He Who Feels Guilt [Honkai: Star Rail]

Narrator's Pov

He could barely feel anything...one of those things, was the feeling of his life slowly slipping away from him, that cold yet burning sensation in his chest, of the water entering his lungs as he felt his strength slowly disappear.

"This is destiny isn't?"

The thought of his soon to be second death was something he never thought he'd find...rather appealing.

His first death wasn't a kind or merciless one, his lungs and stomach had completely been pierced and pulverized by claws, he died a few seconds after, at least during that small time he managed to kill the one who gave him his first death.

How should he react now? Cry? Beg? Get angry? Disappointed or even happy? He didn't know, but there was something he knew he'd feel until he stopped living

Guilt

That feeling that haunted him day and night, something that he couldn't get rid of no matter how strong he had gotten during his short life.

The same feeling that was both metaphorically and literally killing him.

"Is it done yet? Are you dying already?"

He could barely see her, but she was close, very close.

A girl his age, the girl he loved, she was above him, sinking alongside him into the disgusting river he had chosen to go so he could free himself from that curse.

She had long dark blue hair, a pair of beautiful crimson eyes, as hollow and lifeless as they seemed, Ryan knew that she held nothing but a mask, just like him, yet, another thing that made him feel nothing but guilt.

"My curse will freeze you to your very core, all your Guilt will consume your body, heart, mind and soul, you came here, to this lake, to heal yourself, but now you're dying in its water...what you was supposed to save you, is now killing you... doesn't it remind you of something, Ace Chevalier?"

She was right, it did remind him of something, it remind him of his mistakes, of all of them, and the biggest one, the one that ended up breaking him...he killed the same girl that was watching him die.

If he could move, he would, only to hug her and embrace her in his lasts movements, but the Ice was still growing inside and outside him the curse that the girl he loved put on him, as she said, will freeze everything of him, he could feel the ice freezing the blood on his veins, said ice expanding more and more inside of him, tearing through his veins, muscles and skin, slowly surrounding the left side of his body, his left arm and left side of his chest and waist already encased in Ice, the cold feeling slowly going up and down, taking his leg and neck.

She wasn't really here, if she were...he wouldn't know what he'd do to just to speak to her one last time, no words came out from his mouth, but even if they did, the water would silence them, simple thoughts came to his mind, trying to hopefully listen to his own voice and hers once again.

"Perla...you're right, I'm sorry...I promised to always protect you when I saved you that time...but I ended up killing you...and your entire race"

"Being sorry won't save you...I don't feel anything for you anymore, I thought that watching you die would make me happy...but I don't feel anything, I suppose that you're the one to blame for that...all I wanted to do was to free myself from that trauma you caused back at Roclis when we were children..."

"I'm sorry...I never wanted to hurt you, when those men took you I was confused, angry and sad...I wanted to bring you back, I loved you and I didn't want to lose you just like how I lost my adoptive parents..."

"That is no excuse for all you've done, this is your destiny"

"Destiny?...yes, it must be that, there's nothing I can do"

"You should've never done anything in the first place, you know that, you should've died alongside your parents, the Chevalier's should have never existed...the gods are awful and those who follow them are as bad and repulsive as them, a goddess of death chose your family, you will always be followed by death, you will always be the one to blame for all the suffering...that is what you are, Ace Chevalier."

"Mister Teo said...that I didn't have to be like them, that I didn't have to be an assassin like him or like the other Chevalier's"

"You still try to change? It'd be funny if I didn't find you slightly pathetic, you love a man that trained you to be his weapon as if he was your father, a man that wanted nothing but revenge, a man that was many times close to ditching you in the middle of his journeys...because he realized he was creating a monster"

"Mister Teo wanted revenge...and as his son, I had to help him, I was his tool, I had to be strong so he didn't leave me alone, so he... didn't have another choice but to let me help him... because I was useful."

"Shut up...you're dying, again, but those who die and come back are not afraid of anything, are they?"

"No...I'm afraid, afraid of not doing the right things when I had to, I should've let Mister Teo go and save you at Roclis, I should've obeyed his plan and don't fight with that hoard of demons I should've-"

"Died and never come back"

She seemed to get closer in a second, her facw a few inches away from his, with a simple move he could hug her, but Ryan didn't have more strength in him, the ice crawled up the left side of his neck as well as it started to crawl down his left leg, he couldn't know if what he was seeing under the water, were his tears or the last bits of life that he had.

"I should've...told you before, How much I love you..."

A crack on her mask...

Her lower lip twitched for a second at his words, but then quickly went back to her cold facade, her hand slowly went to his chest, touching the ice that had expanded across his torso, she then leaned onto him and gave him a soft kiss on the lips, before leaning into his ear.

"That's enough, die already, Ryan...just stop resisting and let your Guilt freeze you"

As she spoke, the Ice kept covering his body, already expanding to the right side of his chest, the Ice slowly crawling up his cheek as he closed his eyes, letting himself be completely consumed.

"Wherever you're going now, wherever you end up...whatever place has to deal with all the death you'll bring with you...I hope its destiny treats you better than this one"

With those final words, she simply vanished, as if she was never there to being with, the ice kept growing on the already defeated boy, slowly encasing more and more of his body, covering him like a coffin...but just as he felt his consciousness slip away, he heard a new voice.

"Stings doesn't it? All that Guilt must hurt, but you're not in pain are you? You're understanding already...Guilt...is not always bad, you realized that maybe a bit too late but I can buy you time... don't ever forget this feeling, for it is just one of the many ways of making humans feel like themselves, hold that feeling close to you and embrace it...use it, it will give you strength...yes, I've decided..."

The words of that weird entity seemed to echo directly inside of his head, just as he stopped thinking, as the Ice completely covered his body forming a cold coffin...he felt a pull.

"You'll make a fine Aeon"

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Welt Yang was nothing but a simple man, he enjoyed simple things, like chatting with Himeko or hearing from the multiple antics that March 7th tried to pull Dan Heng into.

Even now, as they prepared themselves to go to Herta's space station, he enjoyed the peace he had.

"I'll go prepare the Jump to Herta's station." Himeko spoke softly as she stood from one of the seats, cup of coffee in her hand.

"Fine, I'll go tell March and Dan Heng so they get ready, do you think March will try to not fall this time?" He also stood up, holding his 'cane' with his hand.

"That girl has a lot of energy, of course she'll try to stand."

"An amount of energy that I envy" he smiled slightly envious.

"You're not that old, Welt."

"Yeah, maybe you're...what is that?"

Welt fortunately caught the simple of something on the other side of the window, at first he thought it was just an asteroid passing by but...as he leaned more towards the window of the Express he saw it more clearly...it was a chunk of Ice, with a person inside.

"Is that...a Person?"

"What? In the middle of space?" Himeko also leaned into the window and narrowed her eyes a bit. "Oh god...we need to get them inside, now! It seems it's going to collide with us"

"Isolate the provision wagon and time the collision of the chunk of Ice with the opening of the wagon, try to open it as less as possible, we can't risk loosing provisions " he ordered the woman who quickly turned around and started to run.

"Warn March an Dan Heng! Tell them to get ready the first aid kit!" She spoke to the man as she left the wagon.

A few seconds later, it crashed, the Astral Express shook a bit because of the collision, and a few seconds after the Provision Wagon closed, they entered inside, the four looked at the big chunk of Ice that was now inside of the wagon, Welt was the first one to get close.

"I'll break it, stay behind"

Welt gave a quick wave with his cane, black energy appearing and hitting the Ice precisely and making it crack and crumble until it broke, the shard of the Ice chunk fell as well as the body of the person inside, allowing all of them to have a better look at him.

It seemed to be a young man, probably around Dan Heng's and March's age, he was around 5'5 ft tall, he had long white hair tied in a high ponytail with the help of a golden ornament with the shape of a crescent moon, he had a fair tone of skin, under his left eye he had a scar resembling the shape of a lighting, he wore a white Kimono shirt and a white coat, though these were folded on his waist thanks to the golden belt, leaving his torso exposed, he had a thin complexion, with almost no muscles developed, on the lower half he wore a dark blue pair of pants alongside black boots, he had a scabbard on his waist, but there didn't seem to be any weapon close to him.

His left arm was the most alarming thing, all the way from his shoulder to his hand, lots of skin seemed to have been ripped apart by small Ice crystals piercing through his insides, some of his muscles were showing as the blood started to stain the floor.

"I-Is he..." March drove her hands to her mouth, not really wanting to watch the state of the boy.

"I hope not, Dan Heng, the medkit, we have to bandage his arm and stop all the bleeding we can!" Himeko knelt on the side of the boy alongside Welt, and when Dan Heng offered them the medkit, they started to work.

Himeko quickly opened the medkit and grabbed the bandages and started to surround the boys arm with them, making sure to not let any space exposed for infection, while Welt slowly leaned on his chest, trying to hear his heart...but he heard nothing, he was about to stop Himeko...but then he heard something else, a small cough...

"He's coughing water!" March screamed a bit loud making Welt react.

"Himeko, how are the bandages?"

"I'm almost done, you can start doing CPR"

Welt quickly put his hands on the boy's chest and started to give him CPR...but he was confused, his heart didn't beat, but yet he seemed to be trying to breathe and take out the water from his lungs, but he was encased in Ice... shouldn't the water inside his lungs had also been frozen?

As Himeko finished with the bandages, he backed away slightly, letting Welt give the boy CPR, and after a few seconds he started to cough again, water coming out from his mouth, Welt backed away a bit, as the boy stopped, slowly opening his eyes, showing a pair of deep blue eyes.

He seemed to be about to say something but then he closed his eyes again, completely unconscious.

"Is he going to be fine, Mr.Yang?" March spoke a bit worried.

Welt yet again, leaned into his chest, still no heartbeat...but he could now hear the boy's breathing perfectly, he could also see his chest move slightly up and down...

"I'm...not sure, for now, he needs to rest, we'll have to regularly check on him" he spoke as he slowly grabbed the boy in his arms lifting him up.

"We can take him to my room, I can keep and eye on him" Dan Heng spoke calmly as he looked at the white haired boy.

"Thank you, Dan Heng, Himeko, we'll have to postpone the jump to Herta's station for a while until he wakes up."

"Fine, I'll speak with Pom-Pom so he can prepare a few things for our new guest...I'll also tell him to come and clean all this ice and blood" Himeko slowly nodded her head snd left the wagon.

"Is there something I can do, Mr.Yang?" March spoke almost in a whisper.

"Not for now, March, you can rest, if we need something we'll tell you."

"F-fine...thanks, Mr.Yang" she nodded and also left, leaving Welt and Dan Heng alone.

"Is there something wrong, Mr.Yang? I see you...concerned" Dan Heng crossed his arms on his chest.

"This boy's heart...is not beating, but he's breathing as if nothing happened, he...seems to be human, but right now, I'm not sure" He shook his head a bit. "But no matter, he needs help, and as Trailblazers, it's part of our job to help him."

"I'll keep a close eye on him, when he wakes up, I'll go and contact all of you" Dan Heng spoke as he started to walk out of the wagon, being followed by Welt.

"Thank you, Dan Heng...check on him regularly, with the...interesting state of his body, we can't be sure that something won't change and endanger his life." Some concern was evident in his voice as both of them walked to Dan Heng's room.

A few seconds later, they got into Dan Heng's room, Welt carefully walked to the only bed in the room and slowly put the white-haired boy's body on it, he sighed a bit and then got up, walking to the door giving a small glances towards him before leaving the room.

Dan Heng simply looked at the new guest of the Express, completely unconscious on his bed, fortunately he offered to keep him in his room.

He saw March's room, that was definitely a room where he wouldn't want to wake up in if he was disoriented.

Too much pink.

He sat on the chair he had on his room, letting himself be more comfortable he pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the hour...it was 20:10 PM.

He hoped he didn't have to spend all night and morning waiting for him to wake up...

★ ★ ★

A/N: And that's it for the prologue! I hope that catched your interest enough to keep reading.

This is not technically my first fanfic, but it is indeed my first ENGLISH fanfic, since English is not my first language, so unlike others who could get annoyed or pissed off at getting grammar errors corrected, I'd actually appreciate if I got corrected, since I'm new to writing fanfics in English, I'd like to improve my writing with time and experience, but anyways.

Thanks for reading, and wait the next chapter with excitement!