For the Record

So, Izahne stormed out.

…And dragged me with her, for some reason.

…

“Where exactly are we going?” I ask.

She gives me a sharp look over her shoulder. “We’re going to the labyrinth, because I need to blow off some steam, and I’m not strong enough to fight the things there on my own.”

Appearing in her usual greasy tentacle splash, Pearl appears seemingly out of nowhere – which I guess makes sense considering it was teleportation…

(Gods you’re dumb,) Nyx says in the back of my mind.

Yeah, yeah. I know. I fucking know, okay? I’m back in another situation I don’t understand, with everyone upset with me, and it’s my fault, and I don’t even know how I got here!

Meanwhile, the mimic half-walks, half-slides to catch up with my wife. “What did your pet idiot do this time?”

I choose not to interject. It only takes so many times before I learn it’s better just to stay quiet!

Izahne sighs heavily without slowing down. “They cheated on me, with the gods-damned maid.”

And there’s the same dark emotions from Pearl as well.

“You have no idea what you have, do you?” she directs at me, dangerously quiet. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“I do now, thanks to both Izahne and Nyx.”

“And you’re not going to, I don’t know, defend your absolute idiocy?”

I glance at her. “Nope. It’s been made clear that I broke more rules again, and I’ve long since figured out that in dealing with humans, not knowing the rules doesn’t make any difference.”

My wife huffs in response.

“And do you believe or do everything Nyx tells you?” our tagalong asks.

“Well…”

…

Wait.

I kind of do, don’t I?

(When you’re willing to listen, sometimes.)

…

And you’re the one who’s been teaching me the most about human social rules…

(What’s your point?) Nyx asks impatiently.

My wife glares at me. “You’re talking to her again, aren’t you?”

I nod. “Yes. I’m just trying to figure something out.”

“Like what? Tell me your thoughts. The last thing I need right now is for you to come up with some other horrible plan to break my heart.”

I check our bond. Hm. “I’m pretty sure your heart is working like it’s supposed to… well, as well as they usually do for an undead, I think?”

And that’s a sigh from everyone.

Nyx materializes. “Fine. I was in the middle of something but clearly you need me here more before you completely ditch the idiot. I’m still not sure why exactly you get your panties in a bunch over me not wanting to be right here following them around all the time, it’s not like I can just turn off their internal monologue echoing in my mind!”

“With everything they’ve done since we’ve met, wouldn’t you be concerned too? For all I know they’re cheating with you too!”

“Yeah, have some compassion, at least you started out mortal so you should get it,” Pearl adds.

Nyx dramatically sighs. “Absolutely impossible. If I wasn’t soulbound to the big idiot I’d have left long ago.”

“I’d let you leave, you know. If you wanted to,” I say. “I’ve told you that before.”

“Do you think I haven’t tried?” she snaps. “Looks like I’m stuck on the same plane as you, at least. If I go anywhere else, my mana starts draining on its own! And no matter how far away I get, your stupidity is still blaring in my head.”

“I see.”

“Yeah,” she snorts. “I’m sure you do.”

…

“You didn’t finish,” my wife prompts.

“Finish what?” I ask.

She sighs. “What were you trying to figure out, before Nyx chose to join us?”

Nyx scowls but stays quiet.

“Well,” I begin, “humans aren’t actually born with most of those social rules, right?”

Izahne and Pearl both give me a flat look.

“So somebody teaches them, right?”

“Yeah, parents usually. Sometimes other family, sometimes surrogates like the people who run orphanages or whatever,” the former healer says.

I feel some emotion from my bond with her when she mentions orphanages, but I’ll leave that for later.

“Parents, yes. I get that I don’t understand… pretty much anything as well as I need to, but since I woke up, the person that’s been teaching me the most is Nyx.”

“Oh gods,” Nyx mutters.

“And she also corrects me when I make mistakes, which I know I make a lot of. So I guess in a way that would make Nyx my parent.”

“That actually…” Izahne trails off.

…

“That makes some sense I guess, but not a lot more than you usually do, and that’s a low bar,” Pearl says.

…

“You know, if we’re going to the labyrinth, we could get there faster if I carried you. Or if we went in through the castle entrance!”

“No,” my wife says. “We need more time to talk… and right now I don’t want to be anywhere near the castle. That damned fox is there.”

…

It occurs to me that maybe I shouldn’t point out how Olive has been silently following us the whole time, concealed with some kind of illusion…

“Good call, idiot,” Nyx says.

Izahne whirls to face her. “What? What was a good call?”

My former Assistant shakes her head dismissively. “Trust me, you don’t want to know. Some stupid questions and stupid thoughts are better left in the murk of their mind.”

My wife looks pointedly at her for a moment before sighing and looking away. “Whatever.”

A short time later, we finally reach the labyrinth, and head inside.

…

“So what exactly do you want me to do here?” I ask.

Izahne turns to face me. “I’m the party leader. As usual. Pearl handles strategy. I take the agility tank role, while Pearl and Nyx act as attackers while I keep our target’s attention.”

“That makes sense,” I say with a nod. “And what do you want me to do?”

“They’re too strong, at least for us. I’m over level 400 now, but they’re still too strong. What level target did you balance this dungeon for?” she asks.

“800 to 1000, I think? At least at the entrance. It gets harder as you go deeper,” I say. “We set this one up for uhh. Heroes or whatever? The really strong ones.”

“Did nobody ever tell you that level isn’t everything?” Pearl interjects.

Huh.

“Actually, no they haven’t. But I do know that practicing with Skills or, even just doing normal things? It can make you stronger regardless. I’ve found a lot of weird ways to use Skills that aren’t in the description or normal I guess, and I do the same thing with Spellspeech, I just kind of make up things I want to happen.”

Nyx smirks. “Could you make up a spell that’ll make you less of an idiot?”

“No, I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.”

And there’s another round of sighs.

…

“Although…”

“Yeah, here we go,” Pearl sighs.

“No, really. This isn’t a bad one. A lot of dungeons have rules to eject people instead of letting them die, right?”

“Yes,” my wife confirms. “Like the beginner dungeon by the academy.”

“Right. Also, there are those games or whatever that mortals play, where some runic system makes them… something like Avatars or Vessels or something? What if I made a system where adventurers who wanted to practice here could use an Avatar like that, and if they die it’s no problem because it’s just a magic construct, but exploring the dungeon like that doesn’t get them any experience, and they don’t get equipment or whatever?”

Pearl and my wife both look pointedly at Nyx, who waves both hands dismissively.

And then they look at me.

“I’ll give you this, that’s not a terrible idea,” Izahne says.

Meanwhile, Pearl furrows her brow. “You should let them keep at least some of the loot. It’d entice more people to actually try it.”

“And you absolutely need to charge admission for that,” Nyx adds. “Even if it’s just fifty enni.”

“So you all think I should do this, then?”

The others look at each other a moment before each nodding in turn.

And then I nod as well. “Alright. I’ll let Abaris know so he can be involved in the planning.”

“Wait, you’re including us?” Pearl asks.

I shrug. “I had the idea when I was talking with all of you, and I probably wouldn’t have come here otherwise, at least not now. It makes sense to me for you to have at least some of the credit.”

…

“Anyway, what did you want me to do here? Just, stand back and watch you fight golems literally twice as strong as you?”

My wife sighs. “Maybe. Mostly I just want you somewhere I can see you right now, so I can keep tabs on you. At least for now.”

“Oh. Okay.”

…

“I could also weaken the golems, so you’d have more of a chance if you want.”

Izahne looks hesitant, but Pearl cuts in. “Yes, do that. Nothing with dungeon controls though, just Auras maybe. Or drain them? Just Skills though. Really, Izzy, we should take this. We’ll get stronger much faster if we can actually beat these things.”

“Oh, fine,” my consort finally answers, swallowing her pride at least a little.

We advance down the finely carved stone hallways for barely a moment before Vivianne’s voice blares in my mind.

Your Majesty, we have a problem.

What is it? I’m busy, I reply.

The insurgents have made their move. All of our population centers are under attack, many of our citizens have already been slain or turned against us, and Moonside Keep is under siege.

Oh.

Fantastic.