Her True Form

Yvette felt her heart pounding harder with every step they took, though she knew it was such a silly and small thing to get so excited over. She just couldn’t help herself from getting a silly grin on her face the longer it continued. She’d never thought such a thing would happen, but now it was.

Gervas and her were holding hands while they walked.

“Is this really that big a deal?” Gervas asked. “I’ve held your hand plenty of times.”

“No, you’ve taken me BY the hand, that’s different,” Yvette said in an almost singsong tone. “This is entirely different.”

“It’s really not,” Gervas said with a small shake of his head. “It’s holding hands.”

“It’s different. Kind of. I think. Can I please just have this?” Yvette asked before glancing over at him.

Gervas chuckled and gave a small nod. “Very well, as you wish.” He gave her hand a tight little squeeze.

Yvette couldn’t help feeling her cheeks getting hotter. His hands were bigger than hers, though that wasn’t much of a surprise. They were definitely stronger, a bit harder as well. While she had spent most of her life training with pen and spell, the callouses on his fingers from sword training felt rough against her skin. Not bad, though. In fact, when he held her hand she felt as if nothing could tear her away from him. As if the whole world would fade away and he still wouldn’t let her go. She gave a soft, gentle sigh and closed her eyes to enjoy the moment. Reality responded to her enjoyment by having a rock shift underfoot, making her shriek and nearly toppling over. He quickly moved to catch her, twisting around so his other hand gripped her shoulder and held her up. “Yvette? Can you please be careful.”

“Sorry,” Yvette said, staring up at him. “I just got a bit lost in the moment.”

“Lost in the… it’s just us holding hands,” Gervas said, his voice actually flustered.

“Yes, but you’re doing it with me! Willingly! And I never thought I’d be allowed something like that,” Yvette said, her cheeks going even redder.

Gervas sighed and shook his head. “It’s not that rare, lots of girls... oh,” he said, staring at her for a long moment. “Right. Yeah, okay, I guess that makes sense. Sorry. Just please be careful. If you get yourself killed getting ‘lost in the moment’, there won’t be any more moments. Understand?”

Yvette nodded. “I will. You worry too much, though. You act like I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Do you ever?” Gervas asked with a small, teasing grin.

“I always do,” Yvette said quickly before cutting him off before he could say anything. “Just because I make terrible decisions all the time doesn’t mean I don’t know they’re terrible decisions. But that’s where all the fun stuff happens.”

Gervas let out a quick laugh then, covering his mouth and shaking his head. “Okay, that one I will give you. It certainly is a very mage-like method of going through life.”

Yvette nodded, giving his hand another squeeze. She then moved in a little closer, bumping her shoulder against his arm. “I never did think this would happen, though.”

“Why?” Gervas asked, glancing over at her.

“I mean, I’m me. I didn’t think anyone would everwant to. With me. Or think of me in a way like that, you know?” Yvette said.

“You know, I’ve never really talked with you much about that. What was it like, growing up where you did? Especially once you found out about all of this?” Gervas asked.

Yvette went quiet for a moment as she thought back to how her first experiences there had been. “It was a life,” she said. “Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I was incredibly unhappy when I first got there, though.”

“You were?” Gervas asked. “I figured you would have been overjoyed to find out you were going to learn magic.”

Yvette shook her head and squeezed his hand. “Not quite. When I first went there, it felt like my family was disowning me. My brothers all got to stay home, so I didn’t understand why I was being sent away. Now I’m pretty happy about it. But when I first got there I kept hoping Master Betan would send me away and decide I wasn’t worth the effort. I tossed things, broke things, intentionally messed up spells.”

Gervas cringed, shaking his head. “That sounds dangerous.”

“It was, sometimes. But Master Betan was incredibly patient with me. Stern, but patient. Whenever I messed up, he’d just start again and make me keep trying it. I’m pretty sure he knew I was messing up on purpose, but he didn’t give up on me,” Yvette said.

“You sound like you miss him,” Gervas said.

“I do,” Yvette said.

“But you said he never really accepted you,” Gervas said.

“Oh, no. He never even gave me a real chance to be me,” Yvette said, squeezing his hand again. “And I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make him understand. But other than that he was a pretty good teacher. Strict, stubborn, always thought he knew what was best.”

“Oh, a stubborn mage, can’t imagine what that must be like to deal with,” Gervas said with a teasing tone.

Yvette stuck her tongue out at him before rolling her eyes. “But other than that, he was pretty great. I always thought if I could just say the right words to him, if I could just get him to, just once, try and understand I could make him get it. I could make him see why it was so important to me.”

“That can be hard,” Gervas said. “Sometimes there are just people who, no matter what you say, no matter how hard you need them to, they won’t listen to you.”

“Yeah,” Yvette said gently. “When we first started he thought I was going to be a fire mage, I think he’d always been a fan of it. It wasn’t really his specialty, but it was a useful type of magic. But well, I almost burned the tower down a half dozen times. I can do a few decent fire spells, but I think we both know what my specialty is by now.” She gave his hand a little squeeze and felt tears on the edge of her eyes. She quickly tried to blink them away. “Do you think he’ll finally understand once this is all over? Once I’m a girl? Why I had to do this? Or will I always just be the student who went fallen on him?”

“Do you want the honest answer or the good answer?” Gervas asked.

“Honest,” Yvette said, though she really wished it was anything but.

“No, I don’t think he will,” Gervas said. “I’d love to say he would understand eventually, but if you’ve lived with him so long and been trained by him, yet he was still unwilling to see Yvette? I don’t think his mind will ever change.”

Yvette nodded, though the thought of it made her heart sink into her stomach. “I know it’s silly, but I just…” Her hand tightened around his. “I just want him to know me. Yvette. He was so patient with me. Even after I messed up spells or when I couldn’t figure out how certain spells worked, he always helped me with them. Even when my family wanted nothing to do with me, even when they all but dumped me on his footsteps, he still took care of me and he was pretty much the closest thing to a parent I had. I just want him to get to know me. Is that so wrong?” Yvette asked, leaning up against him again.

Gervas shook his head. “I don’t think so. He was your mentor and you depended on him for most of your life. It’s only natural that you’d want him to be there for you when all is said and done. But you can’t go through your life looking for acceptance from the people who will never give it to you.”

“I know. It’s still hard, though. How about you? Did you have anyone like that?” Yvette asked.

Gervas frowned, looking thoughtful for a few minutes. “A few. I think.”

“You think?” Yvette asked.

Gervas sighed and she felt his hand tighten slightly around hers. “Sometimes pieces of my childhood are a little hard to entirely remember. It’s hard to tear away which pieces are real and which ones aren’t. I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“But you should--”

“Yvette,” Gervas said quickly, cutting her off. “Don’t. Just don’t, please.”

Yvette stared at him for a few moments before giving a small nod. Maybe eventually he’d be able to talk to her about it, but forcing him wouldn’t be right. However, there was something she could ask about. “Fine, let’s talk about something else. What would you say your most interesting job was?”

“Most interesting job?” Gervas asked.

“Well, you’ve done a lot of mercenary work, haven’t you? You must have done something pretty interesting now and again. Soooo, what was the most interesting one?” Yvette asked.

“Probably keeping you alive,” Gervas said before giving her a cheeky grin.

“You know what I mean,” Yvette said, glaring at him.

“Well, we did a job for a dragon once. That was kind of interesting,” Gervas said.

Yvette stopped, staring at him for a long moment. He kept walking, only stopping when he almost pulled her over with him. “What?” he asked.

“You did a job for a DRAGON?” Yvette asked. “Why am I only hearing about this now?”

“Because that was the most interesting part of it,” Gervas said.

“That’s a pretty interesting part! What do you mean? What did you do? Fight another dragon? Locate some ancient--”

“It was guard duty,” Gervas said with a roll of his eyes. “No, not even that. Guard theater. We were basically just there to put on a grandiose display.”

“You met a dragon and all you did was guard duty?” Yvette asked.

“It was good pay and we didn’t have to fight anything. It was mostly just a march and looking impressive. And I didn’t really meet the dragon, I more just saw them from afar when they flew overhead.”

Yvette let out a low, annoyed groan. “That’s so boring, how do you meet a dragon and just see it?”

“That’s what a lot of our work was,” Gervas said with a light chuckle. “Well, the good work. Other work was usually boring, terrifying or just plain terrible due to the weather. It wasn’t nearly as exciting as a few months tending to the needs of random mages who try to get themselves killed.”

“Okay, how about that. Why did you stop?” Yvette asked. “Mercenary work, I mean. Why become leave it all behind? Did something-- ow, ow ow,” she said, almost dropping when his hand squeezed hers so tight she worried it might break.

Gervas quickly let her hand go. “Sorry. I don’t want to talk about it,” he said quickly. “Are you okay?”

Yvette shook her hand a few times, eyeing him suspiciously. He was walking faster now, making her struggle to keep up. “Gervas? What’s wrong?”

“A mission went poorly. Most the fighting company fell apart and so I left,” Gervas said firmly. “Everyone went their own separate ways. I had a few connections that I used, called in some favors. From there, this line of work just worked for me. That’s it.”

Yvette nodded, though she suspected there was more to it than that. But pushing him further wouldn’t do her any good. Worse, judging by how fast he was now walking, pushing for any more answers would only anger him. So for now, she’d let it go. But she’d find out one day, she was sure.