Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

[Earned 42 SP.]

---

"How about this," Sakumo mused while holding his chin between his thumb and a curled index, "A kunoichi enters a village tavern filled with many gentlemen but even after trying to seduce many by showing herself weak in a drunken state, nobody treated her roughly. Why is that?"

"Because they're gentlemen," Kai crushed the man's hopes. Honestly, Sakumo's talent in jokes was as abysmal as how terrifying his status actually was.

Letting out a defeated and tired sigh, Sakumo smiled weakly, "Excellent job on the mission." With that, he leaned forward and continued, "It's already been a week since you entered here, and let's be honest, even individuals outside this tent know that aside from lacking in raw status, you can pass off as a Jonin easily. The Hokage, however, isn't willing to make exceptions even when I tried to recommend you for a promotion."

"You did?" Kai blinked in surprise.

"Of course, it's only natural," Sakumo shrugged, "Being a Jonin has its own benefits. Exceptional ones are even allowed to form clans which is kind of a big deal since clan heads are nobles to a certain extent. Not that many of us care about it. Sigh... still, you'll be considered for the promotion after a few more years when you've grown somewhat."

Kai evidently looked disappointed but not because he was so loyal that he wanted to become a Jonin for prestige and whatnot... it was more like a good title in a game still out of his reach and the skill tree alongside it.

"And this brings us to something that Hokage expects you to do..." With that, Sakumo handed Kai a scroll but the boy did note barely veiled amusement in his expression and chakra intent.

Taking the scroll since the mission directly came from his Sensei's Sensei, Kai exited the tent and returned to his temporary stay... his roommate dead three days into the war, leaving him alone.

He unfurled the scroll before reading the contents with a frown and let out a peeved groan while destroying the scroll.

[War Effort Quest: The Pathmaker

Summary: Support Team Hiruzen by securing a path of retreat before their intended mission in Amegakure by retrieving control of the Slate Block Town near the Village of Amegakure from the enemy shinobi hidden in the town in various disguises. The enemy must not know about this.

Reward: 60 SP, New Title, New Skill Tree

Failure: Possible Demise of one of the Three Members of Team Hiruzen, Demotion.]

'An S-rank mission from the looks of it... now... either the village wants me dead or...'

A moment's dread laced Kai's eyes as he recalled the only one that could complete an S-ranked mission with a chunin like him in tow without even feeling burdened.

He slowly walked out of his tent the next day as Sakumo beamed despite the gloomy drizzle, "Good Morrain!"

Sakumo tried... he really did. Kai could respect the man's grind to achieve a state of respectable humor for his son as it was a goal as admirable as Orochimaru's to master all jutsus... but...

'Kill me now...' Kai gave Sakumo a blank look until his smile froze and he took out his notebook, apparently, water-resistant before he mumbled under his breath, "Ah, could have made Goop Morrain..."

'No, you freak of dad jokes!' Kai's lips twitched.

---

Well, a short trip with Sakumo did clear two things for Kai. First, it was the basic situation and advantages of various villages. Konoha had various fields of individual interests, a good set of noble clans... 'good', yeah, right! Not only that, but its deep roots, a favorable relationship with the Daimyo of the Land of Fire, and constantly rising younger generation made it so that despite its problem, of which Kai could think of one bandaged one-eyed butt-hurt bitch, Konoha remained at the top.

Kumogakure under the Third Raikage's aggressive approaches in acquiring raw talents, both in bloodline and civilians, had actually managed to create a deficit of resources due to the sudden inflation of these said talents. Despite the apparent flaws of the tyrant, Kumogakure, in a matter of years, had fortified its defenses, managed to gain a level of equal partnership with the Lightning Daimyo, and had become one of the major producers of cold weapons with rumors circulating that they had started to delve into a new area of research that weaponized Fuin seals...

Iwagakure, according to Sakumo, was like a menace that will not stop until completely destroyed. The sheer number of plots, including the sudden rise of Uzumaki seals landing in the hands of bandits, could be traced back to Iwagakure. Not only that, Iwa is the most research-oriented village. Sure, Konoha had talents like Tsunade and Orochimaru, while Kumo was still developing such talents but Iwa had it, and in numbers. Their research was worth the envy even by Konoha.

Sunagakure was less populated, less economically stable, and just... less. Yet, the second Kazekage and his reforms that encouraged puppeteering helped the situation. It wasn't like what Kai had misunderstood. Puppeteering wasn't exclusive to Suna. But Sunagakure was the only village that invested the most in puppets. Puppets could make up for the shinobi population somewhat and Kai had experienced their safety firsthand. Of course, the underlying problem was that many average Suna nin were complacent and are rarely prepared for someone experienced enough to bypass their traps. Not only this, the plants that grow in Suna are harsh by nature and make up for good poisons. One of the many reasons why Suna can be bothersome in the gloomy environment of Ame.

Finally, the only village that did not participate in the war— Kirigakure. It was a village in a far-off island nation of Land of Water and promoted assassination. The village by itself had a number of kekkei genkai clans, not the Uchiha of Hyuga kind but several still. But Kiri had recently lost its second Mizukage and was barely recovering while Iwa, who had lost their second Tsuchikage, had enough strengths and talents to bear the passage far easier.

Not to mention the war deterrents in the form of Jinchurikis. It was humorous to think of Kushina as one... the only way Kai saw her getting mad enough to go to war was if someone abolished the concept of ramen.

And the second thing Sakumo cleared for him was...

"Why am I even leaving my post? Well, Enma Sarutobi, you know, the Hokage's eldest son is taking up my position. This mission of Team Hiruzen is pretty important so they needed someone experienced like me to handle the mission. Of course, this also gave them a chance to test your skills under the observation of an experienced Jonin."

Kai nodded in agreement as they studied the town in the clearing near a wide lake surrounded by chunks of cube rocks.

"So? What now, leader?" Kai inquired as Sakumo remarked calmly, "Well, our mission is to secure Team Hiruzen's safety without the enemies knowing and recover the control of this town. This Town is one of the regions marked for migration because it'll hurt Hanzo's reputation for having population taken away from this close..."

"Let's see, first, we'll infiltrate and settle in. We still have two weeks till Team Hiruzen's mission and they are probably collecting information on Hanzo. Once we've secured their retreat, we will take out all the enemy shinobi whom we'll find out in the given 2 weeks. Any questions?"

"Yeah, since you said you're stronger than Jiraiya-san, Orochi-san, and Sensei... why not face Hanzo yourself?"

"Well..." Sakumo blinked, "I don't want to die just yet. Remember, I told you about Kakashi. My son. Hehe, all this drizzling noise makes me want to drizzle."

Sakumo looked at Kai who blankly stared at the town in front of them and added with a wry expression, "You know, like the sound of a waterfall..."

"Yeah, I got that the first time... you know what, maybe as Jiraiya-san later about the book he's writing. Got plenty of jokes... of course, let's hope he and others even live to try and 'negotiate' with someone even you wouldn't wanna face."

"Oh, I'm definitely stronger than the three," Sakumo smirked, "But it's because my battles are never long-drawn. My skills are geared for lethality and that's why I don't accept genin teams, too. Against someone as durable as Hanzo, I'd be forced to participate in a prolonged battle which just wouldn't do. Unlike me... Team Hiruzen is durable."

"By the way," Sakumo looked at Kai's left gauntlet that housed the boy's pet, an unaging tiny white snake by the name of Cinnamon, and smirked, "What's the difference between Jiraiya and Cinnamon?"

"That Cinnamon doesn't get bigger when wet?" Kai cocked his head sideways as Sakumo's expression froze.

"No... that one doesn't get his white head petted by Tsunade but Cinnamon does... tch, yours is better..." He groaned and jumped down the tree, "Come on, I'll put your sensory talents to a test. Although, I'm not that great of a sensor, I have experience working with plenty."

"You got it," Kai grinned and jumped down from the branch.

---

As usual, Shikudo walked into the empty war council meeting room that also worked as his office with many shinobi and kunoichi present as they read through the reports of the war. As the Jonin commander, it was his job to compile the results, predict various courses of action by the enemies and prepare counterattacks despite the fact that he felt his time was better spent with his back against the ground and his eyes shut in a sound sleep.

Greeting others, Shikudo sat down and got to his work.

Minutes trickled away... then hours.

He looked positively disheveled after the first...

Minute.

Still, his eyes widened as he grew alert and he silently shuffled through the archives of reports that cannot be taken away from the room. First, he opened a large folder dated for the last six months... then the six months before... and then another time before a trickle of cold sweat marked down from his forehead to his cheek, and he coughed softly, "Keep up the good work. I have some plans to discuss with the Lord Third."

Shikudo was quick to leave and even quicker in gaining a meeting before placing the three folders on the table with a resounding thud as Hiruzen raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Lord Third... this was is a conspiracy!"

Hiruzen frowned but waited for Shikudo to narrate the events that led him to believe this as he first opened the oldest of the three folders, "First, the men we traced back to Iwagakure as the long-term sleeper agents that took out such a large number of fuin items from the land of whirlpool made Uzu close off their borders."

He then pointed to another report, "Then came the period where Uzu seals were used to commit crimes more notably against family members of civilian nobles of the different countries including Land of Earth itself."

Pointing at another report, he continued, "The war was then first started with skirmishes along the Suna borders but... it would have never escalated had Hanzo not opened the borders and let Iwa through. Even if Kumo occupies the Land of How Water, they just don't have enough men to compete. The major point is still Iwa persuading Hanzo for him to allow the use of his land."

"But... all this is a front. Iwa, despite the initial aggression, has now made a temporary truce with Suna and let Suna Shinobi enter the Ame borders while Kumo's state is the same. Actually... all we are doing is fighting the war with Sunagakure and rightly so after they used their Jinchuriki."

"Iwa and Kumo... simply aren't invested and have merely kept their men near the borders for some skirmishes... a show of strength and to pressure Konoha to keep up with their defenses in various locations to spread our forces thin. They are stalling for something different. From the very beginning, they have isolated Uzu not only physically but also politically."

"We know that Fuinjutsu is different than the elemental ones and holds great potential, something that the Uzumaki clan is invested in uncovering but... they are not politically inclined and have vehemently rejected any call for support. The Daimyo of fire isn't happy... and we can never, in a possible invasion to Uzu, support them... and the rumors of Kumo needing outside inspiration for their Fuin weaponization research..."

"I believe that not only Iwa and Kumo, but also Kiri are making Konoha and Suna enter this war. I suspect that Kirigakure will assist in the actual invasion due to a large number of shinobi that are adept to use the large bodies of water to their advantage... but Uzushiogakure is a fortified monstrosity. They must be prepared for heavy losses despite having the strength of three villages and will most likely have their Jinchurikis stationed there."

Hearing all this, Hiruzen revealed a deeply conflicted expression, spurring Shikudo to exclaim, "You knew?"

"I... predicted something similar. Although, I only expected Iwa and Kiri to be taking a part in it. But... revealing this information helps no one. We can't assist Uzu after they willingly cut themselves off. Not only that... we don't have men for it."

Shikudo frowned before slumping on his seat and groaned, "What about Kushina Uzumaki?"

"Konoha is lucky to house... probably the last Uzumaki, that's all," Hiruzen stated plainly and looked a little defeated himself, "Other countries won't stop this war easy since Daimyos would want to see our strength wane. But the three villages will take quite the big hit by taking Uzu on. So, compared to them, tackling Suna and now, Ame, is better."

Shikudo rubbed his forehead while shaking his head.

Just once, he wished to have a simpler afternoon where he isn't implied to keep such burdensome secrets and more... and people wonder why the Nara, especially those with main clan family embroidered into politics love to sleep around and laze so much...

It's to bank their relaxation just for times like these!

***

Shoutout to Ricardo Ortiz!!

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