NOVEL NEXT chapter 34
34 Sheila, Authority, and Pride
Life is a journey of continuously relinquishing pride.
Pride— it’s the shackle of the spirit. Unable to apologize when necessary, unable to rely on someone when needed, unable to act when action is required… it’s the chain that inhibits action.
When pride is exhibited in the glass cage, even something worthless can appear as an invaluable treasure, making it troublesome.
Having just one pride can lead to protecting insignificant things at the cost of one’s life, and failing to protect what truly matters.
That’s why I aim to cultivate a heart without pride, constantly discarding it appropriately every day.
My treasure is my one and only life. I don’t need anything more, nothing else is necessary.
“Living to a ripe old age”… that’s why I live, and die. In other words, “I will even discard my pride for the sake of longevity” is my pride.
However, this pride grows without my knowledge.
“If you see one pride, assume there are thirty prides”— a maxim engraved in my heart. Now, where did I hear that phrase from in which world…
By the way, I obtained the right to make Sheila “obey everything.”
If this were a world where “spoken words have coercive power,” she would truly obey “everything.”
If I said “die,” Sheila would die, and if I said “live the rest of your life ending every sentence with ‘meow’,” Sheila should do so.
However, this world has no such rule.
It’s both good and bad. Because without explicit rules, it’s harder to “survive” in a world filled with uncodified rules than in a world dominated by rules with coercive power.
Because you may not know if you’re violating the rules, and penalties for rule-breakers are quietly and obscurely imposed, often finding yourself in an irretrievable position without realizing it.
Considering such societal trends, I must think of commands for Sheila, and it’s a pain in the neck.
Mostly, what should I order my female classmates to do? There’s nothing! We have laws and morals!
So, I wanted to refuse the power of command and I asked Sheila. But she said,
“You won, so do it properly.”
Why the hell are you giving orders?!!!!!!!!
I ended up burdened with unnecessary worries.
I want to waive my power of command. But Sheila stubbornly refuses any act that would show pity. It seems like my classmates are enjoying watching to see what I’ll order Sheila to do…
I am being cornered after my victory.
This is not solely based on the “explicit rules,” but rather the enchantment of the world. There is an invisible and immeasurable power constantly at work, influencing my life.
But I am a fifteen-year-old who can turn adversity into a tailwind. Alright then, I’ll give you an order. If that’s what you desire, I’ll do it.
I smiled with determination. And I decided to ask something that I normally wouldn’t dare ask. It might be difficult for Sheila to answer, you know? But I have the power of command. I can’t go against it… I will ask.
At the end of elementary school, you transferred due to family circumstances, right?
And when you returned for high school, was it also because of family circumstances?
“Do you have to use the power of command to ask that?”
It seems like Sheila is misunderstanding something.
Certainly, this question is not something you would typically ask using the power of command…
For me, the act of “asking Sheila” itself is something that cannot be done without the power of command.
“To ask a question.”
If you look at that individual act alone, there would be no one who resists it – but when it comes to the elusive “social atmosphere,” the hurdle of the act suddenly rises.
For example, when someone is speaking under the assumption of “everyone knows, right?” and you want to interrupt and ask, “What are you talking about?” –
Or when someone with social power tells a lame joke and everyone is laughing, but you want to tilt your head and say, “I don’t get what’s funny” –
And when you bring up a topic that deeply involves the other person’s personality, such as family circumstances, when you are in a conflicting relationship.
No, if there is a conflict, the hurdle of the act of “asking a question” would rise no matter what the topic is – asking a question is an act of “seeking knowledge.”
In other words, it feels like I’m somehow humbling myself to the other person, and I don’t like it.
Yes – “pride”!
My actions were hindered by the shackles of pride.
The thought of “I will never lose to Sheila” was trapped in the glass cage called pride and displayed as if it were a precious treasure in my heart!
Terrifying.
When did such shackles appear in my heart? When did such a trivial, yet irreplaceable, precious thing… when…
“Well, never mind. It was due to family circumstances when I graduated from elementary school. I came back here alone. Now I live in the dormitory.”
So, is it for the purpose of further education?
This school operates on an escalator system. When students progress from the senior high school course to the university education course of the same school, they receive a slightly advantageous adjustment compared to external exams.
In addition, there is a system of designated school recommendations, but there are many recommendation destinations that can only be chosen from this school—this school is actually prestigious.
“Ah, well… advancing to further education… well, you know, there are also many friends from kindergarten… and you’re one of them, aren’t you?”
Suddenly, a memory flashed through my mind.
It was a memory with the smell of soil and metal. At dusk, in an empty park. In that place with only one slide, I bid farewell to Sheila.
The indecisive attitude of Sheila now overlaps with the impression of Sheila at that time.
Come to think of it, she was about to say something back then, but what was it…?
“Forgotten about something so old!”
For some reason, Sheila said it angrily.
But surely she hasn’t forgotten—Sheila has a good memory.
Our grades have always been closely matched, with me slightly ahead…
If the tests at this school were of a format that didn’t test anything other than memorization, our victories and defeats might not be so one-sided.
So, Sheila avoiding the answer is also a matter of ‘pride’.
Something important to her, locked in a glass cage in her heart, may have been stimulated by answering, causing a refusal reaction—
I decided not to delve further into it.
I fully understood her inability to discard such a trivial thing…