Elden Ring: Miquella's Consort

(A/N: People, bless your eyes with the funniest memes, featuring Miquella at that, that I've ever seen in my entire life🤣! Look at Radahn's face! Bro looks terrified😭!)

Alistair :"Did you know there's actually a scientific name for when you can't sleep and need to eat?"

Miquella :"Seriously? What's the name?"

Alistair :"It's called insomnomnomnomnia."

Miquella chuckled in amusement.

--------------------------

Miquella was spent in the most delicious way possible. He could barely muster any strength after the "service" Alistair gave him. His body, immature or not, was still that of a demigod's. His "endurance" was even greater than most adults, and so was his discharge amount.

Alistair could vouch for that, considering how many "servings" he pulled out of Miquella's now limp, overstimulated member. He wasn't even hungry for lunch anymore after the 6 or 7 loads he forced out of Miquella.

And now, after washing them both, including the spent, tired and thoroughly satisfied Miquella, he walked out of the river with the golden femboy in his arms. He was sure he would complain about carrying him in a bridal carry, but considering how relieved he was, he understood why he stayed silent.

Or maybe it was because Miquella was too shy to comment on. Yeah, that was probably the reason, considering the way he tried to hide his blushing face in Alistair's chest. He was blushing so hard his ears were red.

"How cute." He chuckled fondly, making Miquella squeeze into him even harder. He really couldn't look Alistair in the face in his current condition, after what just happened. But Alistair's confused groan caught his attention :"Wait, where are our clothes?"

Miquella's eyes widened. He really, seriously didn't want to find out they had lost their clothes in some shape or form. 'I only have one set with me! P-please don't tell me this is really happening!'

His shyness disappeared instantly, replaced with worry as he looked around frantically. But Melina's voice from some distance away from them caught their attention :"Oh, your clothes are here. I just finished washing them."

Turning to look, they saw Melina several meters away from them and with their clothes hanging from a branch, freshly washed. Miquella exhaled a relieved sigh he didn't know he was holding :"Oh, thank goodness, we didn't lose them."

But his eyes quickly widened, his blush coming back as he looked at Melina with horror, who smiled in amusement :"W-wait... since... since w-when have y-you been there...?"

Melina smirked :"Long enough to enjoy a good show." And Miquella felt like he could faint. He didn't know if he was as red as blood or as pale as a ghost. He was ready to scream, and probably find a spot to bury himself, before Alistair broke into a loud laughter :"I didn't take you for a pervert, Melina! So washing our clothes is supposed to be some sort of payment?"

"Exactly." She answered sharply, seriously :"And also, you cannot expect me to not watch when two guys are going at it like that. Although I didn't see everything I wanted to see, considering your relationship isn't that deep yet, I am still satisfied."

'Ahh shit, she's one of them.' His lips tightened, speechless at how confidently she admitted to having peeped on them for the entire thing. And having the nerve to say she wanted to see them fucking too. She had balls, he had to give them to her.

"D-do you have no shame?!" Miquella's shyness turned into anger as he glared at her :"H-how can you peep on people?! T-that's a disgusting act a-and a crime, you perverted spirit!"

"Call me whatever you want, I don't care." Melina shrugged :"And what did you expect me to do? Not enjoy the delicious sight of a handsome guy going down on a cute guy right in front of me? Yeah, no way in hell."

"Y-you... you shameless..." Miquella stuttered, flabbergasted at how shameless she was. He considered if she was crazy or genuinely had a problem with her brain. Seeing how worked up he was, Alistair smiled helplessly :"Miquella, save it. It doesn't matter how much you criticize her, women like her won't give a single shit regarding that subject."

"What kind of women, and what subject?" Melina narrowed her eye. Alistair raised an eyebrow :"Women like you, who love romantic relationships between guys."

"You're goddamn right." She pulled a Heisenberg, making him roll his eyes :"On that note, did you two forget that I'm with you guys 24/7? It's your own fault for completely ignoring my presence when I'm also traveling with you."

'Right, it's my own fault for forgetting about her.' Miquella rubbed his temples, angry at himself. But he could only sigh helplessly :"Couldn't you at least not watch? You know, have some shame?"

"Impossible. Not when it was about a scene like that." Miquella's face twitched :"But enough about me. Although Miquella looks satisfied to the point of glowing, the same can't be said about you, huh, Tarnished?"

Seeing Melina bite her smirking lip as her eyes traveled down his future consort's body and to his still raging erection, Miquella couldn't lie, he felt annoyed. Actually angry from jealousy :"Hey, eyes to yourself. Just because I don't treat you with rightful anger doesn't mean I'll tolerate all of your nonsense."

'Well damn...' Alistair pursed his lips, not admitting out loud that Miquella being jealous because of him felt pretty darn heartwarming. Melina was taken aback by the sudden venom in his tone, but didn't grow angry.

Instead, she smirked as she walked up to them :"Oh, why the sudden rage? I speak the truth, don't I? He spent the entire time in the bath pleasuring you, yet you aren't even willing to return the gesture despite knowing how excited he is.

But I understand. After all, it would take actual bravery to try and pleasure a man with such an amazing "tool". Surely a challenge you of all people couldn't take down. So how about it, dear Tarnished? Would you like your Finger Maiden to... lend a hand?"

Miquella scowled, jumping down from Alistair's hold and not even caring about his naked form as he glared at the taller woman :"Hmph, you should have been a jester instead of a Finger Maiden with your idiotic jokes! If it's about pleasuring him, you can leave it to his consort instead of acting like a harlot, thank you!"

"Oh, you think I'm joking? But it's a fact with your current behavior. How about letting a real adult take the job instead, Miquella the Kind? Maybe you would learn a thing or two for the day you would finally muster up the courage to try and pleasure your "consort" but ultimately fail? Or would you instead like to prove me wrong?"

Miquella glared hatefully :"There's nothing I would want to do more, you shameless wench. Alistair!" Alistair jumped as Miquella's head turned to him sharply, his glare making the larger man sweat :"In the church. Now! I'm going to prove to this harlot how wrong she is!"

"Okay." Alistair raised his hands in surrender, squeaking out an answer nervously :"Okay, alright." With a scoff and another glare at the smirking Melina, Miquella stomped his way towards the ruined church, where they had set up some lodgings. Grumbling some curses under his breath as he did so.

Alistair looked at Melina with a frown, but seeing her smug smirk and wink, he instantly understood her plan. And was honestly speechless :"Oh, you bitch..."

"Just doing my chosen Tarnished a favor." She snorted smugly, before Miquella's urging shout came :"Are you two going to idle around all day?! What happened to all that bravado?! Come on already!"

"I think you worked him up a bit too much." Alistair mumbled, quickly walking into the church before Miquella could get even angrier. Melina, that she devil, followed after him. Smirking at his toned ass as they walked, and purposely cupped a feel when Miquella, sitting on the blanket they had set to sit on, could see them again, causing him to yell :"Hey! Keep your hands to yourself!"

"Oh, that's going to be hard." She smirked, making him growl :"And why is that?" Her opening her cape and causing it to fall to the ground made their eyes widen as she undid the ties of her clothes :"This is a competition where you have to prove yourself as a spouse. How would it be a competition if there's not an opponent?

Or what, are you scared that you'll lose? How about just admitting defeat and saving yourself the embarrassment? Meanwhile, I'll show Alistair, my dear chosen Tarnished, how a real partner pleasures him."

Miquella scowled, his gaze moving to Alistair when Melina dropped her clothes, revealing her beautiful figure. He instantly looked away, but the excited twitching of his member revealed his honest feelings. It made him even angrier.

"Afraid? Me? Fine, I'll amuse you and your foolish nonsense and make you eat those words." The golden femboy growled, not even caring about the ample figure of the beautiful woman standing naked in front of him :"And I demand an apology for when I do that."

"Sure, if you can succeed, that is." Sparks flew between them. It seemed like even though she wanted to rile Miquella up so he could get over his embarrassment, her pride as a woman still wouldn't let her lose.

(A/N: Well well well, if it isn't yet another smut! This chapter is shorter than normal chapters, but I like it when smut chapters are completely smut instead of build up. So next chapter, it's a threesome of Alistair x Miquella x Melina, baby! And no, it's not becoming a harem. Just a one time thing because how could I not write about Melina and her fine ass?)