I Am Peter Parker (MARVEL AU)

"Sheesh." Wade said while sighing dreamily. "You are ruthless, aren't you."

"I think it's more like necessary lethality." Spider-Man nodded. "Do me a favor and pile up the body and, after that, go sabotage the security room. I'll have a talk with your employee in the meantime."

"Aye, Sir." Wade saluted. "I don't know why but I'm beginning to feel like you are treating me like a sidekick."

"What-You know I'll never do that to you."

"Awww. You are-"

"You will always be my loyal errand boy."

"-full of shit. I hope you know that." Wade said as he walked away, heartbroken.

Spider-Man snickered as Wade walked away. He turned towards Yuri, who was giving him a weird look. "What? It's fun teasing him."

"..." Yuri just sighed before looking at him in a mix of amazement and wariness. "What are you doing he anyways Spider-Man?"

"Let's get you got first." Spider-Man said as he grabbed her restrains and ripped them apart, setting her free. "I was patrolling trying to keep the shit from hitting the fan since NYPD is not so surprisingly... inefficient at doing so."

"Hey!"

"Facts aside." Spider-Man said as he helped Yuri up. "I bumped across the idiot you hired-"

"Hey!" Wade exclaimed from the control room.

"-one thing led to another, which led me to you, dear fiery cop. I carried out revenge in your place." Spider-Man smiled under his mask. "I hope you don't mind."

"I see." Yuri muttered before she closed in the distance and hugged Spider-Man. "Thank you..."

"I... I am not a hero. You shouldn't be thanking me." Spider-Man said, but Yuri hugged him even tightly instead of verbally replying.

"You smell of blood." Yuri said, scrunching her nose in mock disgust as she pulled back.

"Well, no shit." Spider-Man shrugged. "Now, don't move."

"What are you doing?"

"Inspecting for any injuries that may need immediate medical attention." Spider-Man explained off-handedly. "Only bruises so far."

"Hmm." Yuri nodded. "So... Do you like what you see?"

"34DD my fa-*ahem* Good to see that you are alright." Spider-Man corrected himself.

"You have superpowers, alright." Yuri smirked. "Pervert."

"I am a perfectly healthy male, thank you." Spider-Man grinned as he approached Yuri, who did the same.

"Sorry to be the one blue-balling you, but I just popped up to say that I'm done."

Wade said with a shit-eating grin. "Go on. Praise me."

"...hah." Spider-Man just sighed as he patted his shoulder and walked towards the crates. "Thanks for ruining the moment, jackass."

"How rude!"

"...Remind me to fire you." Yuri huffed.

"...For a lady who was almost killed, you sure are grumpy over losing an opportunity to exchange saliva-oof." Wade fell to the ground clutching his ball thanks to Yuri. "I... I deserved that."

"Haha." Spider-Man laughed as he opened the crate and poured the canned fuel over the piled-up bodies. "Wade, help Yuri out of the harbor. The police are on the way."

"Okay." Wade jumped up and grabbed Yuri by the hand. "Come on, lady. You heard the guy."

"But what about you?!" Yuri called out.

"I have some cleaning up to do." Spider-Man looked over his head and waved at them. "I'll find you once I'm done!"

"What should I be expecting?!"

"Fireworks!"

"Awesome!"

Spider-Man smiled to himself. It has been a long night for him. Everything was happening too fast. "...But it's not unpleasant. I could get used to it."

(AN: Dear, reader-kun. Raise the flags.)

"Now, to clean this up." Spider-Man cracked his neck as he pulled out wires from the meter box.

"Oh, this going to be so, so fun."

------

"Yuri!" George exclaimed as he got out of the car. Yuri and Wade had just got off the gates of the harbor.

"George!" Yuri exclaimed as she ran towards him. George engulfed her a fatherly hug as Yuri hugged him back. "Are you okay?!"

"I am. Spider-Man saved me!" Yuri exclaimed as she pulled back.

"I know he is a lot cooler and gets your panties wet, but I'd like if you didn't treat me as if I don't exist." Wade butted in between, causing Yuri to groan once again and pull back to look at him with an annoyed glare.

"Thank you."

"Who the hell are you?" George asked, reaching for his gun.

"Glad somebody asked. I'm Wade Wilson." Wade said, offering his hand only for George and other officers to point their guns at him. "Woah there. I am completely normal."

"He's a jackass, but he's a good one." Yuri said, lowering George's gun. "He helped me get out. Thanks, Wade."

Yuri gave George a meaningful look as George finally realized Wade was the guy Spider-Man was talking about.

"I see." George said, putting his gun away. "Where is Spider-Man anyways? He isn't with you?"

"Umm... Stayed behind to do some janitor things..." Wade, begin but stumbled onto words as he tried to cover up for Spider-Man.

"Like what?"

"Umm... Like cleaning up?" Wade offered intelligently, sounding unsure of his own words.

*Boom!*

The harbor behind them burst into flames as a loud explosion rocked the docks. Everybody ducked, trying to avoid debris except for Wade, who just shrugged, turning back to look at the beautiful fireworks.

"Cleaning up... Yep. Totally." He said to himself as Yuri and George looked at him weirdly. "What?"

*Thud*

"Hello, people." Spider-Man called out, drawing everyone's attention as he landed on George's car. "Good to see everybody is okay."

"What the hell happened in there?!"

"A lot." Spider-Man began. "You know Silvermane?"

"The Manfredi Head?"

"Yeah. That guy went bollocks, I tell ya. After I got Yuri and Wade out, the guy went mad. He pulled out a flamethrower and started flaming stuff left and right like a madman. I tried to reason with him, but that bastard had lost all reasoning. I was barely able to escape with my life before he blew up the power unit." Peter said, finishing with a sad sigh. "I wish I was able to save him."

'That's some bullshit!' Wade was trying his best not to burst into laughter which became harder, as he looked at everybody's faces. 'They actually fell for this shit?! Ahahaha!'

'...' Yuri just gaped like fish, still trying to process what he said.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"What about his henchmen?"

"I were dead before I could save them." Spider-Man said as he looked at Wade, who just grinned back at him. "I wish I was more powerful."

"It's alright, Spider-Man. You can't save everyone." A female officer said, trying to console him.

"Yeah. Anyways, I'll be going now." Spider-Man said waving, his attitude doing a complete 180.

"Wait a minute!" Harvey, who had been quite suddenly called out. "Something doesn't add up here."

"Yeah. No shit." Wade snickered, which earned him an elbow to the side from Yuri.

"You are telling us to believe all of that load of bull about you being a messiah when you have shot the guys breaking into Yuri's apartment without any hesitation." Harvey asked pointing at him accusingly.

"The only time you decide to use your brains is at a time like this." Spider-Man muttered, which caused Wade to snicker and get giggles from Yuri.

"What was that?"

"I said if all I am saying is bullshit, then why don't you tell me what happened, genius?" Spider-Man folded his arms.

"Well... Umm." Harvey was stumped, which made his peers laugh at him. "I think you killed them all! You are nothing but a cold, ruthless killer!"

Harvey's outburst made everyone freeze and tense as they looked at Spider-Man for his reaction.

"Okayyyyyy... I admit I did all of that." Spider-Man said, which earned looks of shock and gasps from everybody.

"See, Captain?! I told you he was nothing but-"

"Just how are you going to prove it?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said even if I did all that you said, all the atrocities I committed... Just how are you going to prove that I did it?" Spider-Man tilted his head. His question shut Harvey's trap as he was unable to come up with a response. Spider-Man jumped from the car and approached him.

"Listen here, you little shit." He growled, grabbing him by the collar and lifting him up. "There is nothing you can do about it. Not because I'm too smart or savage but because you are a fucking, incompetent fool and all you do is accuse others instead of doing your fucking job!"

"Spider-Man! Put him down!" George said, pulling out his gun. Spider-Man looked at George for a moment before sighing and throwing Harvey back.

"You know, you should be the ones disciplining your wards."

"He was just doing his job."

"Poorly."

"Yes. Poorly." George said. "If I was in his place, I would have done the same."

"Oh, dear." Spiderman sighed once again. "I think I'm going to lose all my brain cells today if I stay here any longer. Come, Wade, we should go."

"Coming! So, are we going to swing again?!"

"No, I'm tired. Let's take a taxi instead."

"Awww. A bummer. Wait, lemme call call Dopinder. Dopinder is a slow driver, but he's a good boy."

"Haha. Alright." Spider-Man laughed as he began walking away.

"Thank you, Spider-Man." George called out, making him stop in his step. "Thank you for saving Yuri."

"I'm not a hero. You shouldn't be thanking me. I did it all in the spur of the moment. Also, the lady owes me one for that, so it's alright." Spider-Man shrugged. "You should be careful. Things are about to get hectic from now on. You'll soon realize just how ineffective your law and order is in the face of strength."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll see." Spider-Man said ominously. "I'll see you guys around."

George watched Spider-Man and Wade get into the taxi and leave as he helped Harvey up.

"Sir! Should I track the taxi?!"

"No need." George sighed. "Come, Yuri. You should sleep at my place. I'm sure my daughter would enjoy your company."

------

"Who killed him?"

"W-We don't know him, Lord Satannish! He just popped out of nowhere!"

"Then go find him! Go find this Spider-Man and bring him to me!"

"Y-Yes! My lord!"

"Get your face out of my sight!"

Demonic fangs glistened in the dark as two bright yellow eyes glowed ominously.

"I will have your soul, Spider-Man! Bwahaha."

(AN- Drop the curtains and cue typical demonic laughter)

------

Satannish is a lesser demon created by Dormammu. He lives in a dimension separate from Earth.

But has been in contact with humans since the dawn of the age. Granting humans supernatural power in exchange for their souls. His followers created a cult called Sons of Satannish, while his other followers started an organized crime syndicate called the Maggia.

Tell me how did you like this development. I have a fever, so I might be sluggish today. Forgive me for that. Also...

HOLY SHIT! WE CROSSED 100K VIEWS!

Hell yeah! You guys are amazing. I love you all. I will do my best to not let you all down.

That aside, go follow me on Instagram @a.is4.ashes for updates and random stuff.

I'll see you in the next one.