take back everything I hadn’t enjoyed and collect interest on it.

I longed for a rich life so fulfilling that anyone looking at me would think, “Wow, that person is living really well, they must be so happy!”

Honestly, looking at it rationally, I had somewhat achieved that goal.

With looks anyone would be envious of and some success from my internet broadcasts, there’s no doubt someone somewhere on Earth was envying me like crazy.

But why did I feel that something was lacking? Even though I had many enviable conditions, it felt like something crucial was missing.

A sense of emptiness I couldn’t pinpoint. If my old self had seen me like this, she’d probably have scoffed with a cynical attitude, “Wow, this crazy girl is living the high life.”

That was then, and this is now. Unlike back then when I didn’t know happiness, I now yearned for it.

So what should I do? Lying on a fluffy bed with my mouth agape, staring at the white ceiling, the answer was still elusive.

“Hey, are you an idiot?”

“Huh?”

“Why are you worrying about useless stuff…”

It was Ji-yeon. I received a call while I was rolling around in thought.

When she asked what I was doing, I blurted out exactly what I had been thinking, and that was her reaction.

“Just come out. It’s no wonder you’re feeling down, cooped up in your room like this, thinking of frivolous worries.”

“Frivolous worries?”

I couldn’t help but feel a bit sad and muttered in a small voice. Now that I think about it, Ji-yeon didn’t really empathize with my thoughts.

She liked me, and it seemed she cared about me, yet compared to other girls, she seemed to lack that empathy.

My little sister might just be a heartless creature without blood or tears.

“Fine. I’ll contemplate seriously with you, so just come out and meet me. Let’s have a meal, watch a movie, go shopping… and think. It’s essential to cool your head, okay? Taking part in outside activities makes your brain work better.”

Despite the tone in her voice that sounded like she was reasoning with me, her words were persuasive.

Yeah, I should do something. Just sitting here won’t yield any answers.

I rose my heavy body and headed outside.

*

I thought about blowing money like a madwoman. It’s called flexing in professional lingo.

Now that I think about it, I seldom blew money on purpose. I spent so modestly compared to my earnings that Si-young even thought I was intentionally saving money.

Those who have spent money know how to spend it well, and considering that I rarely go out, where would I have a chance to spend any? I didn’t buy clothes often, I ate little, and the most I splurged on was the gacha game I recently got into occasionally throwing money at it. But whenever it felt a bit regrettable, I naturally pulled back.

But today was different. I had come out with a purpose today.

From the moment I stepped outside my house, I decided to spend some money today.

The target of my spending was Ji-yeon, my companion for today’s outing.

Ever since I began my broadcasts and started earning decent money, I hadn’t bought anything substantial for Ji-yeon as an older sister.

Whenever opportunities arose to spend money together, it was during the early days of my broadcasts when we hadn’t settled our accounts, and recently Ji-yeon had been busy studying.

Ah, Ji-yeon had just turned 20 recently. She showed me her ID saying she was now an adult. How sentimental that made me feel! It was like watching a once-protected little girl proudly show off her newfound adulthood.

Though she still seemed young to me, Ji-yeon would enter university in a few months.

That university was the most prestigious one in the country, recognized as one of the best schools that only the top students in South Korea could attend.

The fact that Ji-yeon was about to enroll there added to my inability to refute her logical reasoning. I was a high school graduate in my past life and a college dropout in this life. So, how could I argue against the logic of someone superior in education?

Becoming an adult means gaining freedom in many ways. For example, the freedom to drink or smoke… but unfortunately, that’s all the bad stuff coming to mind. Nevertheless, it was clear that she gained more freedom than before, but she also had to bear greater responsibility.

But then again, it wasn’t all bad. Now I could drink with Ji-yeon too! I could cap off this outing with a drink! Not too heavy, just a light toast would do.

The notion of this older sister passing on the art of drinking to her younger sister felt oddly satisfying. Better that I formally teach her rather than letting her learn it weirdly somewhere else.

So, perhaps I could go to a nice wine bar since I had decided to spend some money today. I heard women like those places. Would Ji-yeon like it too?

Since many college students go there, it wouldn’t be weird for a young girl…

Then, a thought zipped through my mind. College students, drinks, adulthood, MT, boyfriends, CC. All kinds of words began to combine in my head.

I turned and grabbed Ji-yeon’s shoulder as she sipped her drink, saying seriously, “Ji-yeon, all men are wolves.”

“What?”

“Listen closely. This is important.”

With a dazed expression, Ji-yeon nodded, then she opened her mouth with a slightly disdainful grin.

“I probably know better than you.”

“No, I know better. Listen to me.”

Shaking my head firmly, I refused to relent.

In this area, she couldn’t surpass me. There was no way someone who had never been a man could understand the depths of a man’s heart better than me, who had experienced it. This was advice that stemmed purely from my unique experience.

“Hmmm…”

Seeing me like that, Ji-yeon seemed to ponder for a moment.

Oh no, is she doubting me? This won’t do. I can’t let my freshly twenty-something Ji-yeon fall into the claws of shady wolves. Given her stunning looks, she must be a delicious snack to them.

Yet, Ji-yeon was showing signs of contemplation, suggesting she wasn’t fully absorbing what I was saying. It seems my failure to portray myself as trustworthy all this time was catching up to me.

It’s all my fault for not being more reliable.

As I fretted over Ji-yeon’s college life, she broke the silence.

“But you don’t have a boyfriend either…”

So that was her dilemma. Looking back, it was indeed suspicious. My sister, who had never held a boy’s hand, giving warnings about men.

In truth, I couldn’t just say I used to be a guy, so how should I explain this?

“Yet, Ji-yeon, don’t you also not have a boyfriend?”

“That’s true, but all my friends have boyfriends. They even talk about their relationships.”

That’s sneaky, bringing up her friends like that. She deftly pointed out I wasn’t a social butterfly like her.

But now I had friends too! Not just any friends but friends who were married!

“Oh, I heard a lot about Papi Joah from my friend! The stories about Tex and how they fell in love and married!”

“Ah, I see.”

Ji-yeon’s eyes suddenly changed in a slightly awkward way. Was that too much? Maybe I overstepped by talking about marriage?

In a panic, I decided to pull off a white lie. I felt a little guilty, but the intention behind it mattered.

“And who said I never had a boyfriend? I’ve dated before.”

A bluff. Yet Ji-yeon wouldn’t know if it was true or not. It better work!

Ji-yeon responded with a scoff. “Come on… don’t lie. I know your school history. You’ve had plenty of confessions, but you never accepted any. Even after you became an adult—”

“Not during school; I met him after becoming an adult. More precisely, after I became independent.”

I Ji-eun had a period where she cut ties with everyone, including her adorable little sister, after she started living independently.

Ji-yeon’s eyes widened in shock, as if she was thinking, “No way…”

Success! I managed to convince her that I had an imaginary boyfriend. I had no plans to pursue anything like that now or in the future, but for the sake of giving her advice, I could tell a few lies.

But, as if the universe had a different plan, things began to take a turn.

“Really… really?”

“Uh… yeah. So of course, it’s true. I mean, you’ve seen me lying—”

“Who is he?”

That low, growling voice was a first for Ji-yeon. She narrowed in on me, perhaps threateningly.

At that moment, Ji-yeon stepped closer to me abruptly. Feeling uneasy, I instinctively took a step back until I found myself cornered against the wall.

Ji-yeon glared at me, seemingly towering over me. With a height advantage over me, I felt utterly pushed against the wall.

“Who is he? The guy you dated?”

“Uh, why does it matter…?”

“Answer me.”

Those eyes felt dangerous. Could you maybe take a step back…?

I avoided directly meeting her gaze, desperately trying to squirm away, and ten minutes later, I finally managed to convince Ji-yeon that it was a lie.

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