Harry Potter: Sex Oriented Hogwarts

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said the giant.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."

She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so big. The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones at Gringotts, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors.

They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Lucifer could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right -- the rest of the school must already be here -- but Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts. You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rulebreaking will lose house points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor. I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

Her eyes lingered for a moment on Neville's cloak, which was fastened under his left ear, and on Ron's smudged nose. Harry nervously tried to flatten his hair. Lucifer was trying to straighten his tie but Hermione got irritated so she corrected his tie herself . Not even minding the stares she is getting from others.

"You've got a strand of hair - n there..." Lucifer said to Hermione as she was busy doing his tie, "It's done..." he reached and carefully took the hair away from her face.

"Thanks," Hermione said while blushing furiously, when she heard some giggling behind her.

"I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."

She left the chamber.

"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" Lucifer heard Harry ask Ron.

"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

Lucifer got excited and cracked his knuckles and back muscles causing some weird noises which were giving small butterflies in Hermion's stomach. He hadn't expected something like this but the moment they arrived. He looked around and saw that everyone else looked terrified . No one was talking much except Hermione, who was whispering very fast about all the spells she'd learned and wondering which one she'd need ignoring the weird feeling in her stomach.

Then something happened that made Lucifer and the other First Years jump about a foot in the air -- several people behind him screamed.

"What the --?"

He gasped. So did the people around him. About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to one another and hardly glancing at the first years. They seemed to be arguing. What looked like a fat little monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance--"

"My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost -- I say, what are you all doing here?"

A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years.

Nobody answered.

"New students!" said the Fat Friar, smiling around at them. "About to be Sorted, I suppose?"

A few people nodded mutely.

"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" said the Friar. "My old house, you know."

Lucifer after seeing this incredible thing, he couldn't help exclaim,"How are these people still here? Did they decide not to pass on to the next world or their Reapers just messed up their jobs?!"

Bloody baron the Slytherin ghost who heard him replied - "Oh, they did come for us, but we all ignored their sweet nothings and chose to stay here!'

"Right" replied Lucifer while on the other hand Hermione was looking at him suspiciously.

"Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall.

"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."

Lucifer had seen many weird things in his long life but never even imagined such strange and a splendid place.

It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting.

These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers

were sitting.

Professor McGonagall led the first years up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Mainly to avoid all the staring eyes, Lucifer looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars, he remembered reading about all of this in Hogwarts: A History. It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't open on to the heavens.

Lucifer looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty.

For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth -- and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty, But don't judge on what you see, I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

You can keep your bowlers black,

Your top hats sleek and tall, For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see, So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart;

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil;

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw, if you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

Or perhaps in Slytherin You'll make your real friends

Where those of wit and learning,

You'll make your real friends, Those cunning folk use any means

Will always find their kind; Or perhaps in Slytherin To achieve their ends. So put me on! Don't be afraid! And don't get in a flap! You're in safe hands (though I have none) For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

"So we've just got to try on the hat!" Lucifer heard Ron whisper to Harry. "I'll kill Fred, he was going on about wrestling a troll."

Harry smiled weakly.

Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbott, Hannah!"

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moments pause--

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat.

The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Lucifer saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her.

"Bones, Susan!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah.

"Boot, Terry!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

The table second from the left clapped this time;

several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy" went to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender" became the first new Gryffindor, and the table on the far left exploded with cheers.

"Bulstrode, Millicent" then became a Slytherin.

Lucifer started wondering which house he will be sorted into. Hermione was tightly holding onto his hand and looking at him with a weird look.

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Sometimes, Lucifer noticed, the hat shouted out the house at once, but at others it took a little while to decide. "Finnigan, Seamus," the sandy- haired boy next to Harry in the line, sat on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor.

"Granger, Hermione!"

Hermione began muttering to herself, "]ust be calm," as she walked towards the four-legged stool with the wise, old hat.

Lucifer heard and told her, "You've got this, don't worry," in a loud whisper.

She turned around and smiled sweetly at him, then sat down, and closed her eyes...

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Hermione stood up and walked to

the designated table which stood up in applause. Lucifer gave her a thumbs up as she passed and a 'Well done' to go with it.

Meanwhile Ron groaned clearly not happy, so Lucifer hit him in the back for complaining. No one was going to mistreat his new human friend on his watch.

When Neville was called, he fell over on his way to the stool. The hat took a long time to decide with Neville. When it finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR," Neville ran off still wearing it, and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to McGonagall.

"Malfoy, Draco."

Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called. The hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"

Malfoy went to join his friends, looking pleased with himself.

There weren't many people left now. "Moon"..., "Nott"..., "Parkinson"..., then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil"..., then "Perks, Sally-Anne"..., and then --

"Potter, Harry!"

As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall.

"Potter, did she say?"

"The Harry Potter?"

After a few minutes, the hat seemed to make up its mind and yelled, "GRYFFINDOR!"

He took off the hat and walked shakily toward the Gryffindor table He seemed so relieved to have

been chosen, he hardly noticed that he was getting the loudest cheer yet. The Prefect got up and shook his hand vigorously, while a set of twins yelled, "We got Potter! We got Potter!"

"Morningstar, Lucifer."

As soon as she called out his name the atmosphere became heavy and cold. People started sweating. All eyes landed on a boy that could be seen walking up to the chair with his eyes closed and hands in pocket.

As soon as he reached the chair he sat down with his right leg over his left and his right elbow on the armrest and his face resting on his fist.

Lucifer opened his eyes and almost everyone gulped at the sight. He looked like a king resting on his throne.

Teachers were also shocked at this revelation. 'What's going on?! Professor Quirell immediately fainted at what happened. Everyone could see his cold gaze as he observed everyone in the Great hall, sending shivers down their spine.

Then finally professor McGonagall put the hat on the boy and the hat started speaking.

'Huh? Astonishing! Can you put down those protective barriers a bit....I can't even look into your mind.... You're the most powerful Occlumens I have ever encountered, since the time I was created by the Four founders....'

'I see, give me a moment" Lucifer agreed with this mystic hat. He knew, no one could take a peek inside his thoughts.... unless he decides to let them.

'You are much more difficult than Harry Potter was... in fact, I'm not sure I've ever seen someone so suited to every House... where, oh where do I put you?'The Sorting Hat asked.

'I don't guess it really matters...' he thought.

'Does it not? I can see it right here in your head. The Granger girl, your friend, you want to be in the same House as her, do you not?' The Hat was right.

'... Yes... Yes I do,' he said to the Hat.

'Well, then I guess there is only one place for you to go,'the Hat said in Lucifer's head before bellowing out loudly to the silent room. 

"GRYFFINDOR!!

As soon as he said that the atmosphere turned back to normal and people sighed in relief.

Soon people started clapping and then cheering at what had happened.

'That was amazing!'

'That was so cool!'

'What a show!'

Even Harry and Ron were clapping, mostly because their sort of friend had the guts to do something like that.

Some people looked at Lucifer with admiration while some looked at him with fear. But, he was still praised for what he did.

Two red-heads started to compliment him for what he had done.

Hermione was still for her turn, with a little tinge of pink on her cheeks.

After they were done, she embraced him tightly, even slightly longer than her Grandfather would have approved. "I just knew you would join us! But, why were you sitting there like that, it was so hot?!" she said.

"I was just showing everyone who is the King in this place so they don't even think to mess with me," replied Lucifer looking at the girl. He doesn't want to deal with some annoying insects.

"Right, well um..congrats!" Hermione just said, while shaking her head slightly at his antics.

______________

Albus Dumbledore then got to his feet and beamed at all of his students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there at the Castle.

"Welcome!" His voice boomed loudly.

"Welcome, to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words, and they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" He gave everyone a brief once over, "Thank you!" Then sat back down to an eruption of applause and cheer.

"The Headmaster is a bit of an odd one, isn't he?" Lucifer asked Hermione.

"He is, but he's the most powerful Wizard in the world, I think he's earned the right to be a little odd," Hermione said thoughtfully. The next thing the both of them knew, all of the plates and goblets were filled with food and drink, respectively.

"That does look good," Lucifer heard a ghostly voice say a little ways down the table. He looked and saw that a Ghost was looking at Harry cutting into his steak.

"Can't you eat too?" Harry had asked the Ghost.

Lucifer thought that was a rather silly question, "I haven't eaten in nearly five hundred years," said the Ghost sadly. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it..." he was more sad than a moment ago, before rebounding into cheeriness.

"Oh, I don't believe I've yet introduced, have I? I am Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington, at your service! I am the Resident Ghost of Gryffindor Tower."

"Wait, I know who you are!" Lucifer heard Ron say excitedly, "My brothers told me about you! You're Nearly Headless Nick!"

"I would prefer it if you called me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-" Sir Nick never got to finish his sentence.

"Nearly Headless?" He heard Seamus ask, sitting near Ron, "How can you be Nearly Headless?"

Nick looked like someone had just ruffled his feathers the wrong way.

This clearly wasn't going how he wanted to, so he decided to give them what they wanted, "Like this," his voice was irritable.

He grabbed the hair on top of his head, leaned forward and pulled his head to the side, revealing that his head was still attached, but only by some skin and muscle.

Lucifer looked at Hermione, who looked like she lost her appetite, "Bad time to say that it looks like an execution gone wrong?"

She looked over and glared at him, "Right... sorry..." he looked away, but saw out of the corner of his eye that she began to eat again, but slowly.

Lucifer looked back at Nick and saw that he had a pleased look on his face at the shocked look of the First Year Gryffindor students.

"So, new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the House Championship this year? Gryffindor has never gone so long without winning. Slytherin has won the Cup six years in a row now, and the Bloody Baron is becoming quite unbearable. He is the Resident Ghost of Slytherin House."

After another ten minutes of eating, a lot of people stuffed to the brim, all of the food faded and was slowly replaced by desserts of all kinds.

Lucifer helped himself to a jam doughnut and a piece of apple pie, while Hermione grabbing some rice pudding for herself.

Everyone began to then talk about their families and how they were raised.

Harry wasn't interested in this kind of talk for obvious reasons, and asked Percy who was talking to Professor Quirrell, and he was told that it was Professor Snape, Potions Master.

He also heard Percy say that Snape was after Quirrell's job, since he knows a lot about the Dark Arts.

That somewhat intrigued Lucifer, not the Dark Arts, but the fact that Snape wanted it, but has yet to actually get it. If he wants it so bad, why doesn't Dumbledore just give it to him?

Lucifer glanced up at the staff table and saw the man, he had a hooked nose and looked like he was never happy for a moment of his life.

At last, the puddings too disappeared and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again, causing the Hall to fall silent, "Ahem - just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. First Years should note that the forest in the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well," Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of some students, but Lucifer couldn't tell which ones.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.

Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.

And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

Lucifer was now seriously curious as to what was on the Third Floor that was so dangerous.

"Well, that is all I had to say, it's bedtime. Off you trot!" The Headmaster said, clapping his hands as though that was the reason for everyone rising seconds later.

The Gryffindor First Years followed Percy and a female student that Lucifer obviously didn't recognize.

As the tour carried on, Prefect Percy talked about the rules and regulations of Hogwarts, and other such things.

Currently, he was on the topic of the house cup.

"-and at the end of the year, the Headmaster awards the cup to the house with the most points. Therefore you must be on your best behaviour at all times; Gryffindor has lost the cup to Slytherin six years in a row now so I won't have any of you costing us any points," Prefect Percy said seriously, and Hermione nodded, determined to do her part to ensure that her house won this year.

Lucifer raised a hand.

Prefect Percy spotted it after a moment and asked, "you have a question, Morningstar?"

"Uh, yeah, I do. What do we get if we win the cup?"

Hermione almost rolled her eyes. What a silly question.

"Excuse me?" Prefect Percy asked.

"I mean, is there an actual reward for winning the cup? Like do we get later curfews? Extra desserts at dinner? Maybe even access to the restricted section of the library? Is there an actual reward for this, or is it just about bragging rights? Wait, do we even get to keep the cup?"

"...." Prefect Percy. Stop talking already!

He was complaining crazily in his heart, and stuttered for a few moments, before finally pulling himself together. "Well, of course, winning the house cup is a reward in itself-"

"So bragging rights," Lucifer interrupted, "got it. Carry on, please. Sorry for interrupting."

Prefect Percy shot him, then Hermione (why?) a sour look then turned around and resumed walking. "Come along, everyone. We're almost at Gryffindor Tower."

"You shouldn't antagonize him, he's a prefect!" Hermione whispered harshly at Lucifer, after smacking his arse and hoping no one saw that. Parvati did though.

"Ow, I wasn't!" Lucifer denied. "Besides, doesn't it bother you that we're being asked to compete for something pointless?"

"It's not pointless, Lucifer. It's meant to motivate students to obey school rules and try harder in their academics. It's quite ingenious actually."

"It also creates animosity between the four houses, not to mention puts anyone who loses points at risk of being ostracized by their housemates."

Hermione groaned in frustration. "Must you be so difficult?"

"How am I being-" He started to say, then stopped. "You know what? Let's just-let's not fight about it. How about we just agree to disagree?"

Hermione didn't want to agree to disagree, she wanted him to understand that she was right!

But he was also her best friend. And she didn't want to fight with him.

Also Would it be wrong of her to not accept it?

"Fine," Hermione agreed grudgingly. "Let's not fight about it."

Lucifer smiled at her, and she saw no trace of mischief in his dark black eyes.

She smiled back. It was nice.

Hermione admitted to herself that maybe this agreeing to disagree thing wasn't so bad.

They climbed many staircases and went through many hidden doorways, surely there was an easier way to get to Gryffindor Tower, right?

When they came to a sudden halt, Lucifer opened his eyes widely, believing them to be there, but there was nothing to indicate they'd arrived at Gryffindor Tower yet.

A bundle of walking sticks were floating in mid-air ahead of them as Percy took a step towards them.

When he did so, they started throwing themselves at him, "Peeves," he whispered to them, "A poltergeist." He glanced around briefly before he raised his voice, "Peeves! Show yourself!"

A loud, ruse sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered back to him.

"Do you want us to go to the Bloody Baron?" Percy threatened.

There was a pop sound and a little man with wicked dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks, "Oooooooh!" He said with an evil cackle, "Ickle firsties! What fun!"

He swooped suddenly and they all ducked. Lucifer already hated Peeves, he didn't like this Poltergeist.

"Go away, Peeves, or the Baron will hear about this, we mean it!" Barked the female Prefect, who Lucifer still didn't know the name of.

Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head.

They heard him zooming away, rattling some suits of armor as he passed through the rooms beyond.

"You'll want to watch out for Peeves," Percy said as they set off once more, "The Bloody Baron's the only one Peeves will ever listen to. It's an absolute shame that Dumbledore hasn't rid the castle of the annoying Poltergeist. And finally, here we are, Gryffindor Tower!"

At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress, "Password?" She asked in a rather loud voice.

"Caput Draconis," said Percy. The portrait swung open to reveal a round hole in the wall, large enough for a giant to fit through, Lucifer thought.

They all scrambled through the hole and found themselves in the Common Room.

It was cozy looking and had several armchairs, two couches, a fireplace, and lots of books. Percy directed the boys to where their dormitory would be and the female Prefect, who finally introduced herself as Miranda Hopkins, directed the girls to theirs.

When they found their rooms, Lucifer wasn't surprised to see himself being bunked with the five other Gryffindor First years.

Harry, Ron, Neville, Seamus, and Dean. His stuff was on his bed and Rowena was sitting peacefully in her cage. While his cat, was lying on a small cushion near, sleeping peacefully.

Very well behaved, what did Mazikeen do to them? Lucifer was really wondering how she trained both of his pets.

He also thought about if there was a place for Rowena to sleep outside of her cage at night, he knew how much she hated it

"Hey, Rowena," Lucifer called out to her and she opened her eyes, head raising up and being tilted to the side as she looked at him, "You want out? Or are you content with staying in there?" Her response was her eyes closing and going back to sleep.

Lucifer gave a light chuckle and changed into his pajamas after he saw that he could draw some curtains on his bed.

He was just sitting on it, when he heard Ron talking, "Great food, isn't it?" He assumed he was talking to Harry.

"Get off, Scabbers! He's chewing my sheets!" Lucifer just shook his head, and just decided to ignore them.

What Maze would be doing right now, hooking up with some random guy or girl?

I swear if anything weird happened to my pub...

________________