Elden Ring: Miquella's Consort

(A/N: Just a heads-up, I won't be putting much effort, or not at all, into writing character dialogues the usual gibberish way in Elden Ring. Just normal human conversations. By the way, these little pieces below are called incorrects, and you'll see them in every chapter for some light comedy.)

Alistair smirked :"What did the blind kid say when he touched the emo kid's wrist?"

Miquella :"What?"

Alistair :"I ain't reading all that."

Miquella :"...You are truly an awful individual."

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"The fallen leaves tell a story. The great Elden Ring was shattered. In our home, across the fog, the Lands Between. Now, Queen Marika the Eternal is nowhere to be found, and in the Night of the Black Knives, Godwyn the Golden was the first to perish.

Soon, Marika's offspring, demigods all, claimed the shards of the Elden Ring. The mad taint of their newfound strength triggered the Shattering. A war from which no lord arose. A war leading to abandonment by the Greater Will.

Arise now, ye Tarnished! Ye dead, who yet live! The call of long-lost grace speaks to us all! Hoarah Loux, chieftain of the badlands! The ever-brilliant Goldmask! Fia, the Deathbed Companion! The loathsome Dung Eater! And Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-knowing!

And one other. Whom grace would again bless. A Tarnished of no renown. Cross the fog, to the Lands Between. To stand before the Elden Ring. And become the Elden Lord."

- (Chapel of Anticipation, Lands Between)

Chapel of Anticipation, the place where the once exiled Tarnished ones awaken upon their death in the Badlands. And on this day, in the church atop of the small island, a young, teenage Hero of 17 years, laid asleep under the statue in the church.

His obsidian hair, dirtied with dirty dirt, was pushed back. His handsome face, accompanied with a fit body decorated with mighty muscles, only worked to increase his charms. His body was adorned with the armor set of Champion, while to his right, laid a one handed Battle Axe, and to his left, a Large Leather Shield.

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(Battle Axe: 4.5 kg)

[Battle]

Phy 128

Crit 100

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[Guard]

Phy 47

Mag 31

Fire 31

Ligt 31

Holy 31

Boost 31

-

Scaling

Str D (12)

Dex D (8)

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Skill: Wild Strikes (1 FP)

Passives: None

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(A/N: To not bore you, I'll only write the stats of the weapons he'll use and just name his other equipment. You can search for those yourself, since I don't want to waste word count.)

"Uugghh... my head..." Ali, now going by Alistair, opened his goldless eyes with a frown. Hands moving to his aching head immediately as he hissed in pain :'My head! Fuck, it hurts! But I guess this is the least to expect after crossing multiverses.'

Moments later, when his headache began to disappear, he laid down on the hard floor, looking up at the stone ceiling, and catching a glimpse of a statue behind him. His eyes sparkled in realization as he sat up and was met with a view he was all too familiar with, causing him to laugh lightly in disbelief :"I'm seriously here... this is wild..."

"WHAT IN BLAZES IS THIS MADNESS?!" But nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard a yell with a mix of emotions of anger, confusion and disbelief. But the unbelievable part was that he heard the shout right in his mind :"What the fuck?!" He jumped to his feat, grabbing his weapon nearby and ready to swing.

- (Miquella the Kind's POV)

This is nonsense! Just what is going on?! One second, I was about to finally ascend to godhead after the plans of all these past long years, then I wake up inside of the body of a Tarnished! I would have said it's a nightmare, but the sensations are too real and I can't get up from this bad dream! Worst of all, I can't even get out of this bloody place!

"What the fuck?!" Hearing my outrage, the boy whose body housed my soul jumped to his feet with his weapon in hand, ready for battle. I would have commended him for his bravery in preparing for battle despite his youth, due to it reminding me of Malenia, if not for being livid at the current situation!

How could I not be?! Years of planning, gone! Poof, just like that! And I'm not talking about 1, 2 or 5 years, but as in decades of carefully planning everything and even manipulating the other demigods themselves!

"Boy, what is going on?! Who are you?!" I snarled, and the young Tarnished looked taken aback. Was it due to hearing voices in his head, or because of being yelled at, or because of how young my voice sounded, I didn't know. But far from being intimidated, the boy snarled back :"Who am I?! Who the hell are you?! Where are you?! How are you speaking in my head?!"

"Where am I?" I felt a vein pulsating on my forehead, if that was even possible in my current spiritual state :"For some reason, I woke up inside of your body! What have you done, Tarnished?!"

"H-how am I supposed to know?! I just woke up too!" He frowned :"Damn, it's way too early for this bullshit... seriously, who are you anyway?"

Nothing good would come out of raging on him, who clearly didn't seem to know anything of our current situation either. So, deciding to calm down, I took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm down. But seriously though, how am I even doing them, when I'm currently a soul? Forget it, more important things to deal with.

Having been under the "kind guidance" of dear Queen Marika in the diplomatic fields, controlling my emotions is basically second nature to me. Ugh, even my thoughts drip with sarcasm thanks to that awful woman.

Taking another deep breath, I fully calmed down :"Alright, I shall introduce myself, so listen carefully, Tarnished. My name is Miquella. Miquella the kind. Though I don't suppose you know of me, considering I was born long after your kind's exile."

It was a reasonable assumption, considering the Tarnished were exiled with Godfrey, Queen Marika's first husband, while Melania and I are offsprings of her second husband, Radagon. But to my surprise, the young Tarnished froze upon hearing mine name :"Miquella? You don't mean... "that" Miquella, right? You know, son of Queen Marika the Eternal and Radagon? The Unalloyed?"

"Oh, you do know of me? Well, that is most certainly a surprise." I hummed, slightly pleased that even a Tarnished from beyond the fog knew of my reputation :"A pleasant surprise however. After all, that makes conversing significantly easier."

After all, the reputation of Miquella the kind would make it a lot easier for him to trust me and ease his hostility. But was he perhaps a fan of mine? Why else would he suddenly lose ALL hostility and grow... excited?

"No, you gotta be joking! There's no way!" I didn't need to see him to know of his smile filled with disbelief :"What the hell are you doing with me?! Well, in me, more like it."

I don't know why he sounded so excited, so amused, but something told me I was better off not knowing his thoughts :'Oooh, Jesus, I have a literal femboy in me, hahahahaha!! A blond one at that! As if this could get any better, kyahahaha!!' I felt a shiver run down my spine.

With hostilities cast aside, I eased up as well :"Haaah, as if I know, young Tarnished. I wish I knew." Disappointment, annoyance, nervousness, they all filled me as my panic vanished.

I found myself chewing on my bottom lip as I rubbed my temples, things were absurdly awful. Like a bad, bad joke. A joke I couldn't bring myself to laugh at. I wish this was all just a dream. A damn nightmare I could wake up from any second. Maybe a prank Trina pulled off at my moment of vulnerability.

But despite my hopeful wishes, the truth was cruel. It had all gone down the drain. Decades of careful planning and effort, all wasted for reasons unknown. And now, I find myself in the body of a young and weak Tarnished of no renown.

I wasn't even in control. It was like I'm a prisoner inside of his mind. Or soul. Or whatever this place is. Pushing away the hair blocking my view, I found myself in a lake. A lake of no depth where the clear water only reached my ankles, but with a vastness that rendered me unable to see the end of it.

Looking down, I saw my own reflection :'I'm still in the same accursed young body, perfect. Good news after good news.' I rolled my eyes so hard they hurt, lips pulling back in an annoyed snarl. Taking a deep breath to calm down, I reached down to scoop up some of the water and wash my face with it. I needed it to help me calm down.

Enough for me to understand my current situation, and decide what should be done. First off, everything is ruined, that part is all but obvious. Meaning my plan of making Radahn my consort and ascending to godhood have all but failed.

...But... maybe, just maybe, this is better? Hmm... Radahn was powerful, extremely so. But even he had a limit and still met his end. At the hands of a man, not even a god. A Tarnished. I never considered this, because my plan was full proof and needed no alterations. But this... this might be a chance to make my plan even greater, and the chances of it completely succeeding.

What if... just what if, instead of Radahn, I made a Tarnished, THIS Tarnished, my consort instead? Heh, I would have laughed at myself in the past for even considering it, but that was when I wasn't in a desperate situation. For now, I need to weigh out the pros and cons.

What are the pros? 1, Tarnished, although weak, possess immense talent. Enough to be able to bring down one of the mightiest warriors, such as Radahn himself, if that talent is fully utilized. I had even caught wind of a Tarnished bringing down Morgott and Godfrey of all people, who were both probably stronger than Radahn.

That speaks enough of the talent this little seedling has. 2, utilizing this talent. To make Radahn my consort, although I'm not proud to admit it, I needed to fully manipulate him. To the point of completely turning him into a puppet for my plans.

But it was for ascending to godhood! Who wouldn't do what I planned to do to become a god? However, for this young Tarnished, I wouldn't even need to make use of my "gift."

He's a Tarnished, in search of the Elden Ring to become Elden Lord. Why would he refuse my offer when I could guarantee him just that? And 3, he's my only hope of getting out of this situation I'm stuck in.

Now, for cons. Sweet, sweet cons. You love to list them. Although a talent, he's currently weak beyond reason. So much so that it's not even funny. Compared to the consort I had in mind, picking this little sapling is like choosing a little flower instead of the Erdtree itself.

But it's not like I was going to pick the Erdtree either, is it? Fine. Instead of picking that glorious, fully blossomed Erdtree, I'll turn this little sapling of a flower into my own Haligtree and nurture him with my own blood, like how I had done so previously.

Radahn, what's so good about him? He was only the best option I could actually PICK, not the best possible option there WAS. But now, I'll turn this flower into the best option there COULD ever be.

"Tarnished, you wish to become the Elden Lord, do you not? Then I offer you an accord." After contemplating it while he was, surprisingly, polite enough to leave me with my thoughts, I made up my mind :"Currently, I'm stuck inside of you, a prisoner in your body, with no ways of getting out.

No matter how much I try, I cannot get out. So since we are stuck together, how about I help thee in thy quest? Your journey will become most certainly easier with the aid of a demigod such as I and my smarts. I only wish that you'd help free me from my current imprisonment, and perhaps we could help each other in the future as well."

Revealing my plans too early would be unwise. After all, although they were exiled, I do not know how much loyalty his kind still has for Queen Marika. And besides, rather than pressuring him into becoming my consort, letting him see the benefits will result in him choosing so instead.

He grew silent, not rushing to answer. I'm glad to see he's not a brash fool to make a decision without thinking. Weirdly enough, I could feel him contemplating something here. As the water gently rippled with his emotions, it was like I could sense his emotions through a small connection between us. Hmm, I need to study this later.

"Ugh, you know what? Fuck it." Finally, he groaned with a chuckle :"All I have to help you with is becoming a god later on in the Realm of Shadow and the Gate of Divinity, right? Well, that is honestly the best option, considering Queen Marika is basically dead. So Mohg still has to die, huh?"

"How...?!" My eyes instantly widened, and my hostility came back in full swing :"How do you know of that?! Who are you, truly?!"