Euphemistically Yours

Lunch took almost the whole time from the fifth to sixth bell, so we finished around noon. I tapped Grit to say the blessing, but that was only a small part of the time. The rest was spent enjoying the food and discussing small things such as the news and our plans for the coming winter.

The so-called soup was thick with vegetables and broth. Furthermore, there was a hearty loaf of bread served with each plate. In fact, the amount of the portions was too much for Swift’s small stomach, so we divided some of her bread among the rest of us.

In addition, the meal included an ale for each of the men and a spiced cider for each of the women. The server boy must have felt sorry for Eu, because he even brought out an extra cup for her. She sniffed at it carefully before guzzling it down.

I knew it was expensive, but since my wife was here, it came out of her purse instead of my wallet. Sadly, she saw my scheming expression and shut me down. “We won’t be doing this again.”

Once everyone was finished, we paid for the meal and made our way out. Although Grit was planning to visit his friends, it was too early in the day. They would be embroiled in lessons and training. Instead, he tagged along with us on our way out of town.

Progress wanted to go straight home. Swift wanted to walk along the riverside and take in the sights. Constance seemed to be ambivalent. Eu wanted to do anything that would have her ear released.

In the end, we settled upon a compromise. We would head home, but following the path of the river. Progress was the only one wary about this plan. “Mother, if we see any of my friends, can you tell them I’m sick? I can keep my hat low, so they won’t see my face.”

“But, you aren’t sick. Are you asking us to lie?” questioned Constance.

“My eye is injured! Isn’t that like being sick?”

“No, no it’s not.”

“But…”

“We’ll tell them that you aren’t feeling well. That’s more vague. From that, they can reach whatever conclusions they want.”

“Thank you, mother!”

“Of course!”

We hadn’t gone far when I noticed a shop along the riverfront that might shed some light on other questions. I motioned to my family, and we moved toward that side of the street..

The wooden sign above the door showed a flying bird carrying a crown in its claws. The label below read “Magpie’s Fortune.” Although it claimed to be a jeweler, I knew that it was just as much a pawn shop.

“Welcome to Magpie’s!” The proprietor, a hearty man about my age, first knelt to my family's status. Then, he took one look at the group of us and gave a broad smile. “I’m guessing you’d like a ring to be given by your son?”

I felt my eyes slide to Grit’s face who was shaking his head. The womenfolk behind us tittered along at the humor. “No. Not yet. The girl’s family is still weighing their other options.”

“G-g-girl?” Grit stuttered, but I ignored him.

“Ah? Too bad. He looks old enough you could be a grandfather by now.”

I laughed along, while Grit demanded, “Which girl? Who?”

This only caused more giggling from behind us, and I saw Grit’s ears flush pink.

The shop keep smiled at us, his happy customers, but he didn’t have time to amuse us all day. “So what are you looking for then?”

“Not buying or selling, I don’t think. But I’d like to have your expertise on something I’ve found.” With that, I pulled out one of Eu’s crystals and set it on his counter.

He bent down to look closer without touching it. “Hmm… hexagonal rod with corresponding points on both ends. That’s easy! It’s quartz. Small, but a very nice specimen. The shape is perfect and the clarity is exceptional. I’ll give you a brass sun for it.”

In other words, it was a pretty rock. On the other hand, it was pretty enough to be worth a day’s unskilled labor. Not bad. If Eu could make one every day, she’d never go hungry. But, it wouldn’t be significant to the Duke. He’d be more interested in funding his kingdom.

“Would you like to sell it?” asked the proprietor, although I’d already said that wasn’t my goal.

“Umm… not today. Maybe later.”

“I’m not giving you a bad offer. You won’t find better.”

Oh, he thought I was trying to haggle? “That’s not the issue. The stone isn’t mine to sell. I just want to know more about it.”

“Ah… I see. Well, if you change your mind, I’ll be here. Or if you want that ring? I’ve got some pretty enough to heat up any girl’s heart.”

Beside me, Grit hid his face. He was nearly three hands old, so It’s true that we’d need to nail down a marriage contract for him soon. However, our family’s actual status didn’t match our rank. Worse, our reputation was sure to fall given recent events. We might not find many good choices waiting for him.

Once we made it back outside, Grit excused himself from the continued giggling to take his own path. Undoubtedly, he wanted to escape from the womenfolk and their merciless teasing. Unfortunately, that left the rest of us in town, wearing fine clothes, and no plans for the day.

Luckily for Progress, we didn’t run into any of her peers. After all, womenfolk don’t walk around alone without a guardian. On the other hand, we did cross the path of several young men. When she squeaked and moved to the far side from them, we used the same excuse each time.

Considering the constant fear of sickness, pestilence, and plagues, it wasn’t hard for her to avoid contact. The idea that she wasn’t feeling well was a powerful deterrent. If anything, the potential suitors moved away too quickly, betraying their true feelings on the matter.

The exception was Will, the young guardsman. We’d already seen him earlier today when passing in through the gate. Even so, we ran into him again on our way out. After hearing the usual excuse, he approached more closely. “Please tell her that I hope she recovers soon. In fact, I have a family remedy for a sore throat that I could bring to your house later.”

I tried to keep the smirk off my face. “It’s not a sore throat.”

“But she looked very … healthy earlier today! Would she appreciate visitors later?”

Healthy, hmmm? I was about to break out laughing, so my wife stepped forward. “I’m sure she would appreciate a visit. Though, even then, you should keep your distance.”

In response, I could see Progress shivering from nerves. Considering how she had tittered at Grit earlier, it was amusing to see the same situation turned around with her as the focus.

But then, Eu decided to ruin everything and join the conversation, “Her eye is a plum.”

“Wh-what?” Will staggered in confusion.

“I poked her eye. Her eye is a plum now.”

At this, Constance grabbed Eu’s ear and pulled her away for a good scolding. Progress continued to shiver, but the reason seemed to have shifted all the way from anxiety to rage.

“Who was that?” asked Will, looking at me and then Swift. “I thought you only had two daughters.”

“Yes… umm…” I stumbled, trying to remember the correct excuse to use.

Of course, Swift decided to help out, “She’s my new sister! Her name is Eu! She’s amazing!”

“New sister?” Clearly, Will didn’t know what to say. He was probably still processing the newly revealed information.

I sighed. The cat was out of the bag. Even if it was a fake cat, it sure mewed loud enough!

About then, seeing the situation over here devolving, Constance returned. “We should introduce her to you. Her name is Eu. Eu, say hello to Will.”

“Hello to Will,” she repeated the words verbatim.

“Umm… nice to meet you. Eu?”

“Eu is short for Euphoria,” supplied Swift. Admittedly, none of us had agreed to that, but it was as good a name as any.

“Oh! That’s a real name." He looked relieved. "Nice to meet you, Euphoria.”

“My name is Euphoria?” Eu asked while tilting her head.

“That’s what … that’s what your sister said.” Will sputtered.

“Swift is my sister?”

Constance pulled Eu away again by the ear for some more scolding.

Will seemed to be turning blue from holding his breath. The whole confused situation was more than a young man like him could deal with. I stepped in to help, “She’s, umm… still learning the language.”

“Oh?” His voice trembled.

“Yes, umm… she was raised by… nuns. In a convent. They only spoke the old tongue.”

He nodded carefully, by which time Eu was pulled back again for proper introductions.

“Nice to meet you, Will. I am sorry. I was bad. Swift is my sister.”

“Then…” he glanced at me.

I didn’t want to lie. But at this point, what choice did I have? The dice were already cast. “Eu is my daughter.”

There was a long pause as everyone let that settle in.

Then, the silence was broken by Eu’s rising scream. “WHA-A-A-T? No!”

Apparently, this morning, during the conversation on this topic, she was only confirming that I was indeed the father of my family. She had not agreed to any such relationship for herself.

“I should go now,” said Will as he backed away slowly.

Progress crumpled to the ground. I didn’t blame her, but at the same time, I knew that she’d regret it later when she had to wash the dirt out of her dress. Clothes were expensive, since everything was tailored by hand. Her nice dress was doubtless her finest possession.

Swift had her own comment on the situation, “Eu is amazing!”

Once he was beyond reach, Will turned to flee.

“Was Will afraid of Eu?” Swift asked me.

“Yes, dear. Eu is too amazing. We need to be careful with her.”

“He was so amazed, he ran away!”

“Yes, dear.”

“That’s… amazing!”

Was this her new favorite word?

“When I grow up, I want to be amazing, just like her!”

I didn’t know how to respond to such an innocent declaration of misguided intent. Since I didn’t have the words at hand, I said nothing. Was this was going to be a problem?