Even a Scoundrel Gets Tired

45 – Encounter (3)

The moment I indicated my willingness to hear her story,

her expression brightened instantly, and the surrounding scenery shifted.

What had been a rather ordinary office just moments before, now transformed into a stark white space.

It was difficult to discern even the existence of walls or a floor.

[W..where should I even begin?]

“As briefly and simply as possible.”

[Yes…]

So she said, bringing her hands together over her chest, this goddess who introduced herself as Sola.

From her small lips, the story began.

[I wasn’t alone in creating this world.

Other gods also contributed, and each bestowed grace upon humanity in their own way.]

*

The gods all cherished humanity.

Of course, they didn’t consider them to be the same as themselves,

but it was certainly clear that they treated them as something akin to cherished toys.

They each aided humans in their own manner, then

took pleasure in watching how humanity would develop.

To the noble knight, they granted innate leadership and charisma.

To the artisan who mastered a thousand crafts, dexterity with his hands.

The god of war, powerful individual strength.

Humanity, blessed by countless gods in this way,

worshipped them and held faith in them alone.

But alas, humanity remained ungrateful.

As time passed, they acted as if they had never worshipped them,

ceasing to even glance in the gods’ direction.

Rather, they claimed their talents were not due to divine selection,

insisting they could defy the fate ordained by the gods through their own efforts.

They sought to forge their own destinies.

Mocking the gods was merely an added bonus.

However, most – no, nearly all – of the gods didn’t particularly take action against them.

It was like how no one would abandon their cat simply because it stopped showing affection to its owner.

But one god’s thinking was different, it seemed.

Luna, the ruler of the night and goddess of the moon.

She apparently couldn’t tolerate the shift in the cats’ behavior.

Witnessing the turning of humanity’s hearts,

she flew into a rage at their actions.

She insisted that the arrogant humans, who boasted of their own accomplishments, oblivious to the graces bestowed upon them, must be punished.

However, that suggestion was not accepted.

The gods, in their own way, still favoured humanity.

In the midst of her opinion being repeatedly rejected,

an incident occurred.

The humans, precarious to begin with, thoroughly provoked Luna’s ire.

Not even regret or remorse was shown by the humans, not until she, unable to bear it,

personally purged them.

Her sister, the Sun, deemed the Moon’s rage justifiable, but

even so, it was unheard of for a god to directly interfere with humankind.

She was punished accordingly, and the remaining humans were said to have repented beautifully.

A rumour, of course, twisted and spread by human lips, human interpretation.

*

“…So, what’s the point of telling me all this?”

I’m sick of it.

I’m not sitting here quietly to listen to some old wives’ tale.

What were your circumstances?

What desperate reason did you have to do such a thing to me?

That’s what I was curious about, that’s why I followed you.

[It concerns you… very much so…]

“So… what exactly─”

[The reason you are reincarnated… is her…]

The words were barely out of her mouth when I grabbed Solas’s hair again.

So taut it felt like a rubber band.

“Explain properly, unless you want your scalp torn off.”

[Ah… urgh…]

“Everything, about why she’s making me reincarnate.”

No matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t guess.

I hadn’t heard stories like this in any of my previous lives, and

the only thing moon-related in my life was Moonlight Swordplay.

That was why I couldn’t even begin to imagine the purpose of my reincarnation.

[Sh-She… is corrupted.]

“What…?”

[Even while being punished, she never forgave humanity.]

*

Even with her power limited and bound, she still hated humanity.

We thought that hatred would eventually fade, but

that incident kept fueling the fire in her heart.

The core of her being, which had once emitted a soft light, turned black, and

hate grew in her heart instead of love.

Thus did she, who once loathed humanity, tread the path of corruption.

Abandoning her divine essence, she descended to the earth to slaughter humankind

and forge a new paradise.

Yet it was not so easily achieved.

To influence the terrestrial realm consumed vast quantities of [Causality], forcing her to seek another way.

She chose to inhabit a human body, but this too proved arduous.

She required a vessel capable of enduring the countless grudges clinging to her.

The guilt she felt when first she took a human life.

The sorrow of a child clutching at their mother’s cooling form.

The vengeful grief of a person clutching the severed hand of their beloved.

Emotions potent enough to reduce an ordinary body to ruin in an instant.

No flesh existed on earth capable of withstanding such a burden.

Even for a goddess who once loved humanity above all else, such feelings

were almost unbearable.

And so, she fell into thought once more.

‘If such a body does not exist in this world, then shall I not create one?’

If the humans of this world are too hateful to bear, then I shall bring one from another dimension.

And to endure the guilt that stems from me, I shall extinguish all mercy.

If sorrow is unbearable, then I shall eliminate empathy.

If resentment is too much to bear, then I shall embrace selfishness and rationalization.

To kill those wretches without hesitation, I shall eradicate love.

Would that not suffice?

*

“..So, it’s *me* you’ve chosen?”

[..Yes.]

I was speechless, overwhelmed by absurdity.

Hundreds of times I had repented,

Thousands of times I had confessed my sins,

Tens of thousands of tears I had shed.

By killing, I had relinquished my humanity,

By manipulating, I had discarded my conscience.

And so, I condemned myself as worthless trash, ready to die at any moment.

I even considered that the endless cycle of reincarnation might be a punishment for sins I was too blind to recognize.

I thought it a just penance.

And yet, the cause..

is merely the whims of some nameless goddess?

“Fucking…seriously?”

[Um…excuse me…]

Her gaze, anxious, began to prickle against my frozen reaction.

And then it washed over me – what I had done to her, still treating me with such caution.

She was strange, too.

If her words held true, she had done no wrong.

“..Then why are you apologizing to me?”

[..Because I was a bystander..]

“Far too much apology for merely standing by, wouldn’t you say..?”

[…]

Let’s think.

If she hadn’t found me, what would have become of me?

I would have been doomed to endless cycles of rebirth, perpetually lacking something vital.

And then, as she said, my body would have been usurped; this god-spawn thing would have descended.

So, what does this goddess gain from that?

When humanity is threatened by a crisis so dire it’s beyond their control,

what possible benefit could there be for a goddess like her?

Faith, without a doubt.

Humans, when faced with the impossible, look towards the miracles of the gods.

They would inevitably cry out to her, the one they call a goddess.

The conclusion crystallized as these thoughts converged.

“..Hey.”

[Hic!..Yes..]

“You…you didn’t *fail* to help, you *refused* to, didn’t you?”

Deliberately allowed the crisis to befall humanity.

So that, at their breaking point, they would call out to you.

Because to the gods, the faith of humans is no different than their own worth.

As soon as the words left my mouth, her head dropped involuntarily.

And I took that as a silent affirmation.

I seized her bowed head and slammed it into the ground, pressing down with brute force.

“Why are you telling me all this?”

*Thump*

“Do you expect me to save those wretches down there?”

*Thump*

*Crack*

“No, in the first place, why even tell *me*?

If you had just remained silent, I never would have met you, ever.”

*Snap*

*Squish*

“Hmm? Care to answer?”

Lifting her head once more, I saw her ravaged face.

The nose she had painstakingly reconstructed was now a mangled mess, her left eye gone.

[In the beginning… to protect my proxy…]

“So?”

Grasping her hair roughly, as if demanding she speak faster,

I pull it upwards.

[Ugh… I promised… if you die, it won’t be fulfilled…]

“…So.”

[I possessed your body in a rush… and all your memories flooded in…]

“…”

[From the emptiness of killing someone for the first time… to the guilt… the body’s pain… the sadness… all of it…]

Before I knew it, her voice was choked with sobs,

and tears welled up in her beautiful eyes, forming droplets.

[Even having all the skin peeled from my face… all my fingers and toes being severed…]

“…”

[That alone… was too… too painful… unbearable… and you’ve been enduring this continuously…]

“…”

[I could have just… helped you… it wouldn’t have been so difficult… but…]

“…”

[I’m… I’m sorry… I… I was wrong… heuh…]

Even Mikael, who had been clutching at my pant leg, quietly moved to stand beside her,

bowing her head, and I remained frozen in place for a long while, doing nothing.

How long did it last?

As their weeping gradually subsided,

“…Shall we try one last prayer…”