Gotham's Dead End Bar

"It was a brisk day in Hell when I awoke and returned to the world…" I intoned with a heavy voice. "The sky bloomed a bright, alien purple with each day. Darkness under an artificial moon claimed each night. A vast, familiar landscape stretched out before me, a whole other world beneath the mortal plane.

"Across the entirety of Hell, creatures of Sin lived surprisingly normal lives. They lived and loved. They thrived parallel to the realms of Man and Heaven. They formed a society, an empire that had lasted the test of time and changed just the same as the rest of the world.

"The Devils were no longer the deplorable creatures I once knew. They'd grown with their progenitor's death and absence. Evolved into something to almost be proud of. All at the behest of their four new Great Satans. Though they bore the names of demons long slain — Ajuka, Serafall, Falbium, and Sirzechs were almost nothing like their predecessors. They were honorable. They were willing to compromise. They were if not kind or benevolent, about as close to good as Devils could get. They'd seen their species brought to the edge of extinction by their cruel, old ways. Everything they did was dedicated to avoiding a repeat of that — to avoid a repeat of apocalyptic wars and the evil that brought their parents and grandparents so close to utter oblivion.

"Of course, the Devils were not alone in Hell. The Fallen ruled a section unto themselves, gathered into an overarching organization called the Grigori for strength and safety. After the Great War, the relationships between the three Biblical Factions were tense and strained, always under threat by the smallest of transgressions. No one wanted another Great War. And so, the Factions' leadership did their best to maintain cordial relations, did their best to maintain the shaky ceasefire that saved all three of their races equally.

"Likewise, Hell was not the only Hellish realm beneath the mortal plane. It was merely part of a Greater Underworld, the largest part but certainly not alone. The rest of the world's pantheons did not cease to exist in God's Creation, even into the modern age. Olympus and Hades persisted. As did Asgard and Hel. The same with the Shinto and their Yomi. With God and Lucifer's deaths, the Biblical Factions could not even claim the role of 'World's Strongest Faction'. Not without dispute. The Hindu Faction — with unbelievable beings like Indra, Shiva, Brahma, and Vishnu — challenged them for that spot at the top of the world.

"And that wasn't even mentioning the Dragons and Monsters that also inhabited God's abandoned Creation. Ddraig, Albion, Tiamat, Crom Crauch, Apophis, Fenrir… Honestly, in a list of 'top 10 strongest beings', the Biblical Factions took up a worryingly small number of spots. When I was sealed, God, Great Red, and Ophis were tied for the top three. Upon waking, God was dead and below them, the list had shifted quite dramatically.

"This was the world I reemerged into. Little ol' me," I smirked slightly. "Alone against the world. A cruel, apathetic world where power ruled above all else. Worse than that, a world that had trampled upon my descendants. Humans were hardly more than cattle, the mascarade of the supernatural only maintained because it would be slightly troublesome otherwise… As the oldest living human, I saw it all as a disgrace."

"Oh, Didi, he's talking about God and Hell and Angels and Devils and pantheons and 'world's strongest'," Barbara groaned, making herself known after she and two others made a quiet entrance during my monologue. "It's not too late to just turn around as if we never heard anything…"

Diana — one of the two with Barbara — smirked at her, "Take heart, Barbara. We are already here. Bolster your spirit and face your fears head-on."

"In other words," Kara — the last of the three latecomers to my storytime — giggled. "Suck it up, Babs."

"This is a mistake," Barbara said flatly.

"At least you're in good company for this mistake," Jason joked, a weak attempt at consolation.

"٩(＾◡＾)۶" Cass 'cheered'. 'Hurray! More meat for the storytime slaughter!'

"How heartening," Barbara snarked. She sat down and sighed, "Alright, we're stuck here now. Catch us up to speed?"

"Oh, oh! Can I~?" Alice asked, surprisingly perky if one ignored the mischievous grin on her face.

"Go ahead," I allowed. "Wait, before you do… Luci? You might as well make an appearance in person now that we're accepting new audience members. I know you're listening."

With a flickering, swirling, TWIST of reality, the Devil appeared in a seat at my bar with a devilish smirk on his face and a drink already in hand, "Don't mind if I do~. Thank you, Sean~. I've ~very much~ enjoyed your story so far~."

Hades and Persephone went stiff in their seats, nodding polite, slightly deferential bows to Luci, "Lord Lucifer. An honor."

"Luci," Hestia smiled much more calmly. "Hello again."

"Hestia, my dear, always a pleasure," Lucifer smiled at her, ignoring her stiffer relatives.

"No greeting for me, cousin?" Didi pouted an adorable partial pout. "I'm almost hurt."

Lucifer rolled his eyes, "You've known I was paying attention since the beginning, Didi. I hardly think I need to greet you when we were merely across the metaphorical room from each other."

"Still," Didi grumbled. "It's the thought that counts…"

Understandably, Lucifer quickly caved under to Didi's pout, "Hello, Cousin Didi. I'm always glad to see you again."

"Better. Much better," Didi nodded happily, a content smile suddenly emerging on her face.

"Lord and Lady Hades. Lady Hestia," Diana bowed to her gods. "Diana of Themyscira greets thee. I intended to apologize to Sean on behalf of our pantheon but it seems your benevolence has beaten me to the act."

Hades sighed, the action not truly directed at Diana, "Your instincts are commendable and you do your gods proud, Diana. Prouder than we deserve… How you manage to be more mature than my immortal kin, I will never know. Thankfully, it seems that Sean doesn't hold any ill will. At least… not toward all of us…"

"We'll get to the rest of your gods~," I grinned a promise and casually said.

Hecate giggled a touch maniacally in the background, "Oh, I can hardly wait~."

Diana frowned, "That does not fill me with confidence but I find myself hard-pressed to argue if you feel such actions are necessary, Sean…"

"Yeah, yeah, introductions, blah," Alice rolled her eyes HARD. "Can I get to my fun already?"

"Go ahead," I chuckled. "Barbara, Kara, Diana? I suggest you brace yourselves. Sit down, perhaps. Yes, even you, Diana."

"Freaking wonderful," Barbara grumbled as all three of them found seats at the bar.

"So!" Alice clapped and began. "Dad was telling the story of a world that ran on literal oppai and soft hentai logic!"

"Bullshit," Barbara deadpanned.

"That…" Diana paused. "Seems hard to reconcile with the powerful world of might and mythology we heard of upon our arrival."

Kara cocked her head at me, "Didn't you tell us about this world already."

"Snippets of it, but yes," I nodded.

"(⋋°̧̧̧ω°̧̧̧⋌)" Cass grinned eagerly. 'And now we're getting the whole, balls-out, titties-against-the-walls story!'

"M-Meep~!" Kara squeaked. "L-Language! Lewd! Bad Cass! Bad!"

"I'm more concerned with how my daughter seems to know what 'hentai' is…" Didi frowned.

"A-Anyway!" Alice hurriedly continued. "It's also the world where Dad met Ophis and seemingly got his last name from!"

I waved my hand so-so, "More like my last name influenced my birth in that world, I suspect."

"Caine…?" Barbara muttered to herself in confusion.

"Yeah! Dad was born as Cain then! Like, Bible Cain. The First Murderer. Killed his brother, cursed by God, grand-daddy-issues with Big G, all of that!" Alice grinned.

"Hmm~," Lucifer hummed in amusement. "I knew I felt something familiar on you~. The Mark of Cain would do it~. Thankfully, you're much more fun than the dickhead Cain I know~."

"Bullshit," Barbara groaned, putting a bit of emotion into the expletive.

"Hehe," Alice giggled, clearly enjoying herself. "And now, Dad just got done telling us about the Great War between Heaven and Hell, God dying, Dad being sealed until modern times, how Ophis was 'tamed' with sweets and spankings, and his reawakening! Oh, and his Romeo-Juliet-type affair with the Archangel Gabriel…"

"Bull! Shit!" Barbara shouted, her frustration at my… everything… boiling over.

"I'm still unsure how to feel hearing about Father's death," Lucifer considered. "We may not always get along and he is rather hands-off these days but existence would be ENTIRELY different with him gone. Perhaps not in a good way…"

Penguin barked an incredulous laugh, "I'd HOPE not in a good way!"

"Can we go back to his Romeo-Juliet affair with the Angel?" Kara asked. "That sounds kind of nice and romantic."

"It was very sweet," Minerva nodded. "Tragically bittersweet so far but I have hopes it will turn around as the story continues."

Diana glanced at her old friend with emotion thick in her eyes but visibly pushed down her desire to reconnect for the moment in favor of a question, "And now we move on to your adventures there in the modern era, Sean?"

"That's right," I nodded. "Even upon first stepping out from the tomb I was sealed within, I was like nothing the modern world had ever seen. A primordial human, one of the first to ever walk God's Creation. The very essence of a human being — as created in His Image — and utterly undiluted by the march of time. I was still cursed, certainly. But that only added to my strength and magic. Born when the Earth was still new, very few could claim themselves 'above' me in that life. And the only one I respected and feared — the only one who could definitively kill me and free me from my curse — was now dead…

"As you may have realized, my existence somewhat skirted the norms and usual rules of power in that world. Humans, almost as a rule, were a race of POTENTIAL. We weren't born strong like Angels or gods or Devils. But we also had no cap on our abilities, absolutely no upper limit to our growth. Under the right — VERY RARE — circumstances and given enough time — plus effort and determination —, we could surpass anything.

"Now…" I paused for effect. "I want you to imagine the most quintessential human from that breed of infinite potential — one generation removed from the original, for example —, born at the dawn of time and cursed with an immortality that left them endlessly striving for more… The fourth human to ever exist. The second-generation progenitor of humanity itself. And the only one in my immediate family who survived an apocalyptic war between Heaven and Hell into the modern era. Cain, Firstborn Son of Adam. The one branded the First Murderer. Me…"

The silence was thick enough to cut. My audience stared at me in shock. Gaped at me in awe. Their imaginations spun wildly at the picture I'd painted. Behind me, the mirror reflected my Cain-self. I looked remarkably similar to the me of the present. Sharp, handsome features. Matte gray hair, the color too vivid to be mistaken for a product of old age. And piercing eyes that shined glorious, almost blinding silver from white to pupil, impossibly staring dead at everyone on the other side of the mirror.

"F-Fuck…" Jason forced out with a suddenly dry mouth.

"Fuck," Barbara nodded in agreement.

"That…" Penguin gulped. "Is certainly a mental image and a half."

"(✦ ‿ ✦)" In contrast to almost everyone else, Cass' eyes sparkled with sheer glee. 'Oh, FUCK YEAH~! Humanity, FUCK YEAH~! Eat that, stupid monsters and gods and whatever the fuck! Humanity's got that dawg in 'em!'

"Damn, Gothboy~…" Even Harley was a good bit stunned. "You really don't play, do you~?"

"Certainly not back then," I chuckled. "As I've said, humanity was being trampled and preyed upon. Killed for fun or sport, stolen by the Devils' Evil Pieces, outright dismissed as vermin despite the fact that the Earth was created to be OURS!"

The last word was said in a growl that rumbled with all-too-real thunder, "The reality of it all was simple. And unacceptable to me as humanity's remaining ancestor. The supernatural races coveted us. For our potential. For our numbers. And for our Sacred Gears. And not enough was being done to stop them from having their way…"

"S-Sacred Gears…?" Riddler asked, his voice left shaky from my current intensity.

Didi laid a calming hand on my shoulder. Ophis shifted in her Silent nap, still cuddled into my chest. Simmy sang a soothing song without words. I forced myself to take a deep breath. I'd gotten much more worked up about all of this than I meant to.

"Apologies," I exhaled. "Sacred Gears. Right, I seem to have missed them so far. Back during the Great War, humanity was taking a beating due to the sheer collateral damage involved in the fighting. To help solve this, I teamed up with Merlin to gift humanity magic they could use. And God made a system of his own: the Sacred Gears. They were powers gifted to humanity alone, operating within Heaven's Cycle, and sourced from the enemies of humanity — god, monster, and dragon alike. 13 of them were powerful enough to kill gods."

"Hmm, good intentions, Father~," Lucifer hummed with interest. "But it seems that project went bad somewhere along the way, yes~?"

"It did," I confirmed. "After God's death and the advent of the Evil Pieces, Sacred Gears became just another aspect of humanity for the supernatural to covet. It allowed some to defend themselves and others but it also invited a certain level of risk, even for the weakest of Sacred Gears. To say nothing of the 13 most powerful…"

"It sounds like being a human in that world was a rather unfortunate affair," Hestia said, hedging her words diplomatically.

"Sounds like it sucked donkey taint," Two-Face grunted crudely.

"Just absolute donkey taint~," Harley nodded 'sagely'.

"Thank you both," Penguin deadpanned. "Your colorful language is greatly appreciated."

"And accurate," I chuckled, having settled down by a considerable margin now. "I discovered humanity's 'unfortunate' situation firsthand from the Devils' minds when I first awoke. Those two leading Devils were the worst Devilkind had to offer. Even just personally, they were responsible for a fair few small-scale crimes against humanity.

"Now, understandably, I was not content with the situation as it stood. After millennia of being trampled upon en masse, it was about time someone… close… to the problem stood up for humanity. The Church did… a job of it. I'd hesitate to call it a 'good' job though. And they had their own problems with taking advantage of humanity, seeing their 'service to God' as a golden ticket to do just about any atrocity they could think of if it meant hurting Heaven's 'enemies'. Which, I'll remind you, weren't supposed to be a thing considering the already tenuous ceasefire between the Three Factions."

"The Christians getting ahead of themselves, doing more harm than good, and perhaps sparking a war?" Ivy drawled dryly. "Why, it's practically unthinkable."

"Definitely no precedent for it~!" Harley giggled along.

"There was good in the Church," I chuckled. "Plenty of it, in fact. Most of the nuns and priests and so on genuinely wanted to help people and live according to their good book's teachings. Then there were the saints-to-be like little Asia with her healing Sacred Gear. She was pure enough to give Kara a run for her money."

"I'm not sure I like being the standard against which purity is measured," Kara pouted and grumbled adorably. "I can be bad. S-So bad!"

Everyone stopped and looked at Kara… Then as one, we all decided to ignore her protests. To do otherwise would be to acknowledge a sun that suddenly reversed course across the sky and set in the west.

I continued right on over Kara — receiving an adorable 'Hey!' —, "But there was also plenty of evil to be found in the Church. Wolves in God's flock. Sinners who would make the staunchest of atheists blush. Don't even get me started on all of the Church-funded experiments… A few of those would make Nazi scientists sit up and take notes."

"Ah, organized religion," Lucifer sighed fondly. "Truly, you did more to kill my Father's ambitions, teachings, and vision for humanity than I did."

"It's just what tends to happen when you leave divine teachings and truths in imperfect, corruptable, mortal hands. I actually spent a decent amount of time with the Church, particularly their younger exorcists and clergy in training. That was how I met adorable little Asia," I shrugged.

"But I digress. The point is that the Church wasn't doing a good enough job of protecting humanity in my mind. So I was going to do it my way. But I'd just woken up in an era that was practically alien to me. I needed a way to get the lay of the land, so to speak… So I went to see an old friend."

I finished with an amused smirk, not at my audience's expense but at the memory of said old friend. Scenes played in the mirror, showing my 'reintroduction' to 'polite society'. Deep in one of the most secure facilities in the Greater Underworld, there was a meeting room. And in that meeting room, a series of immensely powerful individuals were arrayed.

Fallen Angels, the leading Cadre of the Grigori. Some were 'merely' Ten of Wing, powerful enough to sink Australia if they truly tried. Others were Archangels in their own right, some of God's original creations who had Fallen from Grace long ago. Penemue — even more enamored by NTR than Azazel, Shemhazai — that damned trap, Baraqiel — unique… in his enthusiasm for S&M (particularly the 'M' part)…

And Azazel, leader of the Grigori and the old friend I'd come to see. He sat at the head of the table, almost disrespectful in his irreverence. His feet were kicked up. His chair was leaned back. His head was resting back in his hands as he stared at the ceiling and balanced a pen on his upper lip like an utter fool. He hadn't changed a day, in age or demeanor.

Penemue spoke to the room, acting as officiator for the meaning, ## And the last order of business for the day… Kokabiel, calm your fucking tits. This is the fifth time in a decade we've had to chastise you for playing fast and loose with the mascarade. Some of us are coming to the edge of our patience. ##

Kokabiel scoffed like a petulant child, ## Tch! I am perfectly calm! It is those damned humans that should be in trouble for provoking me! ##

## Yes, a mistaken order at Starbucks is flawless reasoning for what the human media is calling 'domestic terrorism'. ## Shemhazai drawled sarcastically.

## Are we done now? ## Azazel asked, his tone utterly bored.

A wave of general agreement went around the table. Azazel sighed in relief, ## Excellent. I have a fun little Sacred Gear curiosity to address. ##

He pulled out some report or file or another and began to read through it, ignoring the rest of the room. The Grigori Cadres began to get up and go about their business. I suddenly leaned over Azazel's shoulder to read with him, unnoticed by everyone until I spoke.

## Hmm, you seem to be doing good work with the Gears these days, 'Zel. Why, the Old Man might even be proud~… ##

## Father's fucking tits! ## Azazel quite literally jumped out of his seat, spinning to look at me with an uncharacteristic gaping mouth. ## Cain?! Is that really you?! Why-?! Wha-?! HOW?! THE FUCK?! ##

"I can feel that reaction…" Barbara groaned. "In my fucking bones…"

I grinned, ## Boo~. I'm back, Zelly Zel~. It's good to see you too. Care to help out an old friend and ally~? ##

## An imposter! Cain hasn't been seen for millennia! How did you get here?! I'll kill you~! ## Kokabiel reacted with all of the sadistic enthusiasm and glee I expected from him.

## Bad Kok-boy. Heel. ## I deadpanned, bringing the powerful Fallen Angel to an immediate, obedient stop. ## Obviously, the rumors of my death were greatly exaggerated… ##

"Heheh~! Classic~!" Harley grinned and singsonged.

"(づ ◕‿◕ )づ" Cass 'asked' an enthusiastic question. 'Did you smack down the terrorist turkey boy~? Did ya, did ya~?'

"A few times, yes," I chuckled. "Both before and after this point. Kokabiel was a rather troubled individual, even for the Fallen. Sometimes, he simply had to be put back into line before he carelessly destroyed a city or two in search of a good fight. Azazel was many things but a strict, helicopter leader wasn't one of them."

"I'm quite interested in this version of Azazel," Lucifer smirked. "Mine is such a colossal asshole it's hardly funny anymore."

"'Zel had his moments like that," I nodded. "But on the whole, he was rather chill. Especially so long after the Great War. He was mostly just interested in Lust and knowledge. And he felt that peace was the best way to go about those pursuits after his Father's death."

Lucifer gave a throaty chuckle, "Peace~? Ohohoh~… This whole story is slightly surreal for me. Thank you, Sean~. I'm enjoying it very much~."

"Look what you've done, Sean," Ivy teased dryly. "Even the Devil thinks you're beyond belief."

"What a sentence…" Minerva muttered to herself, shaking her head.

Klarion reached over and patted her on the back in commiseration, "In the Dead End, insanity is ever-present."

"I like him," Hecate said firmly. "He seems more interested in learning and researching these 'Sacred Gears' than routine bureaucracy. I can relate to that. I suspect I would do the same in his position."

"Heh," I glanced at her. "I don't know if you two would get along but your drive for knowledge is quite similar. I think you would find Sacred Gears fascinating as well, Hecate. They're the type of subject one devotes their whole life to and still learns new things about."

Hecate was practically drooling at the prospect, "How fascinating…"

"Now, Azazel brought me up to speed on what I'd missed during my sealed slumber," I said, pulling the story back on track. "During this explanation, Zel was called away to deal with something in the human world. So naturally, I tagged along."

"Naturally," Barbara deadpanned.

"Just so," I chuckled. "It was a whole thing with a treacherous Cadre member of the Grigori messing around with creating artificial Sacred Gears, some of the humans the Fallen had recruited, and an ambitious third party of magicians. Centered around this one guy — just a kid, really — named Tobio Ikuse and his Sacred Gear, Canis Lykaon. I won't get into it all. Mostly because there wasn't much to get into after I stepped into the picture."

In the mirror, a scene unfolded. A boy and his god-killing dog stood in the center of the frame. The aura of absolute menace they emitted was tangible even through the mirror's memory. His teammates surrounded him, none of them out of high school. Two Fallen Angels — one Baraqiel from the earlier meeting and the other unknown — stood off to the side, locking eyes in a standoff.

Against Tobio, a wretched old witch puppeted a beautiful young woman's body. A massive doll of pure ice — manifested by the young woman's Sacred Gear — and a giant formed from purple flames danced to the old witch's bidding. Domains of god-killing ice and fire were forced to work together in a terrifying showcase of power that ravaged the very air around the old witch.

The tension between the two sides was high. A fight to the death — bound to occur. Peaceful resolution had long since ceased to be an option. 4 of the 13 Longinus faced off for a battle that could shake the world…

And then I walked into the picture, heedless of Azazel's groaning protests. Satanael — the 'unknown' Fallen Angel — was the only one who recognized me. In an instant, all of the fight went out of him and he practically begged to surrender himself to Baraqiel. The other antagonist was not so lucky as to be allowed to surrender.

The world itself shuddered and shied away from me, the First Murderer. Even Canis Lykaon laid down, put its paws over its eyes, and whimpered. And so it was. Cain's return was announced to the world. The world reacted with a scream, a whimper, and the offering of an old witch to the First Murderer.

The witch — Augusta as I came to know — even put up a half-decent fight. She was an accomplished magician, boosted even further by her Sacred Gear, Incinerate Anthem — the Holy Cross upon which Christ was crucified. She sent forth wave after wave of powerful spells that attempted to consume me. I simply walked forward, absorbing the spells and their power for myself. Even when she resorted to her god-killing flames, I reminded Incinerate Anthem of 'WHO KILLED FIRST'.

"My God…" Penguin exhaled in awe, practically breathless.

"It's like you're a god with a domain over killing and killing alone," Hades shrewdly observed.

"Don't be silly," I smirked. "There's only one God in the Bible."

Lucifer snorted an honest laugh, "As if me and some of my siblings wouldn't be considered gods in any other pantheon. It seems the same can be said for Adam, Eve, and apparently… you… Cain~."

"Yeah, the difference is purely pedantic in my mind," Barbara said flatly.

"Sean Caine, God of Killing…" Jason shuddered. "There's a terrifying thought."

"I think it's adorable, Dear," Didi cooed. "That you were taking after me before we truly met."

"Something like that," I shook my head in amusement. "I was quite literally the first person to kill another in that world. The cause of the first human death. The whole creationist mythos was basically true there. But also kind of not at the same time. Don't worry, I won't get into that."

"Can't you? It, uh, seems like something worth getting into," Riddler asked.

I pretended to consider it for a moment, "No… No, I don't think I will."

"Wonderful," Jason groaned. "Now, he's being smart about it."

"As amusing as this is," Diana chuckled. "I would like to hear more of the story. How did you end up aiding humanity as Cain?"

"Well, after pretty much shouting my return from the top of a proverbial mountain to the rest of the supernatural…" I began.

"Yes, I'd imagine killing one of 13 potential god-killers tends to do that," Persephone smirked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "And the reactions were appropriately mixed. Mostly negative at first. Only a few beings were alive to remember me as I was but my legend had certainly spread. I had to gently dismantle a few exorcist teams the Church sent after me and 'politely' dissuade a few over-ambitious Devils from delusions of recruitment. They didn't know any better so I wasn't too harsh on them.

"Eventually, I accepted that I wasn't going to be left alone any time soon. It wasn't anything new to me. So I just set myself to wander. As I was cursed to do. God's curse was weaker so long after his death but it wasn't completely gone. My existence essentially returned to 'normal'. Though I did quickly begin to pick up strays…"

Behind me, my Cain-self wandered through many disparate lands. Fertile farmlands. Arid deserts. Lush tropical forests. Snowcapped mountains. Tiny rural towns and bustling metropolises. Even visiting Hell and its purple sky here and there. I never seemed bothered by my eternal wandering, merely radiating acceptance, as close to contentment as I could get. In some of the scenes, I wasn't alone, instead accompanied by a cute, stony-faced pre-teen who we watched grow in spurts between the scenes into a stoically handsome young man.

"The first stray I picked up was a silver-haired half-Devil," I continued. "The White Dragon Emperor. He wielded the Sacred Gear Divine Dividing, which was all about siphoning an opponent's power into itself. Strong little dude. Daddy issues out the wazoo though. He was technically Azazel's ward but I became a much more fitting father figure than the Fallen pervert."

"He certainly looks like he could be your son," Hestia observed with a smile.

A light smirk played on my lips, "His name was Vali Lucifer."

Didi's breath suddenly caught in her throat and Lucifer just raised a single, unflinching eyebrow, "I had children? Me?"

"He was actually your…" I paused to think for a moment. "Great-grandson? You, Rizevim, what's his face, and then Vali. Yeah, great-grandson."

"Grandbabies…" Didi exclaimed breathlessly. "Grandbabies! Cousin, do you know what this means~?!"

"Do enlighten me," Lucifer drawled with dry amusement.

"I have a grandnephew~!" Didi squealed.

"Yes, I suppose you do~," Lucifer smirked. "And you're also more excited about this 'Vali's' existence than I am."

"Why aren't you more excited?" Didi pouted.

"I'm intrigued, certainly. I just wouldn't say 'excited'," Lucifer shrugged.

Didi turned her nose up at him with a haughty sniff, "Apathy does not make you look cooler, Cousin Luci."

"Of course, Little Didi, of course," Lucifer rolled his eyes. "My apologies."

"Anyway," I cut back in. "Vali was that world's youngest Lucifer. He escaped an unfortunate familial situation after the abuse of his mother and Azazel essentially adopted him. Then after I showed up, he started spending time with me in an effort to grow ever stronger."

Diana frowned slightly, "That does not seem like a healthy mindset for one so young."

"He didn't really have any other choice," I said. "His grandfather Rizevim — the original Lucifer's son — was one of the strongest beings in the world. Vali wanted to be free from his influence. He figured the best way to do that was to get strong enough to challenge and kill Rizevim. It helped that he was a little battle maniac all on his own, of course. Honestly, that silly boy was never happier than when he was going all out against me or his fated rival."

"(*ΦωΦ*)" Cass nodded. 'Yeah, I get it. Nothing better than life or death to get the blood flowing~! I bet fighting against you would be exhilarating!'

"Unfortunately, I doubt you'll be allowed to do that any time soon, Cass," I shook my head with a chuckle and continued. "The second stray I picked up was a sweet young Dhampir girl. The daughter of that world's Vlad Tepes, actually. Not the original Dracula, but of his lineage."

Penguin chuckled, "You seem to run into vampires quite often, Sean. Dracula, more specifically."

I shrugged, "In the grand scheme of things, they're rather common. These vampires weren't even anything special. They had the whole stereotypical 'Transylvanian Castle' thing going for them but that was about it. The only thing that was even somewhat interesting was the fact that they were split into two major factions, Tepes — dominated by men — and Carmilla — dominated by women.

"Other than that, they were pretty damn bog-standard. I didn't even feel anything for wiping their leadership out wholesale. They preyed on humanity — blood chattel and the like — too much for any regret. Also, the king and prince were abusive to sweet Valerie — their own blood. That… was unacceptable…"

In the mirror behind me, scenes played out as I singlehandedly brought down an entire castle. Spells for sieges tore it apart brick by brick. Magic natural disasters ravaged and salted the lands surrounding it. The human blood chattel and slaves were liberated, led to fight back against the vampires that used and abused them. In the castle's tallest tower, I found a young girl, kept weak and bled dry of her vaunted and coveted power.

## A-Are you… a knight…? Here to… rescue me…? How strange… I don't see any… shining… armor… ##

She fainted immediately after, the words seemingly taking all of her remaining energy. My Cain-self took her from her tower prison. She was swathed in the warmth and love she sorely needed. Scenes changed. We watched her heal and come out of her shell, becoming a sweet and lively young woman who lit up the room.

"Hng~!" Harley bit her lip to muffle a squeal. "Must… Protecc~!"

I shook my head fondly, "The idiots didn't even realize how much they were taking her for granted. Taking advantage of her, too. They were so focused on exploiting her Sacred Gear that even her father and brother — Hell, especially them — ignored everything that made her a person. Valerie deserved so much better than to be born into the family that she was. Thankfully, I was able to rectify that before it was too late."

"What was her Sacred Gear?" Hecate asked curiously.

"Sephiroth Graal," I answered. "Quite literally the Holy Grail. Bathed in the Blood of Christ, it was complete and utter dominion over souls. To the point of rivaling God Himself if he was still alive."

"O-Oh…!" Klarion squeaked. "I suppose I can understand why her own family were such bastards to her now…"

"Doesn't excuse it though," Hades grunted.

"Truly," Hestia agreed firmly, her frown darkening the room like a flickering hearth fire that threatened to go out. "The Home is sacred. Yet it seems that Valerie was cheated of it until she met Sean. Despicable. Utterly despicable."

"They weren't even using it to its true potential," I scoffed. "Merely to buff their foot soldiers and themselves for self-serving purposes. Sephiroth Graal could singlehandedly fix God's failing system. It could breathe new life into the world and revive the dead. It could modify and mold souls like clay. It could prevent Angels from Falling or restore them to their lost Light. When it came to souls, the grail's potential was practically infinite."

"Leave it to vampires to have the solution for all that ails them at their fingertips and squander it," Lucifer chuckled, the sound harsh and dismissive.

"They used some of its potential but not nearly enough of it," I continued. "And of course, there was a cost to such power. One that Valerie paid every time she used her grails. Namely, information overload that threatened to overwhelm her mind.

"Dominion over all souls was hardly a forgiving mistress, especially for mortal-born minds. It was a recurring problem for wielders of the grail. Users before Valerie were almost constantly taken advantage of, much like Valerie herself was. Unfortunately, their power left them rather vulnerable to such things."

"Sounds like as much of a curse as a boon," Hecate noted. "Please tell me you did something about that. Even just from an academic perspective, it would be a shame to not improve upon something so flawed."

"I did what I could," I nodded. "I crafted a spell for her to help her mind cope and sort through the overwhelming, incomprehensible data of souls. Actually, you might be interested in it. [Partition and Sort]."

Simmy let out an excited ding as the spell's [Data] filtered through my 'words'. Hecate squealed in sudden glee and excitement. Klarion groaned, "Oh, Hell, that's so fucking useful…! The array is even easy to understand, modify, and apply!"

"Enjoy," I waved my permission for them to do what they would with my magical creation. "Now, other than adopting Vali and Valerie, my wanders took me all over the world. From the Vatican in Rome to the Shinto capital in Kyoto. The other pantheons usually weren't very happy with my presence-…"

A wicked grin came across my face, "… But there wasn't much they could do to the First Murderer."

A montage of scenes overtook the mirror. I visited the Pope on a whim. God's First Murderer simply walked right into the heart of the Vatican. I danced past Devil and heretic-hunting Exorcists and priests as they frantically tried to stop me. All they succeeded in doing was tripping over themselves as I made off with the Pope's prestigious hat.

"Oh, God," Barbara couldn't help but laugh. "That's so fucking blasphemous! Just no respect at all!"

"The Pope was a surprisingly good sport about it," I said. "He and his second-in-command even gave me a decent little fight. They were in great shape for 80-something-year-old men."

"You fought the Pope," Jason deadpanned. "And the Pope… fought back?"

"Yep," I simply nodded. "Sure earned my approval. If he hadn't, I likely would have had to dismantle the whole Church and start all over again. What good's a Pope if he can't kick some ass?"

"Hear, hear~!" Harley cackled.

"(｀∀´)Ψ" Cass gave an eager, devilish smirk. 'I suddenly have a new goal in life…'

"She either means to fight the Pope or become the Pope," Selina shook her head in exasperation. "I don't know which is worse."

The montage behind me continued. I somehow snuck my way into Valhalla, crashing the eternal party there. The Norse were good sports about it. Thor especially shared quite a few drinks with me. Odin and I laughed and caught up on old adventures. He'd gotten himself a new assistant Valkyrie who was simply adorable to tease.

Another scene change saw me casually smacking the shit out of Sun Wukong. The old monkey was grinning with glee at the chance to return to his youth. Fighting energy — Touki — poured off him like a raging inferno, shaking the Earth and the Heavens. An entire mountain range in Tibet suddenly found itself looking very different as our fight rearranged the landscape.

"That might be the most impressive thing I've seen you do," Hades deadpanned.

"That~?" Harley cocked her head. "But it's just an old monkey~!"

Hades shuddered, "Don't fuck with Sun Wukong."

"Ah…" Harley paused. "You know? Valid. I guess I didn't quite realize who that was."

"Now, as you might expect, I began to earn a reputation," I said with a chuckle.

"The First Murderer? With a reputation? You don't say?" Ivy drawled dryly.

"Why, yes, I do say," I smirked right back at her. "I was something of a faction unto myself. Similar to how I was during the Great War but taken to an even greater extent in accordance with how the world had developed. But of course, that reputation didn't come without its… issues…"

The mirror shook with a deafening boom. Hell itself was turned upside down as Past-Me clashed with someone who could render the world inhabitable and hardly break a sweat. Magic — enough to raze civilizations to dust — flew freely through the air. I pushed off the ground, breaking the sound barrier with almost negligent ease, and flying as a bullet toward my apocalyptic opponent.

"Dear Magic…" Hecate physically paled at the destruction on display. "Who could warrant such… such… power…!"

"Rizevim Livan Lucifer, only son of and the first Devil to surpass the original Lucifer," I answered solemnly. "See, the stupidly malicious Old Satan Faction began to… talk shit, you might say.

"Uh oh~," Harley muttered, a vicious grin on her face.

"(⋋‿⋌ )" Cass matched Harley's grin. 'That means they're about to get hit!'

"Get hit, they did," I nodded. "They claimed me as one of theirs — the closest thing to a primal embodiment of evil the Bible had now that Lucifer was dead. Understandably, I took offense to that. And went about wiping the Old Satan Faction from the face of Hell. Rizevim was the last boss, per se, of that faction. The only one able to put up a fight against me. A Hell of a fight at that…"

Demonic Power burned away at the air, leaving the space around Rizevim more akin to the void of space than anywhere livable. A blood-chilling frown darkened his lips and brow. Impressively, the pinnacle example of Devilkind was actually bruised and bloodied. Not only that, a wicked curse ate away at his flesh, fueled by my Mark of Cain — the ultimate curse of God Himself.

Unfortunately, even as I landed a punch to shake Hell itself, I was in a similarly poor state. Blood leaked from my split lip. My clothes were tattered rags, more appropriate for the moments after I'd first woken up in the present. Dark Touki, a damn-near physical representation of my determination to fight, cloaked my form in shadows. God's mark burned like the sun on my chest, the only form of light allowed near me.

"Oh shit…" Klarion exclaimed softly. "I think this is the worst off we've seen Sean ever."

"Didi-damn, this Rizevim guy is absolutely not to be fucked with," Jason shuddered.

"Scary…" Kara nodded in agreement.

"Terrifying," Selina 'corrected'.

"Should I be proud of my offspring~?" Lucifer asked, his voice more amused than worried, of course.

Didi pouted, "No, I don't think you should, Cousin. I'm very close to writing him out of the family…"

Lucifer stared at her for a moment, "… Now, that? Didi, going so far? 'THAT' is terrifying."

In the mirror, Rizevim and I threw everything we had at each other. Spells to rewrite reality. Physical blows that tore through the fabric of space. Dark energies that obliterated everything they came into contact with. Only when Hell itself was nearing collapse did Rizevim and I back down, mutually agreeing to a temporary stalemate as we glared pure 'REVENGE' at each other. In the end, he was left worse off than Past-Me, never able to truly rid himself of the caustic curse fueled and maintained by the Mark of Cain.

My audience was left stunned and silent by what they'd witnessed. That kind of power was the kind of thing that completely turned someone's world upside down. Even here in a reality of gods, villains, and heroes, it was hard to comprehend. That little bastard likely would have enjoyed himself here to his cold heart's content…

"Now!" I clapped, startling everyone out of their dreadful shock. "For something lighter."

The mirror changed and we watched as I cast a grand spell that restored an ancient city to its prime, literally raising it from the waves that had claimed it. The land around rose with it. Weathered and eroded marble came to shine like new. Streets reconstructed themselves from almost nothing. Tapestries came back from the brink of oblivion, their vivid colors painting the buildings and flying free in the wind once more.

"Oooooooh~… That's the stuff~," Hecate moaned.

"Please tell me that wasn't Atlantis," Barbara begged.

"Okay," I smirked. "I won't tell you."

"It looks remarkably similar to the Atlantis we once visited," Persephone noted. "The current Atlantis has changed so much it's practically unrecognizable from the past. Not to mention the change in scenery."

"Indeed," Hestia nodded, pointing at the mirror. "In fact, I believe I visited that same bakery when the city was still above water. They served the cutest shaped honey bread."

Minerva fixed me with an intense stare, the archeologist within her shining through, "… I could kiss you right now."

I laughed, "Unfortunately, the Atlantis here is still very much in use so I doubt I can pull off the same miracle again."

"Wouldn't raising Atlantis again have been a breach of the supernatural masquerade?" Riddler asked.

"Sure, it was," I shrugged. "I didn't particularly care. I just left it as one of those unexplainable curiosities about the world."

"More like 'impossibility'," Alice snarked.

"Well, that's hardly my problem, is it~?" I teased.

"You were quite literally the only one responsible, Dad," Alice deadpanned.

"I don't see how that should have changed anything," I steadfastly ignored her 'implication'.

She rolled her eyes. I wiggled my brows at her. That just made Alice roll her eyes even harder. Didi giggled at our antics. Satisfied, I turned the focus back to the mirror as the scene changed one last time.

A blonde fox woman tittered drunkenly, hiding her mouth full of fangs behind numerous fluffy fox tails. She was deep in her cups. And overflowing from her cups too. Just absolutely spilling out of her… dress. Cleavage deep enough to drown in was thrust forward upon the world. Miles and miles of smooth, soft, succulent flesh were put on display from a half-opened kimono as the kitsune leaned forward to pour Past-Me more sake.

Man or woman, the scene stole every breath in the bar. Yasaka did tend to have that effect on people. She was a stone-cold fox. In more ways than one. Centuries of experience using her looks to her advantage served her well in that moment considering the Shinto faction went for the soft sell with me. A… honeypot, one might say.

"Oh…" Two-Face began.

"My…" Selina continued.

"Goddess~!" Harley finished with a shout.

"Oh, that's not even fair. 'SHE'S' not even fair…" Persephone pout.

"Tell me about it," Minerva nodded in agreement.

"I'd still take you any day of the week, Persephone," Hades reassured.

Persephone turned a queer eye on him, "Then you would be an idiot, dear husband. Mother's Grain, I'd be disappointed, even! Look at her-… her-… bountiful tracts of land!"

"… They are somewhat impressive," Hades admitted, never looking away from his wife. "But I prefer the flowers of spring."

"O-Oh~!" Persephone gasped, taken aback and now blushing up a storm.

She glanced away, too flustered to meet his eyes. A silly smile played upon her lips. Nodding my respect to Hades, I casually twisted space to deliver him a discreet fist bump. That shit was smooth as Hell, masterfully done.

"Hmm," Didi hummed. "Despite her attractiveness, I'm not sure I'm the biggest fan of this one."

"Even the largest oppai have their limits," I said 'sagely'. "Yasaka was partially interested in me but mostly, she acted that way with an ulterior motive. Namely, ensuring the First Murderer wasn't going to bring her realm to ruin. She might have been down for a roll in the hay or two but she also had subjects to look out for. And my heart already set on someone else then anyway…"

"Ah, yes," Penguin physically shook off the hypnotizing power of fox titties. "The Archangel Gabriel. I notice you haven't made any real mention of her since you woke up in the story."

Riddler nodded along, "There was the message. But that's it. What has she been up to? How did she react to your return?"

"Gabriel…" I began. "Well, let's put it this way: I'm pretty sure I heard her scream from Heaven when she got the news. Hell, I'm pretty sure the whole world heard."

The mirror montage was put on pause. A great scream echoed forth from my reflected memory. It was a complex thing, layered with emotion. Grief and loss. Anger and excitement. The Dead End's audience got a taste of an Angel's complicated feelings for the one who should have been anathema to her being… but clearly wasn't.

Then the scenes in the mirror began to shift again. We all watched and heard the warnings I received in that life after my return. From just about everyone who knew Gabriel or who had a direct line to Heaven. From Odin — the divine pervert warning me with a smirk — to Azazel — disgruntled and almost petty with his grudging warning. A particularly faithful human Exorcist named Griselda Quarta imperiously notified me of her Lady's interest. Even Gabriel's brother, the Archangel Michael, awkwardly told me that his sister was stopping at nothing to find me again.

## Go on, Cain! Make the rest of us old farts proud! Wisdom says making a woman like her wait is a terrible idea… ##

## I still hate that she chose you… Bastard. Just… we may be slightly estranged but I don't want to see her cry, Cain. If she does, even Father's curse won't save you… ##

## The Lady Gabriel has tasked me with keeping my eyes out for you, Cursed One. Know that I shall be reporting your presence here to her at once. You would do best to not keep her waiting too long. And, err… It's a rather romantic situation, I confess… I'm rooting for you two. ##

## She won't stop looking, Cain. My sister is determined for the first time in centuries. No, beyond that. I haven't seen Gabriel like this in millennia. It's as if we were young once more. I think even Father would approve of the two of you at this point… ##

And still, I led Gabriel on a merry chase across the globe. I could practically feel her following me at all times. She had my scent and she wouldn't let it go. I essentially recreated the circumstances through which we first fell in love. Only this time, Gabriel didn't seem to be wasting any time with lying to herself.

Eventually, I let her corner me. The mirror showed the scene of our reunion. She'd changed. For the better, as amazing a prospect as that was to contemplate. The Might of God had been tempered by ages of peace. The unstoppable strength of her sword arm fell behind a much softer curtain of diplomacy and compromise. Yet the woman I loved was still there clear as day.

Long hair of spun gold. A holy halo, unwavering above her head. The most beautiful white feathers I'd ever seen. Brilliant blue eyes, as clear and calm as tropical waters. A body that simply wouldn't quit. Even covered by a pure, white sundress, her figure should have been positively sinful. Instead, it somehow managed to bring forth faith and purity in even the most depraved, desolate, and sinful minds.

And on her face, in her eyes, a fierce glare was leveled at me. Complete with adorable puffed-up cheeks and perfectly pouting lips in an 'angry' frown.

"Oh, God~…" Harley called upon the name of Gabriel's Father. "She's adorable~!"

"Heavenly," Ivy nodded beside her.

"I've known Gabriel for three seconds," Barbara said, her voice firm. "If anything happened to her, I would kill everyone here and then myself."

"She's certainly prettier than my Gabriel~," Lucifer snorted.

"Which is an impressive feat," Hestia added. "Considering all of your brothers are men the youth would call a 'pretty boys'."

Back in the mirror, Gabriel pouted. Fiercely.

## Muuuuuuuu~… You made me chase you… Chase, chase, chase, chase! Stay still, dangit! Let me catch you! ##

## Heh, nostalgic, isn't it~? ##

## Hmph~! I suppose… Didn't you see my message though?! ##

## *Sigh* I did. I guess I just wasn't ready right after waking up… ##

## O-Oh… Are you ready… now…? ##

## I've prepared my heart. I'd say I had a lot to think about but I really didn't. With you, Gabi, my decision always has and always will be the same. ##

## I-I've thought a lot too! A-About you… And me… ##

## Oh~? I've been on your mind~? ##

## My message said as much, didn't it? Even after Father… You've always been in my thoughts and prayers, Cain. ##

## And~? ##

## A-And I think I've come to realize something I should have realized long ago! I don't care! ##

Past-Me couldn't help but flinch involuntarily, ## You… don't…? ##

Gabriel firmly shook her head, ## Mm! I don't care about our differences! Or what should and should not be! Sealing you was the hardest thing I've ever had to do! I promised myself if-… when you awoke! I promised myself I would speak the truth from my heart and say what I never could! ##

## *Relieved sigh* O-Oh… ##

## Cain, Son of Adam! Marked by My Father! I believe you can be redeemed and you have! Even Father would see it! So I won't hesitate to say this any longer! I love you! I love that you have earned your second chance and I wish to be the one to deliver it to you! ##

Even on the other side of the mirror, my smile at that moment was practically palpable, ## I love you too, Gabi. But I think you probably know that already. Hopefully, what comes next will surprise you~… ##

I got down on one knee. Gabriel gasped, covering her open mouth with dainty hands. Eyes wide and cheeks turning pink, she stared at me in shock as I proposed, ## Gabi? I think we've waited long enough, wasted enough time… Will you marry me? ##

## Yes! Yes~! Oh, Father, yes~! I do! ##

Gabriel suddenly stopped and gasped, zeroing in on me with an intense stare and a grip on my shoulders that could have crushed steel, ## Cain! Say it back! 'Do you…?' Quickly now! ##

## I do…? ##

## Perfect! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce us Man and Wife! ##

## *Chuckles* Your brothers likely won't be happy about missing the ceremony. ##

## Later! We'll have a proper wedding in Heaven later! For now… you're forgetting something, Mister! ##

## Indeed, I am. Let's rectify that, shall we~? ##

I rose from my knees and Gabriel quite literally leaped at me. Catching her, I swung her around to bleed off momentum as she grinned with unconcealed glee. Then, of course, I kissed her and everything was right in my world. The memory in the mirror faded to black as our lips met.

"Woooooo~!/٩(＾◡＾)۶" Harley and Cass cheered as if their favorite team had just won an important sports-ball game. 'Yay~! Happy ending~!'

"Happy ending, indeed~," Lucifer chuckled. "I can hardly believe I'm rooting for Gabriel's happiness in marriage, though it does help that this version of my sibling is much more personable."

"That was very sweet," Kara smiled softly. "Almost like a fairytale."

"I've decided," Didi nodded. "Gabriel has my stamp of approval. I quite like what I've seen from her here."

"I'm sure she'd be very happy to hear that if she showed up," I chuckled.

"Or when we go visit her ourselves," Didi hinted firmly.

"The wedding was nice…" Ophis said, speaking up from her position on my chest where she'd been left to nap. "I got to be… ringbearer…"

"Please tell me you have memories of that?! I think I'd just about die from cuteness!" Minerva pleaded. Based on the nods from the rest of the women in my audience, she wasn't alone in that need for Ophis-flavored adorability.

"Enjoy," I chuckled, waving at the mirror behind me.

The feminine squeals that followed were almost deafening. From that reaction alone, I quickly spun up a slideshow-esque reel from me and Gabriel's wedding to play in the mirror. Shaking my head in amusement, my attention turned to the bemused menfolk. Fortunately, most of them were smart enough to cover their ears when the slideshow started playing.

"So," Penguin began. "… An Angel, huh? How'd that work?"

"Also," Two-Face gave me a nod of manly respect. "Nice."

I let my amusement show in a twitch of my lips, "It worked out very well for me. For both of us, I should say. Gabriel and I were happy together."

"And the… consummation?" Klarion asked diplomatically.

"Angels can have sex, you know," I said. "Especially after marriage. But just in case, I asked Valerie to make it harder for Gabriel to Fall. Not impossible, mind you. Gabriel's Light was important to her but she still believed the ability to Fall was part of her Father's vision for her and her siblings."

"That's rather admirable of her," Lucifer nodded, impressed. "Given the chance, I believe most of my siblings would completely negate their ability to Fall. I know I would have."

"Huh… Neat," Jason blinked at that information before compartmentalizing it and turning back to me. "So have you got half-Angel kids running around somewhere out there?"

I sighed, "Unfortunately, it was not to be. Something dire came up, as they tend to do. Rizevim Lucifer managed to summon 666, the Beast of the Apocalypse, a few years later. I sacrificed my life, using my curse to finish what God started and seal it away for good."

"That little mongrel!" Didi shouted uncharacteristically, her attention ripped from the blissful wedding slideshow by the mention of Rizevim. "Oh, he is SO cast out of the family it's not even funny!"

"Wooo~! Righteous disownment~!" Harley cheered.

Hades chuckled, "Not something you normally cheer for. But considering the circumstances, I can certainly understand it."

Lucifer denounced his other-dimensional son with much fewer words and an all-too-casual sip from his drink, "… Deserved."