Essentia Caelestiss

I'm tired. Everything, since that day, has been exhausting. Every passing second becomes more and more strenuous.

I remember when I was little, one of the many pieces of advice my sister gave me:

"Airoku, you must do things calmly. If you don't take a small break every now and then, you'll just end up tiring yourself out before you can finish what you're doing."

I imagined my dear sister gently scolding me, and involuntarily, I let out a faint smile.

I immediately cut off my thoughts before sinking deeper into them and turned my attention to the nun in front of me.

"I knew you kept me alive for a reason. I'll listen to what you have to say and decide what to do accordingly," I said, watching as the nun adopted a complicated expression.

Those expressions again... Now I understand why my chest ached and why I felt strange when looking at her. But I still can't grasp how I find similarities between her and my sister when, physically, they look nothing alike.

I averted my gaze toward the window. I had to ignore the similarities I saw between the nun and my sister. I needed to in order to move the conversation along quickly.

"Earlier, you said that the fading state is present in gods and apostles. What does that have to do with me?"

I frowned, as I had doubts about how something that, in theory, only appears in beings with divinity could be affecting me.

"Dear, I honestly don't understand how you have so much incomplete information. It's as if you both know and don't know certain things at the same time. But, in case you haven't realized, you are an apostle."

I wasn't surprised to hear that. In fact, in some way, I expected it. It would be foolish of me not to have noticed before. Still, her statement definitively answered many of my questions.

"You don't seem surprised by what I just told you," the nun commented as she sat at the foot of the bed.

"I always knew that, from that day on, I was no longer human… Unless there are humans capable of regenerating lost limbs as if nothing had happened," I replied with a mocking tone.

"The world is vast, and there are many exceptions that defy what we consider normal," she said, laughing softly.

"Are you serious about what you just said?"

"Of course. Why would I lie to you about that? In fact, I know an old man who falls into that category."

That last statement surprised me more than finding out I was an apostle.

"Back to the important topic…" The nun interrupted my thoughts with a serious tone. "One of the questions you probably have is how you became an apostle."

"You're right. I've always wondered what I am, but I ruled out those options because I never felt a trace of divinity in me."

"That's because all the karma resides in the sword, so you have no divinity within you. However, being the sword's bearer and having been chosen by it makes you an apostle."

At that moment, I summoned the sword. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed how the nun remained unfazed. I didn't know if it was because she understood that I wasn't looking for a fight or because she thought I stood no chance against her. Either way, it saved me from having to explain myself.

I placed the sword on my lap while lying on the bed and focused all my attention on it.

Immediately, I felt a river of blood and heard a hundred—perhaps thousands—of laments screaming my name, while at the same time, a sensation of viscosity clung to my body. Some insulted me, others pleaded for mercy, and the rest mocked me, making me uncomfortable. If I had to find something they all had in common, it would be that I disliked every single one of them… all except one. It was like a bright spot in the thick river of blood. I didn't understand what it could be or why it didn't hate me by now.

I freed my attention from the sword and looked at the nun.

"When you talk about divinity, are you referring to the vital energy within the sword?"

"Hmm… I'm not sure. Let me check something first, and then I'll be able to answer you."

At that moment, the nun reached out her right hand toward the sword. Her action made me a little uneasy. I still didn't fully believe everything she was telling me, but whether it was true or not, it was information I didn't have. I could verify it later.

Her hand released a faint light, and almost immediately, she pulled it away from the sword.

"So that's the essence you channel."

—Essence?

She keeps mentioning things I neither understand nor know, despite all the information I've gathered over time.

I clenched my teeth at the feeling of helplessness. How could I be so ignorant about this, even when my life depends on it? Why have I taken so many risks, letting my existence hang by a thread? My head started spinning again.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my thoughts.

I was becoming more and more extreme. Now, I couldn't even express the slightest hint of emotion, I thought, as I looked at the sword with a complicated expression.

—Do you remember what I told you this morning?

—Could you be more specific?

I had no idea what she was referring to. After all, I had received too much information today—so much that I still hadn't managed to organize it completely.

—I'm talking about the essence I mentioned this morning. It's the fuel needed, for example, to use your regeneration.

—You're referring to the life force I've collected.

—Mmm, if that's what you call it, fine. But the general term is "essence." It's the foundation of what you can do… Your abilities, so to speak, are your divinity.

—I understand what you mean, but then, if I'm supposed to be an apostle, why don't I have any essence in me?

—In your case, karma, divinity, and essence are anchored to the sword. You merely access them. Although… it is a bit strange that you don't have even a trace of it within you.

The nun placed a hand on her chin, lost in thought.

At that moment, a thought crossed my mind.

The nun told me to attack her, but I don't remember much. I just hope I didn't hurt anyone… She probably stopped me with ease. That thought reassured me.

—Airoku.

Hearing my name, I turned my attention to her.

—What did you experience when you first took hold of the sword?

Hearing her question, a mix of conflicting emotions overwhelmed me, along with a memory I had relived countless times. However, what mattered now was answering her, so I couldn't let myself get carried away by it.

—I felt like my skull was splitting in two. At the same time, an overwhelming amount of information flooded my mind while numerous voices whispered to me, though I couldn't understand them.

—What you experienced was the divine relic—in this case, your sword—trying to force you to meet the requirements to wield it. In fact, you were lucky.

—What do you mean?

—Most people who experience a forced synchronization can't endure it and die. Additionally, most must overcome a deadly trial as a requirement to obtain it.

She said this in a serious tone, her gaze fixed on me.

Hearing her, I understood why those statues attacked us. Even so, I couldn't believe the first thing she said. After all, it didn't make sense.

—That's impossible, I said with a doubtful expression.

—It seems you don't believe my words, but it's the truth. Even if someone manages to withstand synchronization, most die shortly after because they are unable to fully adapt to the changes their body, mind, and soul undergo.

—I just… I still can't believe what you're saying.

—Even if you don't believe me, it's the truth. I understand your doubts, but that doesn't change it.

—I wasn't the only one who synchronized with the sword.

I kept my gaze cold as I spoke.

—What do you mean you weren't the only one to synchronize with the sword?

Maintaining the same expression, I replied:

—My sister and I found the sword in a temple… and we synchronized with it together. So, it doesn't make sense that we both survived the synchronization if it's as rare as you say.

—Wait… What you're saying is impossible. No relic can have two bearers.

She responded while raising her hands, palms up.

—Right now, the sword has only one bearer… and that's me.

I placed my hand on the sword and looked at her with coldness—almost hatred.

—Didn't you say both of you survived synchronization?

—Yes… but… I was the one who killed my sister.

Her warm blood still stained my hands when she took her last breath.

Her gaze… that gaze once full of kindness slowly faded before me.

I lifted my gaze and looked at the nun as she spoke those words with a voice full of regret, while gripping the sword tightly, almost as if she wanted to destroy it.

She gave me a look of evident melancholy, as if she could feel my sadness and remorse, even with her eyes closed. But she said nothing, as if she knew her words could offer me no comfort.

—It's okay, there's no need for you to pity me. After all, it was a sin I committed.

After saying those words, the nun's expression only worsened.

—More importantly, explain to me what this synchronization is.

The nun kept her sorrowful expression as she answered me:

—Synchronization is a function of the relic. Its purpose is to induce a biological enhancement in the individual while simultaneously inserting knowledge from the relic's previous wielders.

She explained as she materialized a glowing brain between her hands.

—By forcibly raising the wielder's combat level, the relic will carry out this process if it deems the one who claimed it unworthy—even if it overwhelms them and leads to their death.

With an explosion, the brain she had materialized vanished into the air.

At last, I understood why my sister and I had been able to wield the sword with such skill, even though it was our first time using it.

—Now tell me why you're keeping me alive.

—There are truths I still can't reveal to you, but I'll tell you what matters most right now.

Her gaze softened even more as she said this, and her lips curved into a compassionate smile.

—I have a friend… and I want to help him. He is in a complicated situation, abandoned by everything and everyone. Everything that exists rejects him once they learn his true nature.

I could see her expression brighten as she spoke about her friend, but at the same time, it was tinged with sadness. I wondered who this friend was and what kind of relationship they had, but I didn't really care. I had more important things to worry about.

—And what does that have to do with me?

—He can also help you with your condition regarding the sword. He doesn't have much experience, as he's only been using his divinity for twenty years.

I understood that her friend must be an apostle, just like her and me, being used by the gods without understanding why. For a moment, I could empathize with the situation he must be in.

—Even so, he's very strong and kind. When you meet him, I'm sure you'll like him.

—And when will your apostle friend arrive?

—He's not an apostle.

At that moment, my mind went blank.

—He is a god.

I couldn't process what she had just said.

—They call him the Fallen God.

My head buzzed. I felt as if reality was fracturing around me. A god? No. That couldn't be true. My mouth opened before I could even think.

—WHAT?! —I screamed, feeling my own voice crack with disbelief.