Euphemistically Yours

On the walk home, Progress steadily berated Eu. “Why are you wearing pants? Father told you to wear your dress!”

“I AM wearing my dress! He didn’t say NOT to wear pants!”

In the meantime, I was doing my best to keep Will occupied. We’d eaten as much as we could stand of spit-roasted beef and left the remainder there to the serfs and their families. Now, we were busy carrying the majority back to our house in covered bowls and pots.

I’m sure Will could hear the conversation behind us, but the fewer details he knew, the better. To that end, I kept asking him questions to keep him distracted. “How are your brothers doing?”

“Training every day. They’ll be joining the city guard once they reach their third hand like me. Father’s loyal service gives them a good recommendation.”

I nodded along. Sons often follow their father’s careers, especially if the father is respected in his duty like Will’s. “What about your mother?”

From his reaction, he knew what I was really asking. “Unfortunately, her eyesight is failing, as well as her strength. She hardly leaves the house anymore. Even then, we have to be there to support her.”

“Oh, that’s awful to hear!” There must be more to it, or it still couldn’t explain why he was acting as his own ambassador. Without his mother to bridge the gap on the women’s side, he’d have an awful time finding a good match.

“I’d ask that you pray for her, but it may be her time to go. At least pray that she goes easily.”

In other words, his mother didn’t want to burden her family. I winced in sympathy. The same had happened to my own father when he broke his hip. I repeated the same phrase that I’d heard so often myself - though I was completely sincere, “I’m so sorry for you.”

He nodded, but I guess he didn’t know what else to say.

“What about your aunts? Cousins?” As it was, he’d need outside help to navigate the women’s side of the equation. If he’d had sisters, they could have stepped up to the task, but his family was all sons. Normally, that would be considered a blessing, since it meant no dowries.

“Mother was the youngest of her family. Her sisters passed on before her. Though, you’re right. There’s still my cousins, though there’s some trouble there.”

“I see. Bad blood?” I was ashamed of my own cousins' behavior, so it wasn’t hard to imagine.

He shrugged. “Nothing much I can do.”

Obviously, he didn’t want to talk about it. Who would? It only takes a generation for a family to fall apart both in social standing and wealth. The two usually went hand-in-hand, but there were exceptions.

Seeing his worried expression, I clapped a hand on his shoulder to cheer him up. Oddly, watching him stumble away made me think of how a certain someone had clapped my shoulder recently. This in turn gave me a related idea and then a grin. “I think I may know someone that can help.”

“Really, who?”

“I’ll have to introduce you to one of my friends. But, I’m guessing his wife would be all too pleased to mess about in your business.”

He considered my offer for a moment before agreeing to my plan. I suppose he didn’t have much to lose. With that, I described Brawn to him, as well as how to best approach him. Brawn had a large family, but no daughters. All his sons were happily married, so his wife must be an expert by now. Furthermore, I already knew how much she liked to meddle. She'd be pleased as punch. In fact, I'd probably earn some points with Brawn too.

Shortly after that, we reached the spot where the path leading into my holdings met the road. Since we’d already eaten a meal, we weren’t planning anything more for the night. Will gave his farewells and then set off, headed back towards town.

As he left, I kept an eye on Progress, who watched him go. Obviously, she’d have other suitors, but this was the first to take such a bold step. They had hardly spoken a word to each other, but I could only imagine how she was feeling.

Constance was bringing up the rear, helping Swift and Eu with their load. Our eyes met and she puffed out her cheeks. In other words, she still wasn’t sure about Will. In that, she had a point, but there was plenty of time before Progress’s third hand. Who knew what might happen before then?

After we turned onto the path, we found Grit waiting for us. He was armed and armored again and waiting not far from the front door. Since even the servants had gone with us, he’d stayed home to watch the house. After all, you can’t bar the door from the outside.

Seeing the loads of meat that we were carrying, he gave us a smile, “Did you save any for me?”

Swift ran forward with the platter that she was carrying. “I roasted this batch!”

“Nothing but meat? I guess I’m not surprised.” He laughed as he took the plate from her and pulled off the waxed cloth that covered it.

“We didn’t have anything else. Besides, it was good!”

“I’ll decide that for myself.” He picked up a well-roasted chunk and popped it into his mouth. None of it was properly sliced, so it required some chewing.

“Do you like it? I cooked that!” Swift demanded.

“Mmmph!” He nodded his agreement until she backed off.

“I cooked that!” She jumped up and down.

He swallowed as quickly as he could. “Yes. So you said. Three times now! Was it so difficult? You just put it over the fire and turned it occasionally, right?”

“It was easy! Am I a good cook?”

"I don't usually eat meat with my hands..." he complained.

Suddenly, Eu objected, "You eat with your mouth."

"Uhh... that's true as well?" Grit blinked at her, obviously confused what her point was.

"Is it good?" Swift pulled on his arm, grabbing his attention back.

“It tastes fine, Swift, but you can’t really call this cooking. Besides, you’re the daughter of a squire. Cooking doesn’t really fit your status. That’s servants’ work.”

She pursed her lips at him in frustration, but Constance backed her up. “You did fine, dear. Even if it is servants’ work, It’s important to learn to cook for yourself. That way, you won’t depend entirely on your staff. You’ll also know when someone isn’t doing their job well.”

“Right! See!” Swift pointed an accusatory finger at Grit, who retreated, waving his hands in defense.

At that point, I laughed at all of them. “You're a good daughter, Swift. Grit, thank you for watching the house. Now, let’s go inside already.”

As we walked in through the front door, Progress grumbled at the scene. “I cooked some meat too. Did I force anyone else to eat my portion? Did I complain about it? Did I need anyone to tell me how good it was?”

I winced and looked toward Constance. Progress’s attitude lately needed some adjustment. She was surly, and I didn’t fault her for that. But, she was also proud - and that was a problem.

Constance, nodded her head at me, then patted Progress on the shoulder. “The one who suffers in silence is justified. But, complaints are their own reward."

Progress hung her head. “Yes. I know the scriptures, mother. Besides, what does that even mean? What reward did I just get?”

“The reward of complaining. I suppose you feel better now?”

She thought about that for a moment and finished with a bitter grin. “Why, yes! Yes, I do!”

Constance gave her a smile. “Then that’s your reward. Instead of the reward of building up those around you, you’ve pushed them down to prop yourself up.”

Progress nodded obediently, but she didn’t look convinced. We'd have to address this again at another time.

By that point, we’d unloaded the bowls and pots into the larder. After making sure that everything was well-covered, Constance sent the children off to bed. We’d had a long day. The sunlight was fading. In fact, it was late enough now that I found myself yawning.

Once everyone was headed to their rooms, I went to bar the front door. After that, I checked on both of the girls’ rooms to make sure they were secure.

When I knocked on Progress’s door, she was already in bed, her dress hung on a peg on the wall. She nodded at my nightly check - it wasn't anything unusual. In contrast, while Swift’s dress was hung properly, Eu had simply thrown hers onto the floor. The two were already asleep, snuggled together, so I didn’t want to wake them.

By the time I reached my own bedroom, I was ready to collapse.

Constance was there waiting for me. “Husband, you still have more to do.”

“Err… yes. Huh?” I looked her over. She was dressed for bed, but had not laid down yet.

When I stood there confused, she gave me an annoyed look. “You haven’t explained yet what you learned at the castle or the scholar.”

She pointed over to our business table. As the man of the household, she waited for me to sit before taking her usual chair. After that, she folded her hands and watched me pointedly.

Suddenly, it all became clear. I’d been so distracted that I’d forgotten to update her. “You’re right! I haven’t really spoken to you since I got back!”

“Yes, husband.” She patted my hand. “Now, let us take some time and discuss.”

It took a while to explain everything that happened. First, I went through the facts of the Seneschal’s interrogation. Constance asked questions at each point, and I could see her hands trembling when she realized just how much trouble we’d stirred up for ourselves.

Next, I described the meeting with Master Fit, though I hadn’t actually learned much. It certainly hadn’t changed any of our plans. If anything, it pushed our timetable forward. If Eu was a magician, then she’d need to look and act like one sooner rather than later.

“... and we’ve got to do something about her pants.” I concluded.

“Tonight, wearing pants under her dress wasn’t such a bad thing. Maybe we could allow her to do that?” Constance tilted her head, unsure.

I wasn’t so sure myself, but it couldn't hurt. If the dress was what was visible, that’s all that counted, right? “Sure, it’s a step in the right direction, but I guarantee you she’ll take off that dress the first chance she gets. You saw how she was pulling at it?”

Constance nodded, “Do you have any better ideas?”

I thought for a few moments and then gave her a grin. “Maybe. Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone!”