Hard Mode Idol

“……Sorry. Hello. I’m Jin Haon.”

“Hahaha. A lot of people seem scared because of my appearance. It’s okay. Please take care of me.”

“Y-Yes, please take care of me too.”

Ilhan was the last one. Even shyer and more timid than me, Ilhan mumbled his greeting before quickly averting his eyes. He was like that with me, too; it was my misunderstanding. He must have experienced some losses because of his appearance.

Seemingly waiting for our introductions to finish, Seoho bombarded him with questions – which unit he was in, what kind of training he received there, how tough it was, if he built those muscles from his military days, and so on. Mostly questions about the military. I don’t understand why he’s so curious already about something he’ll eventually have to do.

Ah, wait a minute.

Come to think of it, I still have to go to the military too…… In my previous life, I really went through hell to the point of wishing for death, barely making it out alive. Not getting shot was truly a miracle. I’m already dreading having to go again.

Thinking about the military is depressing me. To shake off those gloomy feelings, I focused on Seoho’s barrage of pointless questions instead.

The manager kept his professional smile on, transitioning from a wild bear to a zoo bear as he diligently answered each of Seoho’s questions, until Yoochan told him it was rude. The manager just laughed it off, saying it was okay.

He doesn’t seem like a scary person.

Alright then.

There was one thing I needed to take care of before truly kicking off our activities – observing Ilhan. In his current state, it didn’t seem like anything would change even after debuting. While he must possess some ‘idol-like’ qualities to avoid getting dropped from the debut team, that’s about it……

The Ilhan I’ve experienced is just a depressed, gloomy, and timid person. Can someone like that even act out the right expressions to match the stage concepts? Even before that, how will he handle concept photo shoots and music video filming?

And even if he gets through those, being an idol isn’t just about singing and dancing well. He needs to be skilled in his main job, communicate with fans, make various media appearances to promote albums.

If he consistently displays a depressed demeanor, who knows what kind of rumors might spread? It could lead the group down a rocky path toward failure.

That’s something I absolutely want to avoid. So I intended to find out what kind of person Ilhan really is, beyond what I know.

With my resolve firm, I knocked on Ilhan’s studio door. The soundproofing was so good that there was no way to tell if he was inside or not. If he pretends not to be there, then there’s no answer. Does that mean I have to stand guard here until he comes out? How inefficient.

Since Yoochan had just opened the door last time, should I do the same? I felt the sweet temptation of entering Ilhan’s studio uninvited.

Just then, the door cracked open, and Ilhan peeked his face out. The surprise visit seemed to catch him off guard, and his bewilderment was evident. Did he think I was just kidding about stopping by?

“I said I’d come to visit, didn’t I?”

I smiled brightly and held up one hand. I had mustered the courage to get him an Americano from a cafe. Since I even brought a gift, he won’t kick me out, right? I trust in your timidity.

“Ah, please come in……”

Thankfully, although visibly uncomfortable, he reluctantly invited me inside. The interior was quite cozily decorated.

On the shelf above the monitor were rows of small potted cactus figurines made of ceramic. Several bouquets of flowers hung sparsely along the walls. Last time I had only glimpsed them briefly, but they were all artificial flowers.

“You like flowers?”

“……Yes.”

“It’s a pity there aren’t any potted plants in the dorms.”

“……No, it’s okay.”

His words kept trailing off. But he does respond when asked. What’s going on here?

Ilhan grasped the coffee I had given him with both hands, repeatedly scratching the lid with his fingernails. He’s extremely uncomfortable. But I’ll pretend not to notice.

“Do you like coffee? I got you an Americano since it’s a safe choice.”

“……Yes. I like it. I’ll enjoy it.”

“That’s a relief.”

Of course I had gotten information from Yoochan in advance, but I acted casual. It was really convenient in many ways to have at least one member who liked me.

“Actually, sightseeing your studio was just an excuse. I came because I want to become friends with you, hyung.”

“……With me?”

His disbelieving expression asks ‘Why?’. Since we’re in the same group, of course we should be friends. My definition of ‘becoming friends’ just means being able to act friendly in front of cameras, so he should be capable of that much at least.

“Yes. With you, hyung. We’re members together.”

Ilhan’s pupils trembled restlessly. His wandering eyes couldn’t seem to focus, darting around aimlessly before his head lowered downwards again. If his physical structure allowed it, he might have tried retreating into a shell like a snail.

Leaving Ilhan be, I curiously examined the unfamiliar equipment around me. It was for composing, I assume. Showing interest in this novel sight, Ilhan haltingly spoke up.

“……Curious?”

“Huh? Yes! It’s my first time seeing this.”

A smile bloomed on Ilhan’s face. Ah, I’ve seen this before. It was similar to when Yoochan had asked Kanghyun about the subtle differences in a certain dance move.

As expected……

A faint blush crept onto Ilhan’s cheeks. Then he eagerly launched into an explanation. While it was initially intriguing, it quickly became uninteresting as he leapt from beginner to advanced level in a single breath. In this situation, shouldn’t Yoochan be here instead of me?

Huh? I didn’t actually compose anything, just listened absentmindedly while he explained the equipment and programs. Yet my grade rose, despite the immense experience requirement of 1.

Since I have no intentions of writing or composing songs, I just diligently listened. Of course, nothing stuck in my head. My only impression was ‘His voice is really nice’. His deep, attractive vocal tones made even the boring explanations pleasant to listen to.

“How is it? Interesting, right?”

“Can I be honest?”

“Yes? Y-Yes……”

“It’s too difficult for me to really understand.”

Ilhan’s shoulders slumped. Then he immediately began digging his own grave, saying things like “I’m sorry” and “I guess it wasn’t interesting after all.”

“You don’t need to apologize. I was just enjoying listening to your nice voice. Actually, hyung, I’d love to hear you rap. Can you?”

“……rap?”

“Yes. I’m curious about the songs you’ve worked on with this complicated equipment!”

“Uhh…. But I’m not that good yet……”

Ilhan’s confidence suddenly plummeted as he faltered. I wonder what the reason is for his severe lack of self-esteem? He kept glancing at me, unable to make up his mind.

Since he has to want to play it for me to hear it, I just waited. While waiting, I noticed that a leaf tip on one of the small cactus figurines was chipped, exposing the pristine white ceramic within.

It would probably look prettier facing the other way…… Since it’s right in my line of sight, wouldn’t it be better to see the unblemished side instead of the damaged part? As I stood up to adjust it, he suddenly grabbed my arm.

“W-Wait a moment. Then, with this……”

“Huh? Are you going to rap for me?”

“……Yes, yes. Just a bit more, let’s talk……”

“Okay! Okay! I’d love to hear it! Oh, but first, what if we turn it this way? So the chipped part doesn’t show.”

Ilhan silently watched my fingertips. His trembling pupils made it unclear what he was thinking. Does he dislike it? He might have positioned it that way intentionally……

“Did I overstep? I’m sorry.”

“Ah, no! No, it’s not that, it’s okay to position the cactus any way……”

Ilhan cleared his throat awkwardly, his cheeks flushing slightly. Why is he embarrassed? In any case, since he gave permission, I gently adjusted the cactus’ angle. This way, only the pristine side will show, right?

“There. How’s this? The chipped part isn’t visible now, right?”

Seeing Ilhan lift his head and nod in satisfaction, I felt content. I immediately plopped down right beside him and peered at the monitor. The file Ilhan had chosen after agonizing was last edited a whopping 5 years ago.

The older the date, the more embarrassed one feels, right? I cringed rewatching my very first video after switching to being a YouTuber. But this is from 5 years ago? For Ilhan, does that mean his skills were much better 5 years ago?

People are naturally meant to improve through repetition. The creative realm is no different. The quality of his current work should undoubtedly be far superior, right?

While pondering these thoughts, I first listened to the song Ilhan played for me. A traditional hip-hop track with a remarkably powerful, rugged melody. It sounded so unlike Ilhan that I wondered if he was playing someone else’s work instead.

A captivating, distinctive vocal tone gripped the melody tightly. The fierce, rapid-fire rap in the hook part, with his voice rasping roughly, sent chills down my spine.

His diction was so superb that despite the lightning-fast beat, every syllable struck my ears cleanly. As I listened, I unconsciously smoothed down the raised hackles on my nape, displaying my awe. They really weren’t kidding about him being a once-in-a-century genius.

“……It’s embarrassing, but I made this……”

You deceiver. This person has deceived every rapper in the world right now. If his skills were at this level 5 years ago, how incredible must he be now? Truly amazing. No wonder the director has been keeping a tight grip on him.

He doesn’t need to appear on variety shows, and for radio, he can just sit behind a partition before leaving. Interviews are manageable by preparing responses to set questions. And it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have one mysterious, highly skilled main member maintaining an aura.

Just from hearing his rap, my assessment of Ilhan completely flipped. He’s insane. This guy is a genius, to the point where the rapping sounds effortless.