Her True Form

Yvette froze, her eyes widening at the question. After a moment she pulled back from him, the words cutting through her like a knife. Her breathing got faster, her feet dug into the ground, an all too familiar storm of emotions forming inside her. She clenched her fists so tight her fingers dug into her palm. She couldn’t believe she’d felt pity for him. How could he use it just to hurt her?

Gervas moved up to stand between them, his hand now firmly gripping his sword.

“I’m a girl,” Yvette said, struggling to keep the anger and hurt out of her voice. “Why would you even think I am a boy?”

Osiron pulled back and shook his head. “My… my apologies. I merely… I thought...”

“You thought what?” Yvette asked, digging her nails into her palms even harder.

“I thought… maybe… you were pretending to be a girl and--”

She couldn’t contain it anymore. Yvette pushed past Gervas and reached out with both her hands and shoved Osiron with all her might. It was like trying to push a wall, he barely moved at all and even then she suspected it was more so she didn’t get hurt, than her actually moving him. She didn’t care, though. “I’m not a boy. I’ll never be a boy. I don’t care what you or anyone else says,” she whispered, barely able to keep the fury out of her voice when she felt that storm growing inside her, fresh tears starting to form in the corner of her eyes. How could he say this? Everyone else here seemed happy to accept that she was a girl, who was he to think otherwise? Why did it always have to end up like this? She felt fear starting to swell in her heart. What if he told everyone? How would they react?

“It’s not because, I just, I thought… I want to know why,” he said, backing away, his head low. “I’m not calling you a… I just want to know… why? Or how? Or… I...”

Yvette found that storm being pushed back by confusion. Why? How? She’d expected more harshness, someone telling her she was wrong. But the confusion and shame on the zmaj’s face was not what she was used to. She reached out and took Gervas’ hand, pulling him a little closer. There was something off about his words, the way he looked at her. “What do you mean, why? Because I’m a girl. Why else would I be a girl?”

“Then… I’m right? Am I? Are you not a...”

Yvette gave Gervas a confused look, which he matched. Finally, she took a deep breath and shook her head. “No. I’m not a… normal girl,” she said firmly. “I’m… I was born with the wrong… body. So. No. But I am a girl. Why? Are you going to tell anyone?”

“No. I...” He closed his eyes and sighed. “Why?” he finally asked. “How do you… why are you… why be a...” The creature clenched his fists and then shook his head. Yvette’s eyes widened when a new, strange thought came to her mind. It wasn’t possible. He couldn’t. “I’m sorry to have bothered you. I don’t--”

“Do you feel that way?” Yvette asked, her heart beginning to pound faster.

He cringed and stood up straighter, taking a further step back from her words than from her shove. “Of course not. I--”

“Is that why you want to know?” Yvette asked again. “Are you… not sure how you… I’m sorry. That probably sounds...”

Gervas sighed and shook his head. He reached out, patting her head. “Yvette, stop. You’re unique. Special. Don’t push him like this. He’s not going to--”

“Sometimes. I think,” Osiron said, cutting him off. “I think. I don’t know. I tried not to think about it. I have thought about it. Before. But I’ve never really...” He trailed off, shuffling slightly when he spoke. “I saw you. I thought… sorry.”

Yvette’s eyes lit up and she slowly reached out to take his hand once more. She wondered if it would be her hand, now? Either way, Yvette felt a giddy excitement flowing through her. “You do?” she asked, struggling to keep the excitement from filling her voice. “I mean, that you… you really feel that way, too?”

“I did. I think,” he said, pulling his hand back and staring down at her. “I just… I saw you and I… I had all those thoughts come back when I watched you. I just… I mean, I don’t feel that way now. But I did. I wanted to ask how--”

“Do you want to be a girl?” Yvette asked.

“I don’t--”

“I don’t mean in a ‘what you want’ sense. I mean, do you actually want to be a girl? Right now? Well, not right now. But… soon. Maybe. I think I could do it.”

Osiron stared at her, confusion and just a hint of fear showing on his reptilian features. “I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”

Yvette sighed. “I’m a mage. More importantly, my specialization is transfiguration. Namely, transforming one thing into another thing. Turning into a bear, a cat, a horse--”

“A moose,” Gervas said with a light sigh.

“Reindeer!” Yvette snapped at him, glaring at her bodyguard before turning back to the zmaj with a smile. “Or… a girl.”

“You can do that?” Osiron asked. Yvette could see the way his eyes lit up, the excitement. More importantly, that desire that burned so firmly in her own heart. As well as that fear.

“I can. Well, it won’t be permanent,” Yvette said quickly. “At least, not yet. I’m working on that. I’ve never actually changed the gender of another person, but I can. I think. If you want. If you want to see how it feels.”

Osiron stared at her for a few terrifying moments. Finally, he glanced left and right, before nodding. “If… you can. If it wouldn’t cause you any harm or--”

“It won’t. I swear it won’t,” she said quickly. “It might take a bit of practice, but--”

“But no one else can know,” Osiron said quickly. “And it doesn’t mean I want to. I am just curious, that’s all.”

“Of course. Just curious!” Yvette said, her heart pounding. What if this person was like her? She remembered all of those fears, those worries. She’d never seen anyone else who had those doubts, who had wished they could have been born a woman. Who would have given anything to just feel right in their own body. How could she run into someone here? It seemed almost impossible. But it also felt so exciting. She felt giddy. Terrible for this person. But also it felt incredible to not feel alone. “So, ummm, did you want to come back to where we’re staying? Or did you want to do it here? And did you have a different name you wanted to go by? Is there a girl name for--”

Osiron shook his head. “No. I’m Osiron! And I’m not like you. I’m just curious. That’s all. I want to know. I’m still a man. I just am curious. I want to...” He gave a soft sigh. “Just come with me. Please.” He then turned and started walking through the street once more.

Yvette nodded, following after him and motioning for Gervas to follow her. He moved besides her, glancing down. “Yvette...” he whispered. He motioned around with his hand.

“What? Isn’t this exciting?” she asked. “It’ll be fine.” Though, she couldn’t help but notice that when they went to follow the zmaj, that they were being watched. Some had poked their heads out from their homes, others were in the shadows, possibly drawn by their discussion. None of them seemed intent on interfering, but the looks were fairly obvious. Untrusting, unsure. She made a mental note to remember that they were guests here. She really hoped they hadn’t seen her shove Osiron. She nervously gave a small wave and, fortunately, some waved back.

“How is this exciting? I don’t think… I don’t know. But they’re not like you. We’re drawing attention, too.”

She shrugged. “Maybe? Maybe not? Who knows? Us, once we’re done. It’ll be easy. If they’re nothing like me, I’ll end the spell. But if they’re like me, at least they’ll know. That’s something, right?”

“Can you even do this?” he asked.

“Yes. Maybe. I think so. Listen, it can’t be that hard. I’ve transformed things before. Lots of things. A person can’t be much harder,” she said firmly. “I’ve transformed people before, too. And this isn’t even into another thing, they’ll still be a zmaj.”

“Are you sure you even can shift a zmaj?” Gervas asked.

“I don’t know. Probably? Either way, I’ll figure it out. How hard could it be?” she asked.

------

Yvette stared around the small home in confusion. She thought back to her own room, back in her master’s tower. She’d done everything she could to make it as feminine as possible. She’d often used a bit of magic to recolor things whatever the current ‘seasonal’ color was, would decorate with little pieces of jewelry or trinkets she’d managed to acquire. She’d even left more than a few of her dresses out. When someone came into her room, she’d always wanted them to see the room as being a ‘girl’s room’.

This room could have easily been Gervas’. Like the structure the two were designated, this home was shaped like a small, hollow mountain made of stone. While not very big, it was far fuller. On the right sight of the room, a large bed of skins and furs rested, much like their own except larger. She couldn’t help but notice that it was almost like a pile of hunting trophies. There were wooden shelves on the left side of the home, filled with assorted, folded garments. Thick leather armor with metal plates lining it hung on top of a wooden pole besides the shelves. Aside from an instrument, four connected drums of different sizes, there didn’t seem to be much in the room of a more personal nature.

“You live here?” she asked softly.

“Indeed. Why?”

“I mean… are all the homes like this?” she asked, eyeing the bed once more.“It’s… interesting.”

“What?” he asked, eyeing her. “It’s comfortable.”

“I mean, how do you… err...”

“What?” he asked once more, the frustration growing in his voice, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“Prepare meals? If you--”

“We have communal meals,” he said, relaxing slightly. “Space is limited. It is far more efficient to have all meals prepared in one place, by those who prefer such preparations. Who are chosen by the flames.”

She nodded, looking around again. She couldn’t deny that it was likely more efficient. But then, these houses didn’t seem to be very efficient. “Are all homes like this? I mean, I know they are, but… err...”

“What?” Osiron asked again, giving a soft, low growl.

“You’re just… what about personal items?” she asked again.

“I have plenty,” he said, before motioning to a large sword nearly the size of her.

“That’s a weapon,” she said.

“I like weapons,” Osiron said, the annoyance shifting to anger. “Why?”

“It’s just not very...” Yvette trailed off and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry. I just let my mind wander,” she said quickly before stepping forward. She reached up her left hand to touch the bracer, small dots forming all along it. “Here. May I see your hand?” she asked.

Osiron nodded and put his hand into hers.

Yvette closed her eyes and focused her magic, taking a slow, deep breath. In theory, she knew this was easy. Changing another person wasn’t that much more difficult than changing herself. So long as the other person didn’t resist, at least.

In theory.

In actuality, however, it was more difficult because of one simple problem. She couldn’t FEEL what was happening to the other person. Her magic moved out, mixing with the zmaj’s magic. It flowed through the other, mixing and swirling with ease. Osiron didn’t resist. In fact, he kept his eyes closed.

It still felt odd, though. There was magic in Osiron, but nothing like hers. She had grown and shaped her magic over the last decade or so. While she had been decently talented, much of her power came from building it up and using it over the years. The magic in Osiron was so much different from the magic she knew, it was so much weaker and thinner. Fortunately, minor alterations like this weren’t too difficult.

An advantage of transfiguration was that so much of it was already ‘known’ by the spell. Or maybe the magic itself knew? She wasn’t entirely sure. But while she didn’t know all of the details and minor facets of how different animals or species worked, the magic could, usually, figure out what it was supposed to be. There had been so many theories as to what caused this. Her preferred theory was that there were so many ‘true forms’ of different creatures out there, a base form. That when a person didn’t try to form something specific, it would just flow into that form, applying the form over their true form. While it would fade with time, depending on how difficult the form was to take and maintain, it made the spell far easier. So long as you had the required components, a strong image of what you wanted in mind and the talent to ensure it didn’t all go wild or try to shift to a different form.

Granted, the spell itself had a number of other issues. For one, tapping into these other forms required years of study. Then there was the issue of accidentally ‘forcing’ the form to work a certain way, or not go fully. There were so many horror stories that she had grown up hearing about young mages who accidentally ended up turning themselves into monstrous abominations, half cow, half chicken, or missing body parts, other body parts not coming in right. While she’d never heard any stories of it happening recently, there were fables about mages who even died by adopting a form they couldn’t take and live.

Horror stories like that were yet another reason that altering one’s true form was considered so horrifying. To turn someone into something that could not be undone was beyond compare to the mind’s of many.

Fortunately, however, changing a gender was far easier. It was such a minor alteration, one that involved more nudging the body in the correct manner, shifting and changing it slightly. A spell she had done countless times over the years to herself, doing it to another was almost simple. Her magic flowed through Osiron, guiding his own magic around and nudging and prodding at the form. Once altered, her own magic locked Osiron’s magic into place, using it like magical locks supporting this new form. They’d revert within a short time, but until they did, Osiron would be different.

Once she was finished, Yvette took a step back and looked up at the new zmaj before her. Osiron didn’t look very different, though. More shocked. Smaller, but only a little. With slightly softer looking scales. A bit more curvy.

She would have felt proud, normally. However, she couldn’t take her eyes of Osiron’s face.

Osiron was staring at her claws, her eyes wide. Tears formed in those eyes, slowly flowing down her scaled face. Finally, she gently spoke up. “G-get out.”

“What?” Yvette asked.

“Get out. Get out!” Osiron said, nearly yelling. Nearly.

Except her voice had come out as so soft, the anger only a small hint of what was happening.

Yvette had experienced this enough times to know that feeling. To remember all the times she had only allowed herself to feel angry. When she felt that anger like a small film over a massive bubble of sadness. The way it felt as if it was growing larger and larger, spreading the anger more and more. Knowing that if she didn’t get away soon, if she didn’t drive people off, she’d entirely break down and start crying. That desperate need to just hide how hurt and upset she really was. “Osiron...” she whispered.

“Yvette,” Gervas said, gripping her hand. “It’s time for us to go. He’s--”

“No,” she whispered, moving forward. She pulled her hand from his and instead reached out, placing a hand on Osiron’s shoulder. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“Go… away,” Osiron whispered, her body shaking. The words were gruff, but slightly softer. But so incredibly weak. “Please.”

“No. I don’t think you should be alone right now. Please. Tell me. What’s...” Yvette trailed off and looked at the other woman. Then her eyes widened and she felt tears form in the corner of her own eyes. “Oh by the stars. I’m so, so sorry,” she whispered, before stepping forward and hugging the other woman around the neck as tightly as she could.

“Yvette?” Gervas asked. “Err, Osiron?”

“Not now,” she said, holding the zmaj tightly. “We’ll talk later. Oh Osiron, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t think about this. It didn’t even occur to me.”

Yvette felt like a fool. She remembered when she’d first turned into a woman. That feeling of everything being right. The moment she’d felt that strange sensation of wrongness disappear. For a few moments she’d been so happy, so blindingly happy. She’d nearly jumped up and ran around.

It hadn’t been until after her lessons that the true horror of her situation, of her problem, had struck home.

She was a girl trapped in the body of a boy. Up until that point she had been able to ignore it. To push it aside. To pretend that it wasn’t right. She’d been able to make excuses. Been able to tell herself that it wasn’t true. That she was just a boy who was a bit odd. Every boy had thoughts like that. Every boy wondered what it was like to be a girl, to move like a girl, to dress like a girl. She’d been able to convince herself that she was just having weird feelings and that they didn’t really matter.

She’d been able to convince herself that, once she turned into a girl, she’d realize it wasn’t right. That it was just a weird feeling. That she WAS a boy. She’d managed to tell herself that lie, again and again.

She hadn’t expected that being a girl would be so right. She hadn’t expected it to feel as if, for once, everything just made sense. She hadn’t expected all of that pain and suffering to just vanish.

As hard as she tried after that, she couldn’t undo what she had done. The pain she had lived her life so long with had finally been acknowledged. Once she finally knew what it was like to not feel it, to not suffer through it, how could she go back to that pain? How could she endure it when she knew what it was like to just be normal?

She’d challenged her fears, forced herself to face the true gravity of what she was, what she felt. Then found it all to be true. There was no way for her to go back to what she had been.

She’d been so certain that once she tried it, she’d know it wasn’t what she wanted. But now that she knew the cure, there was no way she could ever go back. She was finally able to feel happy. To be happy. She knew what she needed to stop suffering, to make her life better.

In the end, she’d had no choice but to go forward, to make plans. To pursue what she needed to be. Because, if she didn’t, there was nothing else she could do. That pain would only grow and grow until she completely gave into despair.

It had been worth it, in the end. Even with all the costs and pain she had to go through, being herself was worth it. Even becoming a fallen mage was worth it, if she could be herself. But in those moments, when everything came crashing down on her, when she finally understood what she was, when she finally saw that the only way to truly be herself, to get rid of that pain, was to give up so, so much, she’d nearly broken entirely. Even if she had recovered, it had taken so long to do. And that was only when she knew that fixing herself was possible.

“I know how you feel right now,” she whispered.

“I’m not a… I’m not...”

“I know. I know,” Yvette whispered. “Trust me, I know. I’ve been here. Oh by the stars I’ve been here. I’m so sorry. I didn’t even… I should have warned you.”

“I don’t… I can’t...”

“I know. I know. It feels… right… doesn’t it?”

“It’s not… It’s not...”

“You hoped it would go away if you just tried it, didn’t you?” Yvette whispered, holding the other woman so tight that Osiron’s scales dug lightly into her skin. “That if you tried it, you’d know what it was like and then you’d know it wasn’t right...”

“Go away… I’m… I’m not a… I’m not...”

“I’m not a girl, right?” Yvette asked. “Trust me. I know those words. ‘I’m not a girl, I am a boy.’ I used to tell myself those so many times. But it feels so… right, doesn’t it?”

“Why did I… why…?”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

“Fix this. Undo it. You had to do something else. What did you do? Please!” Osiron pleaded, her voice breaking while the tears only flowed harder.

Yvette felt nothing but pity for the other woman. Even like this, Osiron was many times stronger and more powerful than her, yet now the scaled woman looked so helpless and beaten that she doubted Osiron could have crushed a small fruit, let alone her. “I’m sorry. All I did was make you… this. I’m sorry… I can’t… take those feelings away.”

“Please… Please...” Osiron pleaded.

“I’m so sorry,” Yvette whispered again, her arms tightening around the woman. She didn’t know what she could say to make this better, to make it hurt less. So for the moment she held on and just comforted her as best she could, the only way she could. Eventually, she felt Osiron’s form shift once more, growing slightly larger, the scales a little rougher.

She then felt the zmaj’s hands reach up, gripping her arms and pulling them off. She pushed the mage away, slightly, before staring up at her. “It… will it… fade? How do I fix this?” she asked. “How do I make it go away?”

Yvette stared at her. She then glanced down at her bracer. “It’s not easy. It’s...” She turned towards Gervas. She then sighed again. “Come with us.”

“What?”

“Come with us. I’m a mage. I can… I can fix this. For a bit. It doesn’t last long, but it--”

“No,” Osiron growled, her voice low and angry.

“Please, listen,” Yvette said quickly. “There’s a spell, I am learning it. It can transform me, permanently. And it can do the same for you. It--”

“No!” Osiron said before getting to her feet. “I… want this feeling to go away. I want to be correct. I--”

“I can make you correct, it’ll take time, just--”

“Then what?” Osiron asked, her voice filled with rage. She reached out, gripping Yvette’s arm, the claws wrapping around it so tightly she thought it might snap. “Listen, mage. I am not you. Were I to… leave, were it possible to leave, if I were to come back as such a thing, do you believe I would have a home here?”

“Does it matter?” Yvette asked. “Who cares if people won’t accept it? You don’t know until--”

“I am a Guardian of Hsgrogan. I will not forsake what I am, in order to satisfy some strange feeling.”

“But--”

“Out!” Osiron yelled this time before nearly throwing her into Gervas.

Her guardian caught her with ease, though he stepped back half a step. He looked up at the scaled woman before shaking his head. “We should go,” he whispered.

“But--” Yvette started.

“OUT!” Osiron yelled, baring his fangs.

Yvette tried to object, but was yanked firmly from the small home, out into the street. Her cheeks burned when she realized that some of the homes had scaled heads peeking out from the entrance ways, watching them. She gave a small, nervous wave.

Gervas quickly took her hand and pulled her away, dragging her away from the street and deeper into the city. Soon, they were away from the peering eyes and he slowed down, allowing her to keep up with him.

Yvette glanced over to him and, to her surprise, he looked nearly as upset as she felt. “You saw that, didn’t you?” she asked.

“Of course I did,” he said softly.

“Then why?”

“Why what?”

“She’s like me. You saw it. You know it. Why? Why isn’t she like...”

“Like what?” he asked.

“Why isn’t she happy? Why isn’t she willing to come? Why isn’t she willing to run away with us? I mean… look at you.”

Gervas paused, stopping for a moment. He then turned towards her. “What about me?”

She stopped and gave his hand a small squeeze, staring up at him. “You’re not even… I mean...”

“Yes?”

“You’re not like me. You’re not like me at all,” she whispered. “Yet you’re here. You’re giving up so much to help me. To help me be right. You’re not like--”

“What am I giving up?” Gervas finally asked.

“Huh?”

“What am I giving up?”

“I mean, you’re… money. You’re not being paid for this.”

“I was paid to protect you. Even if the people who paid me don’t think that you’re worth protecting anymore, I was still paid.”

“But you’ve paid for--”

“And you’ll pay me back.”

She flushed and gave a nod. “Your family--”

“Doesn’t approve of what I’m doing anyway. The ones I do care about wouldn’t object to this. Would probably be proud of me.”

“Your home--”

“I don’t really--”

“Your life,” she said finally. “You’re putting your life on the line for me. Look where we are. You cannot say that this is safe, or smart, or any of that. But you’re here. You’re doing this to help me. I don’t have a choice in the matter, but you do. And you’re here,” Yvette said, her heart pounding even harder while she stared up at him. She felt her cheeks begin to warm while she stared at him. She was so stupid. She felt that urge to kiss him rise up inside her. He was here. When everyone else had abandoned her or left her, when-- Her eyes widened. “Oh...”

Gervas gave a small nod. “When you first realized… could you?”

Yvette stared at him and then shook her head. “No. It took… years. It took years to accept it. To be willing to do it. It took years to realize that I had to do this,” she whispered. “It took years to accept that the consequences could cost me so much...”

“And?” he asked softly.

“I knew when I started that I could lose everything. I knew I would likely lose everyone I ever cared about,” she whispered. She felt him slowly pull her into a tight hug, gently resting her head on his shoulder. “I knew that I might die or… or worse...” she whispered, the tears beginning to flow. “And...”

“And?”

“And I knew… I knew in the end I might not… that I might have to give it all up for nothing. That I might not be able to be me,” she whispered. “I knew that there was always that possibility. That good chance that I’d lose everything and have nothing to show for it.”

“And you kept going, kept fighting?” he whispered.

“I didn’t have a choice. I had to. I couldn’t go back...” she said softly, into his chest. But she understood now. Osiron wasn’t her. Osiron had a life here. More importantly, she wasn’t human. Yvette was asking her to give away her life here. Friends. Family. Everything. To go to a world she didn’t know, to abandon her duties and home. All for a chance to be herself, fully. Permanently. Maybe. But even if she became herself, she’d always be an outsider. She’d never fully be able to find a home if she lost this one. Yvette had years to learn and accept the consequences of what her decision would be. She couldn’t expect someone else to just accept it. To take these risks, these dangers, all for the chance to, maybe, be fixed. Because even if by some miracle they survived, what would Osiron have to come back to?

“Yvette, this is why I help you,” he whispered. “You’re stronger than you know. But not everyone is that strong. I don’t want you to face this alone.”

Yvette nodded. “She’s not me. You’re right. I...” If she was in Osiron’s position, would she have had the strength to go forward on this plan? Would she have had the opportunity? She shuddered and her right hand gripped his belt, squeezing it until her hand hurt and the chain behind it dug into her knuckles. “Do you think there are others like me? Like… but like her? Those who can’t...”

“I don’t know,” he whispered softly. “I really don’t.”

Yvette nodded. As miserable as she’d felt, for so long, it felt so strange to feel lucky. For all she had to endure, for all the pain and despair. For everything she had to go through. She still had hope. She was still able to take steps towards becoming herself. To gaining her true form. She couldn’t imagine being trapped like this. To not have her magic. To not have a way to fix herself. To not have that glimmer of hope that, one day, she would be herself. To know that something was wrong and not be able to do anything to fix it. She’d given up so much in order to just be herself. But to not even have that option was so horrifying a thought she’d have rather disappeared forever, as if she never existed.

In the end, after all she’d been through. As terrible as it felt sometimes, her life was better now. She felt better. Even if she was in so much more danger. But she had no way to guarantee that it would always be this way for her, nor that it would be that way for anyone else.

“It’s not fair,” she whispered. “I just… want to be myself. Why does it have to be so hard?” she asked, burying her head against his chest, ignoring the chains digging into her face. “If I wasn’t… if I wasn’t a mage, what would happen?”

“I don’t know,” he said softly. “Probably married off.”

“I wouldn’t be able to do this though, would I?” Yvette asked.

“I don’t know. Maybe not. Or maybe you could, just in a different way. I can’t say,” Gervas said.

Yvette nodded, closing her eyes and just leaning into him. Even through the shirt and chain she could still catch his scent. That strong, slightly spicy scent of his that just felt so warm and comforting. She wasn’t supposed to have feelings for him. It didn’t matter how she felt. She finally had someone who cared about her, who supported her. Who protected her.

She couldn’t, wouldn’t, give that up over something so silly. She couldn’t imagine him ever feeling for her the way she was quickly starting to feel for him. Why would he? He knew all of her little secrets and failings. He didn’t like mages.

But he was here for her. Right here, right now. She could be happy with this. She could enjoy this. Her hand lifted up to push on his stomach. His arms tightened around her, just for a moment, before he let them fall from her. “Let’s go back. You need to rest. We have a trial to prepare for, don’t we?” he asked.

“Yes,” she whispered, slowly looking up at him. “Thank you.”

“It’s okay, sometimes--”

“No. For everything. Just thank you for being you.”

Gervas just gave her a smile that made her heart flutter before taking her hand in his and slowly leading her back to their temporary home.

This was enough. This had to be enough. She wouldn’t, couldn’t, lose him after all of this. These feelings would fade, she was sure. They had to.