Euphemistically Yours

The next village was named “Halfaway” which denoted the distance between the Duke’s seat at Emberwell ahead of us and the Earl’s seat at Winnowheat behind us. It was larger than the hamlet where Eu had started, but not by much. The most important part was that it had another inn with a stable.

As we approached the outskirts, I laid down the law. “No fwoofing at the inn. Got it?”

“No fwoof inn. Fwoof now?”

“Do you HAVE to fwoof?”

She pursed her lips. “Fwoof is good. Eu is good. Fwoof is smart. Eu is smart.”

“Don’t call yourself Eu. You sound like a baby. You should say ‘I am smart’ to refer to yourself.”

“Deft is smart?”

“No, err… YES! But, I am Deft. I am smart. You are Eu, are you smart?”

It didn’t help that her new name was pronounced almost the same as the second-person pronoun. I watched as she considered my sloppy explanation. But, I had to admit she was intelligent. She could figure out new words and concepts almost instantly. At the same time, as her vocabulary increased, her accent of hisses, clicks, and pops was disappearing. She was even learning the right vowel tones.

“I is Eu.” She shook her head and corrected herself. “I am Eu. I am smart. I am good.”

“Glad to hear it.” She had figured out the proper grammar at the same time. Even if I disagreed with her last assertion, she was making progress.

“Fwoof is smart. Fwoof now?”

“Why?”

In response, she sighed at me as if I were stupid. “Fwoof is good.”

This wasn’t going anywhere, but a little time lost wouldn’t hurt. “All right. That's fine. Now is good.”

I looked around to find a concealed spot by the roadside and then reached up to lift her off of the saddle, but it was already too late. She’d folded her hands and closed her eyes. Before I could even grab her, the light blazed forth and the winds rushed around me.

It was definitely bigger now! I clearly remembered the first time that she’d done it for Diligence. Back then, it had just barely covered the two of them. But now, it surrounded Honey, plus me, plus a stride in every direction. It was brighter too.

When I heaved her up, the effect ended and she opened her eyes. “No fwoof?”

I looked around, and breathed out a sigh of relief. Although there were some merchants on the road ahead of us, they were headed in the other direction. It seemed that nobody had seen this latest explosion. I tried my best to explain.“No fwoof! Fwoof is secret!”

“Secret?” She didn’t know that word and I had no idea how to explain it.

“No fwoofing!”

She glared at me, “I am Eu?”

“Huh?”

“Name is Eu?”

“Are you blackmailing me again? No fwoofing!”

“Fwoof is smart!”

I set her down on the ground to look her in the eye. “Do you HAVE to fwoof?”

She tilted her head and considered it. After a moment, she answered. “Yes.”

“Was that a lie? Do you even know what I said? You’re just guessing at the right answer!”

She folded her arms and looked straight back at me. “I HAVE to fwoof!”

“Why?”

“Arm water! Leg sand!”

“Uh… I don’t know what you’re saying.”

She sighed and threw her arms to the side. “No fwoof. No fwoof.”

“What is arm water?”

She huffed loudly and pointed toward the village. “Let’s go.”

When had I taught her that phrase? She was learning quicker than I could fathom. Even so, I had to be sure we had an agreement. “No fwoof? Secret?”

“No fwoof.”

I suppose that was the best agreement that I’d get. However, there was another problem to address as well. As a representative of the Duke, I couldn’t walk her into town.

“I'll be riding Honey now. You walk.”

“I walk. Deft is carrot water.” That was her complaint, but she seemed to remember the same situation from yesterday, so she set off down the road. At least this time, she wasn’t singing about it.

On the way to the inn, I looked through the market and found a few carrots. Honey deserved a reward for the harsh treatment she’d been getting, but doing so also made Eu happy. My finances were getting dangerously low, but a handful of carrots wouldn’t make much difference.

The inn was significantly smaller than the one from the night before, but it had a stable. The two of us loaded up Honey with the freshly bought carrots before sending her off with the ostler. He’d remove her trappings, brush her down, and let her sleep for the rest of the day.

Since we were checking in not long after noon, the building was essentially empty. The innkeep, an elderly woman, sized me up and immediately latched on to the potential of a wealthy customer. “Here fer a meal, are ye?”

“I’d like a private room for me and the … the boy.” I caught myself before I blundered again.

“Ye can rent the smallest room at the back. It’s got four beds, but if ye rent ‘em all, the room’s yers until sunrise.”

I dropped four brass suns into her hand, one for each bed. It was overpriced, but worth every star. At the last second, I tried to haggle a bit. “We’ll get meals with that? For me and the boy?”

The coins were already in her pocket, but she gave me a smile and a nod. “I’ll rustle somethin’ up for the two of ye.”

It was quick, but small. Boiled vegetables in a stew so thin that you might as well call it water. At this point, I didn’t really care. She also set out a mug of ale for each of us.

Eu sniffed at the ale and then pushed it in my direction. After that, she began inspecting the soup. Given how she picked at each piece, I was done long before she was, so I was left watching as she squished the majority around in her bowl trying to find bits that she approved of.

By now, I’d noticed a pattern. First, she’d spoon up all the liquid and drink it down. After that, she’d only eat things she could identify. Bits of carrot seemed to be her favorite. The rest was all suspect.

“Carrots for Eu? Carrot water Eu?” I teased her.

“Carrot is good.” She agreed without acknowledging the joke.

“You know, I could have just bought carrots in the market. It would have been a lot cheaper.”

Obviously, that was too many new words at once, so she shook her head.

“It’s fine. I’ll eat whatever you won’t deign to touch.”

In the end, she pushed the bowl over to me and I wolfed down the rest as fast as I could. The innkeep watched our exchange from across the room. “Yer boy needs to eat more. He’s too spindly.”

I gave her a knowing grin, “Don’t you know it! He’s got his mother’s bad manners.”

“Plainsman?”

That earned a sigh as if the memory was painful. “He’s got her hair too.”

“Too bad. If it wasn’t fer his hair, he’s got a nice face. Girls’d be huntin’ him down.”

That statement was directed toward Eu, but she didn’t seem to know the difference. The woman was speaking too quickly, plus her accent was so thick even I had trouble following it.

“Thank you for the meal. We’ll be resting until dinner.”

She waved toward the back hallway. “Sure. Sure. Off with ye.”