Family Ties: The 35th Games

We are escorted into the Justice Building, and though it is hard to walk and kind of awkward and the Peacekeepers keep grumbling about how slow we're going, I don't for a second let go of my brother. My ears are still ringing and I'm still shaking like a leaf, and he is a strong anchor in the hurricane that has erupted around me. Deep down in my core, I feel guilty; he got Reaped too. He is also being marched to his death. He is probably just as scared and anxious, but he doesn't get to feel that right now-- not while I'm falling apart and he feels the responsibility of taking care of me.

Usually, for the goodbyes, it's customary for tributes to be put into separate rooms, but clearly our situation was out of the ordinary, and someone had taken pity. Whether that was pity on us, or pity on our poor family, I wasn't sure, but they put is in the same room, telling us that we were a special case. In no time at all, Mama bursts into the room, still bawling, ripping me from Nathan's arm and squeezing me tightly against her chest. Dad enters with Alex, attached to his leg, and Louisia follows close behind carrying Katie, though once she's inside, she lets Nathan hold our youngest sibling, her hands shaking and her face pale.

"I can't believe this," murmurs my father, and hearing his voice nearly breaks me. I'm so used to his joyful timbre that this new, broken version of him is unbearable. "This can't be happening. What could we have possibly done to deserve this." He hides his face in his hands. I don't know who he's blaming-- the draws, or some sort of higher power. It's clear he's in some sort of denial, though, trying to reckon with the reality in front of him.

Nathan clears his throat, clearly trying to keep his own emotions under wraps, and trying to keep himself together so he can remain the calm anchor for everyone, not just me. Promptly, he changes the subject. "Where's David?"

"Fainted." Mutters Louisia. "The neighbors are taking care of him. Wasn't doing too hot when Nia got called, but think you getting called too was too much of a shock." Her statement is followed by a long drawn out silence.

Mama sniffles and wipes her eyes, fingers curling through my hair, trying to calm herself down as well as I. "One of you has to come home." Her words are desperate. All of us know it won't happen, we all know the odds are stacked against us, but none of us can say it. We all just let her go. "I won't be able to handle losing both of you, that cannot happen, so one of you needs to come home."

Nathan sighs and passes Katie to me, embracing my mother and rubbing comforting circles into her back. "We'll try."

"Promise me you'll work together!"

"Always." He assures her. And there's nothing else to be said. Nothing else that any of us can bring ourselves to say, at least. Our time together is limited, and none of us seem to want to spend any of that time admitting that our family would never be whole again.

After what feels like mere seconds, the Peacekeeper comes in and escorts our family out. We wait, but no one else comes to see us off. We weren't expecting anyone, but we're told it's customary. Past tributes have had big families and tons of doting friends, and while our family was incredible, and we had some friends, none were close enough to come see us off in such a heartbreaking and intimate way. Eventually, the Peacekeepers tell us it's time to leave.

I no longer cling to Nathan's waist, I've collected myself as touch, but his hand holds mine as we are lead to the train platform. There are cameras everywhere, but we ignore them as we board the train. I particularly try to keep my gaze trained on the ground. I didn't want to cry on TV, and now that I had, I was trying to keep any pride I had left alive.

We find Palana waiting for us inside the train, along side two other people; a man and a woman. I recognize them as previous victors, and realize they must be our mentors. The man is bald and middle-aged, with a heavily scarred face, and broad shoulders. The girl, however, is much younger. She has wavy brown hair, and a warm face. She's beautiful, even as her face screws up in sadness and grief and she sighs deeply. "I am so sorry this has happened," she whispers. "This is horrible. It's just so cruel." 

The man nods in agreement, clearly less in touch with his emotions (and less comfortable displaying them), but deeply affected by our situation all the same. "I wish I could say things'll be alright, but they won't be," he said gruffly. "I'm sorry you're in this situation, kids." he pauses a moment, rubbing the back of his neck, and starts again, gesturing to himself and the younger woman. "I'm Sean, that's Olivia. We'll be your mentors. We'll tryta do what we can to give you both the best chance possible."

Nathan and I both look at them, and I can tell we're both trying to figure out what to make of our new mentors. Nathan, glances at Olivia in particular, raising his eyebrow. "Aren't you a little young to be a mentor?"

"Victors are children," she answers sadly, her gaze flicking over to me for a split second. "I won four years ago. I am only nineteen. But I'm the best you've got-- no other female victors from District Nine but me."

Her words ring in my ears. Victors are children. Maybe they're young, but most victors are at least sixteen. Hell, most years, it's the seventeen and eighteen year olds that win. Victors are young, but I'm younger. And the train taking us to the Capitol is my funeral march, carrying me to my death. I close my eyes tight, and hang my head.

Sean must notice me, for he says quickly, "Let's go have lunch in the dining room. You must both be hungry-- kids never eat good breakfasts on Reaping Day. Too anxious."

Nathan guides me kindly as we're lead to the dining car, my head still down and my hands balled up into white-knuckled fists at my side. As gently as he can, he pushes me down into a chair, settling into the one next to me. I hesitate and risk a glance up, looking around the train car from behind the hair that's fallen loose since Louisia did it this morning. 

The train is the most beautifully decorated place I've ever been in, with expensive furniture and extravagant decor. It's much fancier than anything back in District Nine, let alone anything we had at home. It makes my stomach turn as I realize just how out of my depths I am, and how unfamiliar everything around me is. How I will never see what is familiar to me again.

My breath catches, and Nathan idly reaches over, hand now on my shoulder, squeezing gently. I steel myself. I don't want to spend the time I have left shaking and crying like a little girl. I'm not a little girl, not anymore. Even if I still am relatively, I don't have the luxury of acting like one anymore.

"Oh, you are both going to adore the Capitol!" Palana gushes, from her seat at the head of the table, from where she's lounging like a queen. Sean and Olivia are across from Nathan and I, and while I can see Olivia trying to put on a mask of friendliness and composure, Sean's gaze is firmly on the table, and I see a muscle in his jaw twitch as Palana continues, "It's so much nicer, and cleaner, than the districts! Now, really, how can you manage to live in such squalor! If it were me, I'd at least try to tidy up, especially if I knew such important guests were coming for such an important day!"

Nathan looks almost as dangerous as Sean at this point, his eyes growing cold as he listened to the bright woman at the end off the table yammer on. She seems oblivious to the fact she's said anything wrong, though, and continues her monologue. "You're only going to be here on the train for a day, but we'll make sure you're as comfortable as possible! I'm sure it won't be much of a hurdle, though, if that Justice Building was anything to go by. But, just wait until you see the Capitol! Your accommodations here pale in comparison to even those! Oh, I'm sure you're so, so excited!" She clapped her hands excitedly, pushing herself to her feet, and beckoning us to do the same, despite none of us having had the opportunity to do what we'd sat down to do-- eat.

"Food will come shortly, but why don't I show you about first, no?" She says, the mauve curls of her wig bouncing as she did. "Yes? Yes. Now, Nathan, sweetie, your room is down the hall, and to the left. Attached bathroom, very nice, very private. And Miss Zania, you're in this first room here, on the right!"

"No!"

I cry it out on instinct, making everyone in the room jump and look over, stunned. Frankly, I've stunned even myself. I wasn't planning on speaking. But the anxiety that was building in me the whole time she spoke had just been building up, and once I was full, it poured out all at once.

"No," I repeat, voice still shaking, and eyes wild. "No, I want to share a room with Nathan. That's too far away. I can't be all alone." Nathan's surprise melts away into concern, and the hand on my shoulder squeezes me again, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on my arm.

"Well, that's hardly appropriate, is it?" Palana gasps, eyes wide and scandalized. "A male and female tribute, sharing a room? What would people think? That surely won't be allowed."

"What will people think?" Sean scoffs, the older man looking at Palana as though she's some sort of undesirable insect, like a mosquito that won't leave him alone. "They're siblings! The hell do you think'll happen?"

Nathan looks at her, jaw squared. "No, Nia is right, we're staying together," he told her firmly, and I felt a wave of relief. "Our parents told us to stick together and to watch out for each other, and that's what I intend on doing. We both got torn from our homes, and there's a good chance neither of us is going back." I flinch at those words. "It's the least you can do."

"Really, Palana, it's fine," Olivia chimes in, her eyes surveying the scene, worried. "Sean's right, they're siblings. The usual protocols for keeping tributes separate doesn't apply. They're scared, let them stay together," she insists, as persuasive as she can make it. She seems used to having to navigate Palana.

And though Palana appears to want to argue, she can't. Stomping her foot a little, curls still bouncing, she relents. "Oh, alright! But I won't have you coming to me when the press is buzzing around, wanting juicy details about tributes sharing beds." The comment makes Sean scoff again, and he calls her something incredibly nasty under his breath. Though I probably wouldn't call her that myself, I can't help but understand why he despises her. She seems incredibly inconsiderate, and only someone really weird would be implying the things she was about siblings.

Before we could get a proper tour, one Palana had clearly been planning on taking us on before my outburst, Capitol attendants appear, carrying out platters of food to the table. I hadn't been hungry at all this morning, and I hadn't though I was hungry now, but the moment I see the spread in front of me, my mouth waters. Before me was enough food to feed my family for a month.

I watch as Palana starts to serve herself first, picking from dozens of platters; agiant turkey, a ham, every fruit I can name and more, rich soups, breads and rolls, side dishes I've never seen before take over the dining table. I had thought the table was large, even too large, when I sat down, but now it was full. Nathan helps me dish up my plate, and we begin to eat. And though I hate to admit it, and it feels like an insult to Mama, after last night's disappointing meal, this food is otherworldly.

When we clear our plates, and Palana is done show us our room (the farther one that had been initially meant for Nathan), Olivia and Sean meet us in the train car that holds a sitting room of sorts. On the television, we watch reruns of the Reapings from the other eleven districts. A few stick out in my mind; the volunteers from 1, 2 and 4 all look strong and athletic. They should, seeing as they've been training for the Games their whole lives. We call them 'Career Tributes' back in District Nine, and every year they are scary. Most years they win. The fear in the pit of my stomach that's threatening to boil back over reminds me that they probably win again this year, too.

I'm not the only twelve-year-old. There's a girl my age Reaped from District 12; she's much smaller than I am, though. The boy from District Seven is huge, and he looks downright evil. Throughout all the districts, there is only one other volunteer aside from the Careers-- a girl from District Six. She looks confident and self-assured, and I suppose you'd have to be if you were going to volunteer, but her confidence was still scary nonetheless.

When the Reapings are done, the TV goes black. I look over to Olivia, who is holding the remote with one shaking hand. "Oh, it's so horrible," she whispers, her eyes shining. "This year's tributes are so young..."

Sean is more straightforward as he counts off his fingers, surely burying whatever he's feeling and using his job as a mentor as an outlet to avoid it. "Two twelves, three thirteen year olds, a handful that are fourteen... don't think I've seen a field this young in a while."

Olivia shakes her head slightly, and it seems to me she's trying to follow Sean's lead; compartmentalize her sorrow and focus on Nathan and I. "That will make your chances of winning higher," she tells us, twinge of guilt in her eye, and I think I know where it's coming from. It's nasty to think that way, to think about how most tributes being young and frail is good, because it means they're more likely to die first. But I know she's right. It's either them or us, and I don't have much hope for me, but Nathan is strong. The weaker the field, the better his chances, right?

I think again to all the other tributes, their faces flashing in my mind. In two weeks, twenty-three of us will be dead. And I was convinced I'd be one of them. It's surreal to think about, and I was close to my breaking point. I close my eyes, bringing my knees up to my chest. Olivia notices my movement, and makes a small sound of worry, coming over to sit next to me. "Zania, don't worry. It'll be okay," she tells me, though I don't know who she's kidding. It won't be okay. But her voice is soothing and so is her presence. She kinda reminds me of Mama, or Louisia as she flattens my hair affectionately. "We'll do our best to make sure you're ready for this, okay? You'll both be going in with a game plan. Sean and I are going to make sure you are as set up for success as we can muster."

"We will," Sean agrees, throwing his hat in the ring from across the room with a curt nod. "Most years Olivia and I are at odds, but I doubt that'll be the case this year. I assume you two'll want to work together. Gives us an edge to start working with, unless....?" He left his sentence hanging, quirking his eyebrow at Nate

"Zania and I will work together," Nathan says firmly, picking up on what Sean was asking and answering for the both of us.

The elder of our two mentors nods. "S'what I thought. Good. Gives us an advantage."

"We'll know what we're dong before most of the others do," confirms Nathan.

"Exactly." Sean breaks his eye contact with Nathan and looks over to me. I feel like he's sizing me up maybe, or trying to get a read on me. "You ready to dig in now? Want to get started? Or you need the evening to get settled?"

"I don't know." I say quietly. "Can we wait until tomorrow?"

"Yes, of course sweetheart," Olivia reassures me from where she's now seated at my side. "Sean and I will start talking tonight, and we'll bring you two what we come up with tomorrow morning, before we get to the Capitol." I glance out the window when she mentions our destination; we're going so fast, the landscape is a blur of green.

"When will we get to the Capitol?" I ask nervously. "What time is it now?"

It's Palana responds from the other room; she'd been licking her wounds since dinner, but obviously was still hovering, and had taken this opportunity to insert herself back in the conversation, "It's about four o'clock," she calls in sing-song. "We'll be in the Capitol around ten-thirty tomorrow! And really, it can't come soon enough! These trains always make me so motion sick..."

Olivia gives a small nod, taking in the information and tuning out the self-narration that came after it. "Once we get to the Capitol tomorrow, you both will be busy. There will be other things for you to attend to; you'll be with your stylists most of the day, preparing for the Tribute Parade, so you won't have a ton of time with us to chat." She pauses for a moment. "Could you two be up by eight, do you think? There would be enough time, then, to get some breakfast in the both of you, and we can talk a while before the train arrives."

I let Nathan answer for the both of us-- honestly, I am at my mental limit, and feel my ability to be present and in the moment slip away the moment Olivia confirms that we can take the evening to rest. I sit in front of the window for the rest of the evening, watching the scenery zoom by until Olivia calls me over for dinner. The food is still magnificent. By the time we are done eating, it's quite late. 

Clothes have been provided to us, so I change into pajamas in the room that had been initially assigned to me before going to the room I'll be sleeping in, waiting outside the door until Nathan's done changing and he lets me in. I couldn't take my hair down, unable to reach all of the pins Louisa had secured to the token, so he helps me take it all down, putting the circlet on one of the bedside tables, beside his token. Careful not to disturb one another, we both crawl into opposite sides of the bed.

After a moment, I reach out a shaking hand to grab one of his. He squeezes it affectionately.

"Nathan?" I say, voice shaking.

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to win," I whisper. "I don't want to go home if you won't be there too."