Hogwarts’ John Wick

The first class was the History of Magic. John went to see the Whomping Willow that was hit by his father before class.

The Whomping Willow is a large, violent tree on the grounds of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It lashes out at anything that comes too close.

When John arrived at the Whomping Willow, he saw two people already there.

"I once encountered a Whomping Willow on my travels. You just have to do this..."

"Stop it! You'll only make it angrier!"

"Don't worry. I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, holder of the Order of Merlin, Third Class, and winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award."

Boom!

"Strange, why isn't it working?—Ah!"

"Shut up!—Ugh!!"

Smack!

Slap!

John watched as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, who claimed to know everything, pulled out his wand and cast a spell, successfully enraging the Whomping Willow.

The Herbology professor, Professor Sprout, who was there as well, got caught in the chaos and was flung away by the tree.

At that moment, Professor Sprout felt a strong urge to strangle Lockhart. This former Ravenclaw student was proving to be a know-it-all with more confidence than sense.

Professor Sprout was utterly exasperated. She couldn't fathom why Dumbledore would bring back this disgrace to Ravenclaw to teach.

"It's fine, Professor Sprout. I've traveled with trolls before; treating such injuries is a piece of cake for me."

"Stop it, don't come any closer!"

Professor Sprout, despite her short and stout frame, managed to muster an incredible amount of strength, scrambling out of the Whomping Willow's attack range.

She was genuinely terrified. If this continued, either the Whomping Willow or she herself would end up dead.

Using the excuse that class was about to start, she hastily urged the annoying man to leave.

"That know-it-all is the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor?"

John had witnessed the entire fiasco of Lockhart endangering a seasoned Herbology professor and was now deep in thought.

"Even if they replace the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor every year, surely they wouldn't hire someone like this?"

Reflecting on the Lockhart books he'd read, John seriously doubted if this Lockhart was the same person who wrote those books.

"Could there be ghostwriters in the magical world too?"

With this seed of suspicion planted, John approached the Whomping Willow after the two had left.

John had seen on the Marauder's Map that there was a hidden passageway beneath the Whomping Willow, but figuring out how to approach it was the problem.

The Whomping Willow was extremely aggressive. Its branches, normally upright, were now drooping in several places—no doubt due to his father's earlier collision.

As John moved closer, one of the branches lashed out at him. He quickly stepped back to avoid it, watching as the Whomping Willow's thrashing branches made it clear that it was not to be trifled with.

"It's so sensitive and active. If I could use it to make a protective charm, it might have some unexpected effects," he mused, rubbing his chin and eyeing the damaged area of the tree.

John was already plotting where he could take a piece of the tree. As for treating the Whomping Willow, he figured a bit of damage was quite normal.

Drawing his wand with his left hand and unsheathing his sword, he cast, "Petrificus Totalus."

The branch stopped mid-swing. Seizing the moment, John used his flying boots to leap up and quickly cut off a piece of the broken branch.

After completing this task, he used his flying boots to swiftly retreat. The Whomping Willow, recovering from the spell, resumed its furious thrashing, looking like a chaotic dance of angry branches.

"Alright, alright, I just needed to study you to see how I can help treat you," John said, trying to soothe the enraged tree from a safe distance.

John felt completely justified, even thinking that the Whomping Willow was being overly petty.

'It's such a big tree, what's the harm in giving me a little piece? Hmph!' he thought.

Waving his hand dismissively, John tucked the branch into his small backpack and turned to leave without a second thought.

As for treating the Whomping Willow, he realized that this specialized problem might require a more professional touch. Professor Sprout seemed like an excellent choice for this task.

With class time approaching, John, familiar with all the secret passages of Hogwarts, was not in the least bit worried. 

He arrived just in time, stepping into the classroom at the last possible moment before History of Magic began.

Professor Binns, who had once fallen asleep and forgotten to take his body with him when he woke up, was now teaching I a ghostly state. His lessons were as lifeless and monotonous as his ghostly appearance, making it difficult for anyone to stay awake.

Even John struggled to stay awake, pretending to read the History of Magic textbook while actually studying his alchemy notes.

After enduring History of Magic, the afternoon brought Defense Against the Dark Arts.

During lunch, Ron was muttering curses at his broken wand.

"My mother always said Lockhart was a brave wizard," Ron complained.

Unlike the expectant Daphne, John, recalling the scene he witnessed that morning, had no expectations whatsoever for the Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

He meticulously peeled a potato, then popped it into his mouth.

Malfoy wasn't around because he had gone off to mock Harry.

This morning, Harry had been caught by Lockhart and used for more publicity, which made young Malfoy intensely jealous.

Daphne had forgotten to bring her mother's new book, "Magical Me," for Lockhart to sign, so she went back to get it.

Hermione, carrying Lockhart's book, walked over with a slight blush on her face, full of anticipation. "I wonder what kind of exciting lesson Professor Lockhart will bring us, just like the adventures in his books."

"Uh... that might be a bit difficult," John hesitated to tell her the truth.

Seeing Hermione's love-struck expression, he thought she might be devastated when she learned the reality.

Usually, Hermione would pick up on the implication in John's words, but now she was too engrossed in her admiration for Lockhart.

John found it amusing. If this moment were captured on film, it would be an excellent piece of scandalous material when Hermione became Minister of Magic.

Meanwhile, Harry was having a rough time, not just because of Malfoy's taunting but also because of the awkwardness caused by Lockhart's arrival.

Colin Creevey, a first-year Gryffindor student, was also Harry Potter's ardent admirer.

Colin snapped pictures of Harry with his camera, and when Lockhart arrived, he even asked Colin to take a photo of the two of them together. This made Harry extremely uncomfortable.

As the afternoon class bell rang, Lockhart, feeling quite pleased with himself, walked off with Harry under his arm. Ron and Hermione were left behind, as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor seemed to relish the attention.

John finished his last potato and joined Ron, who was red-faced from Malfoy's taunting.

"Don't let it bother you, Ron. I heard your wand is broken?" John asked.

Ron, looking dejected, pulled out his wand, which was broken in two.

John examined the wand and noticed that the core was still intact, which was good news. Given that the damage was caused by his own father, John felt a responsibility to help fix it.

After inspecting the wand for a moment, John said, "I'm currently learning wand-making. I might be able to help repair it."

"Really? That would be amazing! Thank you, John!" Ron exclaimed, overjoyed. He knew that if Mrs. Weasley found out he had broken his wand, she might send another Howler.

This was like a lifeline, and Ron was extremely grateful.

"Class is about to start. I'll help you fix it once I gather the materials," John said, returning the wand to Ron. The group headed to their Defense Against the Dark Arts class, which they had with another house.

The new classroom was adorned with photos, all featuring none other than Gilderoy Lockhart.

...

Shortly after entering the classroom, Lockhart arrived. Unlike other professors, he wore a flamboyant, sky-blue robe with a matching hat edged in gold, and his shiny blond hair was meticulously styled.

Malfoy scowled, still bitter about Lockhart's photo op with Harry, and let out a disapproving sound.

In stark contrast, the girls were enthralled. Their eyes sparkled, and their cheeks flushed; they were clearly starstruck. Many of them, or their mothers, were fans of Lockhart's books.

As a fraud, Lockhart excelled at memory charms, but he also had striking looks that won him admirers.

His flamboyant appearance was matched by his grandiose self-introduction.

"I am Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League."

"Five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award… though I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her."

He ended with a lame joke that unfortunately went over everyone's heads.

John was speechless. After such a lengthy introduction, the only somewhat useful information was his honorary membership in the Dark Force Defense League. Otherwise, he seemed like a complete show-off.

John's suspicions were quickly confirmed when Lockhart's first lesson turned out to be a quiz.

The content of the quiz left John bewildered.

1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What do you think is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement so far?

What kind of nonsense is this? Are you sure you're here to teach a class and not to host a fan meeting?

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Thanks to all my Patrons of Hogwarts' John Wick for making this possible!♥♥

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