Futile Love

Chapter 16: Chapter 16

As Kyosul opened her eyes, the nanny was looking at her anxiously. Her hollow eyes blinked a few more times. The nanny quickly grasped her dry hands with her both hands.

“Your Highness, have you come to your senses? What happened to you?”

“Nanny… ”

“Your Highness!”

Kyosul’s poor voice fizzled out. The nanny just shed tears. According to the royal doctor who just came to see her for a medical checkup, there was nothing wrong with her body.

“Your Highness is very healthy. It seems to be a psychological problem. Sometimes, royal concubines from other countries have homesickness,” said the doctor.

As the Mok Kingdom was a great empire, small kingdoms sent princesses to the Mok Kingdom.

There were women like Kyosul who were sent to the Mok Kingdom for political marriages. Currently, Kyosul and another woman in the four palaces came from other countries.

The nanny nodded at the word ‘homesickness.’

“Yes. She has got quickly tired, worn out and depressed for some time.”

“It looks like she is exhausted from psychological anxiety and pressure, compounded by homesickness. The best remedy for her sickness is to take a rest for psychological stability. Walking will also be of much help. She should rest. I will brew some herbal medicine for her stamina starting this evening.”

“Hope she is in your good hands. She was not weak like this before. She used to be very courageous and healthy.”

“Yes, I agree with you because I have confirmed it by checking her pulse. She didn’t have any signs of weakness or discomfort. If she holds her own, she’ll be up and running in no time. Don’t worry too much.”

The doctor soothed the nanny who got nervous about Kyosul’s health, stomping her feet then went back. After he left, the nanny didn’t leave Kyosul until she opened her eyes. The nanny stroked her pale face with her trembling hand.

Kyosul came to her senses and stared at the nanny with a haggard expression. The nanny was on the edge of tears and kept stroking her hands. She did not ask Kyosul anything and just stayed beside her quietly and comforted her. Kyosul also knew that her nanny would wait without asking anything until she pulled herself together.

“I… . ” Finally, Kyosul opened her mouth. Her lips were still stained with lipstick. “I wished he were the Crown Prince.”

“What are you talking about?”

Suddenly, Kyosul said something completely out of context. Surprised by her unexpected confession, the nanny looked at her. Her gaze was wandering in the air. Looking away, she spoke slowly in a feeble voice as if she was whispering from a distance.

“I was foolish and indecent enough to cherish such wish because the Crown Prince was so scary… I wished that kind-hearted man were the Crown Prince… I just thought so without any serious thought because it’s nonsense. I thought he was just a member of the royal family, but he was…”

The nanny felt sad to hear her speak with such difficulty. When she spat out each word, her eyes grew wet with tears. Kyosul, who barely continued to speak, couldn’t bring herself to say the last thing on her mind. It stuck like a solid thorn in her throat.

He is the Prince, the third in line to succeed the throne.

At the same time, the tears in her eyes came down. Though she did not speak her last thought, the nanny seemed to know who she was talking about. As soon as Kyosul collapsed, he ran out of the back garden of the outer palace and picked her up. He introduced himself as the prince.

Is it because she wanted to see the prince that she visited the back garden every day?

The nanny kept stroking her face silently while lost in her thoughts. Kyosul’s eyes, which were staring into the air, closed before she knew. The nanny, who gently held her hands until she went to sleep, let go of her hands and walked out of the room.

***

The next day Bipaan could not concentrate on his work all morning. He kept opening and closing scrolls. He didn’t turn over even one scroll for almost an hour. Even before he could write on a scroll with a brush, the ink ran dry, so he had to rub an ink stick on an inkstone several times. By the end of Jinshi (7 am – 9 am), Bipaan put down the scrolls and brush and sat on the seat. He closed his eyes and straightened his back as if to relax his muscles for a break. It happened to be the time when Kyosul would come every morning to offer greetings to him.

As I can’t focus on my work, let me take a breath and allow her morning greetings today.

As he rebuked her yesterday, he wanted to grant her request to see him this morning. However, there was no indication of her being around even until 11:30 AM.

In the end, Bipaan, who had been waiting for her arrival, cleared his throat loudly.

The eunuch who was on standby quickly came and answered. “Did you call me, Your Highness?”

Squeezing his lips for a moment, he asked casually, “Hasn’t she come here today to say hello?”

“Pardon, what do you mean, Your Majesty?”

“I’m asking about the Crown Princess.”

“Are you looking for Her Highness?”

Embarrassed by his sudden and unexpected question, the eunuch quickly tried to read his mind.

Bipaan said in a low voice, with particular attention to the pitch of his voice, “I’m not looking for her. As she used to come here every morning, I just asked whether she changed her schedule today. ”

“She didn’t come today. Shall I send a messenger to her residence in the East Palace to check on her?”

The eunuch’s calm voice struck his heart like a hard rock. With a deep breath, he murmured, “Didn’t she come today?”

One of his eyebrows tilted toward the middle of his forehead. He felt a knot in his stomach suddenly. He looked askance at the cushion mat across his desk. He suddenly recalled Kyosul, who came over and sat there, talking to him like a child with a smile.

When she came here, she said it was her duty as the Crown Princess to offer me morning greetings. After all, did she say just empty words?

Bipaan closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes again, the shadow on the cushion mat was gone. Bipaan sat down with his back on the chair and spoke to the eunuch with a stern voice.

“No, you don’t have to send the messenger. I was just curious if her schedule has changed today. Even in the future let me have no morning greetings from her. ”

“Yes, Your Majesty!”

A cool wind blew over his temple. Bipaan again opened up the scroll. His gaze scanning the letters was sharp.

***

Kyosul lay in bed all day. It had been a while since she spent a day in the room without going outside. As she was so healthy, she usually didn’t even catch a cold, but sometimes even she had to get sick.

“Even though I don’t feel pain at all, I can still be sick like this.”

Her words seemed to be contradictory but correct. Though she didn’t feel any pain in her body, her heart ached, which was even more painful. She just felt stuffy and couldn’t breathe well. She often felt she was choked up with tears, blocking her airway.

This was the first time that Kyosul felt heartbroken.

She was sick because of Bipaan’s indifferent attitude, and she was sicker because of her longing for Ruhae. Overwhelmed by these troubles and heartbreaking incidents, she lost all her motivation.

“I hate everyone. I hate my father who sent me so far, I hate my mother who didn’t stop him, and I hate my brother who didn’t confront him. ”

Her pillowcase was wet with tears. Now, she felt her memories of her life in the Hwa Kingdom, her motherland, were too distant. Though only one season had passed since she arrived in the Mok Kingdom, she was overcome with numerous agonies.

“I hate Bipaan, that heartless man. ”

Initially, she was thrilled about her groom to some degree. She was even excited. She wondered about his personality, temperament, and appearance, but her husband never smiled at her. Even in the middle of spring he just spoke with a cold look. As if he was dealing with a child or a messy boy, he seemed to treat her not as his wife, Crown Princess, but as a naughty tomboy.

As he treated her like that, Kyosul found herself downcast and scared more often than not.

“I hate that kind-hearted man much more.”

He was the first person who smiled at her. Was it because she let her hair down easily? Without exactly knowing who he was, she often searched for him in the back garden of the outer palace as she felt him comfortable to be around and, after all, confessed to him something indecent, namely her genuine feelings about him.

Gosh! How can I have a crush on him like this?