Euphemistically Yours

Our quiet, calm breakfast ended abruptly when Constance grabbed Eu by the ear, and pulled her out of the room. Despite that, Eu stuffed the remainder of the sweetcake she’d stolen from Progress into her mouth as she went.

Progress, stunned, sat in her seat without moving. Her face had shifted from surprise, to anger, back to confusion. “How did she get my sweetcake without me seeing it happen?”

“She’s amazing!” offered Swift, although her usual sunny attitude was subdued. This was probably because we could all hear Constance’s voice from the other room as the scolding began. I didn’t think I’d ever heard that tone of voice before - and it gave me chills.

I could see the whites of Grit’s eyes, while Swift was shivering in terror. All of them had stopped eating, but Progress seemed to be the least affected as she listened with a satisfied smile. Apparently, losing her sweetcake had been worth it?

Constance’s lecture continued without any sign of winding down. Eventually, I decided to reinforce the lesson here at the table. “Children, Eu hasn’t had the same upbringing that you have. If she’s going to be proper family, we need to teach her how to behave.”

“Yes, father.” All three chimed in as one.

“However, controlling her is NOT your job.” I gave Progress a pointed look. “If she won’t listen to your advice and reprimands, then allow your parents to deal with the problem.”

“Yes, father.”

“Now then…” I paused, because the monologue in the other room stopped for a moment before it started up again. Grit and Swift both twitched when they heard Eu squeak in fear.

“Now then… errm… you should continue with your breakfast. Today is going to be busy. We don’t really have time for all this trouble.”

“I still want to know how she got my sweetcake! Swift, did she reach across you to get it?” Progress asked.

“Maybe? I didn’t see her do it.” Swift tilted her head to ponder the situation.

“It was when you were leaning forward.” Grit suggested. “You were whispering across the table, and we were all watching you. Eu must have reached behind you right then.”

I tried my best to visualize the scene. It was true that there was a brief instant when there was a straight line between Eu’s seat and Progress’s plate. However, Eu would have needed to act without a moment's hesitation. Furthermore, Progress would have needed a greater distraction. The sweetcake had been sitting on her plate right in front of her! Had Eu used magic somehow? There were too many unknowns.

“Amazing!” observed Swift

“Not in a good way!” replied Progress. “She’s a thief! You need a better word. Father, what’s a word that means amazingly bad?”

“Terrible? Horrid? Appalling?”

“Appalling! That sounds about right!” Progress nodded.

“Appalling!” Swift tried out the new word. “Appalling!”

Grit snickered. “Is that going to be your word for the day?”

Swift puffed out her cheeks, but then brightened when Constance came back in, leading Eu. “She’s appalling!”

“What’s this?” Constance stopped in the doorway.

“We were trying to find a better word for Swift to use to describe the situation.” I explained.

Constance just sighed, “That word sounds fine, but don’t use it too much, or it will get old.”

“Yes, mother, but she won’t be appalling all the time, will she?”

“We’ll see…” Constance folded her arms and gave a look toward our topic of discussion. Admittedly, after being scolded, Eu’s face had taken on an even paler shade than usual. However, she’d regained her seat at the table and begun to eat again as if nothing much had happened.

Grit cleared his throat awkwardly, “I have chores and exercises to do.”

“Wait!” I stopped him. “We’ll be going to the horse merchant today. You should come along. Make sure you are dressed properly. I’ll be asking for your opinions.”

He blinked in surprise, “The horse merchant? Wha... of course, Father.”

I didn’t bother to tell him that he’d effectively be picking out his own horse. He probably thought this was just another lesson toward becoming a proper squire. Regardless, it would add some excitement to his day. Once he thought it over, I could see his keen expression.

“Progress, Swift, once your father leaves, I need you two to clean the front hall thoroughly. We’ll be having guests later.” Constance added her own orders.

"Guests?" asked Progress, probably thinking about Will visiting yesterday.

Constance smiled. "My sisters. I'll be inviting them over to discuss our family's new developments."

I winced internally. That would be a discussion I'd be glad to avoid. When I married Constance, her father was a knight. She was the youngest child in her family, and her parents had both passed away since then. Regardless, her sisters didn't think I was worthy of her then or now, and had made that clear repeatedly. With the revelation of Eu as my supposedly illegitimate child, I was sure to raise their ire even worse. In other words, they'd be saying some things about me that I'd be better off not hearing.

Constance added more details, "I expect the front hall to be spotless, plus you should roll out our nice rug."

“Yes, mother,” both girls agreed, but Progress had another question. “What about Euphoria?”

“She’ll be going with me and Grit,” I butted in. I also gave a smirk at how Progress had used Eu’s longer name that Swift had chosen for her. I suppose I should start doing the same.

“Wait…” Progress tilted her head. “Why is she going to see the horses?”

“Oh… right. We had a surprise!” I patted the package in front of me.

“Yes, the SURPRISE!” blurted Swift. “What is it?”

Since everyone appeared to have finished breakfast, I unwrapped the cloth and laid the contents out on the table.

“What is it? A pillow?” Swift stared at the revealed bundle of padded fabric that had been inside the cloth covering. Progress, despite her earlier assertion of prior knowledge, seemed to be likewise mystified. Only Grit recognized it.

“Hey! Isn’t that mine?” He pointed at the stitches and straps holding it together.

I laughed, “Right in one! Yes, this was yours when you were younger.”

At this, I picked it up and held it out so they could all see it better.

“Is it a … shirt?” Swift took a wild guess.

I shook my head. “It’s a little long and heavy for a shirt, isn’t it? After all, the front and back panels are meant to protect your knees.”

Grit ruined the surprise. “It’s a gambeson, sized for a child.”

Progress gave a snort, as if she’d known the whole time. However, once the idea sank in, she blinked several times in confusion. “But…. why?”

“Simple. Eu won’t wear a dress, right? So in the end, that’s a good thing! If she’s a mage, then she’s going to be on the battlefield sooner or later. We’ll dress her like a squire in training.”

“But… she’s a girl!” Progress objected.

“If you were knighted, would you wear a dress?”

“I wouldn’t be … that doesn’t even make sense!”

Constance broke into the conversation. “Before we discuss all its flaws, let’s see how it fits.”

“Right! Euphoria, come around the table and I’ll put it on you.” I motioned to her with my free hand.

Eu jumped up from her chair and skittered into place, holding her arms up. Apparently, she’d followed the gist of the conversation and approved of our plan.

First, we had to take off her swordbelt, but after that, her hands slipped easily into the padded sleeves. The whole thing was a bit too long for her, but she’d grow into it. The sides were open below the armpits, so I used her sword belt through the loops around the waist to tie it together. Once it was firm, the corners of the cape knotted around the loops along tops of her shoulders.

It took a few minutes to get it all correct. Furthermore, it was thick, heavy padding, so she swayed under the weight. Even so, she was shivering in excitement. In other words, she didn’t object, even though it somewhat looked like a skirt.

“How’s that? Better than just pants?”

Eu considered her options, but then Swift answered for her, “It’s amazing!”

“I think ‘appalling’ is the better word here,” muttered Progress.

"YOU are a bigger palling than me!" Eu tried out the unfamiliar word, mistaking the first syllable as an article.