Hard Mode Idol

When I thought my stamina had recovered enough to go home, the manager showed up. It was exactly 20 minutes.

“Your complexion looks much better. Can you move now?”

“Yes!”

I answered in a lively tone as I jumped up. It was an action to emphasize that my condition had perfectly recovered.

“You haven’t eaten dinner, right?”

The time had just passed 6:10 PM. It wasn’t too much to say I had eaten, so I said I hadn’t.

“Let’s go. I’ll buy you something delicious.”

“Me?”

“Who else is here besides Haon?”

“Oh, yes, yep.”

I obediently followed, matching my pace with the manager’s. After about a 20-minute ride in the manager’s car, a charcoal-grilled eel restaurant with a luxurious sign greeted me.

Eel…?

“Let’s go in.”

“Yes.”

Eel?

I vaguely followed and sat down, and the manager ordered promptly. Soon after, an employee came and grilled the eel personally. The seasoned eel sizzled and cooked in no time.

“Why are you so spaced out? I’m saying I’ll help you with body care. Even if you don’t like it, eat.”

“Ah, no. It’s not that I don’t like it…”

I’m just surprised. I thought I would be kicked out without question, but that wasn’t the case, and when I followed after hearing they would feed me, they’re even having me build up my body with expensive eel. The employee tried to put the cooked eel on the plate of the manager first, as she was the elder.

“Give it to our kid first.”

“Yes.”

‘Our kid.’

The eel came in front of me. I was busy swallowing the rising emotions, so I only poked it with my chopsticks and couldn’t eat. She called me our kid.

“You can’t eat eel? I should have asked beforehand. Saying to eat it even if you don’t like it was a joke. If you can’t eat it, should we eat something else? Nurungji chicken soup? Duck?”

“No! I like eel. I eat it well.”

I quickly put it in my mouth and chewed it. Eel cut to a bite-size kept piling up in front of me. The kind-smiled manager was watching me eat.

“Eat slowly. Why are you in such a rush? Let’s order more after eating.”

“…Manager, you eat too.”

“I will eat. Of course, I have to eat too since I’m paying.”

I will devote myself to SR Entertainment. There are such kind people here.

As I diligently ate, my stomach became full. Perhaps because it’s a healthy food, my stamina seemed to recover much faster too.

“Let’s order more.”

“I’m full though…”

“Really? Already?”

“Yes. I ate a lot.”

It’s true. Because you kept putting it in front of me, I think I ate more than three out of four eels.

“Then let’s go home. I’ll drop you off.”

“I can go alone!”

“Just obediently tell me your address. I have a lot to apologize to you for, and I have things left to say too.”

Ah. If that’s the reason. I obediently nodded.

Perhaps because it was rush hour, there were many cars on the road, and we repeatedly stopped and went. On the radio the manager turned on, a kind-voiced DJ began today’s story in a soft tone. When a gentle melody played quietly in the background, the manager’s story began too.

“Haon.”

“Yes.”

I turned my gaze and looked at the manager who was staring straight ahead.

“I think the kids relied on Jaehyuk more than I thought. They keep treating you badly even though I explained.”

“Ah, no. Really, nothing much happened.”

“You said you manage your stamina well. Was that a lie?”

“No! I really do it well.”

“Then what happened today was because of Seoho, right?”

It’s true that he drained my remaining stamina, but I couldn’t say it was all because of the puppy. But it was clear that agreeing was the wrong answer, so the moment I was about to insist it wasn’t, the manager continued.

“Haon, didn’t you look really dazzling during the audition?”

It’s a topic that deviates from the subject, but it was a welcome topic change.

“…I did?”

“Yeah. When you sang U&I, you looked so happy. The song itself is exciting, but you especially looked happy. The fact that you were singing. Your mood was infectious, so before I knew it, I was smiling too, and you were so lovable I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Embarrassment surged, so I turned my gaze and looked here and there out the window. Why is she suddenly doing this?

“I want Haon to debut together with our kids. So, I’m shameless, but…”

The manager glanced at me. Her face was full of an apologetic look.

“Can’t you give us a little more time? I know I can’t stop you even if you want to leave, but give us a little more time.”

This is what she wanted to say. That’s why she brought me here, fed me, drove me home, and complimented me. To tell me to stay. I couldn’t tell if I should be happy or bitter.

She wants to keep me enough to do this, but on the other hand, she drew a line, saying the other members are more precious than me.

“Yes. I’m okay.”

“If you need my help, tell me anything. I’ll support you with everything I can do.”

The manager knows why the members are rejecting me and the reason it turned out this way. But not telling the reason for expelling the previous trainee means it’s a decision made to protect those four.

She’s trying to protect the remaining kids’ mentality since the expelled trainee seems to have had a really good image. Leaving them alone until they naturally realize it themselves. As time passes, memories fade, and intense emotions dull.

What would be something that could break the remaining members’ mentality? When that person isn’t who I knew, and when it’s shocking.

Inferring in many ways, there’s only one conclusion. No matter how that person managed their image to the debut lineup members, their personality is bad.

And the company confirmed that on some occasion and expelled them because it could be a problem later. Meaning they did something that could damage the group’s image after debut to the extent they had to be expelled.

I understand. Of course the debut lineup members they had been keeping will be cuter and more precious. I’m not even a signed, strictly speaking, prospective trainee yet.

Of course it’s right to protect the four and abandon one. If I can’t mix in, they’ll definitely discard me. I’m quite quick at picking up on these things since I’m used to unfair treatment.

I made a pretty smile, pretending not to know anything. Still, I like the manager. I haven’t met anyone who dotes on me this much. She says she’ll help me with anything. As much as she can. Because she feels sorry for me.

“I will.”

The song on the radio changed. It was a quite lively and cheerful song. When I lightly hummed along to the song, the manager nodded her head to the beat. It feels good!

On the way to my house, I talked about how much I enjoy vocal training. The manager listened attentively to me and added that I shouldn’t overdo it too much from now on.

As we chatted about small things, we soon arrived near my house. The single streetlight illuminating the dark alley in front of the house flickered and blinked. I said goodbye while closing the passenger door, but the manager got out with me.

“Is it around here?”

“Yes, right over there.”

The manager examined the wide open common entrance of the old row house and asked me,

“The security looks lacking… Which floor are you on?”

“Well.”

I pointed to the window bars half-buried underground and said. A green screen was installed, so there was no worry about seeing inside the house unless you knelt down and bowed.

Isn’t this enough for no security issues?

Unlike my thoughts, the manager had a very serious face. Then, she suddenly squatted in front of my house’s window and peeked inside.

“Haon, did you leave this window open? In winter?”

“Pardon?”

I also squatted in the same pose as the manager. When I tilted my head and looked inside the screen, it was open about two finger widths. I don’t remember opening it. Did Yooyeon open it? How was it when I stayed at home? I don’t know because I never paid attention.

It didn’t seem cold though…

Come to think of it, how could I be cold when I ran intensely every day? I was buried in blankets when sleeping, and I didn’t know because it hadn’t dropped below zero yet.

“Haon?”

“I opened it.”

I answered like that for now, even though I don’t remember. It was a lie that came out unknowingly because I was worried about her constantly being concerned.

“Really?”

The manager tried to close the door by putting her hand inside the window bars. An unpleasant creaking sound was heard. The stiff window didn’t close tightly. It seemed it wouldn’t lock properly from the inside either, as if caught on something and the window frames didn’t fit together properly. The manager got up, dusting off her hands, so I followed and got up too.

“Haon. You know there are sasaengs in front of the company, right?”

“Oh, yes. There were quite a lot.”

“Among them, there are many who gather to see trainees, not Theos. But you…”

The manager thought for a moment and spoke in a firm tone.

“You seem perfect for dangerous-type sasaengs to latch onto.”

“Aha.”

Perhaps my answer felt too light, the manager let out a long sigh.

“It’s not ‘Aha.’ Don’t take it lightly. Do you know how scary sasaengs are? Don’t underestimate them just because they’re girls. I want you to quickly move into the trainee dorm.”

I nodded and diligently took in the manager’s words. The sasaengs I experienced were mainly the ones who waited in front of the dorm and cursed at me. Sometimes, they threw trash too.

I was really hurt by those who threw trash while referring to me as filth. Moreover, they all seemed to have been pitchers somewhere with their good accuracy.

“Haon, are you listening to me?”

“Huh? Ah, yes. But I’m not ready yet…”

“I know. I know, but I’m worried. I’m telling you there are many who follow trainees too. You take public transportation. Imagine how easy it would be to tail you.”

But I don’t think they’d follow me that far to throw trash. Of course, I know what the manager is worried about. She’s not worried about the kids who throw trash, but worried about them entering my house without my knowledge while I’m out.

But those were a type of sasaengs I hadn’t experienced. So I could imagine it, but it was hard to perceive it as something that would happen to me. Especially now that I’m a trainee. I haven’t been exposed enough for people to know if they like or dislike me.