I am Smart

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I shoved my wallet into my pocket and quickly exited the convenience store.

I rubbed my throbbing forehead with my fingers.

At first, it was okay, but the pain gradually worsened. I had bumped my head way too hard.

The impact of colliding with objects without slowing down is immense. Thankfully, I only hit the sliding door.

Before I knew it, tears were welling up in my eyes.

But what was truly occupying my mind right now wasn’t the pain in my forehead.

I frowned and shook my head.

The headache I felt while calculating in the convenience store hadn’t faded yet.

It felt like my head was clouded. The more I tried to think deeply, the worse it got.

It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

This was simple addition that even an elementary school student could do, yet I felt like my brain was overloaded?

It made absolutely no sense. Just feeling under the weather wasn’t a sufficient explanation.

I was far more flustered by the fact that my body had changed.

The discomfort I’d felt since morning had piled up until now.

I briefly recalled a four-digit calculation in my mind.

2935 × 9134 = ?

“…… Ah.”

Before long, I felt a sharp pain in my head and lost my balance.

For an instant, I wobbled and leaned forward.

– Thud.

Unconsciously, I reached out to brace myself against the object in front of me.

But it turned out to be the shoulder of a strong man, not an object.

“What are you—… uh…?”

“Sorry about that.”

“Wait, hold on—”

I bowed my head slightly and hurried home.

I wasn’t in the mood to argue with anyone.

*

I stumbled into my house and immediately sat down on a chair, grabbing my tablet.

After picking up the compatible pen, I accessed a document app.

It was a compilation of math and science problems I had done for fun.

As soon as I pressed on one document, I shut my eyes momentarily at the sudden bright white screen before opening them again.

One problem caught my eye. A straightforward problem that didn’t require any application.

“……”

I still remembered the formulas and solving methods. I hadn’t forgotten the knowledge I had accumulated so far.

The issue lay in my memory and thinking ability. I kept re-reading the problems I had already read multiple times.

It felt like the speed of my thinking itself had slowed down.

“……”

I pressed down hard on my throbbing right temple with the back of my pen.

I had been stuck on this one problem for tens of minutes now.

Every time I focused on the solution, my thinking slipped away. I felt a headache every time. It was a loop of that.

Even as the headache intensified, I frowned and scribbled on the tablet, attempting to solve it.

It was my stubbornness, disregarding efficiency.

And finally, I solved it. Checking the answer sheet revealed it was correct.

But still, the feeling of bewilderment lingered.

Spending tens of minutes just on this one problem was unacceptable.

I knew that the only thing we could do under such circumstances was to accept it.

But this time, I absolutely did not want to do that.

Could it be related to my body changing? Have I completely become a different person?

No, that’s not it. The certificates and accolades lined up on the wall behind the table were certainly the same, only my name had changed. The photos were also taken in the same situation, just my appearance had changed.

“……”

Was there a chance I could feel better if I took a break and got up?

I wasn’t sure.

My fingers began to twitch slightly.

For a moment, I imagined my future self having to live like this.

Is that truly a life worth living?

What am I supposed to do now?

I thought, staring blankly at the problems and solutions on my tablet.

It felt like several minutes had passed. At that moment, my finger inadvertently pressed the back button for the document.

Suddenly, a popup advertisement filled the screen.

[A medium-sized dog loved by everyone… and loves everyone back]

Under the warm, pencil-script letters were pictures of small and big puppies taken in a group.

It was an advertisement for an animal adoption shop.

Propping my head on my elbow, I gazed at the ad.

I never liked animals. Because they can’t talk. I can’t control them.

Everything outside of my hands just annoys me.

And keeping beasts is a misguided expression of maternal love and a way to vent it.

I moved my finger toward the “X” to close the ad.

If I pressed this, the ad would close.

“……”

I couldn’t take my eyes off the picture of the little puppy below.

Brown, curly fur. A puppy with doll-like black eyes.

Its legs and paws seemed oversized for its body. Was it because of its fluffy fur?

Compared to the small dog pictured with it, it seemed a little bigger. Could this be considered a medium-sized dog? I wouldn’t know since I had never cared before.

I wanted to quickly close the ad, but somehow, I hesitated.

It was as if the puppy was staring at me intently.

Fluffy paws and legs, a face with three black spots.

…… The more I made eye contact, the more unfamiliar feelings bubbled up in my chest.

It was a strange feeling. Something deep within my chest was tingling.

I placed my hand over my heart. It was beating faster than usual.

It must feel warm and soft to touch, right?

I unconsciously lowered my finger and clicked on the ad.

And it took me to the homepage of the adoption shop.

A video showed the brown, fluffy puppy running around.

Below that read “Miniature Poodle.”

I watched that short video multiple times.

Next to the puppy category, there was also a category for cats.

The adoption shop seemed to offer not just dogs but also cats. Clicking on the cat category.

Cats have their own charm… Hmm. Maybe I’d prefer a cat? They’re quiet.

Going into the cat category, I stared blankly at a video of a cat stretching.

“……”

Huh?

“Whoa.”

I lightly slapped my cheek to snap out of it.

I’m not a child. What’s wrong with my head?

I was no different from the people I looked down on before.

“……”

I wondered how much the current adoption price was for puppies or kittens? Is it on Wiki?

I had no intention of adopting, but out of nowhere, I felt curious and searched it up.

“Hmm.”

So this is the price range.

Huh?

Why is “bear” trending on real-time search?

Bear vs Human? Well, that must be tough unless you have a gun.

Can you even raise a bear?

Isn’t there a breed that’s a bit smaller, like breeding bears down to dog size?

No bears here.

Miniature horse?

I saw a donkey for the first time in detail; it looks quite foolish.

What’s the origin of “donkey”?

My gaze drifted beyond my tablet.

I was bothered by the asymmetry of the tissues on the table and adjusted them again before returning to my tablet.

What was I supposed to look up? The difference between a donkey and a horse?

……

Ah. The origin of the word “donkey.”

I tapped on the keyboard.

– Let’s find out the origin of “donkey.” araboja

It was the first article that popped up on Google.

Seeing the site’s logo, I realized it was DC. I didn’t know much about this community except that I sometimes encountered it while searching for Korean materials.

Just as I was figuring out the origin of the word “donkey,” it suddenly struck me that I was doing something I would never usually do.

Surfing the internet with no healthy purpose is a waste of life. There are many healthier ways to satisfy these urges.

Yet, I couldn’t avoid the stimuli the internet presented.

I couldn’t contain these pointless curiosities. Even if I knew, it wouldn’t help me in any way.

But for some reason, I couldn’t stop.

“…… Ah.”

When I looked at the clock half an hour had passed.

The headache that had been bothering me had disappeared.

And what I learned during this time was that the adoption prices for dogs and cats varied immensely, that there were cases of humans defeating bears if they were unarmed, that there were small horses bred for pets, and that the origin of “donkey” came from the Tang Dynasty, where the quality was so good they started distinguishing them as “donkeys.” A bunch of useless trivia.

And I forgot all these pieces of information in less than an hour.

But the images of the puppies, kittens, and bears I had seen stuck stubbornly in my mind, even if I tried to forget them.

*

The cafe during weekend lunch hours was bustling with people.

Staying cooped up at home, I felt restless, so I came to the cafe in front of my house.

Noting that my head was feeling funny meant a lot to me.

The biggest hobby of mine had vanished. Just looking at math or science problems gave me headaches now.

I couldn’t read the books I’d been enjoying, either nonfiction or fiction, for more than three minutes. My attention kept drifting to my phone.

The document I had compiled of interesting academic journals no longer held any appeal.

The search history on YouTube had gradually turned into a collection of animal videos from news and documentaries.

“…… Phew.”

I didn’t want to think about anything right now.

I wanted to organize my thoughts. I needed that time right now.

I took a sip of the iced Americano on the table.

And suddenly stood up. A person next to me jumped in surprise.

This really tastes awful. It probably tastes like dirt mixed with melted snow in the winter.

I come here often, but have the staff changed? The person at the register has a familiar face, though.

No, it’s time to change my way of thinking. It must be me who has changed.

I clicked my tongue inwardly, walked to the register, and stood in front of the clerk.

Even though it’s a relatively decent-size cafe, there was only one clerk. Today, strangely, we had made eye contact repeatedly while waiting in line or placing my order.

Whenever our eyes met, she quickly looked away and put on an act, a bizarre routine that kept repeating itself.

“I would like a small hot chocolate, please.”

“A small hot chocolate? Understood. Your order is received. Thank you.”

“Yeah.”

As I said this, I reached out to grab the vibrating bell and receipt the clerk was holding.

“Um, um…!”

I heard the clerk’s voice and looked up slightly.

The part-time worker, shorter than me by about a head, was bowing her head so low that I couldn’t see her expression.

As I stood there, tilting my head, I heard her voice timidly crawling over.

“Y-you have such nice skin. What skincare products do you use…?”

“I don’t use any.”

“Pardon?”

The clerk stared blankly at my face. The delay had grown so long that she finally managed to grab the vibrating bell and receipt she was holding.

Before long, the hot chocolate was ready. The spark in the clerk’s eyes had faded.

Sitting at the table, I took a sip from the mug filled with hot chocolate.

“……”

A smile blossomed like a flower. Had I ever smiled like this before? It was surprisingly delicious.

I didn’t know sweet things could taste this good. I hadn’t liked sweets much before.

Could this be… Hmm. Have I changed?

I continued to tilt the mug.

In barely a few minutes, I had drunk half of it.

*

After spending some time at the cafe, I finally stepped out.

My steps felt a bit lighter than before. Being in the cafe had lifted my spirit a little.

The decline in my cognitive abilities I had experienced might simply be due to fatigue.

Hmm.

Thinking that, I felt as if I had returned to the me from yesterday.

A sensation began to arise that I could do anything.

To savor this feeling a little longer, I wandered around the area for a while.

Turning down streets I didn’t usually go, one particular shop caught my eye.

Doll Workshop. Such a simple name.

I didn’t know there was a doll store here.

It was a bit strange how unknown shops could appear just by deviating a little from the path I always took.

On the shelves in the shop, which had floor-to-ceiling glass windows, were various plush dolls.

Dogs, cats, bears, and so on…

“……”

Should I just take a look at how they look?

I’m not interested in dolls, but I’m just curious.