Game Merchant in Remnant

Chapter 16: The Story Officially Starts. Says the Narrator!



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(Shout out to the original writer of this part. JelloApocalypse)

The original show RWBY was a smash-hit Internet show about 3D anime girls smacking each other, that somehow got popular despite its initial budget of $7.

The world of Remnant is filled with monstrous creatures called Grimm, mankind's only hope for survival are the Huntsmen. There a of warriors who fight for the people with sensible weapons, like a tuba that is also a gun.

Team RWBY is a group of four girls learning how to be Huntresses. Ruby is the leader of Team RWBY, which is confusing at all. She's a protagonist who puts the pedals to the metal and has a secret sharinggan. She's also got a dead mom who was added to the series at the last possible second on a whim, because RWBY's writing likes to fly by the seat of its oversized clown pants.

Weiss is a standard Hoity Toity Rich Girl, and Ruby's best friend who hates her. Her special powers losing every single flight she's ever been involved with!

Blake is secretly an alley cat, which is fitting because she belongs in the garbage. Humans are racist against the Faunus like blake because they don't know how many ears they're supposed to have.

Do they get human ears? Animal ears? Neither? Both?! Why do only some of them not have tails? That's not fair. How would you feel if humans just randomly changed around how many arms we have?

An image is shown of Yang in a victory pose, and suddenly her robotic arm falls off.

"Oops!"

We follow their exciting adventures at Beacon Academy. Except don't as the show introduces a million side characters, explores none of them, and then the school blows up.

But the show isn't about the characters. Boy, is it not about the characters. It's about the over-the-top spectacle fight and the fights speak for themselves Or rather, they would if they weren't constantly accompanied by nonstop Butt Metal.

Outside of the fights. The animation was a pretty shaky mistake. The models did so much clipping and clapping that one could reasonably mistake them for a horse. In the lit flap mocap looks like it was done by a bass on a wall.

Everyone's got a magical fight power called a Semblace! Take Pyrrha, for instance; a prodigy with so many death flags that she might as well be communicating in semaphore. Her semblance is magnets so she can collect more death flags.

There's also Adam whose Semblance is being the worst. But remember, semblances aren't magic. You can also augment your powers with dust, a special powder that allows you to use magic. But that's not magic either.

The villains spent two entire volumes stealing dust, before the writers forgot about that and never brought it up again. I'd say they magically forgot, except that couldn't be it, cause magic doesn't exist!

"OH MY GOODNESS, MAGIC DOES EXIST?!"

Well, wait, what makes magic different from a Sembleness or Dust?

"Ohh! Well, that's a good question! They forgot that too."

Maybe the answer lies in World of Remnants, the RWBY rotten side series that answers some of the many, many questions the show thinks it doesn't have time for.

Because the best way to do your world-building is to ignore the first time around, and then give your viewers homework.

There's also RWBY Chibi, which is a series of dumb gags that somehow uses the cast better than the actual show does.

Spend 40 episodes impatiently waiting for the plot to start until Team Kangaroo joins up with Ozpin, an immortal reincarnated into the body of a little baby! His goal is to save the world from his Ex-Wife an evil witch who fell into a magical pond making her immortal and impossible to kill.

The best way to watch RWBY is to think of the first three volumes as a long season, and then have a friend tell you what happens in 4 and 5 so you don't have to watch them cause they're barbed.

Speaking of garbage, which is a segue I could put anywhere in this video. The writers desperately want you to think that Ozpin is as morally gray as his hair, but they also keep forgetting to him actually do anything evil.

Now we move to the scene of the two characters that the narrator kidnapped. Ruby Rose and Qrow Branwen.

"Druncle Qrow? What exactly did Ozpin do that was so bad?"

"You don't get a kid. Ozpin gave me the power to turn into a bird."

"Is that? Is that a bad thin? Are you... are cursed?"

"No, nah, I can do it whenever I want, and I can change back... WHENEVER I WANT!"

"I don't get it. That sounds exclusively beneficial."

"NO, RUBY, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND... I CAN TURN INTO A BIIIIIRD, RUBY... I CAN TURN INTO A BIIIIIRD!"

"Druncle Qrow I-I don't- why is this bad?!"

"WHAT DO YA DO WITH A DRUNKEN SAILOR EARL-Y IN THE MOR-NING?!"

RWBY's real problem is that they throw in every cool idea they have, and then don't develop anything.

Why 'advance the plot' or 'talk to people?' That's Dumb! My favorite character is the only one who does it talk, but I'm excited to see how they ruined her!

Sometimes not talking is the best way to advance a character!

 Like Yang and Blake, whonot-talked their way into being girlfriends, 'cause their fanbase was so insistent about it, that the writers just gave up.

I can't wait for future volumes well earned moment when Weiss finally gets to hook up with Torchwick's ghost.

Somehow, the kidnapped prisoner Qrow sneaks inside the narrator's booth, with his niace.

"Oh, I get it. You want some real emotional investment? Did you know that my sister and I were cursed to read birds?"

"Drucle Qrow please stop!!!"

"WHY IS MY NAME SPELLED WITH A Q?!?!"

After sending his two prisone-GUESTS, I mean guests! Back to that world because they're being in pain in the back. The narrator finally started narrating the official gamer story

Legends. Stories scattered through time. Mankind has grown quite fond of recounting the exploits of heroes and villains, forgetting so easily that we are remnants, byproducts, of a forgotten past.

A gem in the image glows green and fades to show simple pictures of a man rising from the earth before being surrounded by dark creatures, barely held back by warriors.

Man, born from dust, was strong, wise, and resourceful, but he was born into an unforgiving world. An inevitable darkness — creatures of destruction — the creatures of Grimm - set their sights on man and all of his creations. These forces clashed, and it seemed the darkness was intent on returning man's brief existence to the void.

Black sets in, and suddenly lessens as light grows brighter and brighter until a gem rises from it and lowers itself into the hands of man.

However, even the smallest spark of hope is enough to ignite change, and in time, man's passion, resourcefulness, and ingenuity led them to the tools that would help even the odds. This power was appropriately named "Dust".

The scene zooms out to show humanity shooting lightning, raising swords, and aiming rifles at the retreating dark beasts as a castle appears behind them.

Nature's wrath in hand, man lit their way through the darkness, and in the shadow's absence came strength, civilization, and most importantly, life.

The castle zooms out to show a map of Remnant, which houses other buildings until they disappear in flashes of white, and the map is lowered to show the scattered moon over a city at night.

But even the most brilliant lights eventually flicker and die. And when they are gone... darkness will return.

So, you may prepare your guardians, and build your monuments to a so-called "free world", but take heed... there will be no victory in strength.

However, this tale originates from a certain trigger-happy, green-horned goddess who, out of boredom, crafted it. Her antics were often perceived as either uproariously funny or downright apocalyptic, as she searched for ways to entertain herself.

A bored omnipotent goddess Rebecca, becomes oblivious to the repercussions of her whims, and it is during such times that numerous gamers have come into being.

Take, for example, the formidable and overpowered sex-machine that is Shizuo Heiwajima.

"OK, Rebecca, I held my end of the deal in being the Narrator. Now you're gonna let me do that thing with you, that we talked about."

"Geez! You don't have to make such a big deal out of it, Bossman. I'm a girl of her word! Now do I need my underwear on or do you prefer I keep it on so you can have fun taking off~? Hehehe."

The scene shifts abruptly before anyone can witness the private moments of the two Eldridge deities. Aboard the grand Vale Airship bound for Beacon, Yang Xiao Long, brimming with joy, engulfs her younger sister in a hug, squeezing the breath out of her with her buxom rack.

"I can't believe my baby sister is going to Beacon with me! This is the best day ever!"

Ruby, overwhelmed by her older sister's affectionate embrace and massive breasts, struggles for air.

"Yang, please stop. I can't breathe!"

Eventually, Yang lets go of her little sister, releasing her from her tight affectionate hug.

"I'm just so proud of you, Ruby!"

Yang exclaims, jumping with excitement.

"Really, Sis, it was no big deal."

Ruby responds, looking down shyly and scuffing her shoe on the ground modestly. Yang, however, makes a fuss over Ruby's confrontation with Roman and his nefarious crew.

"What do you mean? It was amazing! Everyone at Beacon will think you're the bee's knees."

"Yang, I don't want to be the "bee's knees", okay? I don't want to be any kind of knees! I just want to be a normal girl with normal knees."

"What's wrong? Aren't you excited?"

"I am excited... it's just... (sighs) I was advanced two years ahead. I don't want people to think I'm special or anything."

"Yang comes over to her sister's side and gives her a one-armed hug."

"But you are special, Ruby."

The girls' attention are then drawn to the newscast on Vale News Network playing nearby, talking about the robbery and showing Roman's mug shot.

Cyril: The robbery was led by nefarious criminal Roman Torchwick, who continues to evade authorities. If you have any information on his whereabouts, please contact the Vale Police Department. Back to you, Lisa.

The mugshot changes to Lisa Lavender, with a photo of animal-eared demonstrators holding signs saying "WE ARE NOT ANIMALS!" followed by an image of the logo of a growling red wolf's head with three scratch marks.

Lisa: Thank you, Cyril. In other news, this Saturday's Faunus Civil Rights protest turned dark when members of the White Fang disrupted the ceremony. The once peaceful organization has now disrupted...

The news feed is cut off as a hologram of Glynda replaces it.

"Hello, and welcome to Beacon!"

"Who's that?"

Asks Yang

"My name is Glynda Goodwitch."

"Ohh."

Yang remarks while Glinda continues her speach.

"You are among a privileged few who have received the honor of being selected to attend this prestigious academy! Our world is experiencing an incredible time of peace, and as future Huntsmen and Huntresses, it is your duty to uphold it. You have demonstrated the courage needed for such a task, and now it is our turn to provide you with the knowledge and the training to protect our world."

"Oh, wow! Look, you can see Signal from up here!"

Ruby looks through the glass walls at the town below

"I guess home isn't too far after all!"

"Beacon's our home, now, Ruby."

As they're having their loving sisterly moment, the two hear a passenger groaning and hunched over nearby, running to the back of the ship.

"Well... I guess the view isn't for everyone."

Yang smirking rolls her eyes

"It was a nice moment while it lasted."

Ruby mentions

The ship is then seen approaching Beacon across a large body of water.

"I wonder who we're gonna meet!"

"I just hope they're better than Vomit Boy. Oh, Yang, gross! You have puke on your shoe!"

"Gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross, gross!"

"Get-Get away! Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me!"

RACE: Lion Faunus

NAME: Shizuo Heiwajima

Semblance: Energy Absorption

LEVEL: A Rank

Aura: A- Rank 

Vitality: A- Rank 

Endurance: A- Rank 

Strength: S- Rank 

Dexterity: A- Rank 

Perception: A- Rank 

Skill: A- Rank 

Charisma: A- Rank

Libido: A+ Rank

Virility: B Rank


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