Elden Ring: Miquella's Consort

Alistair :"Nothing is as disappointing as leaving the best looking food for the last but finding out it tastes like trash in the end."

Maliketh :"I relate to that on a spiritual level."

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Miquella woke up to a delicious smell. One that his tired body instantly craved. As he fully woke up, he noticed that Alistair wasn't next to him. It made him frown. He had gotten used to waking up in his embrace. In the past, he hated getting spooned, because it made him feel like he was being treated like a child. But now, getting spooned had become one of his favorite things.

He stretched as best as he could under the blanket before sitting up, holding the blanket to his chest to cover his still naked form. He saw Alistair a few meters away from him, sitting behind a fire and a pot. He was cooking something.

"Good morning." He smiled sleepily, catching Alistair's attention. The Tarnished smiled back :"Good morning, Miquella. Did you have a nice sleep?" He didn't seem sleepy. Must have woken up quite a while ago.

Miquella nodded :"So well and deep that I was about to ask you what year it is." They chuckled :"It's surprising to see you cooking something. What are you cooking? It smells amazing."

"Oh, it's just meat and beans stew. It was a meal my mom used to cook. I suddenly had a craving for it, so I thought I might as well cook it while you were asleep. I don't know if it will be as delicious as her cooking though."

Miquella studied his features sneakily, but carefully :'He doesn't seem as sad as the previous times he would talk about his family. I'm happy to see that.' He smiled fondly before crawling to sit next to him, dragging the blanket with him like a dress :"Your mother must have been an amazing chef if you think this smell wouldn't match up to her cooking."

"Oh, that she was." There was an understandable sadness in his voice, but his voice was mostly filled with pride :"Her cooking was so amazing I would barely compliment anybody else's cooking.

Not even my own sister's, who learned from her! It's because of her that I love food so much. Hahahaha and that one of my main standards for a marriage partner was for them to be a good chef."

Miquella leaned against him, one hand taking Alistair's and interlocking their fingers together :"So do I meet that requirement? Or do I have to put in my maximum effort into becoming a better chef?"

"Hahaha you're alright, you're alright. You definitely have talent for someone who barely knows about cooking."

"*Raising an eyebrow* So is that a yes or a no?"

"*Smiling* It's a yes. I'm just saying you can be even better. You know, make me swoon and moan with just your meals alone. Learn how to make my favorite dishes and I'll literally go crazy for you. Well, crazier than I already am for you, if that's even possible."

"Hahaha I would be concerned if it was. But okay, I understand. Just because I'm good at something doesn't mean there isn't room for improvement. And besides, considering how between uncle Maliketh, you and me, I'm the one who mainly cooks for us three, making meals that will make us recover our energy is definitely for the better."

"That's the spirit. By the way, this might sound sudden, but I was thinking... we come here a lot. Like, a –lot– lot." He swung his hand, presenting the Third Church of Marika. Miquella rolled his eyes in amusement, blushing lightly :"Yes, because entertaining my lewd consort in a broken building is still far better than out in the open."

"Heh, true." Alistair grinned smugly :"But not the subject. I was thinking, since we come here so much, how about we make it into our home?"

"Our home?"

"That's right! Traveling and camping outside is fun and all, but nothing beats the comfort of a home. The Roundtable Hold isn't exactly a home either. To be honest, I feel safer out in the open where anything that sees me wants to kill me rather than in that place.

So how about we fix this place, make some renovations of course, since you don't seem to be much of a fan of the statue, and make it our home and base of operation?!"

Miquella was amused by his excitement, but he was mostly interested in the idea. He hummed thoughtfully, a hand under his mouth :"Hmm, that's a good point. Having a safe place to return to is definitely a must.

And this place is definitely a good place. There's a clean water source just so nearby, there are barely any hostile beings in the vicinity, and there are quite a lot of boars and deers and boars nearby in case we need food, along with the fruits in the forest.

The Rune Bears are dangerous, but according to you and uncle Maliketh, they are way deeper into the forest. And we can just hunt the ones closer to this place to be safe."

He was in full on brainstorming mode as he weighed the points. He stood up, the blanket being dragged with him as he held it at his chest and checked out the place :"This place is also already pretty large, very decent for a personal house. It's also in pretty good shape considering how it has been left unattended for several decades.

The stones are of pretty good quality. The floor has been covered with dirt and grass to the point the actual floor can't be seen, but that can be fixed pretty easily. The statue is an eyesore, but it can easily be removed as well. And if there's any danger we can't deal with ourselves, the hidden waygate at the end of the river will take us straight to uncle Maliketh's place, ensuring our safety. And also..."

He walked to a broken wall to the south east and looked outside :"The sea is also pretty close by! Not only does it make for an amazing view, we can also go fishing if we wanted to. You're right, Alistair, this is a very good place for a home! I like your idea! Good job."

Alistair saluted with a grin :"Happy to be of service, sir!"

Miquella chuckled before turning thoughtful again :"But unfortunately, I don't think we can do that right. We don't have any of the needed items, and as knowledgeable as I am in many fields, I know next to nothing in construction. And I'm pretty sure there aren't many people who would volunteer to help out a Tarnished. In fact, are there any constructors left in Limgrave under that lunatic's rule?"

"Oh, actually, I have an idea for that too." Alistair's smile earned his curiosity :"Oh? Go on, I'm all ears."

"Do you know about Castle Morne?"

"Isn't that one of the places you said we need to visit in the Weeping Peninsula? You said one of the Legendary Armaments will be there."

"Exactly. But not just that. You see, the Misbegotten servants there are going to rebel and the overseer's daughter will die, which will result in him going crazy. I was looking for the daughter when we arrived at the Weeping Peninsula yesterday, since she should have appeared there.

So we save the castle and the lord or whatnot's daughter, then you, with your brilliant communication skills, will persuade that guy to repay us by turning this place into a livable home!"

Miquella's eyes shone, gears turning in his head :"If Castle Morne is as important as you've said, and the overseer loves his daughter to the point of going mad at her death, then it might just work! Good job, Alistair, you're on a roll with your ideas today!"

He unconsciously began to stroke Alistair's head, but seeing that he liked the treatment from his laugh, he kept petting him with a fond smile :"Then we should keep an eye out for that place. If we play our cards right, not only will we get a Legendary Armament, we will earn quite a bit of runes, the favor of a powerful figure, political vice at least, and even a new house."

"That's right, that's right. Feel free to praise me more."

"Hahaha good job, my dear consort. You can be pretty smart when you put your mind to it, huh?"

"Hm, hm." Miquella couldn't help chuckling at his childish smug face. He could be so childish and cute sometimes despite always acting the handsome brute.

But the food being ready caught their attention :"Oh, it seems your food is finished, Alistair. Come on, you shouldn't let it get burned." The Tarnished whined at the loss of his hand on his head, but his smile brightened when he carefully set the pot aside and smelled the delicious aroma :"Yeah, this is the good stuff."

"Calm down now, you'll burn yourself if you rush. Let it cool down a bit." Miquella scolded :"It really does smell delicious though. But isn't this food too heavy for a morning meal?"

"Nah, it's alright. But we should eat it quickly and go back. Uncle Maliketh should already be up and waiting for us."

"Hm? Aren't you going to take any for uncle Maliketh?"

Alistair deadpanned at him :"Miquella, really? Look, first of all, this wouldn't be even an appetizer for him. This entire pot would barely be a spoonful for his giant ass. Second of all, the small amount would not stop him from taking the entire thing! He would take it all and not even spare us a drop!

Third of all, even if not for that, you won't see me dead sharing any of my favorite meals with anybody! Especially not with anybody who would take way too much! At least not happily. You're an exception of course. Barely, at least."

"Wow, you're as stingy with food as always, huh? No, it's worse since it's one of your favorite meals."

"Heh, you know me so well. Anyway, let's eat already! I'm starving! Eating your ass last night made me hungry for actual food."

Miquella's face lit up with a blush :"H-hey, t-that last part was uncalled for!"

Alistair just snickered cheekily :"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Come on, sit down already. The food's gonna get cold."

"You... haaah, whatever." He sat down next to his consort, actually growing hungry the more he smelled the delicious food. After taking out some plates and spoons, the rest was history.

-

"About time you two showed up." Maliketh grumbled as they appeared next to the Site of Grace :"Took you long enough."

Miquella smiled apologetically, blushing lightly :"Sorry for making you wait, uncle Maliketh. We went back to Third Church to sleep since I wasn't comfortable sleeping here."

"Uh huh, of course it's because of that." Maliketh deadpanned, making Miquella's blush grow as he smirked :"Anyway, it's not my place to butt in in your intimate life. In fact, I'm glad you two are getting along. Both mentally and physically~. After all, better to be overly intimate than not be able to stand each other's presence, am I right?"

The golden femboy groaned, covering his face in embarrassment :"Uncle Maliketh, please stop..."

Maliketh laughed aloud :"Alright, alright, I'm just joking around! But I'm being serious, it's good that you two are intimate rather than not getting along. But anyway, we should get going... wait... *Sniff*... wait a minute... *Sniff sniff*..."

The two began to sweat at his accusing gaze which even though was covered, they could easily feel it :"What delicacy did you eat while by yourselves?! Where's my share, you brats?!"

Alistair avoided his gaze, lips pursed :"I don't know what you're talking."

Maliketh glared :"You don't know?! I can smell that delicious smell from your mouths! You might fool me, but you can't fool my nose! Where's my goddamn share?!"

Alistair glared back :"There wasn't enough to share with your fat ass of all people! We wouldn't get a single spoon of it if you were around!"

"How dare you call me fat?! I am not fat! This cloak just makes me look bad!"

"Said every fatso ever!"

"Boy, I will beat your ass!"

Miquella sighed with an amused smile :"Yet another lively day like always."