I am Peter Parker

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***

Walking out of the hotel, fully enjoying complete control of my body, I was surprised to find the police station a few blocks away. Walking through Harlem at night in slippers and a bathrobe was an interesting experience, and in some places I was startled by the sounds from the alleys, like meowing, swearing, and gunshots, but nothing out of the ordinary, at other times it was blowing.

- Hello, can you help me get home? - approached the yawning policewoman at the reception desk.

- Whew... Do we look like a taxi bureau? - Finishing with putting polish on her nails, the girl turned to me with an annoyed look that abruptly changed as she fell on me. - W-w-what's wrong! W-w-who are you!!!

- Salute, I'm Peter Parker and...

- And you're going to do the same thing that the guys in my dreams did when they came to my work at night and did the same thing to me!?! - In a rush she pounced to unbutton her collar, realising where this was going I grabbed her arm. - Oh, my God, you want to drive?! It's like a dream!

- Erm. No, I want to go home. Can you help me, please? - somewhere I swallowed the phrase "it's your job", but I think it's for the best.

- Haa. Boring. - instantly, all the enthusiasm drained out of her. - So what happened to you? You had a fight with the girls and they kicked you out, huh?

Her face, her voice and her smile are all so... It's annoying. Acting smug, talking with apathy, looking with arched eyebrows spitefully.

- Ughhhh... - okay, maybe she's having a bad day, so I'm not going to take it personally and form an opinion of a person when I meet them. - No, I was kind of kidnapped.

- Kidnapped, huh? - she mumbled. - Wait! H- kidnapped?! W-can your name be Peter Parker?

- Well, yeah. I introduced myself when I came in.

- You did? I was half-listening anyway, waiting for that belt to come undone. - Are you sure she's right for police work? Because I met two supervillains last night who were much nicer people. - Nice legs, are they as nice up top?

Licking her lips, flirting, I assume, she contacted someone on the phone and a couple of minutes later a police car picked me up. At least my escort home was calm and quiet, only offering to buy me a coffee when they stopped to buy their own. And once again it was the strangeness of this world, my coffee had some numbers on it. Though why complain about a second-used cup? They could have wiped off the lipstick...

**Later at the Stark apartment. Terry.

A couple of seconds ago, the police car carrying Peter stopped in front of his house, stayed there for about five minutes, and then drove off, apparently dropping the guy off. Tomorrow he'll have to be questioned, examined and fill out a lot of paperwork, he deserves a rest for today.

- Phew... - exhaled on my own.

Although it's too early to exhale, because what happened yesterday proves it all!

- Julia, what are you doing? - I asked, noticing that she was in task mode when the transport tracking had already stopped.

- I'm sending a completely random person articles on the delights of human-AI relationships.

- Do such articles exist?! Why? And who wrote them?!

- One Theresa Stark. - Mother-in-law? No...

- Stop badmouthing my name on the internet and get to work! I need you to double-check everything you have on Peter Parker, and more than that, I need you to start digging deeper, okay?

His release, along with the destruction of the base confirms my hypothesis that he is not so simple and behind it someone or something is behind it, other explanations for how a young man can have unique abilities and remain in the shadows, I do not find.

And if I recall:

- "I was chosen by Stark herself, I'm sure Kitty is willing to pay for me out of love, or just a sense of responsibility."

Then my theory that he's only pretending to be an icebox, being subdued by me, is also confirmed. Otherwise, how else, if not a manifestation of his true feelings under stress, can I explain him calling me "Kitten"?

- What a player, huh? - I'd have believed he wasn't interested in me. - How could I have thought there was a guy who could resist me? Ah ha ha ha ha.

- Some people never learn. Oh! Yet another reason to favour artificial over meat women.

- Did you say something, Julia?

- Nothing important, Miss Stark, just developing my vocabulary.

**Mutant school. Sue.

- Boo!

- When's he coming? - Charlize was approached by a blond guy, Jude I think. The odds-on favourite to make it to the finals.

- Tomorrow, no, this afternoon, but considering what happened. - Xavier's eyes shifted to the Korean guy.

- After a few seconds of silence, he noticed that everyone was looking at him. He scratched the back of his head. - I'm fine, if Peter agrees, I don't mind continuing filming.

- Boo!

- Y-you-you're okay with this, aren't you? - Clearly under pressure from the channel and her bosses, Ripley approached Charlize, hoping for a refusal.

- ... - Xavier lowered her eyebrows, looking at the idol, apparently the guy is brave. She shifted her gaze to Ripley, her eyes shaking, as if the professor wanted to pull him away but couldn't afford it. - No, we'd be happy for you to continue filming.

- Boo! - well Joanna just sat there pouting about not meeting her prince.

.....

While Bunny and Ria went off to mingle with McCoy, I was left alone with my copy, only annoying and stupid.

- Ha! - who suddenly went from being a boo to a sunshine. That's not good. - Let's go find Peter's room!

- ...Also possessed. - How did I forget to assign that trait to her? Silly me.

- Hey, student! - and Joanna's already gone to harass the student with the white hair. - Yo, you wouldn't happen to know the girl who helped Peter Parker figure out this school, would you? - Considering that the other guys were accompanied by female students, it's pretty witty of Joanna to elicit Peter's room like that.

- Huh?! - The student bounced up sharply when Joanna touched her shoulder. Strange, but okay, maybe she cared about personal space. - А... Yes, it was me, I was supposed to be helping him.

- What a lucky coincidence! - Yeah, almost on the level of unbelievable.

.....

- So, Rogue. - while the student walked us to Peter's room in silence, my sister decided to talk to her. At least somewhere her boisterousness is making a difference, because I'm embarrassed at how uptight Rogue looks. - The way my Peter's been behaving, no-one's hurt him. Harassed him?

Is it just me or did that last question stand out a bit? I even got a cold chill down my spine.

- А?.. Your Peter? - The student stared at Joanna with round eyes. - Y-Y-You're dating?

- No." I answered for my sister, so she wouldn't get more confused.

- Well, well," she twirled her finger in front of my face and smugly proclaimed. - Not yet.

- W-wishing you luck. - said Rogue, still clearly confused.

- Thanks, Honey! - Joanna's response was to pounce on her from behind, which she dodged and hid behind me. - Sorry, I forgot about your powers.

- It's okay, it happens and... To answer your question. - Oh, I feel like her pauses are going to end badly. - I've had a few cases with a few girls.

- Oh, is that so? - Joanna, please get a hold of yourself! They're schoolgirls who may never have even had a conversation with a bloke in their lives, so it's not surprising if they're a bit over the top with the flirting.

- But they didn't do anything, Peter jumped them, so to speak. - Rogue's voice kept getting quieter and quieter as she looked at Joanna, until she stopped mid-word.

- Oh, there it is. You know, Honey, let's take a little detour before we go to Peter's room, drop in on the people he attacked. I need to have a little chat with this minnow.

Joanna's voice made us both go white. Though Rogue even trembled a little, she couldn't have....

.....

- So why do you want his room?

By some miracle, I managed to calm my sister down, having to go for reminders about prioritising the room, as well as crude flattery. It's so vile to think back on that..... Rogue had managed to escape, though. Yeah, the way she escaped after only getting us to the room confirmed my hunch.

- Just like that.

- What about the twisted truth?

- I want to smell his pillow and his sheets! - My eyes lit up, but at least I didn't do it myself. - I want to lie in them and leave my scent for tomorrow.

- What are you, an animal marking its territory?

- No, just a normal woman in love. - I think we need to go through the dictionary at home, because I seriously doubt this kind of behaviour falls under the word "normal".

* knock-knock-knock *

- Oh, what am I doing? - Joanna tilted her head to the side with her palms against her red face. - So nervous about her first trip to a guy's room that she even knocked when there was no one in it n-.

- Peter? - ...So, I managed to save Rogue, but I'm not so sure about you, silver. - Who are you?

- No, no, who are you? - Joanna's skin's flushed, she's about to burst into flames.

- I'm not the one knocking on my room, I'm the one knocking on my door! - and there's steam coming out of my ears.

- Your room? What's your connection to Peter?

- I-I-I-- - Oh, she's starting to back up, she might even make it out alive! - H-his girlfriend.

Goodbye. I didn't know you, but I'll be bringing flowers to your grave.

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh... - Joanna stood up as if stooped, breathing confusedly, her face red and her lips quivering.

- Sis, please take a deep breath.

- RESPECTAAAAAAAAAAH! - but instead of inhaling, she jumped out of her seat, running to wherever her eyes were looking through her tears.

- Um. Nice to meet you, I'm Sue Storm, and I'm sort of her sister..... - leaving me in an extremely awkward position.

The girl with silver hair walked me from head to toe with a stern look, lingering on my face, on which I'm sure hung the leering grimace of someone as comfortable with the situation as possible.

- Haa... So what's the big deal? Why did you want Peter, m-my boyfriend? - It's a little awkward when she says "my boyfriend." Maybe they're new to the relationship.

- Joanna just wanted to see his room before he comes back tomorrow. - the girl paused for a second, hadn't she been informed of his whereabouts? - Maybe she hadn't heard, but Peter managed to escape from his kidnappers, who knows how, but he did.

- ...Was he kidnapped? - just when I thought for a moment that the awkwardness was behind me, here she is, meeting her old friend Sue. ...

...And why didn't I run away with Joanna?

**Peter**

Finally home, it feels like it's only Thursday and it feels like I haven't been in for a couple of months.

- Yay! - although the fatigue is making me a little less excited.

Waddling like a zombie, I went inside without even turning on the lights, went up to the first floor and went into my room, where I collapsed on the bed.

- BOO-HA-HA-HA-HA! - Suddenly there was laughter right above my face that had fallen into the pillow. Turning my head slightly to the side, I was met with a full-on grinning Distributor. - IN THE NAME OF THE HOLLOWS BETWEEN YOUR BUNS, I KNEW IT! KNEW YOU WERE A NORMAL GUY!

I only raised an eyebrow in response.

- I'M SO PROUD OF YOUR BEHAVIOUR TODAY. I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING SQUEEZED BY TIGHT THIGHS IN STOCKINGS! - I realised my long-held desire by rolling my eyes. - FLIRTED WITH SO MANY CHICKS, STARTED USING THE SYSTEM AND.....

- Brgghmmmmm. - Damn, I'm gonna have to turn my face away from the pillow even more. I don't want to! - Speaking of which, can I get my human characteristics back?

- what a broad letter. - WHAT ABOUT SUPERHEROISM?! SUPERVILLAINY?! HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO ALL THAT?

- Supervillainy? I take spiders outside with a newspaper, and you're asking about hurting people? Well, as for superheroics. What's the point? I understand fighting a mega-evil who's evil, but most of the time there are nuances, and I'm not fourteen to chop heads off my shoulders.

- N-BUT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A SUPERHERO, THEY'RE COOL AND POPULAR!

- Constant working hours, no pay, constant responsibility and putting the lives of loved ones at risk. Nah, I'm good.

- ROBBINS! THANOS SHOWS UP, CLICKS, AND IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE, YOUR LOVED ONES ARE GONE!

- I'm sure the heroes will fix it, as they always do.... - before the Allocator continued, I managed to insert one more line: - If there will be a straight evil-evil, I do not mind to pump up stats and become Mr Fantastic ...

- YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO STRETCH IN THE COURSE, YOU'RE NOT REED RICHARDS.

- Figuratively. Someone who can beat everyone with one punch...

- WOULD SAY VANPACHMAN, THEN.

Is it just me, or are our roles reversed in this dialogue?

- Anyway, using cheats to defeat an absolute evil or threat is one thing. Catching bank robbers and fighting the underground mafia is another. I'm not a criminologist, criminologist, detective or anything else to investigate, so if I get into something objectively wrong and evil but man-made, I'll probably only end up making a mess of things without getting anywhere.

- BUT WHAT IF THE WORLD NEEDS YOU? DON'T YOU FEEL RESPONSIBLE?

- Seriously? I'm on a show where superheroines get to pick their husbands. So I'm sure there are enough superheroes in this world without me.

- BUT WITH THE SYSTEM IN YOUR POCKET, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD, MAKE IT A BETTER PLACE!

- Can I? I'm just a regular guy who might know a thing or two about different topics, but is easily lost when it comes to getting beyond the basics. I'm not an engineer, criminologist, biologist, or much of anything not to be someone who has the power to change the world. How can a virgin change the world? Someone who doesn't know the world? For, as the saying goes.

- DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

- With great power comes great responsibility.

- HAA... YOU SAID THAT ON PURPOSE, DIDN'T YOU? - A while later, the Allocator snapped his fingers and a reset button appeared on the system. - BUT BEFORE YOU PRESS IT, REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN NO LONGER KISS RO-.

I pressed it and the stats reset and the points I spent came back.

- WHAT'S WITH THE GOLDEN RAIN, HUH?! THAT'S NOT GONNA WORK! - Allocator snapped his fingers again and I had the abilities tab in the system.

The ability to kiss and touch Rogue(not going anywhere, get me?!!!).

And what should I be more surprised about, such a forehead-slapping title or a description that threatens me?

- HMM? - The Distributor looked behind my back, and then with a smile he said goodbye: -WHILE IT MIGHT BE FOR THE BEST, HOLY NIGHT.

I turned round and hugged the blanket, which was unexpectedly warm, soft and supple. It was probably not washed for a long time, so it was a little crumpled or stiff, though it had two soft, voluminous bumps.