I am Peter Parker

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***

- I'M NOT SATISFIED!!!

Just like the worlds distributor's speech, there was thunder, sadly, I was hoping for a sunny day today.

- WHY HAVEN'T YOU COME TO ANY CONCLUSIONS?!!!!

I had nothing to say to him. I was too lazy to start jogging. Even though he's talking in a high-pitched tone, it warms my heart to know that there's someone out there who cares so genuinely about my well-being.

- Okay, I'll start running tomorrow, I promise! - Yes, I won't let you down this time!

- А?..

- ...?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

- Running in the morning.

- WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT RUNNING?! I WANT YOU TO FUNNY WITH THANKS!!!

- Well, I'm kind of fannin'. I spent all night last night fannin' with my sister, so what's the point?

- INCEST?! APPROVED!!!

- А?..

.....

- IN THE NAME OF SHAPELY LEGS, AND WHO DO YOU THINK WOULD CONSIDER TEN HOURS OF WATCHING ANIME FUN?

I don't know why, but after hearing his comment, I suddenly felt like my story wasn't going to last long. I wonder why that would be?

- WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH YOU? YOU HAVEN'T EVEN REALISED WHO YOU ARE IN THIS WORLD YET....

- Huh? What are you talking about? And, yeah, can you stop using caps?

- All right. So, do you have any idea who you are?" the switchboard guy asked me with a wry smile that went both ways.

- Is this some kind of stupid internet test to see how deep I am, and my answer should be something along the lines of "a grain of sand in the frail universe, weighed down by storm winds"? - like that's the pinnacle of originality.

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING! Let me put it another way, I'll give you the clues, okay? - I nodded, even though I was starting to get bored with what was happening. - Okay. You are the key hero of this universe!

- Я... - I'll admit, it was a bit of a surprise, was I really-- - Falcon Eye?

- NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT FALCON EYE, HE'S THE AQUAMAN OF MARVEL.

- Hey! Aquaman is awesome! - I don't know why they don't like him so much, he talks to fish, at least it's not 2D chicks.

- Haa. Okay, okay, clue number two, what's your name?

- Peter.

- И?

- So I'm definitely not Hawkeye or Aquaman.

- WHAT'S HE GOT TO DO WITH THIS?!

Allocator fell to his knees and seemed to cry, yeah I get it, DC has a lot of cool heroes, it's a shame they aren't in this world. Although I only found out about this being a Marvel world recently, I wonder how many cool things I missed?

- Okay... Last clue, I hope it's your last name, what is it?

- Parker.

- ...! - The worlds distributor looked at me, as if waiting for something, while his eyeballs filled with blood and were ready to burst.

- ...?

- Doesn't that mean anything to you? - He gritted his teeth, seeming to grit them a little.

- That my name is the two hundred and thirteenth most popular, and my surname the forty-seventh. So I have a rather prosaic name, I'd say....

- WHY DO YOU NEED THESE STUPID FACTS FROM THE INTERNET?! YOU'RE PETER PARKER THE MAN, YOUR AUNT MAY THE SPIDER! THE GREATEST COMIC BOOK HERO EVER!

- I don't know, Batman's cooler. - that sentence caused me to once again feel like my story was not going to last very long.

.....

So I'm Peter Parker? Quite an interesting turn of events. Which means.

- My peaceful days are over?! Being a superhero?! Me?! No, no, no, no!

Firstly, wearing a skintight costume is a bit embarrassing! Secondly, I wouldn't have time for reading, serials and games! Three, I could get killed. Most importantly, I don't like heights!

- Not this!!!

- Hey," came a surprised voice. - This isn't how you're supposed to react to this.

- How could I not?! My life had just got better, even after my death, but I was able to start going out, socialising with people and finding a normal job that suits me on all counts! And now I'm supposed to mess with canon?! Fight the inevitable, the events that will happen one way or another?! Or rack my brains trying to calculate the consequences of the changes I might make to the original canon?!!!! - though I'm pretty passive by nature, but more than paying attention to things I'm not interested in, I don't like nothing more than trouble.

- Well... This is the eleventh universe and its canon you're not aware of, so relax-.

- Even better! I don't even know what the fuck--

- NOT EIGHTEEN PLUS!

- I don't know what the fuck is going to happen to me and from where?! How can that be?!!!

- ...Um... - The distributor's voice was somewhat shaky and quiet. - You know...

- What else?! You took out a loan in my name from the Savings Bank?!! - this place is worse than supervillains.

.....

About half an hour ago, the Worldsplitter disappeared on some sudden urgent business. Instead of finally getting out of the house to go to school, I sat in the hallway.

Who knows what might happen outside on the way to school. The bus will be attacked by a supervillain, using the passengers as hostages. An alien invasion will begin. The Hulk goes on a rampage. What could possibly happen?!

- I'm pathetic.

I'm scared. I'm creeped out, even though I realise how irrational it could be.

Irrational?

I think the worldsplitter mentioned that world events will revolve around me.

- Does that mean I'm going to get people hurt?

I'm not a hero or a do-gooder, but I still don't like seeing other people suffer. And it won't be about them getting hurt one way or another, the incident will happen because of me, because of the world revolving around me.

- Although in all these years.

Has anything extraordinary ever happened to me...? Now I'm not even sure...

.....

Because of all these thoughts, I missed school. Eventually, I managed to relax and pull myself together.

I looked at the news on the internet, and it seems like the heroes, though I've only seen mention of heroines, are dealing with the villains. Otherwise, there are as many horrible incidents as there were in my previous world.

There's only one thing left that's been bugging me...

- What am I supposed to do?

I don't know...

For now, I have decided that I will continue to live as before, without trying to rush or interfere with the proper order of things. If I gain the powers of Spider-Man, then so be it, I'll take responsibility.

- Though I wouldn't want to...

* ding-dong *

Stopping me from further reflecting, the doorbell rang. Since guests are a rare occurrence for me, I reluctantly got up and turned the lock with a strained smile, preparing to escort the travelling salesman out.

- Hey, Pete, are you home? - A strange question that seemed billet at first because of the pace, and then, as if biting my tongue, turned into something silly.

- Yeah, as you can see. You wanted something...

Standing in front of me was my classmate roommate, a redheaded girl with lush hair and luscious green eyes.

- MJ? - So she's the Mary Jane.

- Oh, yeah, your teacher asked me to give you a speech for the next science fair. - It's probably my gender that makes me give speeches at these events, right?

I think she still feels bad about the peeping. Teenagers.

- How old are you, Mary Jane? - As an adult, it's my responsibility to deal with such awkwardness.

- Sixteen, we're the same age. - I tilted my head to the side a little and replied puzzled.

- Exactly, at your age it's natural to be interested in such things. And there's no shame in it, as long as you stay within the law, of course. Besides, the Internet is full of material that can quench your thirst for knowledge, the main thing is to follow the rules of Internet security and.... - While I continued to speak like an adequate adult, my neighbour kept lowering her head and shrinking like a snail.

- I got it! I'm sorry! - As soon as I went on to explain what self-pleasuring was and that it was also normal and natural at her age, MJ interrupted me and ran away with a red face.

- Teenagers... - how difficult they are.

.....

- Thanks, come again ~

- Mm-hmm, you have a good evening.

After buying a hot dog from a friendly shop assistant on the way out. I continued on my way to work, flipping through the speech photos along the way.

I'd only participated in science fairs in primary schools. I made a papier-mâché volcano, researched the behaviour of ants and some other little things, I can't remember. But since I'm an excellent student, I keep getting invited to them. This time, to give a welcome speech to my parents and the guests of the exhibition.

- Haa. It's a bit stressful...

It's not like it's going to take too long though, and I'll be in good standing with the school....

- Huh? Again?

One of the weird things about this world is that there are always numbers on the napkins.

- I wonder if they weren't there before or if I just didn't notice them until I was fourteen.

I wiped my mouth and fingers before tossing the napkin into the nearest bin, but I missed.

- Spider-Man, ladies and gentlemen..... - Speaking ironically, I walked over to the bin, picked up the napkin lying next to it and tossed it inside.

.....

Remembering the taste of the hot dog, I almost got to work.

What surprised me was the excitement. Did so many people read our social media page that they gathered for a new delivery.

- Someone even came in a fire truck, ha?...?

...

- Huh?! The shop is on fire!!!

People gathered and watched the firefighters fight the fire. In my head, I had one thought after another, along with some intrusive beeping, apparently someone's alarm had gone off....

My shop...

New books.

...Liability for property signed at hire....

- Fuck!

I jumped out of my seat and ran straight inside. Some of the new books are rare and cost several thousand in total!

- Hey, kid! Stop!

The ring of fire collapsed behind me just as I ran inside.

- Where?! Where?!

Disregarding the flames and heat, not only as the one responsible for them, but as a book lover, I couldn't let the fire devour the books.

- Shit...

Tripping over something, I finally found the right shelf. Only thing is, it's too bulky and will get in the way!

- What do I do?!

Without thinking for long, I picked up the object in my arms to shift it, as suddenly....

- Khaaaa... - he let out a heavy breath, or rather she did.