How to Survive As a Villain

93 – I Hope To See Through The Autumn Waters, His Hurt Frown Fades Into The Spring Mountains.
At the post station, a hundred miles away from the Imperial City, a group of people encountered each other safely. They felt like a big stone fell from each other’s hearts, like they could finally relax after experiencing great sadness.

For fear that the Southern Yan Kingdom would suddenly regret letting him escape and send troops to chase after him, Xiao YuAn quickly washed his hands and cheeks, and changed back into male clothing. Then he got prepared to get into a carriage and leave this place as soon as possible.

Xue Yan’s attitude made Xiao YuAn feel suspicious several times, but since he had to run away in a hurry, where could he think about it more carefully?

After some hurried preparations, the carriage galloped down the road. Xiao YuAn lifted the curtain and looked back at the Imperial City of the Northern Kingdom, which by now, was getting farther and farther away. For a brief moment, he felt that the years he spent there were now stuck inside his throat; he regretted that he wasn’t able to offer a toast to the victory of the Country, or wish for a thousand years of prosperity.

Xiao YuAn slowly put down the curtain, as if he was cutting ties with everything that had to do with his life as an Emperor. Suddenly, the sound of a horse’s hooves coming from the distance could be heard, however, Xiao YuAn didn’t lift the curtain again. Yang LiuAn, who was driving the carriage, suddenly lifted the curtain. His face was livid: “It’s Yan HeQing.”

Due to the large number of people, they were divided into three carriages. The other two carriages also noticed the person chasing after them and slowed down to let Xiao YuAn’s carriage get in the lead.

To everyone’s surprise, Yan HeQing, who was able to intercept them at a gallop, didn’t do it. Instead, he tightened the reins and followed the carriage. As if he was afraid of disturbing someone, he didn’t want to make the carriage stop nor return.

After maintaining the journey this way for some time, Xiao YuAn asked incredulously: “Is he alone?”

Yang LiuAn replied: “Yes.”

Xiao YuAn, who stayed silent for a brief moment, suddenly looked up: “LiuAn, stop the carriage.”

“Your Majesty??” Yang LiuAn was shocked.

“Don’t be afraid, there’s something I want to say to him. Besides, he’s alone and we’re already far away from the Imperial City. If there’s any real conflict, he won’t be able to catch me.” Xiao YuAn said.

Yang LiuAn thought about this reasoning and stopped the carriage.

Xiao YuAn took a deep breath and jumped out of the carriage. Not far away, when Yan HeQing saw that the carriage stopped moving, he also held back the horse; waiting in place. After seeing Xiao YuAn getting out of the carriage, Yan HeQing’s eyes narrowed slightly, then he turned over and dismounted. He was still holding the reins, but he didn’t walk forward.

As the two of them looked at each other across the dusty, yellow mud road, Xiao YuAn sighed and walked forward, step by step.

Xiao YuAn had something to say to Yan HeQing. The words have been hidden deep inside his heart for a long time now, and after these several changes, Xiao YuAn had also changed the meaning of these words; but after all, he still wanted to let Yan HeQing know them.

Just after sorting out the confused thoughts, Xiao YuAn gradually understood that perhaps Yan HeQing didn’t hate him as much as Xiao YuAn thought he did; otherwise, why would he let him escape so easily?

However, whether Yan HeQing actually hated him or not, he still must leave this place. In the near future, this land would be property of the Southern Yan, which meant the world to Yan HeQing. If he stays here, he would only be an useless person that was once an Emperor; he would spend the rest of his life meaninglessly inside the Imperial Palace, his personal cage.

All of this sounded extremely sad. Even if Yan HeQing remembers the old affection he gave him, and will definitely not hurt him, Xiao YuAn still doesn’t want to live the rest of his life like this.

Therefore, he must leave regardless.

And since he’s leaving, he should say a proper goodbye. Without joy, there’s no sorrow, and without hate, there’s no regrets.

Xiao YuAn stopped two steps away from Yan HeQing, who was looking at him like it was the wrong thing to do. He seemed worried and afraid of being disliked by Xiao YuAn; unconsciously trying to shrink his whole body, as if afraid of being stared at.

Xiao YuAn suddenly raised a warm smile at Yan HeQing, and Yan HeQing suddenly opened his eyes wide, intensely staring at Xiao YuAn with greed. He wanted to engrave this scene inside his mind, heart, and into his skeleton; so that this memory won’t be destroyed by time, and he would never forget it for his whole lifetime.

While still smiling, Xiao YuAn clasped his hands and bowed to him, then he said: “Life is short and the hatred lasts forever. Now, Heaven and Earth are cups, and words became wine. With a cup in my hand, I wish that you can come back from the war and have no fear of the cold at night. I wish that all the people that you meet in this lifetime are good people, who will walk the same path as you, and will hold your hands. With another cup in my hand, I wish for your happiness. May you stay safe and healthy, with no worries for the rest of your life. The sorrows and pains of the past, forget about them. One day, when I climb to the top of the sky, I’ll see the world changing into a bright and peaceful place. All thanks to you, Yan HeQing.”

Yan HeQing listened carefully, and for a long time, he had no words. It was the end of winter in the Northern Kingdom, the cold wind whistling lifted his clothes, and swept into his eyes. It was like the blade of a dagger was piercing through his heart. He tightened the grip on the reins, and after a long time of silence, his mouth finally opened. His voice was hesitant and hoarse: “Xiao YuAn, you clearly… told me to forget. What is the thing you’re asking me to forget about?”

Xiao YuAn was startled.

Isn’t it the hatred for the Northern Kingdom? And the humiliating past he spent there?

For a while, Xiao YuAn couldn’t reply to him, but he saw that Yan HeQing had taken half a step forward. Xiao YuAn and Yan HeQing stared at each other, and at that moment, Xiao YuAn felt that Yan HeQing’s eyes were really beautiful. The moment he approached him was slightly oppressive, but he was unable to move his eyes away from Yan HeQing’s.

Yan HeQing’s eyes were cold, like the clear moonlight. However, in the bottom of his eyes, it seemed like he was suppressing three thousand sorrows, and it was all due to fate that Xiao YuAn couldn’t understand the meaning hidden inside his eyes. Then, Yan HeQing said: “If you’re determined to go with all your heart and soul, that you’re even capable of fighting with your life, then fine. I won’t stop you, but…” Yan HeQing calmed down, closed his eyes, and his voice sounded like he just climbed over a thousand mountains and crossed over a thousand rivers; passing through several hardships and obstacles, to finally announce to the Heavens and Earth: “But, I won’t forget, I would definitely never forget.”

At the end of the last sentence, Yan HeQing was almost gnashing his teeth. Xiao YuAn was forced to take half a step back, intimidated by his appearance and his voice. He then asked in great bewilderment: “Since you don’t want to forget about the past, then why are you letting me go?”

Yan HeQing slowly opened his eyes, and they were dim.

Because he didn’t want Xiao YuAn to suffer, he doesn’t want him to not be able to smile anymore. But he also doesn’t want Xiao YuAn to hate him, to loathe him, or to think that he’s evil. He has endured the destruction of his Country and the murder of his family, the abuse and the humiliation done to him by the enemy, and the hardships of war. He has been through so many difficulties, and yet, he still won’t be able to endure a hateful look from Xiao YuAn.

Look at the way things are; lamentable and ridiculous, sad and tragic.

Xiao YuAn finally couldn’t help but ask: “Why exactly did you chase after me…”

Yan HeQing restrained his eyes and suppressed his thoughts as he touched the white Jade hairpin hidden inside his sleeve.

This was the last object, the last memory, of Yan HeQing’s Empress mother, which was an extremely important token of love in the original book. Yan HeQing once gave it to Xiao YuAn as a reward, and in the end, it was left behind in the Imperial Palace by Xiao YuAn himself.

Yan HeQing whispered: “You forgot something, I brought it to you.”

Xiao YuAn was so shocked that he could hardly believe his ears.

Just, just, just because of that?

Yan HeQing handed the white Jade hairpin to Xiao YuAn, his palm facing upwards, and the white Jade hairpin was lying alone in his hand. This scene was very much like that day in the busy market, where Yan HeQing gave the white Jade hairpin to Xiao YuAn after he gave him the Jade flute.

Xiao YuAn hesitated several times, but still stretched out his hand. Yan HeQing waited patiently, and every time Xiao YuAn’s hand got closer to him, Yan HeQing’s eyes lit up a little. However, just a few seconds before Xiao YuAn’s fingertips were about to touch the white Jade hairpin, he suddenly stopped and then withdrew his hand.

Something in the depths of Yan HeQing’s eyes was fragmenting and falling apart as he heard Xiao YuAn say: “You should keep it with yourself, you’ll find someone more suited for it.”

Yan HeQing closed his palm very slowly, his voice didn’t sound emotionless, instead, it sounded more like he was restraining himself and trying to suppress something: “Do you seriously not want it?”

Xiao YuAn replied: “I… It’s… It’s better for me to not have it, you should give it to someone else.”

“Fine.” Yan HeQing looked up.

Xiao YuAn thought that Yan HeQing had finally listened to his words, so he just nodded his head. Just when he was about to leave, he saw that Yan HeQing raised his hand, and then smashed the white Jade hairpin on the ground!

The white Jade hairpin snapped and rolled to the side of the road, its miserable appearance imprinted in Xiao YuAn’s eyes, which were wide with disbelief.

Before Xiao YuAn could recover himself from this sudden event, he saw Yan HeQing turning over and mounting his horse, then he turned around and galloped towards the Imperial City.

When they got back on the journey, it was hard to say whether Xiao YuAn’s eyes were covered in red due to the dust lifted by horses, however, no one dared to speak about it