NOVEL NEXT C1 - S, M
※ This work is fiction. It has no connection to any existing organizations, individuals, or events. ※
S, M
“I’m a sadist.”
“…Pardon?”
“I’m sorry, Yan. Since I’m a sadist, I cannot date you.”
The added “I’m sorry” sounded distant. Yan tried to grasp his fading consciousness. Sadist? What was a sadist again?
“You mean, like the Marquis de Sade? Is that what you’re talking about?”
Yan struggled to continue, barely recalling the etymology of “sadist.” Sirius frowned slightly, as if troubled. For him, even that was a significant change in expression.
“Something like that. Though it’s probably a bit different from what you’re thinking.”
“How is it different?”
Yan asked accusingly. He seemed to have unconsciously slipped into his habit of interrogating criminals.
“Yan, I…”
Sirius drew out his words as he looked down at Yan. When those piercingly blue eyes focused solely on him, Yan trembled slightly. They were such beautiful eyes, no matter when he saw them.
Ah, if only those eyes would look at him forever.
“Because I’m a sadist, I can’t date ordinary people.”
“B-but, I wouldn’t say I have a conventional sexual identity either.”
Because I’m gay… Yan added in a shrinking voice. Sirius slowly shook his head.
“No, Yan. That’s not it. You don’t understand what a sadist is. Someone with this kind of sexual tendency must be with someone who shares the same tendencies.”
“Sirius, I’ll try. I’ll study about sadism, so please…”
Yan pleaded. He had already set aside his pride. What use was pride in front of someone you liked? He would gladly kneel in the middle of an intersection if it meant keeping this person.
But the moment he looked into Sirius’s eyes, Yan knew that no matter what he did, this man would not change his mind.
“Yan.”
Sirius’s hand cupped Yan’s cheek. Long, elegant fingers—the ones Yan adored so much. Did he like these hands because they were beautiful, or did he like them because he liked Sirius? For Yan, it was like the chicken or egg dilemma.
“You’re a good person.”
One thing he could be certain of was that he would have liked Sirius’s hands even if they were ugly.
“So don’t cry.”
Only upon hearing these words did Yan realize he was crying. The tips of Sirius’s fingers were carefully wiping away his tears.
“Someone good who suits you well will appear. Surely someone kind and caring who will cherish you. That kind of romance suits you, Yan.”
‘Sniff, my dirty tears are staining Sirius’s hand, sniff, I’ve been rejected…’
Yan felt miserable for daring to soil his hand and for being rejected. What use was a kind, caring person who would cherish him? Yan liked Sirius. Though they had only met about a month ago, he knew from the moment he first saw him.
That he was his destiny.
That he had fallen for him at first sight, and that this attraction would only grow stronger, never diminishing…
“Oh dear.”
He hadn’t wanted to show such an ugly side of himself even when being rejected, but the tears kept coming. Sirius looked at Yan, who was now even sniffling, with apparent discomfort.
‘He must think I’m pathetic. I’m sure he does.’
As Yan thought glumly, he was startled by a handkerchief that suddenly appeared before him.
“Wipe your face.”
“B-but the handkerchief will get dirty…”
“It’s fine, just wipe.”
The soft cloth touched his eyes. As his vision darkened, he clearly heard Sirius say, “I’m sorry, Yan.”
Ah, so I really was rejected. I had hoped otherwise, but it turned out as I feared. Yan simply cried, accepting the spreading resignation.
***
“‘Hot Police Station Play’, ‘Uniform Cosplay Players Standing By'”
“Ugh…”
Yan looked down at the flyer in disgust. The bright red and yellow letters were garishly advertising obscenity. Everything else was fine, but why a “police station” of all places? Like anyone else, Yan wasn’t without fantasies about unusual locations. But a police station was absolutely out of the question.
“How could anyone do such things in a sacred workplace.”
The flyer even included a photo of a man and woman having sex in a jail cell. Of course, it would be a set, not a real prison. For a moment, Yan imagined a real detention center, followed by imagining himself having sex there.
“Urgh.”
If caught, it wouldn’t just be disciplinary action—he’d have to take off his police uniform. Not in the sexy sense, but in the idiomatic one.
Yan, who had momentarily drifted into other thoughts, shook his head vigorously. It was Friday night, and being in the heart of the red-light district, he felt like he was losing his mind for a moment.
“This is no time to lose focus.”
Yan clenched his fist. The flyer crumpled accidentally. ‘Awesome,’ the text written in the corner was also visible right in front of Yan’s eyes, in the form of a glittering neon sign.
“Let’s go in.”
Yan entered the building with stiff steps. The narrow staircase leading to the basement felt like a path to another world.
And in reality, it was. This was an SM club he had discovered after diligent searching, a place where sadists and masochists gathered. For Yan, this was indeed like “another world.”
The pounding music grew louder. Yan swallowed hard and opened the door.
“…!”
He squinted as psychedelic lights suddenly flashed. Inside was very noisy with thumping sounds and people’s voices. Yan, who had only recently visited clubs when on patrol duty, found this authentic entertainment atmosphere unfamiliar.
“One Black Russian, please.”
Thinking that some intoxication might help him adapt, Yan decided to order a cocktail first. The truth was, he had nothing else to do. He wasn’t in the mood to dance, and he didn’t have anyone to hang out with.
‘Let’s first get a feel for the atmosphere.’
Yan glanced at the stage while sipping his Black Russian. He had been intimidated by the “SM Club” sign, but looking carefully, it was just a club. A club with darker interiors and louder music than others. But even that didn’t deviate from the ordinary range.
“What, it’s more mundane than I expected.”
Realizing that this place wasn’t a completely different world made him feel a bit more at ease. Yan looked around the club in a comfortable posture. And just then, he spotted a man wearing a choker.
“…Gasp.”
The shiny leather choker had a chain attached to it. It looked less like a fashion choker and more like a dog collar. A woman was holding it. Dressed in black like a goth, she was roughly pulling the chain.
“So this really exists…”
Yan muttered, watching the back of the man being led away without resistance. He definitely got the feeling that this wasn’t an ordinary club.
A choker with a chain, and gothic fashion—it reminded him of photos he had seen over the past few days. Do people really wear fishnet stockings, tight leather skirts, and corsets? He had wondered while looking at the photos. And it seemed to be true.
“Phew…”
Yan downed his Black Russian. The “golden shower” video suddenly came to mind. It was a search result that came up when he looked up “sadist,” and it was too shocking for a beginner like Yan. He immediately stopped the video in alarm, but the image was already imprinted in his mind and would pop up unexpectedly.
“Let’s drink. Drink and forget.”
Though the alcohol content wasn’t particularly high, it was still alcohol, and if he kept drinking, he would eventually get drunk. Then perhaps that golden video would also be forgotten. Aargh, I just remembered it again. Yan clutched his head and slumped onto the bar.
It was, all in all, too difficult a world.
From the day Sirius told him, “You don’t understand what a sadist is,” Yan began researching “sadist.” With the help of the internet, the sea of information, Yan soon learned what it was. Sadist, a person with sadistic tendencies. In other words, a sexual sadist. The definition was this simple, but understanding it wasn’t as straightforward.
Sirius, Sirius. Why are you a sadist? Yan murmured wistfully, like the protagonist of a tragedy. But before long, he thought that maybe this could be an opportunity.
Though he still didn’t fully understand SM, he could tell that it was a sexual preference of a minority. In other words, out of all the people in the world, only a few could be loved by Sirius. Suddenly feeling like his competitors had drastically decreased, Yan felt excited for no reason.
‘Right. I just need to enter this world.’
And that’s what Yan ultimately decided.
‘I’ll become a masochist and date Sirius!’
Of course, there was no guarantee that he could date Sirius just because their sexual preferences matched, but Yan decided to think positively. Anyway, the possibility was higher than before. Besides, Sirius didn’t seem completely uninterested in him. Even when rejecting him, he had said, “Yan, you’re a good person.”
“Sir.”
Yan, who had been quietly burning with determination, looked up. The bartender was standing in front of him, though he hadn’t noticed when they approached.
“From that gentleman over there.”
Yan blinked. The cocktail, beautifully decorated with fruits, looked more like a craft than a drink. Pineapple, cherry, and even cute garnishes. On top of that, the gradient color from pink to deep burgundy was artistic.