NOVEL NEXT [Epilogue 2/2]
“Day-Daymee… it—it happened… a-again…”
I woke up to the voice of a nervous Akorya right next to me. As much as I loved her and was more than happy to get woken up by her normally… after a certain rascal accidentally swung their new baseball bat into my head the night before, I just wanted to sleep more until my head stopped hurting.
But Akorya sounded potentially upset about something, so I opened my eyes and leaned up to look at what she was talking about.
That was when I saw what she was holding in her hands.
“A-again?” I asked. “That’s… new, and it’s not a prank… right?”
Akorya whimpered and shook her head.
In her hands was a positive pregnancy test.
It was the third one she showed me.
In just three years of living together.
“But… the pills,” I said. “And—and the surgery. I thought—it’s not supposed to be possible.”
“We’re cursed.” Akorya threw the test into the trash before climbing up onto the bed with me. “I’m too fertile… and you’re too virile… we’re doomed. I’m… after this one… I swear… after this one… I’m getting my uterus cut out or something. I can’t—another nine months… just as I thought it was over…”
“You know, none of us are going to judge you if you—”
Akorya shook her head and pushed me onto my back before pressing her down against me. “It’s not that I don’t want another one… it’s just… we’re going to need a bigger house… and I don’t want to deal with throwing up every morning again. Besides! How do you think Lily is going to feel?! She’s the one who wanted to get bred like crazy, but she only managed to have one kid so far! Then there’s me! One, then three, and now who knows how many?! What if it’s exponentially growing?! What if there are six or more this time?!”
I placed my hand on the back of Akorya’s head to pet her. That managed to calm her down pretty quickly like usual. “I doubt that’ll happen.”
“Don’t say that! Remember last time?! We had this exact same conversation the second time! Then I ended up having three of those little parasites inside me!”
“I feel offended on their behalf calling them parasites.”
“It’s not wrong! They literally are until they’re out of me! Then they evolve from literal parasites to financial and energy parasites! Just, they’re also lovable parasites I would die for!”
“Well, at least you do love them.”
“Of course I do! But why do they have to make me suffer… wait. No. I shouldn’t be blaming them.” Akorya puffed her cheeks out and looked up at me. “This is your fault.”
“You’re the one who wouldn’t let me pull out.”
“But I needed it!”
“And now you get to suffer the consequences.”
“Have you ever considered that maybe you shouldn’t have such stupidly strong sperm that it completely ignores all attempts at pregnancy prevention?”
“I could have worn a condom.”
“But those are boooooooorrrriiiinnnngggg! I want it inside me!”
“And this is the outcome of that. This is what happens when you dance with the devil, the devil being my sperm.”
Akorya huffed and rolled over onto her back next to me. “Life is pain. I remember back in the day, you used to be able to cum in me multiple times a day without ever having to worry about this stuff.”
“Well, we were in a video game at the time.”
“That’s not the point.”
“But it’s kind of important context.”
“Ugh… the real world is suffering. I just want to go live in a virtual reality MMO for the rest of my life. The kids can come say hi once they’re eighteen.”
“I’m not letting you abandon being a mother until they’re all done growing.”
“That’s not very based of you.”
“I think you’re the one not being based right now.”
Akorya whined and grumbled some before stealing my blankets, rolling herself up in them, and wiggling away from me. “It’s time for you to get up. I’ve already done my morning duties. Shift change.”
“I don’t get to be lazy in bed and ignore all my duties because of my headache?”
“If that was the rule then we all would have stopped doing anything as soon as the first was born.”
“You make a good point. Alright, I guess I can get up and try to be a competent father and husband.”
With that, I leaned over to place a kiss against Akorya’s cheek before getting out of bed. As soon as I was actually out of bed, it was like my hearing properly adjusted to the rest of the noise in the house. I was more or less able to figure out exactly who was where based on how loud their voices sounded, not to mention that it was a Saturday morning which meant that everybody was home and probably in their favorite spots to go with a Saturday morning.
So, after freshening up in the bathroom a bit, I walked outside the bedroom… only to immediately regret ever getting out of bed as a certain oldest child ran straight at me.
“Daddy!” our oldest child, and the first of the ones I had with Akorya, shouted while lifting his arms up in the air to prepare for a hug.
The little brat was too fast and I was too tired. When combining that with his natural clumsiness and total lack of hand-eye coordination… one of the arms he raised up to hug me with ended up slamming into my crotch instead, causing me to fall to my knees with a pained grunt.
But being on my knees like that made it easier for him to hug me without any idea of what he just did to me.
It was a miracle that I kept on knocking Akorya up with how much abuse my jewels suffered over the years from having children accidentally hitting them at least once a week.
“Where’s Mommy?” our son, Liam, asked.
“Mommy’s sleeping,” I replied even though I knew there was no way that Akorya was back asleep already. She needed a break after the news, so it was a lie for the greater good.
Back in the day, I thought that there was never a good excuse for lying… but becoming a father got me to change my mind regarding that real fast.
“Don’t wake her up, alright? Let’s give her a chance to rest,” I continued.
“Oh… okay. Oh! Um… did—umm…”
“Yeah?”
“Did—did, umm… uh… umm…”
“Take your time. I’ve got… the rest of my life.”
“Umm… uh… did… Mommy sleeping?”
“Yes, Mommy is sleeping.”
“Oh. Umm…”
“Why don’t you go watch cartoons?”
“Oh! Toons!”
And with that, Liam turned around and ran back in the direction he came from, giving me a chance to rub my crotch in peace until it felt better.
Once I no longer felt my own unique version of morning sickness, I went downstairs to where Liam and all of his siblings were. The brothers and sisters he got from Akorya, the child I had with Lily, and the two I had with Thera, were all sitting in various spots across the living room watching TV together while Lily sat on the couch watching with them.
In our household, all of my wives were basically seen as the children’s mothers. The kids didn’t exactly care which one was their biological mom. They all got treated the same by each one. That was why the second batch of kids I had with Akorya were all on the couch with Lily, one leaning against each side of her while the third sat on her lap, using her chest as a pillow to lean back against.
They might have been my kids… but part of me was a bit jealous that they got more physical affection than I did now. There was no room on the couch for me even if I tried to cuddle with her.
But at least there was plenty of physical affection to be had at night.
“Ah! Morning, Papa!” Lily said once she saw me.
Admittedly, I missed being called “mon maître” all the time, but she switched to calling me “Papa” once there were kids around. She figured it would be inappropriate calling me mon maître… plus she was worried about them calling me that if they heard her say it all the time.
And thus, I was changed from mon maître to Papa.
At least she still called me mon maître during our bedtime activities, but there were plenty of times where she called me Papa even during that since she got so used to it and would say it without even thinking about it.
“Morning, Lily,” I said.
At that point, the rest of the kids were so focused on the TV show that they didn’t notice me… and honestly, that was probably the most preferrable option. I didn’t need swarmed by a bunch of munchkins.
While I would never be one of those parents who put a phone or tablet in front of their kids to keep them occupied, I would absolutely be the kind of parent who let Saturday morning cartoons distract them once a week.
So, I walked up to the couch, stood behind it, and placed a kiss on Lily’s lips since she tilted her head back enough for me to reach her lips.
“Ehehe, thank you, Papa,” Lily said. “How is your head?”
“I think I might go to the doctor’s to get it checked out since the pain isn’t going away, and the TV feels extra bright to me,” I answered.
While I talked, the child using Lily’s lap as a chair and her chest as a pillow to lean back against tilted her head back, looked up at me, and waved for a couple of seconds.
I waved back, of course.
And as soon as I did, she returned to watching the cartoon.
“Ah… you should get that checked out,” Lily said. “I hope that nothing is wrong.”
“I’ll be fine. If anything, this has taught me a very valuable parenting lesson: don’t give any of them anything hard that they can swing until around until they’re old enough to not mistake my head as a ball.”
“Ehehe. I did tell you I did not think it was a wise idea!”
“I didn’t expect him to start swinging it around right away. I thought he’d wait until we went outside at least.”
“One must never underestimate children!”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll listen to you next time. From now on, any present I ever buy for them is getting run by you first.”
Lily looked at me with a proud, determined look in her eyes. “You can count on me!”
With that, I gave her another kiss to the background sound of all available children laughing at whatever was happening in the cartoon.
It was time for some coffee.
With five adults in the house, and an abundance of children to deal with, I couldn’t remember the last time our coffee pot was empty aside from to clean it. And even then, it was full of water to clean it with, and then it was right back to being full of coffee.
And when I made it into the kitchen to grab some coffee, I saw the last two adults of the house sitting together at the kitchen table alongside the daughter I had with Thera.
Thera and my mom.
“Morning,” I grumbled over to them.
“Good morning, darling,” Thera said, her voice as soothing to my ears as always.
Then where was my mom. “About time you got out of bed.” Her voice was much less soothing.
While the two of them might have had a bit of a rough start at first because of my mom’s initial bias against Thera when she only had my side of an incomplete story, they got over that pretty quickly and became fairly good friends. If anything, my mom got along with Thera the most out of my three wives. They always spent the morning in the kitchen together, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper like a couple of old women.
Then there was Olivia, the daughter I had with Thera, who loved to spend time with them. Olivia might have only been two years old, but she still liked to sit at the table and pretend to read the newspaper with them while drinking some juice instead of coffee.
“I heard what you told Lily,” Thera said. “Please, let me take you to the doctor. We should have went last night.”
“I can take myself,” I replied.
“Darling, I will not have you driving on your own when you may have a concussion.”
“Well, I guess that’s a fair point.”
“Listen to your wife, kid,” Mom chimed in.
I stuck my tongue out at her in response.
“Be respectful to your mother,” Thera said, scolding me with a teasing tone.
“I didn’t sign up for having two moms bullying me together when I married you,” I said to Thera.
“You should have known better when you married somebody involved in law. We are not stereotyped as demonic entities without good cause.”
Hearing that made my mom click her tongue. “Screw men. I need to find myself a girl who can talk like you.”
“Is that so? Well, I do have an aunt who I take after and, as far as I know, is single with a preference for women.”
“You need to get us in touch.”
“I will have to check up on her later then.”
My mom must have noticed how I was looking at her since she shot a look at me in response and said, “I won’t mess this one up. Don’t look at me like that. Besides, the least any of you can do for getting free babysitting out of me is trying to hook me up.”
“You say free babysitting, I say it’s the cost of living here rent free,” I replied.
“Listen, with how many you people keep popping out, paying rent would only a fraction of the cost compared to you paying for babysitters.”
Thera nodded and took a sip of her coffee. “She has a point, darling.”
“See? Listen to your wife. She’s smart and knows what she’s talking about.”
By that point, I had my own cup of coffee, so I sighed and nodded. “Well, I can’t argue with that. If there’s anybody who I know to never argue against, it’s Thera.”
“And that is why you must allow me to take you to the doctor’s,” Thera said. Then she looked at my mom and asked, “Is there anything else we need from the store? We can stop and pick up the groceries on our way back.”
“Hmm, don’t think so,” Mom replied. “But I won’t say no to some more beer.”
“Very well.” With that, Thera got up from her chair and placed a kiss on Olivia’s forehead. “Stay here with Grandma, alright? Your father is a foolish man, so I must take him to the doctor.”
Olivia, as silently as ever, nodded before going back to “reading” the upside-down newspaper article she had.
Thera then walked over to me, grabbed me by my chin, and placed a kiss against my lips just as I was about to take another sip of coffee. “What am I going to do with you? We will all be horribly upset if you allow yourself such avoidable injuries.”
Ignoring my mom making “ooo” and “aaa” noises in the background because we dared to be physically affectionate in front of her, I kissed Thera back and said, “But he loves baseball.”
“And I love having a living husband without any brain trauma.”
I would have stuck my tongue out at her, but she had a point… plus, the last time I tried that, she bit my tongue.
And I already suffered enough physical injuries within the last twenty-four hours to taunt another one like that.
“Let me finish this coffee and then we can go,” I said.
Instead of letting me finish my coffee, Thera took it from my hands and poured it into a thermos instead. “You can drink it on the way. The sooner we get you to the doctor’s, the better.”
I would have teased her with a, “Yes, mom,” but that felt wrong to do in front of my actual mother.
It was supposed to be Thera’s day off, too, but she seriously never rested. If anything ever needed done, she was the first to jump up to go and do it, and that included dragging me to the doctor.
“Can we get muffins on the way back?” I asked.
“If you behave,” Thera replied.
My mom couldn’t resist and said, “You know, I’ll let you have him. I don’t need him anymore now that I’ve got my grandkids. You make a better mom than me anyways.”
“Don’t just abandon your only son like that,” I said to her.
“Too late.”
I was going to banter with her some more, but Thera patted my head and said, “There, there. Think about your muffins instead of the abandonment. Ah… I am letting myself get distracted. No more. Come, let us go.”
Before I could say anything else, Thera grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the kitchen.
My mother, who gave me up to Thera, got herself into a one-sided discussion with Olivia featuring some daily news that Olivia had no idea what to think of.
In the living room, Lily allowed the children to climb all over her while she got probably more invested into the cartoon than any of them were.
And upstairs, Akorya was regretting everything in bed and dealing with the fact that she was about to spend a third year in a row pregnant.
As for me, I probably got a concussion and my balls took critical damage within twenty-four hours of each other, and now I was being dragged to the doctors by Thera who acted as much like my mom as she did my wife.
Overall… life was pretty good whenever I wasn’t on the floor in pain. Even fatherhood was nice… but I was looking forward to when it would just be us adults in the house again.
And in order to achieve that, I had to resist my wives or get myself neutered.
But Lily still wanted at least three more kids of her own…
And then there was Akorya and her apparent hyper fertility…
And Thera hinted at wanting some more, too, probably because she was the only one with a job that required her to leave the house which meant she got plenty of time away from the chaos.
Life was good, but extremely busy, and I wasn’t sure I’d be getting a chance to relax until I was old and covered in wrinkles. Then again, I’d probably be covered in wrinkles long before I got old at the current rate of life’s many trials.
But if I had the option to go back in time, I’d choose this outcome every time.