He Who Feels Guilt [Honkai: Star Rail]

Narrator's Pov

"Okay so to start-"

"March forget about the list"

"Owwww"

March looked slightly down but still crossed her arms over her chest making Dan Heng sigh lightly before looking towards Ryan and Stelle.

"First of all Ryan, don't ever speak like that again...second of all, we do have a few questions about you, if it's not a problem" he explained and Ryan looked at him a bit curious.

"Questions about me?"

"Don worry, it's not that we don't trust you...we just want to know more about you, or course you don't have to answer everything." March smiled lightly towards Ryan.

"Hmmmm...fine, I hope you guys understand that there's some stuff I...would prefer not to talk about."

"Fine...first of all, are you a virgin?" Stelle asked and her fellow trailblazers looked at her. "What? It's material for me to mess with him"

"I'm not, Stelle" Ryan asked and the three immediately looked at him. "...what? Is there something wrong?"

"So you...were in a relationship?" Stelle asked rising an eyebrow.

"No...It happened in a Red Light District" Ryan spoke and Dan Heng immediatly facepalmed.

"Uh? What is a Red Light District?" March looked at Dan Heng who replied.

"It's a...how do I put it?"

"It's a place where people pay to have sexual relationships, it's not the main event of those places but it's one of the most popular stuff to do there"

...

"You lost your virginity with a prostitute?" Stelle looked at him doubting a bit.

"Yeah, I had to investigate that woman, since all her clients ended up dying due to a drug that she put on their drinks after they had sex, it was both a poison and an aphrodisiac, after drinking it, they jumped at her and she acted as if she was abused, that way she would get compensation money, and as a failsafe, if the man realized about what really happened the poison would kill him."

"...what kind of stuff did you do in your home, Ryan?" March looked a bit disappointed at him.

"You said you had to investigate that case...does that mean you were a soldier? Maybe a detective?" Dan Heng asked a bit interested.

He seemed to hesitate a bit before replying. "I was a soldier...I suppose"

"Why were you frozen in ice when we found you?" March asked and Ryan closed his eyes a bit.

"That's... something I'd prefer not to talk about...not for now at least" he sighed before looking back at them.

"The mark...under you left eye, what is it?" Dan Heng asked a bit serious.

"It's a birthmark..." He replied immediately. "It's just that."

"He replied too quickly...he was already expecting that..." Dan Heng kept his stoic expression as he looked at him.

"Did you have any family before getting here?" March asked slightly worried.

"I... suppose, the man and woman who raised me, I saw them as my parents" he replied more calmer than he should.

"They raised you...does that mean that your real parents..." Stelle looked at the boy.

"They died, they were killed" he replied quickly making both girls flinch and Dan Heng simply look at him. "I was just a baby when it happened, I don't have a single memory of it, it was an attack to our family, no known perpetrator, before they died, they put me in a casket and sent me far away...to save me"

"I'm sorry Ryan..." March looked at him and he simply sighed.

"No need to be sorry March, it was...destiny, there was nothing no one could've done" he shook his head a bit with a smile. "Any other questions?"

"When you spoke to Svarog...you sounded more professional, and now knowing you were a soldier, I suppose you were trained to hold negotiations?" Dan Heng asked rising an eyebrow.

"Uh...yeah, I wasn't originally trained for negotiations but after a small accident when I was a child the man who raised and trained me decided to teach me about that..." He looked to the side a bit nervous.

"Uh? What kind of accident?" Stelle asked a bit curious.

"Uh..."

"Mr.Teo! I know how to deal with this man, look! Mr.Rockus *Thump* open this bag."

"It's...a hand? Is this a threat?!"

"Not to you Mr.Rockus, that hand you're seeing is the hand of your wife, I cut it off last night, if you don't want to keep receiving her piece by piece then leave this city...did I do it right, Mr.Teo?"

"Ryan what the actual fuck is wrong with you?!"

"It'd be better if we don't speak about it..." He looked slightly to the side trying to avoid the subject.

"Uhm...how does your magic work?" Stelle asked with a little smile. "And could you teach us?"

"I don't think any of you could do magic...none of you have the core element of it, which is a Magical Core, everyone in my home has one, it's what allows us to conrol our magic...and for how it works..." He seemed to think for a bit before replying, almost in an automatic tone. "Magic is the way mortals and gods control aspects of reality, it is bound to our souls and is our greatest strength, it was given to us by the God of Destruction, to confront the logic of the reality made by the God of Creation."

"You...did you read that in a book or something? It sounded like if you were quoting something you memorized..." Stelle smiled a bit nervously.

"The woman that trained me in magic explained it to me like that...but she said that it was the most simple way to explain it so... it's more complicated than that" he sighed deeply but then looked again at them. "Is there any other question?"

"You just mentioned gods, I suppose they are like the Aeons we have here?" Dan Heng rubbed his chin a bit.

"Kind of...I investigated them a bit, they are stronger than almost every single common god..."

"Common god? There're various types of gods?"

"Yes, there're 3 kinds of gods, Demi-Gods who are given the title by possessing either strength comparable to that of a common god but without reaching divinity or by having an exceptional ability or expertise in something, the common gods, who were at some point humans who turned into gods by incredible feats or simply by reaching divinity thanks to raw power, and then the Primal Gods...those are gods who represent natural aspects of the reality, such as time, space, life, death, etc...Primal gods are completely inmortal"

"Does that mean that Demi-Gods and common gods can die?" March asked a bit impressed.

"Yes, they don't age, but they can be killed, of course it'd need to be someone incredibly powerful...I haven't met anyone who could even rival the weakest gods." He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned a bit. "I have yet to know more about the Aeons...but if they are like the gods of my home then I won't get along with them..."

"You...don't seem to like them." Stelle looked at him slightly curious.

"It'd be better if we talk about something else, I don't really like remembering the gods of my world..." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Any other question?"

"Why doesn't your heart beat?" Dan Heng asked bluntly.

"...I would normally try to avoid this but...fine, I'll tell you" Ryan sighed a bit and gave himself a few pats on his cheeks to mentally prepare himself. "When I was a child I...kind of died."

"You...kind of...died?" Stelle tilted her head to the side.

"Yeah...no need to overthink it, I died and that's it, in summary...I got resurrected after I died, that's part of the reason why my heart doesn't beat, I couldn't be resurrected by normal means so I had to he brought back to life with a...special ritual, it revived my body and soul, but my body was fused with pure magic, I don't need most of the stuff a regular human needs to live, I don't need food, water, air or even blood to survive, my magic keeps me complete." He explained and Stelle rubbed her chin a bit.

"Does that mean...that you're a ghost? Are you Casper on steroids?"

"Who is Casper?" Ryan asked a bit confused. "But...yes, I'm a kind of Spirit."

"...you still breathe, but you don't need to do it" Dan Heng looked at him and Ryan quickly replied.

"I breathe because I don't mind doing it, I can hold my breath forever, but I trained myself to stop my heart from beating because people kept noticing me because of that." He crossed his arms and the other looked at him weirdly. "What?"

"What kind of people would notice you simply by your heartbeat?" March looked at the boy a bit weird.

"There's...crazy people in my home, don't overthink it, the man that trained me was a half-elf and his hearing was so overdeveloped he could ear people's heartbeats..." He looked a bit to the side and the other three simply looked at him dumbfounded. "But anyways...any other question."

"Just how strong are you, Ryan?" Dan Heng asked now going back to his calm expression.

"Haha...I'm not that strong, Dan Heng...if you three fought against me I'd surely be defeated easily." He smiled a bit nervously.

"Hmmm...I think it's enough for now, you've already told us a lot" Dan Heng crossed his arms over his chest and both Stelle and March looked at him. "Besides, it's getting late, we should all sleep...you too Ryan"

"Dan Heng, I already told you I don't need sleep..."

"That's not the point, you're trying to hide it but you're tired, maybe not physically, but rest is important for other reasons besides giving energy to your body, try to sleep tonight" the other boy looked at Ryan with a small frown.

"Fine...you win, Dan Heng." Ryan sighed a bit and rubbed his forehead. "I'll go outside and breathe some fresh air, Bronya also said she wanted to talk to me so I'll wait for her outside."

Without saying anything else, Ryan simply stood up and walked outside of the room, the three Trailblazers simply stood inside of the room in silence before March gave a small slap to Dan Heng's arm.

"You could've told him to rest in a less rude way, Dan Heng..." March looked with a small frown at him.

"Sorry...but he needs rest, he's mentally tired...if we think for a moment, a lot must've happened to him in a short amount of time...and we don't even know in what situation he was beforee he came here" Dan Heng let out a small sigh. "This time he tried to avoid something..."

"You mean the why he was frozen when we found him?" March asked again but Stelle narrowed her eyes a bit.

"The birthmark..." She spoke and March looked at her.

"Yes...he replied quickly, too quickly...and whatever that it, is not a simple birthmark" Dan Heng also narrowed his eyes. "In the space station, during the attack of the Antimatter Legion...I saw that same birthmark glow for a few seconds."

"Couldn't it have been just you imagination things?" March asked a bit confused.

"How many times have I had bad perception, March?"

"You...do have a point...but if it's not a birthmark then what is it"

"Ah~! It's a seal" Stelle spoke smiling and her fellow trailblazers looked at her. "A seal that holds a dark power he doesn't want to unleash, one so perverse and horrible that it'd make him lose himself and attack everything in his path!"

"You're overreacting again..." March cringed a bit at Stelle's words.

"Whatever it is...he doesn't want us to know...I don't want to say that we shouldn't trust him, or that we should keep our guards up against him...but let's try to be careful" Dan Heng closed his eyes for a few seconds.

"And you also asked how strong he was...why that?" Stelle asked with some curiosity in her voice.

"I wanted to see how he responded...he said he wasn't that strong but...he was definitely lying, that's another thing he's actively hiding from us now"

"But why didn't he simply chose to not reply? Like when you asked how he got frozen." March looked at her friend confused.

"He probably thought that not answering would put him in a suspicious place...as much as we want to know more about him , he still doesn't seem to have complete trust in us" Dan Heng explained and March frowned a bit.

"Is there something we could do? For him to trust more in us?"

"I don't think trying to force it would work." Stelle rubbed the back of her head a bit. "I'd say we don't do anything rash."

"I agree with Stelle" Dan Heng nodded his head. "For now let's continue focusing on the Stellaron..."

Outside of the Hotel, Ryan sat on a small bench close to the entrance of the Hotel and then pulled his phone out from his pocket, seeing how he had gotten a new message from Herta...

_____________

[Herta]

"The fact that now I know who and what you are doesn't mean that you have the right to completely ignore me, if you get more abilities tell me, this is not a question anymore."

"It's an order 'Ace' "

_____________

He would've already broken his phone with the strength of his hand if it wasn't because repairing it would be a pain and also very expensive, so he simply turned off his phone and put it back in the inside of his Kimono, he rubbed his forehead a bit and bit his lower lip a bit.

"Ryan? Are you okay?"

He blinked a bit and looked up, seeing how Bronya was looking down at him, apparently just getting there after speaking with Oleg.

"Yes Bronya, I'm fine." He smiled and stood up from the bench.

"Uhm...we can talk later, if you want" the girl spoke but Ryan quickly shook his head.

"No, we can talk now, If it's important I wouldn't like to delay it."

"Okay...walk with me, please" she smiled lightly and started to walk.

Ryan simply started to follow Bronya, as they walked, none of them said a word, at least not for a few seconds, since when they got a less crowded place, Bronya spoke.

"Ryan...your friends told me you are...transforming into an Aeon"

"They did uh? I'm not actively trying to hide it...not for now, at least, I should probably try to hide it to some people, I wouldn't like to get hunted down or people to seek my favor..." He sighed a bit annoyed.

"You wanted to speak with me...because you heard my guilt... didn't you?" She asked with a small frown.

"Sorry... I'm not able to control it, sorry if it was an invasion to your privacy." He bowed slightly but Bronya shook her head.

"It's not that it's just...I can't believe that it took a future Aeon for me to accept that maybe mother is wrong..." She drove a hand to her head. "She said that her choices are for the good of the Overworld and the Underworld...but after seeing everything down here and speaking with Chief Oleg...I only see that my mother's choices caused suffering down here...a lot of it"

"There's nothing...you could've done Bronya" Ryan looked at the girl with a some pity.

"How do you know that? Maybe I could've...I could've made my mother change, I could've made her see the error that she'd end up making but I...I just kept my mouth shut and obeyed..." She closed her eyes while her lower lip twitched a bit.

"Believe me Bronya... it's not too late yet...not for you, you can still change Cocolia's mind, or at least try..." He spoke while Bronya simply looked at him.

"You...you know don't you? You were a soldier, you also had to follow order you didn't like...did you?"

"As much as we want to save everyone and always do what is right...it's not always easy, there're many obstacles, we'll never save everyone because there's always someone who's going to die...if you could save those who you were ordered to kill, if there was a way for them to redeem themselves...would you allow them?" He asked and Bronya kept herself silent.

"I...don't know"

"And that's completely fine...doubting is not a bad thing, it means that you have the heart to forgive those who deserve it, but you don't have the ingenuity to forgive those who can't be saved." After he said those words, he kept himself silent before speaking again. "Help the evil that embraces their Guilt and punish the evil that doesn't feel anything."

"...I want to stop my mother, she's a good person...I know that, I want to help her...would you help me, Ryan?"

"...Yes Bronya, I'll-"

"I lost her....I lost my daughter"

He quickly drove a hand to his head, falling on one knee, Bronya quickly kneeled down besides him taking his shoulder, Ryan grunted a bit, the voice in his head this time sounded much more louder than any he had heard before, it echoed in his mind much more than the others.

"Ryan! are you okay?" Bronya asked with worry in her voice.

The boy simply grunted as the boy kept repeating the same thing over and over again, the voice of a woman he only heard once but still was able to recognize.

"Is that...Cocolia?"

★ ★ ★

A/N: and that's today's chapter!

I think I'll start to write longer chapters, I feel like it's going a bit slow paced, but I'm not sure yet, since I don't want either to throw too much into a single chapter.

But anyways! Hope you enjoyed.