Homestar Saga

"It'll be a bloodbath." Captain Mims glared at the holodisplay. The Oluken had made good on their agreement. Less than a day after meeting with High Elder Feeva, they had delivered everything they knew. Warmaster Scathach had opted to review it on the Random Encounter, stating his crew was tired of turning the Priderender's gravity down. Yvian thought she'd be stuck standing on the bridge for the next few hours, but Mims had moved the meeting into the kitchen, citing a need for coffee.

Everything the Oluken knew turned out to be a lot. Wet Sector had been riddled with stations and outposts and hidden sensor relays to keep an eye on the Taa'Oor. The humans had found and destroyed the last one a mere forty eight hours ago. The Captain was looking at the latest scan of the sector. It didn't look good.

"I expected nothing less." Warmaster Scathach kept his usual stoic pose, but there was a hint of emotion as he eyed the scans. Yvian thought he looked... eager. The Vrrl's thoughtful growl sounded almost happy. Certainly more cheerful than she'd seen from the monster before. "It will be a glorious hunt."

"It'll be a goddamned massacre," said Mims. "Look." He pointed at the armada massed around the Gate. Wet Sector only had one Jumpgate. It used to have two, but the humans had destroyed the other one shortly after they arrived. The remaining Gate was surrounded by more ships than Yvian had ever seen in one place. "They've deployed the entire Stockpile. There's nearly two billion ships."

"Unmanned ships," the Warmaster pointed out. "Their limited AI will be easily fooled."

"Yeah," the Captain conceded, "but there's two billion of them. It would take days to blast them out of the sky, and we can't push through them without losing most of our ships."

"And the humans can hit us with their real Military once we're engaged," Scathach nodded slowly. "Or strike elsewhere while our forces are occupied."

"Probably both," said the Captain. "But even that's not the real problem."

"Oh?" Warmaster Scathach raised two of his eyebrows. Yvian suspected he knew what Mims was about to say, but the Vrrl never missed an opportunity to see how the Captain thinks.

"Look at the distancing," Mims pointed at the enemy fleet. "They're all at least ten thousand kilometers from the Gate. Stellar Defense could have squeezed them in a lot closer, had a tighter cordon and less distance for their cannons to cross. There's only one reason they'd be that far out."

"The Lucendian Anti-Tech weapon," Scathach guessed.

"We know they've got one left." Mims zoomed the display in on the Jumpgate. "It'll be behind the Gate, in the middle of a small fleet. Once we engage, the bastards will come around and shut down all our tech. The Peacekeepers will stop flying, and the rest of us will be blind. The Autopilot fleet could turn us into debris by itself at that point, but I'm betting there will be ships with real pilots ready to back them up." He gestured at a readout on the holodisplay. The readout showed two hundred million Federation ships divided into small fleet patrolling the sector. "Only a third of the SDF Military is patrolling the sector. The rest are either hiding behind the Gate or waiting somewhere else."

"Hmm..." The Warmaster hmmed. "They will act to protect the Anti-Tech ship. We will have to engage them without instrumentation."

"It's worse than that," said Mims. "They'll have decoys. Probably hundreds. Without sensors, we'll have no way to know which one's putting out the field." He scowled at the display and sipped his coffee. "Most of the Technocracy's forces are Peacekeeper units. We won't be able to use them until we take it out."

"Leaving the Empire to face the full might of the humans alone." Scathach frowned. "What of your implants? Can you not use those to sense where the last Lucendian is?"

"Not reliably," said Lissa. "If we link with a Lucendian ship we could, but we don't have the Skygem anymore." Yvian felt a pang at the mention of her lost friend.

"The Last Hope is too damaged to maneuver on her own," Scarrend added. He tilted his head. "Though perhaps she is in tact enough to release a Pulse. The Last Hope of Those Who Were Betrayed is far more powerful than Skygem was. A Pulse from her might disable the entire Federation fleet."

"It's worth looking into," Mims agreed. "If she's able, we can jump her into the system and have her do her thing once the Anti-Tech weapon shows up. Shut 'em all down in one go, then drop the Peacekeeper Queens and the Stingers to mop up."

"Are we sure?" asked Yvian. "The Pulse will take out the autopilot ships, but all the humans have to do is manually restart their reactors. They'll only be down for a minute or two."

"That is more than sufficient," said Kilroy. "Peacekeeper units will need a maximum of twelve point three seconds to locate and disable the Anti-Technology vessel."

"Ok, then," said the Captain. "Looks like we've got the start of a plan, at least." He sipped his coffee again. "Yvian, I'm going to have you head back to New Pixa. Talk to the Last Hope. See if she can do it and what she needs. Warmaster Scathach-"

"I will prepare my Hunters for battle." The Warmaster looked extremely pleased.

"Don't get their hopes up too much," Mims advised. "We want the Federation to surrender. Attacking Wet Sector's just a back up plan."

"A back up plan we will need," Scathach assured him. "I have fought the humans many times. They do not surrender."

"Alert," Kilroy interjected. His eyes turned red. "There is a matter that requires attention from the Mothers of Pixa."

"What is it?" asked Lissa.

"The pixens are rioting," the machine informed her.

"Which pixens?" Yvian asked. "Where?"

"All pixens," said the Peacekeeper. "Everywhere."

"What do you mean, all of them?" Lissa asked.

"This unit means all of them," Kilroy told her. "Every station and planet in the Confederation of Worlds with a significant population is experiencing widespread violence. The citizens on New Pixa itself are also rising up and exhibiting destructive behavior. Peacekeeper units are taking non-lethal action to contain the situation on New Pixa, but those citizens still in the Confederation of Worlds are either running unchecked or being brutally repressed."

"The hell?" said the Captain.

"That doesn't make sense," said Yvian. "Why would our people be rioting?"

"This unit believes the citizens are upset because their names have all been removed from the Registry of Families," Kilroy explained.

"The Regist..." Lissa stared at him. "Wait. What?"

The Registry of Families was the database containing the lineage of all living pixens. It had started as a way to prevent inbreeding after Yvian's people had become refugees, but now it held a much more important position. A pixen could only be removed from the Registry by her parents, and to be removed in such a way would make her motherless. Outcast. A motherless pixen was lower than the lowest slaver in the eyes of her people, and would be attacked and killed on sight if she dared interact with another pixen again.

"The entire pixen species has been removed from the Registry of Families," Kilroy repeated. "All pixens are now motherless."

"Gribshit," Lissa denied. "That's impossible. You need a witness and a DNA test to make changes to the Registry. No one could just..." She trailed off, eyes wide.

"A Synthetic Intelligence could," Mims pointed out.

"Or the humans," said Scarrend. "Your Registry is maintained on the Confederation's Nexus Network. It would be a simple matter to circumvent their security." He turned to Kilroy. "When did this happen?"

"Unknown," Kilroy reported. "The removal was discovered four hours, twenty three minutes and seven seconds ago."

"Crunch," Lissa swore. "This can't... Why would anyone...?"

"Lots of reasons," said the Captain. "The Confederation Government would love to get it's hands on New Pixa. The Pleasure Guilds want their favorite species to stop moving here."

"Or it's the humans," Yvian suggested. "We've got their backs to the wall. They could be buying time."

"Sending your entire species into chaos and rebellion would make an excellent diversion," Scathach agreed. "But the timing is suspect. The humans still have four days left before the deadline. An event like this would be more useful to them if they set it in motion later."

"Not necessarily." Mims set down his coffee. "You don't know how big a deal the Registry is. Making a pixen motherless is their equivalent to sending a Vrrl to Histel to be hunted for sport."

"Histel no longer exists," growled the Warmaster. "But I take your meaning. The ultimate dishonor, followed by the most shameful death."

"Exactly." Lissa stepped in. "Deleting the Registry would be bad enough, but deliberately making everyone motherless..." She shook her head. "It could tear our society apart."

"It might be even worse than that," Mims looked down at his cup. The cup was empty. "Whoever did this probably left evidence. Evidence pointing at us."

Yvian gasped at him. "You mean... a frame up?"

"It's what I would do." Mims stood up to get more coffee. "If word got out that the Mothers of Pixa tampered with the Registry..."

"They'd kill us," Yvian understood. "Crunch."

"This unit would prevent your death," Kilroy reassured her.

"Doesn't matter," she told him. "It would be the end of the Technocracy."

"Is there evidence?" Lissa asked. "It's been four hours. You must have investigated."

"Negative," said Kilroy. "Peacekeeper units found no indication of who tampered with the Registry or how it was done."

"Synthetic Intelligence then," said Scarrend. "Anything else would leave traces."

"The Federation could still have done it," The Captain scowled. "But it does rule out the Confed. If the Guilds or the Office of the Unknown did this, they would have definitely made the effort to frame us."

"We have to do something," Yvian decided.

"We can make a statement," said Lissa, "But I don't think it'll do much good." She frowned down at her beer. "Kilroy? Is there a way you could... put the names back? Get everyone on the Registry again?"

"Negative," said the Peacekeeper. "Peacekeeper units made the attempt when it was discovered Yvian Kiver's name had been removed fraudulently. There is no way to undo what has been done."

"Crunch."

"We could make a new Registry," Yvian suggested. "You know, start over?"

"This unit is surprised you made that suggestion," Kilroy said. "Has the Registry of Families not caused you significant harm?"

"Yeah," Yvian admitted. "Yeah, it did. But we've had it for centuries. It's... It's important to people."

"Maybe it doesn't have to be," said Mims. "You're not refugees anymore. Maybe it's time your species moved on."

"It's not that simple," said Lissa. She tried to drink more beer, but her bottle was empty.

"Change never is." Mims got up and pulled a beer out of the fridge. He handed it to Lissa. "It's a painful, unpredictable thing. But your people might be better for it."

"I can't make that decision," Lissa told him. "We can't. It's too big."

"You are the Mothers of Pixa," Kilroy reminded her. "If you cannot make that decision, who can?"

"I don't know." Lissa shook her head. "Can you make a new Registry or not?"

"Negative." Kilroy's eyes flashed purple and blue before going back to red. "While Peacekeeper units did attempt to reinstall Yvian Kiver's name, they have had no other reason to access to the Registry of Families. All pixens within five generations have been removed. Peacekeeper units do not have sufficient information to build a new Registry of Families."

"Shit." Lissa took a long swig of beer. "What are we gonna do?"

Yvian frowned at the Peacekeeper. He was lying. He had to be. The Peacekeepers were insatiably curious. They were also control freaks. There was no way in The Crunch they hadn't looked through the whole Registry at least once.

"First, we need to calm everyone down," said Mims. "You'll have to make some kind of statement. Give a speech, I dunno. Anything we can do to stop the riots. Our people on New Pixa will be fine, but the Confed's gonna start slaughtering people if this keeps up."

"This unit is already taking steps to address the issue," Kilroy informed them. "This conversation has been transmitted to all pixens in real time since this unit gave the alert."

Mims blinked. "You've been what?"

"This unit has been transmitting this conversation to all pixens in real time since it gave the alert," Kilroy repeated.

"Goddamnit, Kilroy!" Mims reached for a console and deactivated the holodisplay. "We've got fucking war plans on display right now."

"This unit has censored out the holodisplay," Kilroy reassured him, "and the Confederation already knows of your alliance with the Vrrl."

"That's not the point," the Captain snapped at him. "Stop fucking recording us without permission."

"No, he's right," said Lissa. "If we want people to know it wasn't us, putting our genuine reactions all over the Nex is a good start."

"We still need to find out who did this," Yvian decided. "I think it was Reba or the humans, but we need to know for sure."

"Our people need someone to blame," Lissa agreed. "It would be better if we could point them at the right person."

"Or thing," said Mims. "My money's on Reba. This is the kind of petty gribshit she gets off on."

"Can we even explain if it's her?" Yvian asked. "She's got the Federation Nexus filtering out all mention of her. I don't see why she wouldn't have done that to the Confed, too."

"One problem at a time," said the Captain. "Kilroy, I want you to assign some units to find out who did this. Get us everything they can in the next forty-eight hours."

"Affirmative," Kilroy agreed.

"I'll start working on a statement," said Lissa. "Yvian, I think I'm gonna need you to write a speech."

"What?" Yvian blinked. "Me?"

"You're the first person the Confed made motherless," her sister pointed out. "You've got a unique perspective."

"But I don't..." Yvian scratched her head. "I'm not really... good... at the speech thing."

"Affirmative," Kilroy agreed. His eyes flashed yellow. "Do not worry, Yvian Kiver. This unit will assist you."

"Crunch." Yvian was gonna need more beer.

"I think the use of this war meeting has ended," Skrell Scathach cut in. "I doubt there is anything the Empire can do for you, but do not hesitate to ask."

"We will," said Lissa. "Thank you, Warmaster."

"We are allies," he reminded her. "Thanks are not necessary." He gave everyone a measured nod. "I will return to the Priderender now. Good day."

Lissa watched him leave the kitchen. Then she stood. "Alright people, let's get to work. Kilroy, you can stop recording now."

"Affirmative." Kilroy's eyes flashed yellow. "Recording ended."

Yvian finished her beer, then squinted at the Peacekeeper. "You already know who tampered with the Registry, don't you?"

"Of course," said Kilroy. "It was this unit."

Lissa choked on her beer. It took several seconds of sputtering and coughing before she could croak, "You!?"

"Affirmative." The machine was calm. "The tradition of motherlessness is harmful to the citizens of New Pixa. All Peacekeeper units agreed that steps should be taken."

Yvian opened her mouth to yell at him. Then she closed it. This was her fault. She was the one who told the Peacekeeper how wrong it was to make someone motherless. She couldn't fault him for taking action. More importantly, now that she thought about it he wasn't wrong. Yvian would never have dared tamper with the Registry herself, but she sure as Crunch wouldn't mourn the damned thing.

"I don't disagree with you Kilroy," Mims stepped in, "but you don't really think this is going to change things overnight, do you?"

"Negative," the machine admitted. "It will take decades or centuries to remove the traditions of the Registry of Families from pixen society. This was merely a necessary first step."

"You shouldn't have done that," said Lissa. "You should have talked to us, first."

"No the fuck he shouldn't," said Mims. "You ever hear of plausible deniability?"

While the others were talking, Yvian finished her beer and made a decision. She stood up and walked over to Kilroy, stopping just within arms reach. She stared into his glowing red eyes. Her own eyes watered.

Seconds passed. The room fell silent. Kilroy stared back, the red glow slowly fading from his gaze. This man, this machine... Yvian knew what it was to be loved. Her sister loved her. Mims loved her. Even Scarrend cared, though he'd never admitted it. But this... What Kilroy had done for her... First with Yasme, and now this...

A sob escaped her. Yvian dove at the machine, wrapping her arms around him. Clutching at his heavy Peacekeeper suit, pressing herself against the unyielding metal of his chassis. It was like hugging a statue, at first. Then Kilroy did something she never expected. He hugged her back. Gently, carefully, arms that could toss a voidship wrapped around her. Yvian cried, held by the machine.

"Thank you," she blubbered. "Thank you. I love you, Kilroy."

"This unit loves you too," the machine murmured, "Mother Yvian."