Falling Over

The tutorial was boring, and filled with more administration bullshit. I spent my time sitting in the back of the room quietly browsing the various discord servers I was in. My guild in WoW was pissed that I’d missed raid night. We were a close knit group of people who liked to tackle the twelve man raids, working towards clearing the highest difficulty we could get to. My absence, which I didn’t really have an excuse for, had meant they needed to pull in another healer who hadn’t been as good.

I felt slightly happy that I’d been the better healer, but guilty as well. I don’t know why I’d avoided them, but ever since I’d been gaming with Maddy it had been a struggle to turn back into Coby so I could use the mic to talk to them. My time alone in my room was Elsie time.

Phasing slowly back into reality, I realised the roll was being called. The bored looking mid thirties man who was our professor looked up when he called my name.

“Coby Hartley?” he called, his voice sounding much less bored on my name.

“Sir he’s not here. He wasn’t at the lecture eith-” said one of the students I had spoken to off and on.

He was called Finn, and we’d been friendly enough in that way one was with another student but you didn’t actually extend the friendliness into actual friendship.

“If your name is not Coby Hartley, why are you speaking?” the professor interrupted.

“O-oh. Sorry Sir,” Finn mumbled.

“Coby Hartley?” the professor called again.

I gulped, staring down pointedly at the desk I was sitting at, and before my anxiety sent me non-verbal, I blurted, “Here sir, but it’s Elsie Hartley now.”

“Thank you, and please get your name updated with administration,” he nodded curtly, then returned to calling the roll.

The normal rustling of bored students was gone though, and I chanced a quick glance up at my peers. Yup, a lot of them were staring at me with various expressions of confusion. Many of them had known me in passing from our first year together, and it was obvious they were having a hard time reconciling the image of the scrawny awkward Coby with the… with whoever I was now.

Finn in particular was staring at me in open mouthed confusion. When the roll was done, he actually got out of his seat and sat next to me in mine, earning a disapproving look from the professor but nothing more.

“Who are you?” Finn asked in a hushed whisper.

I shrugged, avoiding eye contact like it would burn me, “Elsie May Hartley.”

“Really?” he asked incredulously.

“I emerged,” was all I said.

“You used to be Coby? Do you still have a dick down there or what?” he asked, a faint note of disgust in his voice.

I looked up at him in shock, unable to believe that he’d just asked that.

“What?” I asked dumbly.

“Do you have a dick still? You’re a guy, so like…” he said, a little bit too loud. People were starting to notice.

“No… I don’t. That’s not… why are you asking…?” I stammered, my face heating up in shame.

“That’s so gross,” he said, shaking his head like he was disappointed or something.

I couldn’t say anything, but everyone nearby was staring at me now. It was too late. Everyone knew I was… I was weird. I’d Emerged into a girl.

I heard one of the few girls in our course mutter, “No wonder she’s all hot and flaunting it. He’s a guy. Of course a guy would dress like a slut.”

I couldn’t take it, standing up and rushing for the door. Finn was in the way though, and he leaned back in his chair with a malicious look on his face to block my exit. Fuck him, I thought with sudden anger, I’m Emerged now. I kept going, and saw his eyes widen when I somersaulted over him like a prize gymnast.

Everyone was watching me now, and the panic in my chest was so intense it almost burned. The professor said nothing, his face impassive save for a single raised eyebrow. The door swung easily open and I bolted out like the weight of everyone’s judging stares was a physical, palpable entity.

I ran for a while, stumbling my way through the building until I was outside. I wandered aimlessly for a while, just absorbing what had happened. Finn, who had always been a bit of a dick but was friendly to me, had just turned on me like I was some disgusting rodent. The class had stared, and the professor had done nothing but watch.

I sat down on a random bench and absently spun one of the wheels on my board. I felt sick, and a little sad, but mostly just emotionally numb. I didn’t know how to process what had just happened. What did I even do now? I’d just rushed out of the classroom, and everyone was going to be hostile tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. Could I cancel my study? No, my parents would notice their portion of my tuition fees go back into their account.

I sat there for a long time, trying to think about what I could do, when I realised what I was staring at. The admin building. I could go and get my identity changed over. Yeah. At least they would all have to use the name Elsie. I got up and made my way inside, it wasn’t until much later that I realised could have just changed back into Coby and fixed the whole mess.

Inside, I walked up to one of the manned help desks and told them about my new circumstances. Changing my name turned out to be the easy part, I simply told them of my new OMR given identity, they accessed the OMR database and bam, it was over. When I hesitated to leave once that was done however, the clerk shifted uncomfortably.

“Can I help you with anything else?” he asked lightly.

I opened my mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again. This repeated for far too many more moments, before I finally blurted, “I want to change my degree.”

“You want to change your degree. Alright. What would you like to change it to? Please be aware that not all programmes cost the same,” he said, not even blinking at my sudden outburst.

“I want to take the Fashion course,” I said quietly.

“Right. I believe that is… yes that is a Bachelor of Design, majoring in fashion,” he said, typing away on his computer.

“Yes!” I exclaimed excitedly.

He chuckled, the first break of professionalism he’d made, “Alright. It seems that the costs are about the same. Would you like me to enroll you in that course? You’d be starting as a freshman in that course.”

“Uh, yes please,” I nodded, unable to hide my smile.

“Well, I’ll give you a bunch of paperwork to fill out, and then you can bring it back to me when you’re done? How does that sound? You’ll also have to go and talk to the head of the programme and get permission to turn up to the classes while things are getting sorted in admin,” he told me, a small smile playing across his face.

****

It had taken a while to get my new path sorted, and although I was feeling an undercurrent of anxiety over my parents eventually finding out that I had changed to an arts degree, I still felt excited as all hell. I’d actually done it! I felt like I should go and thank Finn for giving me a reason to swap to something I had dreamed of doing. Thank him, and then smash him in the nuts with the edge of my skateboard. I wanted to hear those shrivelled little grapes pop.

I needed to find Brook and tell her that she was going to be getting all my college mail from now on. I’d changed my mailing address to her apartment because otherwise any random mail might out me to my parents. Much better to keep things secret from them for now. I guess I had better flick a text off to Brook.

Doing so got me a reply saying she was already waiting outside one of the cafes that dotted the campus, so I put rubber to pavement and skated off in her direction.

On the way I made eye contact with a security guard. My heart skipped a beat and I thought he was going to rush over and tell me off. Instead, he looked at me skateboarding, and then shrugged. Oh right, they didn’t care about skating here.

When I arrived, I saw Brook leaning against a wall and messing around on her phone. She looked up when she heard the sound of my skateboard coming towards her, and her jaw literally dropped open. I couldn’t help but grin at the sight, it wasn’t often that I got the better of her.

“Hey,” I said quietly as I came to a stop and flicked the board up into my hands.

“Elsie>” she asked incredulously.

I giggled and nodded, scuffing my feet on the footpath.

“Whoa! Girl you look hot! That’s such a sick outfit! Oh my god and you have rainbow patterned shoes! What the fuck! How? Why? When! Oh my god!” she gushed, wrapping me in a warm hug.

All I could do was giggle again, my face turning fire engine red against her shoulder.

She stepped back, releasing me from the hug and beamed at me, “Yes. Fuck, yes. Oh my god.”

“I-I uhm… I swapped to a Bachelor of Design too…” I mumbled happily.

“No way! Who are you and what have you done with my friend? You’re… wow!” she grinned, pulling me in for another hug.

“Oh gosh, Brook! Please!” I said, wriggling in her arms.

“Nope. You stop complaining! I’m rewarding you for good behaviour,” she chuckled.

“I’m not a pet!” I grumbled into her shoulder.

“Not a pet no, not anymore. Your parents will be worried though, they’ll start putting posters up on power poles soon I bet you… ‘Missing Child Slave’,” she said wryly.

“Ouch. that’s close to home,” I sighed.

“Sorry! Too much. What are you going to do though… about them?” she asked, leaning back to look into my eyes.

I shrugged, “I’m just not going to tell them. I’m sending all my mail to your place now by the way.”

“Yeah, that’s fine... and also, if you ever need a place to stay, you can come to mine okay? I’ll help you out,” she said sincerely.

“Thanks Brook,” I said meekly. I felt overwhelmed by her friendship and support. She was so good to me.

“Shall we get food?” she asked, ruffling my hair and stepping back.

“Yeah. Let’s do that,” I said, smiling up at her. Since I was a girl, we could be BFFs!

We wandered inside, and I felt myself beginning to return her banter as opposed to being the recipient of it. It was odd, but I felt just slightly more confident now. I liked being Elsie, and the very idea that this was something I wanted was causing my head to spin when I got too far into details. Best to just enjoy who I was now, I could think about reasons and stuff later. Much later.

Brook teased me when I ordered a bowl of fries, “You’re going to need to watch that figure Elsie. You won’t stay that hot if you don’t maintain it!”

“Shut up!” I grinned, “I’ll watch my figure by skating everywhere! I bet I’m going to be better than you now.”

“Your powers are cheating,” she laughed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said with mock innocence.

“Dork.”

“Jock.”

We both fell into a giggle fit after that, and the cashier got annoyed with us when we had trouble paying.

The rest of lunch was fun. I wouldn’t be able to eat from the cafe every day, I’d need to prepare my own food, but still. This was nice.

“So if you’re skating again now, and probably gifted at it now, do you wanna hit the skate park this afternoon?” Brook asked me casually once we’d finished everything.

“No I think…” I started, automatically declining like I always did... but with a frown I stopped and looked down at my empty bowl in thought.

Why not? Brook was going to be with me, so she’d defend me if any of those wildly hypothetical situations where people had a go at me happened. I wasn’t a scrawny weird looking guy anymore, so that was fine… shit I was a hot girl now.

“Okay, yeah. That sounds okay. I’m leaving if I get too nervous though,” I told her with an anxious smile.

She stared into my eyes for a moment, then she did this weird sigh and an odd smile played across her lips for a moment. She wet her lips and her gaze flicked downward for a tiny moment. Oh dear. I knew that look. That was the look she’d given me every so often over the last four years we’d been friends.

“Sure thing cutie,” she said softly.

I looked down at my bowl and nodded slightly. She was at it again.

****

We’d split ways after lunch, as she had to go to her next class and I had to track down the head of the design programme to get permission to go to the tutorials and such. I had no idea who the head of the design department was, so I hoped they would be receptive to my plea.

The arts were all grouped together in a series of reasonably new buildings that had a very open and artsy vibe. Student artwork hung on the walls all over the place and it seemed like you couldn’t take two steps without stumbling into a trendy social space with fake plants and strange looking benches that were half sculpture. I kinda liked it… no… liked it a lot. It was such a huge difference from the boring hallways and classrooms of the finance and business area.

Following the directions I’d gotten from the guy in admin, I wandered my way through the colourful and vibrant hallways until I found the offices I needed. Peering in through the glass door, I saw an open plan office with tutors, professors and other staff milling about and chatting. I think I saw some working too.

Knocking politely on the door I stepped back to wait for one of them to notice me. A minute later I had some younger looking tutor open the door and poke his head out.

“What can I do for you?” he asked with an easy smile.

“Uh, I’m looking for the… for the head of the design programme?” I asked meekly.

He nodded like he was jamming out to some music I couldn’t hear, “You got it, let me check if she’s in.”

“T-thanks,” I mumbled, but he was already back inside.

I waited for a moment or three, until he popped back out and gave me an apologetic look, “She’s not in right now, but her schedule says she’ll be finished with the seminar she’s giving soon. You can wait on the bench there and she should be here shortly.”

Nodding mutely I moved to sit down on the bench he’d indicated. He left without another word and I settled in to wait. Watching the staff inside their office through the window, I was struck by how calm they all looked. The whole place seemed to calm me a bit, like there was some sort of anxiety medication being pumped into the air. Whatever it was, I relaxed into the bench and closed my eyes, absently spinning one of the wheels on my board again.

I wasn’t quite asleep when I was interrupted, more like I was in that zen space you get to when you’re calm and vaguely happy.

“Well well well, Elsie Hartley. What are you doing over here in the land of colour?” I heard a wry woman’s voice say.

My eyes snapped open and I was met with the cold blue eyes of the professor from the finance admin lecture. The one who’d taken over for the end of it. Her blond hair had been let down into a loose bun, rather than the severe ballerina’s bun she’d had it in earlier today.

“I um. I swapped my degree,” I said, looking down at my shoes with a guilty feeling in my stomach.

“Oh really? What did you change to? I had a note saying there was a girl waiting for me, I assume you are the girl mentioned?” she asked casually.

I looked up, my eyes widening, “Wait… you’re the lead of the design programme?”

“No need to sound so incredulous about it,” she teased with a twinkle in her eye, “Yes, I am the course coordinator. I also teach several business related papers, alongside my duties as a typography, iconography and general design lecturer.”

“W-well… uh, I changed to design. I um, I think I’m starting as a freshman again since none of the crap I did in finance is transferable,” I said haltingly.

“Well, that’s exciting to hear regardless Elsie. It seems you’re finding yourself,” she said with a smile.

“Ye-yes,” I nodded, still unsure about that, but I wouldn’t let that thought out.

“So what did you need to speak to me about?” she asked, a friendly smile on her face that was that was so unlike the cold and professional woman I knew from the Finance degree.

“I need your permission to go to the tutorials and stuff while admin sorts out all the behind the scenes paperwork,” I told her. She was having this strange effect on me. I felt… calmer talking to her. She was easy to talk to.

“Well, consider permission granted,” she nodded, “I’ll send out some emails.”

“Thank you!” I said, unable to keep a relieved grin from my face.

“You’re welcome young lady. I’ll send you the timetable tonight through your College email as well. Is there anything else I can do?” she asked.

“Nope! I’m good! Thank you so much!” I beamed.

“Then I’ll be seeing you tomorrow,” she said with a goodbye wave, and turned to go into the office.

I bounced up from the bench and all but hopped away. Time to wait til Brook was done so we could go to the skate park. What a crazy damn day.