Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse

"Shikudo, I'm glad you could make time today," Hiruzen gives a short chuckle and looks at the perpetually tired Nara Patriarch plopping on the couch in front of the Kage without a hint of shame.

After all, Nara Clan's men are notoriously lazy. Maybe to balance out their interest in women who happen to be notoriously active.

"Well, Kage-Sama," Shikudo smiles, "It was either this or taking a nap."

"What about preparing this week's financial reports?" Hiruzen raises a brow, "I'm almost sure you still aren't ready for the meeting tomorrow."

"That... I guess, will be the fault my proxy bears," Shikudo shrugs and scratches through his pointed beard, "But I suspect that you did not call me here for tomorrow's usual meeting."

Hiruzen mulls for a moment and nods.

"The village has encountered a lot of troubles, Shikudo..."

"Sakumo Hatake's disappearance and the recent issue with Hyuga Clan, yes," the man nods.

Chuckling, Hiruzen places a scroll on the table, "Far from it. Read through this."

Unfurling the scroll, Shikudo reads through with a calm expression but Hiruzen can observe the sullen glint in the Jonin Commander's eyes.

"It says Kirigakure is in a similar situation with the Kaguya Clan acting rebellious once more. Their bloodthirsty nature sure is hard to confine for long and they even... killed one of the seven swordsmen of the Mist."

Hiruzen nods and sets another scroll on the table, "Read this."

With understanding flickering through his gaze, Shikudo picks up the scroll and continues, "Iwagakure has problems with their Daimyo due to their loss against Uzu and in response, during this war, their supply of slaves is cut short by more than 80%. Another great news for the village."

But Shikudo's tone can be considered far from pleasant.

He waits for Hiruzen and as expected, Hiruzen places another scroll and nods, "Kumo."

Shikudo picks up the scroll and reads it under his breath.

"Third Raikage's initiative to make the current jinchuriki of the second and eight tails acceptable have gone downhill. Even if this B is considered the perfect Jinchuriki... he is still not appreciated by the village much less the civilian higher-ups under their Daimyo... another good news."

Hiruzen places yet another scroll and Shikudo questions, "Suna?" The old Kage nods in return.

"Hmm... Suna is still struggling to recover their trust in the Wind Daimyo after the Second Kazekage was assassinated by mysterious forces. This also makes them more dependent on building a concrete alliance with us."

Hiruzen finally speaks up, "These are the summary of reports from the village's spies in the different villages. But, what if I tell you that this information was known to me weeks before the actual intel came in?"

Not taken by surprise, Shikudo leans back on his couch and stares at the ceiling of the office, "If that is true, it would mean two things. Our spies have gotten less efficient. And the one who sent us all this information is likely to know about our secrets just as much. Of course, I am assuming that we aren't aware of the identity of this being."

"Correctly assumed," Hiruzen leans back, "And this means, the other villages may as well know about the Hyuga conflict and Sakumo's disappearance. They may know about the alliance efforts for the Chunin Exams. They may know the identity of our Anbu members, no less."

"An information agency?" Shikudo frowns.

"Unlikely," Hiruzen shakes his head, "No village will stand for its existence."

"What... what about Uzu? Their information is still unknown," Shikudo questions.

"That is what everyone will think," Hiruzen mutters with a gloomy expression, "In the previous war, Uzushiogakure was isolated due to their merchandise being used to inflict harm on the other nations. Since then, Uzu has cut itself off from others and created a void in the market that no other nation can fulfill and still refuses to emerge. They also have an untouchable position after the allied army of Kiri, Kumo, and Iwa fell.

Yet, now, the possibility of Uzushiogakure using their 'mysterious' means to gather intel on every nation... may unite every Daimyo to target the isolated nation once more."

"And the intent of war shifts again," Shikudo chuckles bitterly, "Whether Uzu does anything or not... it's most likely that someone is targeting them. But war only needs a reason to commence 'legitimate' plunder. And Uzu is wealthy. Wealthier than Konoha, in fact."

Hiruzen closes his eyes and still decides against telling Shikudo the truth about Hyuga Conflict.

"That's not all... there seem to be two levels of information," Hiruzen speaks up.

"Categories of information?" The Nara Clan Head frowns.

"I receive the intel about other villages... but take a look..."

Hiruzen provides another scroll.

With a look of confusion, Shikudo reads through it, and then his expression... shifts to absolute shock.

"If the former would target Uzu then this... this breeds simultaneous conflict within the village!"

Hiruzen nods.

"How does... this source knows the financial accounts of the clans? And... it even understands the full network of our clan's businesses..."

Money is important. It is also one of the greatest tools with which the Daimyo controls the respective shinobi village of their nation.

But to eventually break free of this, or at least, mitigate its effect, the various clans also delve into multiple businesses and the identity of these civilians outside the village is one of the greater clan secrets with only the Hokage being privy to almost all of it... and by extension, at times, the Jonin Commander.

"This is ridiculous!" Shikudo has no heart for remaining lazy anymore and this problem exceeds the realm of just being called 'troublesome.'

"Now you understand what our village... and what other villages, too, I assume, are dealing with. This war is different. The end of this war... may create another titan because of this collection of intel," Hiruzen addresses the situation with a heavy sigh.

"What can I do, Lord Third?" Shikudo questions seriously.

At this time, however, while Hiruzen begins to speak, he also communicates with hand signs.

"Trust no one, of course. Prepare contingencies. As many as you can. Use your authority as a Jonin Commander and prepare for everything. Ask for anything you need. The village may be especially weak when the time of the Hyuga Conflict comes to a climax."

On the other hand, his hands communicate something else.

— Prepare for your death if need be and prepare your son to take over your role. Prepare contingencies, and relay them to your son in a secretive manner. Not only that but make sure to check for any weaknesses in any of the organizations. If my fears are correct, like the advisors, other departments may be getting these types of intel but none of them have come forward. Start from T&I Department. Yamanaka clan has always answered in your tune.—

Shikudo digests all of it and nods calmly.

Unaware, the wall beside them watches them quietly.

As they say, walls have ears but damn it, in the shinobi world, it also has eyes!

'Hehe, they think this will be enough. Only by muddling everything can we get what we want and eventually make a comeback ~! And... that old man is a pain in my creamy-white ass if I don't complete all the objectives.'

Meanwhile...

Unaware, the wall is being eerily stared on by a minuscule Kai resting on the edge of the underside of the table without a hint of chakra leaking out as he adopts the Rock Egg Sage Mode that makes his eyes glimmer gold.

This is his seventh wooden clone. He only got used to this but instead of putting this clone on the grind, Kai decides to finally make sense of this cum-man walking into the village as if it's his backyard.

One may argue why he didn't do that before... the answer is rather simple.

Grind comes before playing detective.

But understanding the hidden enemies is always one of Kai's greater objectives. After all, he prepared for everything Dan may throw their way long before the poor soul even got the chance to act on his actions.

'But... with seven clones constantly at the act and my real body on the grind to teach the kiddos... I predict that my current chakra reserve and recovery will soon start to fall short. Even the Seal of Adamantine Sage won't be of much help... I need a good source of chakra like Kushina has Kyubi.

I even have all the knowledge necessary to use a tailed beast but... I have no tailed beast. Can I create one? There are nine, eight are occupied and the Four-tails is still not sighted. Damn, makes me want to make a tailed beast for myself... how did they even come to be? If only I had someone near me with access to a tailed beast...'

Kai snickers internally, already setting the next thing to do for the night.

But there is also something else in his mind.

'Maybe I should actually start an intel organization... nah. That's a distraction. I have no use for money. No use making enemies needlessly. Just stay on the original grind— skills and chicks. The world will fall to my heels by itself later on.'

He shrugs and starts to tail this individual.

---

"It took days but we did arrive here," Orochimaru smiles and greets a group of shinobi standing in front of a lake. Their forehead protectors are marked by two bolt-like patterns in the center that face each other. Seeing the stormy expressions of their escorts, Orochimaru further explains with a calm smile, "We were just making sure that this time, your secret pathway isn't riddled with enemies of other nations."

Yes, unfortunately, they did not discover Sakumo's tracks, and even after days of searching, they failed to locate the next Raikage candidate which means that they are either back to the developing war front of the Land of Hot Water or, for the time being, have retreated far from Takigakure.

This means that two of Team Hiruzen's objectives will be left incomplete.

"Hmph, you almost wasted a week! This effectively cuts one-fourth of the payment that we are obligated to pay to Konoha," The leading Jonin scoffs while Jiraiya shrugs.

"So what's the point in acting tough? We came late, our payment gets cut. It's fair. You lose nothing and we gain nothing either."

"Exactly," Tsunade smirks, "Stop wasting our time. Some Hidden Village you are... expecting support when the actual forces eye you."

The Jonin frowns at their display. Yet, he speaks nothing further.

Everyone knows of the three Sannin and their notoriety. Leading them into the village through the lake was an easy task but what awaited the trio is something entirely different than they could have expected.

***

Alternate Title: Kai's a Bit of Detective...; Walls Have Eyes, Punk!; Chakra Depression; Muddling War; The Sannin Antics

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