Chapter 21: Confronting the Past
After nodding his head with just trace amounts of condescension on his face, Dumbledore became serious and stared into Harry's eyes. After about ten seconds spent like that, he shook out his head, smiled, nodded, and agreed that yes the boy's shields were strong... "I'm extremely impressed Harry. Passive Leglimency is useless to me now. Care to try the real spell?"
Without a trace of hesitation, Harry nodded his agreement.
After pulling out his wand, Dumbledore pointed it between Harry's eyes. "Leglimens," he quietly intoned.
Harry immediately felt Dumbledore's consciousness free floating in space outside of his mental shields.
Ten seconds later, when Dumbledore's consciousness finally returned to his body, he looked at Harry with a completely stunned expression on his face. "Harry... Was I orbiting a completely shielded planet just now?"
With his prank a success and a mischievous smile on his face, Harry nodded towards his Headmaster. "Yes sir. As you just saw, I have a very large Mindscape. I imagine it'd take a Leglimancer quite a while to find anything of note in my mind, and I'd be causing them pain the whole entire time." Harry was extremely pleased at this point and there was just no way of hiding it. Then he remembered something that he needed to consult his Headmaster about so he wiped the self-satisfaction off of his face. "I do need your help with something though. I keep finding a wormhole of sorts inside of my barriers that I've repeatedly had to close off. I don't know where it leads to except that I know it's not of my making. I currently have it suspended inside the center of a small black hole, inside a stainless steel vault, inside several more creative traps. Containing it isn't the problem. It just refuses to disappear completely sir."
For just a split second Dumbledore looked extremely troubled, but then the expression was gone and he was smiling again. "I completely agree that we'll need to look into the matter Harry. In the meantime however, I'm going to take you somewhere off Hogwarts's property to meet a friend of mine. I met him while I was doing some organizing for an event taking place at Hogwarts this year. His family's situation is rather unique. So unique in fact that they may be able to help you with the rather incredible aura shroud I'm standing in. While he wasn't using a lecturing tone, there was still a mild sense of rebuke in Dumbledore's words.
Sighing his understanding, Harry looked down at his feet and shrugged in a defeated fashion. "Headmaster, I've been trying a lot of different things so far, but I've had no luck whatsoever at keeping myself to myself. I've been building my Mindscape lately and I'm almost ready to sort my memories into a more useful form. All of the books I've read so far agree that true magical mastery in your core is dangerous to attempt until you've first mastered both your memories and your emotions."
Dumbledore looked impressed at first, but then all of the sudden he looked very sad instead. "Harry... I think that process is going to be extremely hard on you in particular. To properly sort out your memories you are essentially forced to relive them. I am sorry that my negligence allowed it to happen, but I've become aware that your life hasn't been an easy one... We all know how you react to Dementors Harry... This will be of several magnitudes worse than that..."
"Oh... Crap." Harry hadn't really thought about how he was going to have to interact with his awful back history if he wanted to master his memories. As the true scope of what he had waiting for him truly dawned on him, Harry began to feel a sick sense of impending doom, as well as an intense desire to avoid the task altogether. Then, he suddenly realized just how badly he was freezing up, and his hands squeezed into white knuckled fists at his sides.
Shaking his head at his own weakness, Harry resolved himself to doing whatever it took to gain control of his life. Then, when he looked back up at his Headmaster, it was with a deadly serious expression upon his face. "Headmaster. I won't be welcome in magical society or any society, the way I am right now. I gather you just felt me lose my nerve and then pull myself back together. I cannot, I will not continue broadcasting myself to the world like this!
Smiling gently down at Harry, Dumbledore patted the boy on the shoulder. "You're a very special boy Harry. I don't think I've ever met someone as brave in all my years... Now, if you will follow me to my office, we have a Floo trip to undertake."
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