Gods of Samrasa

The camp received the death of the Prince of Kulat with great joy. Many of the men had lost friends to his raids, and his brutality to the farmers of Tarasif was well-known. With his death, it seemed likely that the war was nearing its end. That Jaha herself had ordained his execution meant the Gods condemned Kulat. Or, at least until Samrasa found it convenient for it to be otherwise.

A gift of horses and armor, all given to Samrasa, was made, and Samrasa saw the men's enthusiasm. So he graciously accepted the gift and gave rich rewards to Nendas, Taha, and Rokas. Who, in turn, gave them up and handed them all over to the warriors. One who had fought with them against the Prince of Kulat.

Money was no object, and the act bought them many friends.

The strange thing was that Nendas could remember none of it. More and more on this campaign, his senses blurred together. What day was it? What month? It all seemed like a waking dream. And though he remembered speaking, he felt less and less like a person and more like a puppet of divine schemes.

Sometimes a man would approach him as the Avatar of Jaha or even as Nendas and pick up a conversation. And yet Nendas would have no memory of the man, his name, or anything about him. But it would be as though he knew him well.

Yet, he'd carry on his end of the conversation with ease. That was the strange part as if Jaha remembered and was speaking for him.

All three of them ought to have been executed. Was Samrasa saving them from execution later?

Jaha certainly seemed much more popular than before. Perhaps he didn't think the moment to kill Nendas was right? Well, if Samrasa's treatment of Ralign was any indication, Nendas was no worse off than before. He still needed someone to kill and replace Ralign, after all. Until then, he was safe.

Either way, here they were, sitting over a cooking fire, waiting for their rice to be done.

"Well, camp life is fun, isn't it?" asked Taha with a grin.

"Not particularly," said Nendas.

"Well then, why didn't you choose to be part of the King's entourage?" asked Rokas. "He offered you that after we killed the Prince of Kulat." Rokas seemed remarkably devoid of grief at the death of his brother. His objections were on principle and not affection. Nendas could only assume he'd never liked the bastard.

"I am the Avatar of Jaha," said Nendas, the word hollow on his tongue. "One of my responsibilities is living without luxury. It would set a poor example if I were seen drinking and partying with Ralign." He glanced up to where boisterous laughter could be heard from the tent.

"You seem to have been getting on with Ralign better," said Taha.

"It's a matter of necessity," said Nendas, pausing between mouthfuls. "If I were constantly chafing at the bit and throwing accusations around, I would do no one any good. My feud with him is of no present relevance. If he intends to treat me with greater respect, I see no reason not to return the gesture."

"In any case, I agree with Nendas," said Rokas. "We should not take advantage of hospitality we do not deserve. It is better to serve well and receive less than to receive more and not serve."

"Perhaps you could tell the Lord Munsuf that," noted Nendas.

"He would not listen," said Rokas. "He does not have the build of one who trains for war as much as he ought to. And why would I if his instructors that trained your father did no better?"

Taha ate some rice and looked up. "What's that quote from? The one about serving and receiving?"

"It's a personal philosophy," said Rokas lowering his bowl. "I used to read a great deal. My Father taught me that I must always serve others before myself. House Aka has always held service to a right cause to be its own reward."

"Oh yes, because he's a true role model," said Taha.

"Just because he mistreated me in some form does not mean that all his words are worthless, Taha," said Rokas.

Looking at the pot, Nendas noticed a small amount of rice left. Rokas deferred to him, but Nendas shrugged. "...You may have the last one, Rokas."

"Hmm, oh yes," said Rokas. "You need not concern yourself; I am not hungry."

"Well, let me have it, then," said Taha, scooping out more. "Samrasa gave me a job, and I won't do it on an empty stomach. I'm going back up to the hill soon. The armies of Kulat will fight us sooner or later, so we've got to attack at the right time.

"King Samrasa wants me to read the winds and find him an opening."

"How does 'reading the wind' even work?" asked Nendas, suspecting he already knew.

"Well, I have these scrolls with special rituals on them," said Taha, drawing them out. "I put them out and put a bit of blood on them."

"Rituals from where?" asked Nendas.

"Um, the cult of Tamar," said Taha.

They stared at her.

"What?" said Taha.

"... That's a divine technique!" said Rokas. "You are using the Gods while denying their existence! That's contradicting your ideology!"

"No, I'm not," said Taha. "Look, it's meditation combined with using tools to figure out weather patterns. Anyone could do it if they learned the techniques for it."

"So are you going to teach other people the techniques?" asked Nendas.

"Of course not," said Taha. "I'd be out of a job. These rituals are the main thing I have other people don't. Anyway, Nendas, what has been up with you? Ever since we started this campaign, you have been weird."

"How so?" asked Nendas.

"Well, sometimes you're yourself," said Taha. "Other times, though, you wander off to talk to people. Ask them all kinds of questions and suggest solutions to their problems. You get them to repair relationships and such.

"The Peacemaker, some are calling you.

"You also up and disappeared one week to heal a bunch of villages where a plague was starting."

"...I don't remember," said Nendas, considering what to do about this.

"Well, it's probably saved our neck," said Taha. "I think Samrasa got hoisted on his cross. He arbitrarily declared Jaha the 'good' deity, hoping it would pull the teeth on the moderates. Then he had the 'Avatar' make a man instead of a woman to discredit her.

"Instead, you've got people saying Jaha is the One True God of Tarasif and that all others are subordinate. Very amusing, but it could get us all killed."

Nendas looked up and saw people looking at him from different campfires. Was it him, or was there a reverence that had not existed before? "I'm sorry, I don't remember any of it. It must have been Jaha acting through me."

Was it possible that his inability to act as the Avatar of Jaha should lead her to act directly through him? This had never happened before. There had been accounts of Avatars going into trances and being spoken to. Yet nothing like this.

"I really think you should confront your inner darkness, Nendas," said Taha. "Gods don't exist, so obviously, you've shut out everything from your mind. Probably because you wish the Gods do exist. So you are delegating a portion of your mind to act in their stead. You can conquer only by confronting that part of yourself; you refuse to acknowledge it."

"What does that even mean?" asked Rokas flatly.

"I have no idea," said Taha. "But it sounds appealing, and since all truths are invalid anyway, it's as legitimate as any other." And she got up to undertake her mission.

At that point, a man approached. "Avatar."

"Yes, what is it?" asked Nendas.

"Some of our men have become sick with a strange illness," said the man. "Can Queen Jaha aid us?"

Nendas stood up, feeling the hints of the blur. Finally, however, he forced it back. He would live through these moments. "I shall come at once."

"Taha, do you mind if I accompany you?" asked Rokas.

"Actually, yes," said Taha, drawing out the scroll. "This is something I do on my own. I can't make it work with distractions."

In a dream, or perhaps in a waking vision, Nendas walked away from himself alongside Taha. She made her way up to the peak of the hill. It was just outside the command tent where merriment was being made. Unrolling the scrolls, she cut a finger and let a drop of blood fall onto it. From there, she smoothed it red over the paper and closed her eyes.

The wind was on her face, and Nendas saw her focusing.

The world, Taha thought, was not directed by divine forces. It was a mathematical system—a chain of events set in motion long ago with only one possible ending. Every piece had been set in place by cosmic accident at the beginning of all things.

You only needed to see the calculations to know what would happen.

But seeing the calculation is impossible for anyone; it is too big. So you have to estimate and round the calculations; you can see. Using that, you can get a general sense of where things are going.

And if things are big enough, a general sense is all you need.

"Got it!" said Taha suddenly in triumph. "Thank you, Tamar, not that you exist." And she rolled up her scroll before hurrying into the tent. Within, she found Samrasa feasting with his nobles. They were boasting of heroic deeds and making grand plans. And they were left out of it.

No idols of any god stood in this place around them.

Taha hurried past them and kneeled by Samrasa's side, and the old man looked at her and smiled. "King Samrasa?"

"Yes, what is it, dear girl?" asked Samrasa. His eyes brightened at her presence.

"Our enemy approaches and seeks battle," said Taha. "They will come to face you in battle here. They shall array in great numbers, greater than any expected. But the wind shall be against them, and you will have it at your back.

"Strike hard and fast, and your enemy shall fall."

"Do you trust this priestess, Samrasa?" asked Munsuf at his side. "Surely not. She is a devotee of those illiterate cults as much as anyone else." Illiterate cults? Did he dare speak as such?

"I'm not a priestess," said Taha. "I'm just someone who understands how the Priestesses of Tamar operate. I learned their techniques and saw through their lies." Not helping at all, but a good survival reflex.

"...You are sure of this?" asked Samrasa.

"Absolutely," said Taha. "I can feel the winds and know how they will act. I have knife tricks that require it.

"Your enemy shall come to you."

Samrasa nodded. "Very well, I shall make a trial of this information."

And then Nendas entered the tent as if summoned. He found himself looking through his own eyes again. He realized Jaha had been acting independently of him. How was this possible?

Of course, it was possible.*

"King Samrasa, we've brought him," said a soldier.

"I see," said Samrasa. "Leave us, all of you. Except you, Munrus. We ought to have this discussion sooner rather than later."

"Ah, Nendas, you're here," said Samrasa. "I'm told you've been healing the injured."

"I was asked to by many common soldiers," said Nendas.

"Well, we are at war, so I don't think we need to make an issue of it," said Samrasa. "Jaha is on our side, after all. Indeed, she is perhaps the most devoted of those we worship." A blanket lie, a moment ago, he had been scorning her? Was this what Jaha saw?

"Nephew, it has been too long," said Munsuf. His warmth was feigned and poorly disguised.

"Yes, Uncle, it has," said Nendas. Though he wanted to say 'not long enough.'

"I apologize for not inviting you to the funeral," said Munrus. "I did not think a personal journey would be appropriate for an Avatar-"

"I know, Uncle," Nendas said, wondering how else Munsuf had slandered him. "I've come to understand and accept the reasons for what you did." And Munrus would pay dearly for them sooner or later.

Munrus looked to Samrasa, who laughed. "...Well, then, we need not have this discussion any longer. Nendas, I want you and your companions to be first in the coming assault. You'll go ahead, in Ralign's company. I trust you remember our earlier discussion in the palace."

"With great clarity, of course," said Nendas.

"Good, then prepare and await our orders," said Samrasa. "Battle will soon be joined."

Jaha meditated, freeing herself from Nendas' mind and assuming her own identity for a bit. Her greater self was of little help for the moment; this was not her forte. Yet channeling herself through Nendas had caused her to take on a more calculating mind. She usually only possessed the wills of the kindest and most pure maidens. Faithful Nendas was, but he was trained for war.

Perhaps the energies poured into Nendas should be sent elsewhere. If they entered her greater self, it could be problematic.

Taha's words about confronting inner darkness bothered her. Was what happened here due to Nendas being used as a lens for her power? Or was it manifesting an aspect of herself she wished to deny? There were, after a fashion, many of her.

It was of no present consequence. Jaha resumed her role as controller.

There was another blur that seemed unreal. Vaguely Nendas was aware of himself moving this way and that. He acted as he would normally act, but he was hardly conscious. And little by little, he felt as though he was losing himself. Was he becoming part of Jaha? Or had his actions put him so at odds with her spirit? Had he become separate from his status as the Avatar. It was unbearable, and it was all he could do to observe events from an outside perspective. He felt himself sort of drifting off, and he fought against it, feeling his connection to Jaha.

To be the Avatar of Jaha was a great honor.

It had always been reported that those who did so became one with her after a time. They took on more and more aspects of them. Was that what was happening to him now? Was he becoming no more than a face?

Summoning his will, Nendas moved aside as the Kulatian army gathered beneath the hill. "Jaha...

"I have not prayed to you in a long time. I used to pray all the time.

"I've stopped recently. I do not know why you chose me or what you want from me. However, your inhibitions are something I cannot afford. I will have to kill for what happens next. I ask that you do not speak to me during this battle.

"Thank you."

As soon as he said it, the dream was disrupted. Nendas found he was praying with his sword before him.

"Are you done?" asked Taha, some way away.

"Yes, as much as possible," said Nendas, drawing the sword.

"You didn't seem so faithful as before. I'm proud of you," said Taha, combing her brown hair. She looked very nice in the pink shirt and brown pants she was wearing now. They clung to her lean form well.

Nendas turned around and walked past her. "Silence. Taha, stay here. I will enter the battle."

"Sure, whatever you want," said Taha. "Samrasa doesn't want to lose me anyway. My skills aren't exactly common knowledge."

Nendas said nothing and hurried to the formation with his command. Details came back to him as he ordered and assembled his men. Details of names and faces long forgotten or perhaps taken by Jaha. A sense of hostility was coming toward him, anger toward Jaha, and he now wondered if she wasn't devouring him.

It did not matter. The lines were assembled before one another, and the two armies stood ready. Battle would soon be joined, and Nendas knew there would be blood soon. And he realized he was standing next to Ralign in the infantry.

"So, here we are," said Nendas.

"Scared?" asked Ralign, but there was a tinge of humor behind it. It was not an insult.

"No," said Nendas, remembering that Samrasa wanted him dead. Could he kill the man? "Not more than anyone else."

With luck, Ralign would be killed in battle fairly. But then, Ralign had not been killed fairly in all this time. It did not seem he would be brought down save by treachery.

"I am at your side, Nendas," said Rokas. "I only wish Taha could fight alongside us."

"You wanted a woman fighting?" asked Ralign.

"Taha's skills are more valuable behind the lines," said Nendas. "Knife throwing wouldn't be of much use here anyway."

And then the horn call was sounded. And they knew the battle was to be joined.

"Forward, to war!" said Ralign, motioning with his axe.

And they charged. As they charged, the men of Kulat unleashed their bows. Yet the wind howled, and their arrows were scattered. Pushing against them, the armies of Tarasif surged forward like a wave and struck the enemy line. Nendas cleaved down a man with his sword before clashing his blade against a spear. He saw Ralign cleaved his way forward, laughing as the enemy closed around him. The wind howled but always behind their backs, and the enemy line was bending.

Rokas kicked down a man before striking down another with gauntletted fists. And then there was a melee. Nendas fought on reflex, slashing and blocking as blood spattered over him. The carnage began as he fought desperately, now and then catching a glimpse of a friend.

Nendas had no idea what battle plan was being used, if any. He heard several horn calls and saw the King's banner distantly coming from the side. But he had no real idea of what plans were being enacted or how well. All he could do was hack and slash everyone who stood against him.

"The battle is ours! The enemy flees before us!" said Rokas.

Then Nendas found himself fighting sword to sword with a man clad in armor similar to Prince Suras. He was an older man, but he was a good fighter. Turning the blade, Nendas slammed a gauntlet against his helm and sent him down. Putting the blade to the old man's throat, he halted as the fighting cleared.

The old man gripped his sword hard.

"Surrender," said Nendas.

The man pulled himself up as the armies of Kulat scattered or were hunted down. Rokas came to him, and the old man glared at him. "You betray your own family, Rokas?"

"I don't have a family," said Rokas. "You made that very clear last time we met, Father."

"And so you take the side of these curs?!" said Father. "Have you fallen so far?"

"I follow Taha because she gave me food and a trade," said Rokas, repeating himself. "To her is who all my obligations lie. She joined Tarasif, and so I did. If you wished me to hold you in some obligation, you should not have been so vehement in disowning me."

"Take his sword, Rokas," said Nendas. "You may take it as a trophy."

Rokas did so and smiled as he did so. "Yes, Nendas."

Nendas scanned the battlefield for Ralign. A lot of dust and dirt had been kicked up during the fighting. And the moans of the dying could be heard. "Keep him guarded. I will find Ralign."

"Are you certain?" asked Rokas, and Nendas knew he knew.

"We must see his fate," said Nendas. "If the King attempts to escape, try to keep him alive. Bringing him to Samrasa will be a valuable prize."

Nendas walked away but did not look for Ralign how he wanted to. He kept running into injured people and having to heal them. Many fell unconscious on the battlefield; a few died despite his efforts. And each one he asked of Captain Ralign.

"Help..." said a man.

"Rest easy," said Nendas, healing him. "I will see to it that you are healed. Did you see Captain Ralign?"

"He charged that way, but I lost sight of him when he encountered the King's guard," said the man. "I saw him break them, and the King fled into the melee."

"Then go to camp," said Nendas. "I'll find him."

Soon he wandered through the dust until, at last, he came to Ralign, just behind a hill of bodies. The man was lying wounded on the ground, a spear in his side. Nendas could heal him easily. And he remembered how the man had come to treat him more kindly. Perhaps that would continue, and Ralign could be an ally.

"Ralign," said Nendas, kneeling by him.

"...Help me, Nendas..." said Ralign. "Please... help me..."

But Ralign had killed his Father, an honorable man on the same side. He had shown outward contempt for him, even after his death. Not to mention massacring the faithful of Elranor. What use was the friendship of such a man?

"King Samrasa... he'll... he'll reward..." began Ralign.

Samrasa wanted Ralign dead. Saving him would earn his ire. Ralign was hated by many, and even if he was reformed, it would be of precious little use. While killing him would get Nendas one step closer to vengeance.

He was worth more dead than alive.

Snatching a fallen dagger, Nendas drove it through Ralign's throat. It sank in deep, and he stood up and stepped back. Ralign lay dead, the murder of his Father avenged. Or at least partially avenged, he now needed only deal with Uncle and Samrasa.

All in good time.

Nendas contemplated whether he should feel anything at this.

Not really.

Ralign was terrible, had wronged him many times, and would have been of precious little use. He'd been tolerable company towards the end, but not enough to justify not killing him. Nendas turned to see several men emerging from the mists. "You, come quickly! Captain Ralign is dead! We must ensure his body is treated with respect." It was the least he could do.

What was he babbling about? He didn't care at all.

"What happened?" asked a man.

"I found him with a spear through him, but it took a knife to the throat to put him down," said Nendas. "He did not deserve to die like this." Though whether his death ought to have been faster or slower, Nendas wasn't sure. "I must find anyone else who needs aid. Ensure that no one defiles his corpse."

Ralign was, in the end, just one more tool. But he'd been a willing tool, which meant he could be punished. But then he felt another voice arguing that killing him was still wrong. What if he had forgiven Ralign, and they had become friends and worked against Samrasa?

Befriend the one who murdered his father? Laughable.

Justice had demanded Ralign die. And Nendas could not have delivered justice openly. And even if Nendas had not done it, Samrasa would have. All Nendas would have done by sparing him was show Samrasa he wasn't really loyal. In any case, Ralign would have died on his own if Nendas' hadn't shown up.

All he'd done was give him a mercy killing instead of healing him.

But, the voice noted, Nendas had put himself in a position to benefit from that death. Worse still, he had gone looking for him to deliver it. Being present gave Nendas a responsibility to act, and what he had done was kill someone he could have saved. He was a murderer.

"Damn you, I don't need your judgment," said Nendas flatly. "Others need your aid, and I'm the only one who can do it. So you can use me for your ends, or you can not.

"Either way, I don't need to justify myself to you. I've never had a choice in any of this anyway."

In the end, Nendas got back and found Rokas standing with his sword at his father's throat. Coming to a halt, Nendas nodded to him. "Rokas, you have the King?"

"Yes," said Rokas. "Is Ralign-"

"Ralign is dead," said Nendas. "Come, let's take our captive to King Samrasa."

Now the only question was if Samrasa would keep his word to Rokas or Nendas. Certainly, their group had more than upheld their end of the bargain.

Nendas sincerely doubted it.

But he could wait for an opportunity.*

*This sequence seems to be narrative convenience on the part of the original author. I see no way that Nendas could have seen through Taha's eyes at all. Barring Taha also having some connection to Jaha. Given Taha's violent and chaotic nature, this is utterly absurd.

It could be a local suspicion or belief system.

*This was one of the oldest texts that Tanith translated. It might have been written during the reign of Samrasa himself.